Help with convincing reluctant SO?

Somewhere into a nine year relationship, I found...suddenly...that I just had to own a snake (probably several). BF knew going into it that I'm a farm gal, and has been very tolerant of the chickens, rabbits, goats, and dogs. He didn't bargain for this, so I do feel for him.

He does not want one in the house. I have actually considered buying a separate building in town for this, but it would take ALL my savings (and, probably then some - just not realistic at this time).

As we all know the Internet is crammed with thousands of photos of gorgeous snakes. I show him lovely examples daily, yet he remains absolutely unmoved by all that beauty. Yesterday, I found the loveliest - perhaps ever - locality SC corn snake on the site of a well established breeder (apparently she is still available), and she is even at an affordable price. Yet, I must pass her up! Grrr.

Any tips for eventually bringing the guy around?

you may want to see if there is a local reptile show coming soon and see if he will go with you to it. Once there you are immersed in the culture and sometimes it's easy to get caught up in it. You don't want to blindside him so make sure he's on board, but it may be a place to start. Best of luck.

Relationships are about supporting one another's passion whether the other's passion is something we like or not.

I am married to someone who was cared of snakes and did not want one in his house however he knew that it was what would make me happy and therefore he supported that. He again supported me when I chose to get into breeding because again we believe in supporting one another.

Of course all that is based on the fact that we are financially stable and that at no point either one of our choices has ever been a financial burden.

So it's not about convincing someone it's about understanding the principal of being in a relationship and what it means.

Play to his manly tendencies of laziness amd cheapness.

"Hey honey, its a pet that you can forget you even own for a week and it will be fine."

"They only eat 52 times a year its so cheap to feed them"

"Housing them takes up very little space"

Then if all else fails get a legless lizard and win on a technicality.

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Originally Posted by Deborah

So it's not about convincing someone it's about understanding the principal of being in a relationship and what it means.

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This. Right. There.

I cheated. I knew my wife would hate it, so I said nothing to her (easier to ask forgiveness than permission). Plus, my five year old third son, who happens to be my wife's baby, loves the ball python. My wife had a fit, and I was in the doghouse for awhile, but I did my research beforehand about owning a BP, so I knew the answers when she started asking questions. When she saw how much her baby loved the BP, she didn't forgive me exactly, but she has come to accept it. It doesn't stink, doesn't have cat litter to change, don't have to take it for a walk in the rain, don't have to board it if you go on vacation for a week, doesn't bark, doesn't pee on the carpet. Our BP is the lowest-maintenance animal (other than maybe hermit crabs) we have ever had.

What self-respecting man is SCARED OF SNAKES? We all have one in our trousers for crissakes! tell him to get over himself and conquer this totally irrational fear...unless of course you are planning on getting like a 16ft Burmese or something lol

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Originally Posted by fightfan311

What self-respecting man is SCARED OF SNAKES? We all have one in our trousers for crissakes! tell him to get over himself and conquer this totally irrational fear...unless of course you are planning on getting like a 16ft Burmese or something lol

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Snakes at a minimum inspire caution in humans naturally and the fear is reinforced by learning.

But it can also be unlearned with proper education and understanding.

So is the issue that he is scared of them, or he just isn't interested in them? I agree with Deborah, relationships are about support. My wife loves most of our reptiles and interacts with them. She hates....no loathes my tegu mainly because her strength intimidates her a little bit. That being said I have been working with her, showing her how to properly work with a large lizard and slowly easing her into it. She still doesn't like her, but she at least now is comfortable opening the cage and feeding and watering her if I am out of town, not to mention I caught her petting her head the other day. All that being said if he is scared of them then education is key, don't force it, explain that the enclosure will be escape proof (at least I hope it is, all mine are locked) and try to get him some hands on experience. Everyone is different, he may never like them and that is fine as long as he supports you and your hobby. Heck, I have no problem working with full grown monitors and tegus because I understand lizards movements, yet every week my 3ft childrens python strikes at me and I still jump back.

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Originally Posted by fightfan311

What self-respecting man is SCARED OF SNAKES? We all have one in our trousers for crissakes! tell him to get over himself and conquer this totally irrational fear...unless of course you are planning on getting like a 16ft Burmese or something lol

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Many "self-respecting" people are scared of snakes...a fear is a fear irrational or not, and belittling someone because of said fear isn't helping the situation.

Except for garters, I'm actually still scared of wild ones - they just have a powerful aura to them. It is a different fear than say, for example, facing a human attacker, or finding yourself at the edge of a sink hole. I have handled other people's pet snakes, and been fine with them.

I don't think BF is scared so much as he still perceives a snake as a very low class thing to own. He came from humble beginnings, worked hard in his successful career, and has retired well off. It is an association I have tried to change, explaining to him that snakes are pets that scientific and naturalist oriented types of people are attracted to. (Since I came of age obsessed with reading Stephen J. Gould, books on paleo anthropology - just about memorized Lucy and the Origins of Mankind - Jane Goodall, Diane Fossey, Joy Adams, Konrad Lorentz, etc.. I count myself in that group.)

I think it is just going to mostly take more patience.
Thanks everyone for the replies and good suggestions.
Appreciated!

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Originally Posted by distaff

I don't think BF is scared so much as he still perceives a snake as a very low class thing to own.

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Well dahhhhhhhhhhhhhling, perhaps you could explain to Mr. Snootypants that many of us are white-collar doctors, attorneys, and engineers. Personally I'm designing my retirement home around the hobby. For instance, the heat exhaust from my walk-in wine cellar will be used to warm up my snake room.

:D

Well if there is no fear involved then I say just get what you want and he can deal with it. I could understand a fear thing and wanting to be sensitive, but if he just has his nose in the air about it then he can get over it. I really don't see how owning a reptile or any animal for that matter can be considered "lower class"...that one is kind of a head scratcher especially if you say you are a "farm" girl that has tons of animals...

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Originally Posted by distaff

I don't think BF is scared so much as he still perceives a snake as a very low class thing to own. He came from humble beginnings, worked hard in his successful career, and has retired well off. It is an association I have tried to change, explaining to him that snakes are pets that scientific and naturalist oriented types of people are attracted to.

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There are some negative stigmas associated with various animals as pets. You might let him know that it is the educated and passionate population who are the ones who can commit entirely to the husbandry, quality of life, and provide successful and "high class" care for these fascinating animals. :D +1 for scientific and naturalist-oriented type of people.

I was kidding. Most of my male friends are scared of my snakes....

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Originally Posted by redshepherd

There are some negative stigmas associated with various animals as pets. You might let him know that it is the educated and passionate population who are the ones who can commit entirely to the husbandry, quality of life, and provide successful and "high class" care for these fascinating animals. :D +1 for scientific and naturalist-oriented type of people.

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Yup, it's the stigma.
Most of the people he grew up around (some of whom kept snakes) either ended up in jail or OD'd. A few others are chronic drunks, wandering around town, more or less homeless.

He worked hard to get away from that.
Nevertheless, he likes the homestead, even though the livestock was all a new experience for him. He spent this morning moving fifty 70# bales of goat hay for me. :)

I found yet another beautiful corn (Miami locality) for sale today - so, there is still time to be patient. The world will apparently not run out of gorgeous pet snakes any time soon.

If the reason is him being snooty then don't take him to a reptile show with you.