Wife dilemma...

Long post so sorry in advance...
I am newlywed and have a snake rack (6*41qt) and the means to buy food/vet bills/misc. To acquire this rack I had to make a deal with my wife that I wouldn't purchase any more snakes until our baby is here. So that's the back story you need.
I was on KSL (essentially craigslist) and there is someone who needs to get rid of his snake ASAP like tomorrow sort of thing. His ad says that if you pick the snake up, he's yours. SO with a cost of 0$ I asked my wife if this would be okay, she got insanely upset and said no.
My question to you guys is what would you do? Would you roll over and say okay, or would you put up an argument. If you would argue, what would you say?

Happy wife happy life bro !


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I don't think that it's problematic that you're buying the snake, but that you're getting another snake to take care of when there's a baby on the way. Another snake means less time that the baby gets from you, which is why I think your wife is upset.

If you have the means to support your pets, you have the means to buy one with money after the agreed-upon date. And if you have a baby human coming soon, it's not unreasonable to say no more additional animals until you see what life is like with the new family.

Anyway, free snakes do come up from time to time. It's probably not the last opportunity for a freebie.

Dude, i'm there too. i got my snake against my (pregnant) wife's wishes but got away with it b/c my son had suddenly became obsessed with snakes the month before and its just one little animal. Of course i want more snakes now, but i am waiting no matter what tempting herp comes along because...

A: dont piss off your pregnant wife
B: not only do babies take a lot of your time and attention, but also your energy. So even when you are not actively tending to the baby, previously simple tasks and routines (ie snake care) become arduous.
C: DO NOT piss off your pregnant wife

and D: In all seriousness, it has nothing to do with the food/vet budget but everything to do with your attention and consideration budget. She needs to know that your family means more to you than your hobby. Of course you and i know that a bargain snake is not going to actually tear you away from your wife and unborn child, but in principle, you committed your priority to her (them), and whether or not one more snake would really make any difference in your day to day life, breaking that commitment would send a very powerful and very hurtful message.

There are plenty of snakes on the internet, but your family is the only one you've got.

Consider her feelings and acknowledge them . Then do what you want to do .

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Originally Posted by Jaust

Long post so sorry in advance...
I am newlywed and have a snake rack (6*41qt) and the means to buy food/vet bills/misc. To acquire this rack I had to make a deal with my wife that I wouldn't purchase any more snakes until our baby is here. So that's the back story you need.
I was on KSL (essentially craigslist) and there is someone who needs to get rid of his snake ASAP like tomorrow sort of thing. His ad says that if you pick the snake up, he's yours. SO with a cost of 0$ I asked my wife if this would be okay, she got insanely upset and said no.
My question to you guys is what would you do? Would you roll over and say okay, or would you put up an argument. If you would argue, what would you say?

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I'm not a guy, so, take this FWIW.

You made an agreement with her. "Purchase" is not the same as free, but assuming you came to a mutual understanding of something like "no more snakes" until baby arrives, I can understand why she said, no. This is not about you rolling over. Things will be much better for your new family in the long run, if you all can graciously extend consideration to each other.

I'd be wary of a 'free' snake, it's probably worth less than free if it has any diseases that it could bring into your rack system and cost you a fortune. I assume you don't have a separate rack for quarantine.

Instead of saying "Would you roll over and say okay, or would you put up an argument?" you should phrase it more honestly with "Would you honor the agreement you made, or decide to pick a fight over not getting your way?"

You agreed and yes, it's free, but it's still a new snake and it will have expenses in food and bedding and such. It will take time to care for. Also, it's one free snake in a virtual sea of free animals that will continue to be available for many years, because there's always someone who gets a pet and changes their mind later on.

What if you get the free snake and then find out it needs vet treatment? What if it's got parasites and you have to treat it AND treat all your equipment? How much will you need to spend on it? How much of a budget did you agree on for vet treatment for your pets?

You have the rest of your lives to live together. Breaking an agreement just before you two have a baby arriving isn't a great idea. Getting pets just before a baby arrives isn't even a good idea.

just my two cents.

Wait 9 months and see if you can handle it lol babies are a whole nother ball game.

While I do operate under the principle of "ask for forgiveness not permission". I'd say in the CL case, pass. Save that space, time, money for a snake that is more along with whatever goals you may have, whether that be simply looks for a pet or morphs for breeding. I avoid CL purchases because generally they're from people who aren't very knowledgable and often have mites, RI, or worse.

Happy wife happy life.

Happy wife happy life.

consider this....I'm a woman btw.

if hubby blatantly broke his word to me about a hobby.... What does that mean to me? I'm less important than a snake. He doesn't care.

Women dont think like men. We have this super power to take things completely in the worst way possible even when men didn't mean it that way.

Plus, remember all those hormones raging through her right now. How far along is she? Those hormones have a cumulative affect. Is it really worth it? How miserable will life get if she really gets worked up?

"Fine. Do whatever you want I don't care."..... NEVER MEANS YES!! It means mission abort.


I hope this helps!

Question: Where are you going to quarantine this "free" animal?

BTW I have 23+ years of "Yes Dear"

Do you really want my opinion on how you should conduct yourself in matters involving your marriage? Really?

This is not a question about a snake. It is a question about the value of "Your Word" and where you place your priorities. You may want to take a step back and reassess both. Oh, and if you think you are "rolling over", then you may also want to look up a few definitions such as agreement and compromise.

I agree this is not a snake question. I wonder why you got married in the first place if you are asking questions like this. I am a newlywed myself and wife is pregnant with twins currently. It is pretty much understood what is acceptable and what is not between us. Going behind her back is not and causes more issues then that's on the surface at the time, I wouldn't expect a long marriage doing things like that.

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Originally Posted by Jaust

Long post so sorry in advance...
I am newlywed and have a snake rack (6*41qt) and the means to buy food/vet bills/misc. To acquire this rack I had to make a deal with my wife that I wouldn't purchase any more snakes until our baby is here. So that's the back story you need.
I was on KSL (essentially craigslist) and there is someone who needs to get rid of his snake ASAP like tomorrow sort of thing. His ad says that if you pick the snake up, he's yours. SO with a cost of 0$ I asked my wife if this would be okay, she got insanely upset and said no.
My question to you guys is what would you do? Would you roll over and say okay, or would you put up an argument. If you would argue, what would you say?

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Im not married to my boyfriend of 7yrs nor are we expecting a child. But I can tell you first hand that snakes have be a argument in our house. My boyfriend supports my passion and is okay with it, however he believes there's a limit to how many snakes we should have. We have 9 and we breed feeders. I fit the bill for it all because it's my hobby. He doesn't complain about the snakes or tell me I'm a crazy snake lady, however with this breeding season I've been so busy and it does take its toll. I work 12 hr. days and spend hours doing my snake thing. He doesn't complain and listens to me ramble on and on about breeding and new morphs I want. But recently i had a similar issue. I found a person giving away snakes and i told my boyfriend i wanted them, and he seemed upset. And that in return upset me. I was pissed off and told him I pay for the cost and care of my snakes so I didn't see what his problem was. Then the next day at work I started adding hours I spend on snakes and work in my head and realized why he was upset. I barely had enough hours in the day for my work and hobby and he got what was left. 😞 It actually broke my heart to think he's waited and supported me and I just wanted to invest more time into snakes. So we agreed on a limit and I will keep my word because even though I love snakes I love him more. You have to count the cost. Is another snake worth seeing your wife get upset and feel betrayed? Is another snake taking up some of your time worth your wife losing some of it? And free snakes are usually free for a reason.

Let your yes mean yes and your no mean no. You should honor your agreement with your wife. The respect you earn from her is worth more than any snake. What type of ball pythons are you looking for. Depending on what you want. I may be able to help you, just send me a pm and we can discuss the details

Don't do it, unless you want a divorce. I speak from experience, my ex wife made me sign an agreement not to buy anymore snakes. Notice I said ex wife. Lol not the only reason, but it didn't help matters.


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Bro, get the snake...

I lived a few years doing what "she " wanted me to do . Not what I wana do . What's more important man. ?

"Hell hath no furry like a woman scorned". I've been married for 34 years and have learned this lesson the hard way. There may be times to stand up for something and take your lumps but a CL snake is definitely NOT one of those cases.

Bad decisions make awesome stories! Get the snake.

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Originally Posted by Slim

Bad decisions make awesome stories! Get the snake.

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I could write a book 😄

1) This isn't about the snake. This is about you keeping your word to your wife.

2) If you don't have a quarantine enclosure available then this free snake won't be, because it has to be kept as far away as possible from your other snakes for at least 90 days.

3) Between us my husband and I have ninety-mumble snakes. Before a new one comes in we discuss it and figure out quarantine, what enclosure will be needed for it, whether we can build or buy one (or a new rack), etc.

4) Your wife is pregnant. Don't expect rational thought or actions from her until after the kid is born.

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Originally Posted by Slim

Bad decisions make awesome stories! Get the snake.

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lol

get out of my mind!

Your wife is allowing that you can get more snakes after the kids is born. That in itself is a win for you. My wife supports me in all my insane hooby endeavors, and in my case she accepted a long time ago that there will always be one more snake/lizard/plane, etc. But family obligations have to come first, and unless you already have a kid, you have no c!he how much that little bugger will affect your life. I though I had a handle on it before mine was born, but I had almost no clue. So be patient, give your wife this one, and plan on what cool animals you'll have when you get the chance. Oh, and that hormone thing, don't press your luck on it, lol.

What I see is a difference in understanding of the agreement. She seems to think any addition free or not was not going to happen. What your understanding of the agreement is at this point is irrelevant. If you go back on your word (as she sees it) you will loose trust and integrity in her eyes that is not easily gained back.
Unfortunately miscommunication is a very common occurrence in relationships. No matter how alike you may or may not be, you have different perspectives due to different life experiences and vew things differently. Mix hormones in that (pregnant or not) and you have a recipe for chaos.
What I am hearing is that your wife has one focus right now, the baby she is carrying. Because she is carrying it she has a constant reminder of this. She will not understand how you can think of anything else but the baby and will likely get offended if she thinks you focus is on anything else. Essentially she needs constant reassurance that you are only concerned with taking care of her and your new addition. Simply talking about anything but this will make her question that and will lead to a fight.
I have only been married for 13 years and only have 2 kids (8 and 10) so I have some experience but not as much as some. I am lucky to have come from a family where my parents were never divorced so I like to think I have good examples to learn from. Then again, this is a forum and we are all strangers so take my opinion with a grain of salt.

You have to pick your battles and IMO this isn't a fight worth having. I'll admit that I've "renegotiated" the no more snakes agreement a few times but I certainly wouldn't do it if I thought it might jeopardize my relationship. Also, timing is everything. Enjoy the wife and new baby. Let her know that she and the baby are the most important things to you and that you want them to be happy more than anything. Be super nice and sweet and in a few months she probably won't even care about one more snake. FWIW I usually start buttering my girl up with more date nights, foot rubs, and shopping sprees months before I drop the new snake bomb on her. In addition to the cost of the snakes and enclosures the last two snakes I got also cost me a plane ticket to NY for her to visit her girlfriends and my most recent acquisition cost me (4) Sunday dinners that I'm responsible for. Two down and two to go. :D

I agree with the others. Your word to your wife and the coming baby are more important than getting a free snake that may be in questionable health. There will be more freebies. The cost you would pay in loss of trust and hurt feelings is so not worth it. And if you were to do it anyway, there would be no going back to undo the harm done. Stick by your wife in this stressful (but happy) time in your lives. Don't break her trust in you.

I agree with just about everyone. My fiance and I chose pets and freedom over having kids, so I won't have the same issue. But several of the women I work with have gotten pregnant over the last few months and I gotta say, pregnancy is rough and hormones make all kinds of things into big deals, but that's what you have to deal with if you want a family. Put aside what you want and try and keep HER calm/comfortable/and as much as possible stress free, focus on what SHE needs.

Also, how would she react knowing your asking virtual strangers for advice on your new marriage?.....I'd be going out a buying a crap-ton of chocolate and flowers and apologizing for even mentioning the word snake - chocolate makes all things better

Marriage is cooperating, love, friendship, agreements (going to be much more than just about snakes), mutual respect and understanding. Since you and your wife made that agreement, stick to it. You're not "rolling over", you are respecting your life partner's agreement with you, that you agreed to. She is allowing you to get more snakes after the baby is born too- like a previous poster said, that's already a win!

This is about being able to respect your agreements as a couple, not really about a snake. Also, she is pregnant right now? Pregnancy already feels terrible for the first few months.

Also, "free snake, need to get rid of ASAP" is fishy in itself. Even just thinking about your hobby and not your wife, I'd wait it out and get a better snake that fits your future BP plans.

And yeah, if I found out as a newly wed who is pregnant that my husband is going on online forums asking strangers whether he should choose a free snake or our agreement, I think I might have made a terrible decision. LOL

I bet this new snake will be amazing...destined to become the jewel of your collection. Karma put this animal in your path.

As most have said, your agreement between your wife is far more important than obtaining a free snake likely to rack up vet bills. Focus on her and the new arrival for the time being.

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Originally Posted by Slim

I bet this new snake will be amazing...destined to become the jewel of your collection. Karma put this animal in your path.

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Lol you are just trying to get him in trouble.

I's suggest, in the circumstances, not irritating your wife.

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Originally Posted by Rob

Lol you are just trying to get him in trouble.

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That's what friends are for :D

OK, let me help you out, please send me the link to this free snake.

:carouse:

Let me see, another snake or a wife... Tough decision!!!

:frustrate

You could always find a friend to take the snake for you and then when the time is right you'll have your snake!!!!

Everyone on this forum has a different kind of marriage than I do, I just can't believe that their wives are sticking their noses into their husbands hobbies to the point that they are limiting what they can get. I don't tell my wife she can or can't have anything that she is interested in. She loves to travel, I just let her go to the middle east by herself because it was her dream, not mine. She lets me have as many snakes and rats and mice as I want.

Here's another plan: Figure out how you can make money with your snakes by breeding them or breeding a few rodents and selling them. That way the more you have in your snake hobby the more money you will make to support the family. All of my hobbies either break even or make a little money, that's a huge plus with my wife! If your hobby drains the bank account even a little that can cause a huge stress on a wife, I've seen it many times.

Also, at the end of the day before you do any of your snake business spend some time with your wife first to let her know that she is the priority. Even a half hour just sitting down and spending time talking is huge. Works for me!

Here's the problem, you are thinking this is some sort of business deal. It's not!! Their are no "loop holes" you have an agreement, and that agreement covers all the bases.

All you got in this world is your word and your balls don't brake either of them. I have been with my wife 17 years and there will be battles you will have to fight like a salmon swimming up stream, but not keeping your word should never be one of them. You wheal before you deal but once the deal is done, a deal is a deal. Let this one pass bro it aint worth it. It may be free but its gonna cost you your integrity

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Originally Posted by Crowfingers

I agree with just about everyone. My fiance and I chose pets and freedom over having kids, so I won't have the same issue. But several of the women I work with have gotten pregnant over the last few months and I gotta say, pregnancy is rough and hormones make all kinds of things into big deals, but that's what you have to deal with if you want a family. Put aside what you want and try and keep HER calm/comfortable/and as much as possible stress free, focus on what SHE needs.

Also, how would she react knowing your asking virtual strangers for advice on your new marriage?.....I'd be going out a buying a crap-ton of chocolate and flowers and apologizing for even mentioning the word snake - chocolate makes all things better

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:rofl:

I love my kids more than the air i breath, but sometimes i cant help but think of that 18 year countdown to "Pets and Freedom".

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Originally Posted by dkatz4

I love my kids more than the air i breath, but sometimes i cant help but think of that 18 year countdown to "Pets and Freedom".

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If you have enough pets you still don't have freedom.