With a very heavy heart...

There's no easy way to say or do this, so I'll just spit it out. I have to leave bp.net. It's not just this forum (which I LOVE) but the entire herp world for now.

Every now and then, there comes a time when you have to choose between two loves in your life. You have to choose between two paths of happiness. My love for my husband outweighs my love for herps by magnitudes. I found a great happiness in learning about and dreaming of collecting herps, and snakes in particular. But the more I did...the less happy HE became. He tried to hide it. He tried to support and humor me as best he could despite his increasing discomfort. He never asked me to do this. But I realize that as happy as I am with this hobby....HIS happiness means so much more to me. His happiness is not just a hobby for me...it's my life.

That's more personal than I intended to get...but I really want you all to understand. I love you guys so much, and will miss this place like crazy. But it just hurts me too much to come here and hear/see all the great ways your animals interact in your lives, and not want the same for mine.

This decision is not an impulsive one, or one lightly made. It tears at me to do this. BUT...no matter how hard it is, or how sad it makes me right now...there is a genuine peace in knowing I've made the right decision.

Should he ever have some sort of change of heart...I'll be back here in the blink of an eye.....

Take care of yourselves. Hug your snakes for me.

Love,
Judy

Judy, thank you for everything that you have done for and with us here. Your contributions, both public and private, have been greatly valued. I will miss you, and I know the forum will too. :crying:

You will be greatly missed, Judy. Take care of yourself. :)

Aw, I am sorry to hear that. But I understand the need to avoid things that your mate just cannot handle. Priorities are so important in life. Thanks for the help you gave us!

Did you find good homes for all your herps yet?

i am so sad that you will be leaving but i know that you are doing the right thing. i'm proud of you for making this good decision. you will be greatly missed.

I'm really sorry you have to leave :(
I personally think you can work this out, maybe get him into the hobby?

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He tried to support and humor me as best he could despite his increasing discomfort.

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Sounds like a great husband, worth giving up herps for. I wish you all the best, and hope that someday he'll get to like herps more and you'll be able to keep them again.

I of course respect your decision and will miss you very much. :( Are you keeping your snake?

Judy, as sad as i am to see you go, i understand why you need to. Family comes before anything in this world in my book. Thanks for always being here, for what you have done, and what you gave to all of us. You will be greatly missed by me and the rest of our community.

This is shocking! I think its totally unfair that you have to choose between two loves! I hope everything works out for you Judy. We will miss you terribly :cry:

I wish you nothing but good things in the path you have chosen Judy! You will be sadley missed.

You will be missed. Good luck with all that the future holds for you and your family.

Judy,
You will be sooo missed. You were like one of the very first people I spoke w/ here. It was a pleasure to meet you and your daughter. Take care and remember it's always better to follow your heart.
Good Luck and God bless in all you and yours do.

:tears: Judy, you were also one of the first people I interacted w/here and you made me feel so welcome and comfortable. You will be sorely missed! I understand your decision but also wish there was another way. However, life is rarely fair and we are sometimes faced with tough choices.

Good luck to you and yours. I wish you peace and happiness (and in my heart I will always hope that you'll be back!). :pray: :peace: :shamrock: :heart:

We'll all miss you, Judy. You'll be welcomed back with open arms if we're ever lucky enough to have you return.

Judy-
I am sorry to hear that, but were I in your shoes, would do the same in a heartbeat. Its always sad to have to give up a passion, but well worth the loss for the happiness of your loved ones.
I hate to see this happen to you, but at the same time I am somewhat greatful. It is a great reminder to those on the website, that no matter how fasinating herps can be, your family should always take priority. Its good to remember that herps are a hobbie that should be incorporated into your life, not become your life.
Good luck with your indevors Judy. You shall be missed, and we look forward to your return.

we didn't get much chance to talk :(

but i hate to hear one of the big boss ladies is going...you'll come back occasionally!! no reason you can't drop in and say hi every now and then..
but hey...if you're giving (or selling) the snakes, i'm willing to provide an excellent home!

Good bye, Judy :cry: you will be VERY missed!! and thank for all the help you gave me!

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Originally Posted by green_man

Its good to remember that herps are a hobbie that should be incorporated into your life, not become your life.

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My dear Sir, I do beg to disagree :mrgreen:

You will be sorely missed, Judy - you leave some enormous shoes to fill as a great mod and positive and quite prolific poster - your family is as lucky to have you as were your herps.

It's really to bad that you have to leave, especially since I just now joined, but i hope you are happy and will stay happy!

:cry: :cry: You will be GREATLY missed. Good luck in all you do!!!

Awww sorry to see you go Judy T_T I have to honestly say you are one of the nicest and most helpfull people here and will be greatly missed. Thanks for all the help and support you provided me and the community ^_^

I'm so sorry to see you go. Your making the right choice, family is so much more important. I can only echo what everybody else said... that you will be sorely missed! :cry: Thanks for taking care of any Q's I had and for helping me understand Beefy better.

If my snakes created a problem with my wife, I'd make the same decision you are. In the words of the aged knight in "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade", "You have chosen wisely."

Good luck, and pop in from time to time to let us know how you're doing.

I know that feeling im going thru the same thing now good luck and thanks for all the help :cry:

Hrumph. I object. :( :( :( Hope things eventually come back around for you someday & you're once again able to keep & enjoy herps!

K

I agree with KLG not that its any of my business and i have been holding this in since Judy gave us the news. But IMHO i think that a comprimise could have been made. It would be very hard for me to just drop all my herps after all the work and time i have invested in them. My wife and I had the same talk and she knows that keeping herps makes me happy and by making me happy she is happy and visa-versa. Maybe there is an irrational fear of snakes involved here and that would not keep me from keeping herps. I don't know what is going on here but i know that Judy absolutely loved her ball pythons and all her herps. I pray for her husband to understand what makes her happy.

I was just spewing thoughts.

I dunno, I understand the choice she made. You have to do what you have to do, I guess. All of the people I've dated have been told the score right away: my animals (and my career with animal) come first, I've dated people that were afraid of snakes but I just kept the critters away from them. Then again, I'm not married, I don't think this choice was easy for her. Best of luck in the future, Judy, even though I don't know you.

Never easy having to chose but I think you made the right one

Er, Judy only had a cape gopher and a beardie so far but was excited about getting a ball python right after moving to Alabama and had been planning and researching for months. Obviously that didn't happen.

Many of us might think that this seems like an extreme action to take, but we can't put ourselves in her shoes. She had a husband and children well before she got any herps, and apparently she felt like this was the best course of action for her to take. I hope that her husband sees how much herps meant for her and she returns to herping and this site, but it's really not up to us to judge their relationship or whether she "should" have done something different.

If you have a partner or child who is supportive of your herp interest, give him or her a kiss and a thanks for making it easy for you to do both.

This probably doesn't happen very often but I completely agree with Marla on this one. Judy even explicitly stated that her husband tried very hard to come to terms with her herps & her love for herps. He tried to compromise. Maybe we think that it is an irrational thing that he is scared of herps or whatever the case may be. But honestly, think about your own fears. Do you not have one irrational fear? I know that I have a completely irrational fear of heights. If Nanci (my fiancee) suddenly took an interest in extreme sports, i would TRY to be ok with it but would most likely fold up & beg her to stop.

In the end, Judy feels as though she made the choice that was right for her. As Marla said, that is really not for us to judge. Though she will undoubtedly miss herps & miss some of us, she seems very much at peace with her decision & seems very certain that she made the right choice for her & her loved ones. I say we should just respect that & fondly remember all that Judy did for this community. Maybe she will be back one day. Until then, her business is her own when it comes right down to it!

I know you guys are right. I suppose its not fair. But we all have to do things that we don't think is fair its part of life. I hope that someday Judy will be able come here and visit her posts are funny.