Wife says no....

After doing my due diligence research on Ball Pythons I decided that I wanted to make the commitment and buy one. All along the process I knew that my wife wasn't red hot crazy about our legless friends but she never really applied the kabosh to the idea. Until Monday night. Judging by her response, she's quite firm about NOT having a snake in our house.
Has anyone else on this board had a similar situation with a sponse/significant other?
What persuasive arguments exist out there?
I'm not going to push the issue too much for the sake of family unity.

Be a man but your foot down for godsake!

LOL...I'm pretty sure "putting your foot down" is not going to win her "approval". I guess I'm just lucky when my wife and I where dating I only had one single ball python and she was never really against it and over the years we have BOTH gotten deeply involved with reptiles and she even has her own animals! I guess try and find out WHY she is against it, is she one of those who can't see past the myth's of "slimy snakes" or is there something else behind her argument? As much we men folk (well me anyways) hate to talk about stuff I think its the way to go. If she has a fear of snakes maybe you can help her get over it or offer to keep the animal someplace in the house she doesn't have to see it.

good luck LOL!!

True story about putting the foot down...not going to work. I think an eventual erosion of her staunch apprehension to snakes is more likely to occur. If so though, I'll be getting my ball much later, if at all, than originally hoped. :)

Speaking as a woman, "being a man and putting your foot down" DEFINITELY isn't going to help. In fact, it'll solidify our position even more. And we can make your life a living hell if so motivated... ain't that right, ladies? :D

My advice, not knowing your wife, is to debunk all her fears. If she's worried about the snake escaping, prove you'll make the enclosure escape-proof. If she's just unfamiliar with snakes, take her around them BEFORE you buy one and let her find out for herself how sweet and fun they can be. Destroy each and every one of her reasons to say no and she'll be left with no good reason to object. Definitely try to come up with a compromise, that's what marriage is all about, right?

When my wife says no.....i always make sure i ask 'why?'....do it in a semi-serious manner....find out the reasons why she does not want you to do something(dont accept "because I dont like them" as an answer:)...find out the details)...then depending on the reasons that she gives, you should be able to adjust your 'sales techniques' and do some explaining and possibly get a snake or just quit the attempt all together if her reason is well justified :D

Ok, this is odd but as a the wife I had to convince the husband to let me have mine. At first I don't think he thought I was serious, but after much talking (and much negotiation - I'm not above all out bribery since it works so well with the kids) I was able to get one. Then a couple months later got my second, and now I have 3 more on the way. :D Start with the sitdown talking, and maybe even take her to a reptile show. Maybe consider adding a bonus, backrubs for a month or dishes or something. ;) Good luck!

I was in a similar boat. I grew up with parents that never would let me have a snake in the house. I got the typical, when you own your own home you can do what you will. So now that I do own a home, I had to then go through it with my wife. Her response is based on fear. I let my wife know that I had wanted a BP since a young boy and that now that I had the opportunity I was going to do it. She wasn't thrilled but its good to remind the wife that marriage is a give/take relationship (compromise). What I did then was begin to slowly introduce all my research into BPs to my wife. I bought the book, The Ball Python Manual, and I let her know about the things that make BPs so popular (manageable size, temperment, etc). I then also purchased VPI's, All About Ball Pythons (2 part VHS tapes) and asked her to have an open mind and at least watch them with me. Hearing Dave and Tracy Barker talk about BPs and her seeing first hand a large BP on the video and seeing the snakes kind nature, made her more accepting. But she also had concerns. Her next concerns were food items (rats and mice), she didn't want to have live rats or mice in our home that could possibly say escape. So after watching the videos she become aware of f/t. Next she didn't want frozen rats in our fridge/freezer, so I assured her that I'd get stand alone freezer and keep it in the garage (compromise). Her final worry was hearing that snakes are escape artists and she was worried the snake would get out. So after meeting Adam here and becoming aware of companies such as Animal Plastics, Vision, etc., I learned that their were companies that made enclosures strictly for securely housing reptiles. I then showed her the cages by Animal Plastics and the fact that they had locks. Once she saw that we made another compromise. That was that if I got the cage, made sure they were no means of escape, and made sure I kept it locked, she'd be willing. Lastly, I took her to a reptile show so she could see snakes up close first hand in a good environment. That was a positive experience as well. Next, I started by first buying everything I needed including the cage BEFORE I got the snake. I then started working on fine tuning my husbandry needs by researching, asking a ton of questions here, and also setting up my environment before the snake arrived. Once the snake arrived, everything I had promised my wife I would do, I had done. That date was Sept. 22, 2005. So far, so good. She even came and held the snake the other day (w/ gloves of course)! So I'd count this as a victory! Just stay persistent and do what you can to ease her fear. The best weapon against fear/ignorance (in the true sense of the word, not offensive) is knowledge and education. It worked for me!

Hope that helps.

In our case I was the one afraid of the snakes. Really afraid. Getting a snake has really helped me overcome my fears though. Maybe it would help your wife too. My daughter wanted a corn snake and I realized that I didn't want to pass my fears to her so I agreed and my husband was going to help her with it with me going no where near it. That first day was rough. Just seeing it was hard but each day got a bit better. A month later I bought my own BP for my birthday. The other snakes made me nervous with their quick jerky movements but BP's are so laid back. My BP really helped me with my lifelong fear. I hope some of this might help your wife out. Good luck.

i had the same problem with my mom...she didnt want snakes in her house. i won her over by showing her my devotion to them. now she loves them, and i currently have 2boas, and 2 burms (until later this week, one burm goes).

your wife should be somewhat understanding. like everyone said, bring her around them, dont force them on her, but just show them to her. let her know your dead serious and really want one. let her know all the facts about them. their cheaper than a dog to feed a year too, so that could be a plus. they dont stink as long as you keep their cage clean, their quite, only eat once a week, and for the most part calm. do you have a room that is all yours? tell her you will put it in there. is there anything within reason that she wants that you dont neccasarily want (dog, cat, ferret, whatever it may be). tell her if you can get the snake that youll buy here that. just let her know your serious about it. after the 6th year and 600th time i asked my mom, she finally let me get one. if shes scared, show her theres nothing to be scared of. snakes can be a fun activity, have you ever held one? i find holding mine relieves stress. if it works with you, let her know, and she probly will understand. snakes are escape artists, i know first hand. but there are enclosures out there secure enough to hold the big ones such as burms and retics. let us know, if we can help we will be sure to

I'm lucky as both myself, husband and family love snakes.

Idea! Just show your wife these pics. They show just how friendly snakes, especially Royal Pythons (Ball Pythons) can be. This is one of my Royals, Byron who I've had since he was a hatchling. He has a really loveable character. He's got a thing about coffee and has tried to drink mine (at the same time as I'm drinking it).

Byron using my specs as a climbing frame.

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y22...2/PICT0236.jpg

Hello...Is there anyone in there???
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y22...2/PICT0235.jpg

Loves helping me on the computer

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y22...d/PICT0053.jpg

And he loves his Mum

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y22...d/PICT0073.jpg

The last pic was taken a few months ago but every time he's out, and sitting on my shoulder, he'll frequently come up and give me a "snake kiss", ever so gently. He also rubs his head along the side of my cheek. I have a very special bond with this snake and his gentleness never ceases to amaze and enthral me.

Thanks everyone for your input. Historically she has been stubborn at first but eventually will start to see the light ;) Hopefully this is the case this time as well. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

I'll keep my fingers cross for you as well. Good luck and let us know how you get on.

You tarzan, she jane!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by philthy

You tarzan, she jane!

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And that's why some men just never get married... :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by buckdawg

Thanks everyone for your input. Historically she has been stubborn at first but eventually will start to see the light ;) Hopefully this is the case this time as well. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

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Wow, your wife sounds like a real...


wait for it...


...

Ball Buster! :D

(Sorry, couldn't resist)

Seriously, though, I hope she comes around. My wife was very aprehensive at first. Eventually she came around and now even helps me clean cages and such. Perhaps you can start slow like get a corn snake or even a lizard, then a legless lizard, etc. Before you know it your wife will be perusing KS for Retics.

find a local reptile show, put a baby pied,caramel, or blue eyed lucy in her hand. seriously! my wife held a baby pied and she was hooked!


vaughn

Well, I'll just say that when I was about 10 and brought my first snake home, my mom cried and left the house and didn't come home for hours.

Now, she has her own snake that she loves, she adores my 18 snakes, and is insisting on coming into the vet with me when I take my 7' boa because she is enamored with the snake.

my husband and kids said no also. We went to a reptile expo, and my hubby actually fell in love with our ball python. Asked me to buy it over the corn I wanted. We came home with two. My kids will touch the snake, but not hold it. Just work on her some, and maybe she will come around.

I think we may actually be going to a show a week from Saturday (with the kids, who btw are totally on board) so I think that will be a significant event in this process. She could go either way, we'll see. You guys are awesome with your advice though...I really appreciate it!!!

I am probably the last guy to listen to, but i am going to chime in anyways. When I want something, I get it. End of story! If you want it go get it. My wife said no guns, we have 18 now and she loves to shoot. I caid no cats and dogs, we have a dog and two cats. She said no motorcycle, go-kart, computer, yada yada yada and so on, I got em. It's a partnership, she gets stuff she wants, I get stuff I want. If you want it go get it, get everything you need ahead of time, then go get it. You are an adult and can make adult decisions, she has to be an adult and accept it. Do not come home and force the snake on her.
Keep in mind we do things differently around my house. I don't know how to work the dishwasher, washer, or dryer. I don't cook anything, unless it's outside. You get the picture. My advice is do it and she will warm up to it. I doubt she will leave you over a snake. You might have to sleep on the couch a few days, but at least she won't steal the blankets then. Before anyone one asks, I don't beat my wife, and I have NEVER spent a night on the couch.

My wife was against it too. Her big fear was that it would get out, until I showed her how that wasn't possible unless the cage wasn't closed properly. I can't say she likes Monty, but she accepts him, and I have caught her looking through the glass to see what he is doing.

We'll all keep our fingers crossed for you.


Byron the Python says:

"My picsssssss ssssshould convinssssse her to get a ssssssnake like me":D

my wife likes them and she doesn't mind haveing them but when i told her i wanted to buy my spider or the pastel or even the mojave she said no because of the cost but she knew i was going to anyway and when i did all she said was it's your money not mine. this does't work for everyone but for us it does as i had i little saveings befor we meet and as she says thats my play money even though most of it is spent on her. so if she is understanding you could try to buy it then tell her you just had to get it. you know one of those impulse buys that they use on us. lol