Parent says her kid isn't allowed to come over and that she would kill snake

My son's friends mother who I once considered a friend, during a craft project in my sons classroom, decided to tell my son that her son isn't allowed to play at my house because I have snakes. She also added that if she sees the snake she'd snap its neck.
I tried to address the issue. She replies to me that my son said it escaped once and it bites and it tried to eat the cat.
I replied to her that these snakes don't eat cats and they've never bitten anyone. They are in locked enclosures and dont have to be taken out when friends are over. I said that my son was upset and wasnt sure if he wanted to be around her because of it.

Instead of dealing with me within an hour his teacher is calling me saying if I have an issue then to address it with her because it happened at school. Then the teacher lectures me on the wisdom of having snakes and that every child gets the same amount of time to do crafts. Apparently this mother said I was complaining about that too which I never even mentioned. The teacher goes on about this woman who gives her time and art materials freely and that she's been doing it for four years... but she didnt ask me once what my issue was... only chastised me for bringing up this issue and defended the Mother.
I said I was considering making an official complaint and said that mother needs to watch what comes out of her mouth because it upset my son. She said he didnt appear upset that day. I said that's because he internalizes it and it came out later.
Now I'm at a standstill not sure if I should let this go or run with it.. Any suggestions?

file a complaint with the superintendant of the school, I'm not sure why the teacher decided to get involved in a private matter, but it sounds inappropriate to me.

BTW If anyone were to ever threaten to kill one of my snakes I'd just ask them how they'd feel if I threatened to kill one of their pets. A lot of people just don't think about what they're saying.

Wow!! I'd definitely go to school board with this! That is verbally threatening behavior or terroristic threats as called in law enforcement. So much for educating the younger generation about snakes!! I have a few friends who are terrified of them but they stay behind doors if they are over. They also encourage their children to not be afraid and allow them to pet them and watch them.


Molly & Steve
0.1 normal BP 'Precioucess'
0.1 BCI 'Luna'

take this as high as you can. you are being bullied and berated by ignorant people who question you as a person and a MOTHER. all over your love of snakes! they are the ignorant ones whose judgements need to be questioned, not yours. i personally wouldn't let this go until i get some resolve. good luck! (:

Just let it go.


HAHAHA JUST KIDDING! This is just awful. I mean come on lady, it's a snake. I get that you personally may be afraid but what if this one snake sparks a passion and a dream only to be crushed by your witch of a mother just because she doesn't like snakes? You should absolutely take this to the board. The whole argument did not happen in the school, so that teacher does not have a right to involve themselves in said argument. Please update us as everything goes along

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Originally Posted by mamaofporter

She also added that if she sees the snake she'd snap its neck

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This is the kind of thing I can not stand, I also hear it alot. Try telling them if you see their dog you'll snap its neck and see what kind of response you get.
Both dumb comments should get the same response.

I would complain to the school principal, because the teacher had no right to enter a private disagreement, unless the 2 boys were upsetting the whole class over this. Also if this woman has a problem, and is a class mother she has no right to go to your son. If she was a person using common sense she would have called you privatly and voiced her concerns, and never said a word to either boy. She has the right to have her fears addressed, and then make a decision, but bringing in the boys first and getting the school involved is just wrong. You can tell the principal that they will be hearing from your lawyer if your child is continuing to be upset by either this teacher or this class mother, and any complaints issued by either of these women should be addressed to you through the principal, or the school will be looking at a law suit. Reptile are legal to keep as pets and are loved and cared for no less then the family dog.

It's rather difficult to be a volunteer at a public school when there's a restraining order out against you because you threatened to kill a child's beloved pet.

Just saying...

I don't know if a restraining order would be an option in Canada for an idle threat?

"Peace bonds and restraining orders are not a substitute for a charge. They are intended to prevent assault and harassment" You can get a peace bondif you are afraid that another person will harm you, your partner (spouse or your common-law), your child, or damage your property.

It comes down to if you view this as harassment towards you or your child. I say yes, even if you lose the case you it'll take a while to go through the courts, they'll be issued a promise to appear and it will be inconvenient at the very least.

You're looking for a peace bond in Canada, by the way.

Peace bonds are completely free, even if you lose the case you're dragging them through hoops.


Edit : Also, if they do not appear to the court date, a warrant will be issued for their arrest. If they think it's all a big joke there's a decent chance they won't show up and will be charged with failure to appear.

Thanks Speedy. I will consider depending on how this all unfolds. I will definitely keep everyone up to date...
Im glad my concerns were validated here.

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Originally Posted by mamaofporter

Thanks Speedy. I will consider depending on how this all unfolds. I will definitely keep everyone up to date...
Im glad my concerns were validated here.

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They are absolutely validated, I know by now my post is just going to sound like a broken record but i'll toss my support vote in the pot as well. The other mother in question demonstrated completely inappropriate and, although i'm not Canadian i'd still assume, illegal behavior that can easily be presented as harassing and threatening. Start with the principle and work your way up from there; i'd suggest you keep moving up even if the principle complies. This woman needs to know that she made a serious statement that should not be blown off. No need to start fights, and no need to cause dissension between your son and his friend, but if that behavior was allowed to pass with impunity, who's to say something worse won't happen down the road to someone else. The peace bond thing sounds like it would be nothing but beneficial, and I'd imagine you already plan on talking to your son and letting him know this isn't a fight or to be mean (not sure of his age) so that he doesn't feel he needs to argue or have issues with his friend. I hope you post your progress, and I hope to see common sense and decency win over ignorance in this case to help both the human and herp world. I'm sure everyone, in this thread at least, would back your petition for any legal action that forced the other woman to give this legitimate thought. Best of luck to you.

Is there ANY way to change her mind?
Her response, while completely inappropriate and borderline criminal was obviuosly based on fear and ignorance.
And while I know spending an hour at Starbucks, sharing a pumpkin spiced soy latte, talking about how golden retrievers bite more children than snakes won't change her mind, it may initiate some self reflection and soften her over time. Who knows, she may come around.

BTW, I recommend Starbucks because they are CCW friendly. ;)

First, I would indeed talk to the superintendent about one of his/her employees getting involved with private matters. It doesn't matter if you had a disagreement about what the weather would be like tomorrow, if the teacher chastises you for your part in a private matter (especially if they allude that the other parent spends more time with the class, and therefore must be right) then they have overstepped their professional bounds. (by the by, if you absolutely have to talk about what the disagreement was about, I recommend saying "my pet" instead of "my snake")

Regarding the comments she made about snapping a snakes neck, being civil is usually the way to go. Let this woman know that your snakes are important to you, and that her comments are hurtful and rude. You wouldn't threaten to kick someones dog? To smash their private belongings? It isn't appropriate to threaten someones property, and this woman seems to need to be reminded of that (weird, yes, but some people don't think of anything scaly as a pet and need to be reminded that they are).

If your kids are friends, try to keep things as polite and civil as possible. What will your son do when his friend comes and says he isn't allowed to talk to him and he has to change classes now? Be calm, even though we all know by now you must be itching to slap this woman.

Slander and defamation of character on the snakes behalf...;)
Cat's attack more people than dogs...I've personally been attacked by 4 cats, 1 dog, and zero snakes...

I can't believe that someone would be so callous towards someones pet. Just because it doesn't fall into the normal conformity of a typical pet, such as a hamster or a guinea pig, does not give this woman the right to bully you like that.

I'm from Canada as well and I'd say pursue it.

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Originally Posted by Wizard

BTW, I recommend Starbucks because they are CCW friendly. ;)

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Love it!! Like the way you think!


Molly & Steve
0.1 normal BP 'Precioucess'
0.1 BCI 'Luna'

I would follow through with this. Above all, stay calm and composed. While education is important, this issue is less about everyone's opinion of snakes and more about other parents creating a hostile learning environment for your son. It's very tempting to use this for our cause, but other people will better relate to your son's pain, not the snakes' (considering the snake is still safely tucked away at home), and more likely to make changes that way.

For the superintendent, tell them how the teacher confronted you over an unfounded rumor one of the other parents told her. Instead of asking you if you had any concerns, she was defensive and unreceptive to your attempts to clarify. Between the original incident with the other parent and the subsequent conversation with the teacher, you feel that your son is being targeted and punished for circumstances outside of his control, and you feel alienated by not only this other parent - but the school system itself. Does this school make a habit of championing the bias of certain parents? Before, one would assume school is a place for education, not a platform for adults to threaten bodily harm to children's pets. There's an uneven power dynamic there that's wildly inappropriate and some could argue it's emotional abuse.

If the school board plays nice, and if you're comfortable with it, talk to the science teachers and offer to bring an ambassador reptile in, in line with one of their curricular units. THERE is your opportunity to help educate the public.

This whole story sounds ridiculous. I can't believe you're dealing with this. If I were you, I'd kick her, the teacher, and any other idiot right in the shin.

I deal with the same crap at my school, and although my teacher does have a snake and educates us, there are still the children who simply just don't like him, and I respect that, but when those children make threats to kill it or throw Otis, it makes me really really mad.

What a crap situation. The teacher should have minded her own business. It's not her job to talk down to you because this other woman "gives free supplies". It's also not her job to tell you what to be offended over or your mothering skills. I would make an official complaint & if need be, have your child moved to another class. The way she is acting, it wouldn't surprise me if your child ends up being "the child with the bad mother" or "the needy child". She sounds rather petty like that.

As for the other lady, she sounds stupid. I don't know how you didn't slap her.

Has there been an update on this? I'm still really interested to know how it works out. I'm hoping this person gets all the help she needs to win this.

It sounds to me like the mother knows she was wrong, but she is the type who tries to get ppl to rally around her by telling straight up lies; the more ppl that are behind her, the more "right" she feels. She has probably lost sight of what the original issue was, she's so caught up in the drama she has created. I can't stand people like this. :rage:

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Originally Posted by Chkadii

If the school board plays nice, and if you're comfortable with it, talk to the science teachers and offer to bring an ambassador reptile in, in line with one of their curricular units. THERE is your opportunity to help educate the public.

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I agree with this. Most people that are scared or hateful towards reptiles or any animal for that matter are simply not educated about the animal. This kind of program my help in educating not only the children at the school but the other mother or even the teacher that got involved when she should not have as well. If the other mother and teacher see that the school backs you and starts a program like this to continue to educate children on these wonderful animals that would most likely sting them a lot more than an actual slap in the face or kick to the shin as mentioned above. If the other mothers child learns about and falls in love with snakes in the process that would also be a slap in her face.

It sounds to me like the teacher is trying to protect the art supply investment that the other mother is providing by backing her. That is not right and could possibly be considered bribing. Either way the school board should definatly know what is going on and the children should know that this has nothing to do with them. Good luck with everything and please keep us posted.