Online bullying......my 16 year old daughter is being bullied

I have a problem here. My 16 year old daughter is being bullied by her classmates on facebook. My little girl sent me a message this morning pleading with me to do something. Here is the problem, my daughter does not even live with me, she lives 3 hours away with her father. I really don't want to get into the details of why she does not live with me. What can I do to help my child? My ex and I had a very ugly divorce and he will not take kindly to hearing from me about our daughter. He does not supervise my daughter on facebook at all. He has no idea this bullying is even occurring. My child is devastated and is reaching out to me for help. I have an obligation to her as her mother to help her even though I am with her physically. Please advise me here folks. I really need to help my child. I am very fearful for her wellbeing because I know what online bullying can lead to.

I would urge her to delete her FB account. She can open a new one under a pseudonym for her real friends. I would also urge her to talk to her father and the school about it.

I don't think that teaching her to "run away" is a good idea.

I would just have her block the members who are bullying her, and teach her to ignore those who are "haters". Throughout her life she will come into situations over and over where she may be bullied, or simply not get along with someone. She needs to have the ability to not let it bother her.

"Thick skin" is an important live lesson.

Yea id just tell her to block them. I don't consider that running away. I ignore idiots all the time lol

Inform the principle of the school...
Schools take cyber bullying very seriously because of how often it happens these days. I just graduated from highschool this year, and I knew a few kids in a similar situation.
The best solution seemed to be informing the school, they always make sure the kids are in a safe enviornment, and they will even move your daughter to a different school if she wants.
Although bullying usually just passes by time, better to be sure that it stops.

I just want to point out just to be realistic - if you 'snitch' on these kids on behalf of your daughter it's not going to make her situation better. She needs to block them, ignore them, or get off Facebook. It's hard to really give advice without understanding more details... but let her know that if she's being 'baited' then she needs to turn cheek and ignore it. Making fun of someone without any kind of response from them isn't very fun for very long.

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Originally Posted by MrLang

I just want to point out just to be realistic - if you 'snitch' on these kids on behalf of your daughter it's not going to make her situation better. She needs to block them, ignore them, or get off Facebook. It's hard to really give advice without understanding more details... but let her know that if she's being 'baited' then she needs to turn cheek and ignore it. Making fun of someone without any kind of response from them isn't very fun for very long.

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I was already thinking about this and I know it could just make things worse. At this point, she has been advised to get off facebook by deleting her account.

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Originally Posted by dbwpgur

Inform the principle of the school...
Schools take cyber bullying very seriously because of how often it happens these days. I just graduated from highschool this year, and I knew a few kids in a similar situation.
The best solution seemed to be informing the school, they always make sure the kids are in a safe enviornment, and they will even move your daughter to a different school if she wants.
Although bullying usually just passes by time, better to be sure that it stops.

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And if they refuse like they did in the case where my AUTISTIC brother was being bullied and beaten to no end threaten a law suit... That might be a bit steep but we had to do that, the principle and asst. principle both said QUOTE to my mothr "we have little evidence besides your retarded sons word, which is nothing"

Bullying is something that's a pain.. In the end the easiest way to try to stop it is just to delete them than work your way up if it doesn't stop.

I won't condone violence....... But that was how I ended the only person who ever tried to bully me in 9nth grade.... Sad that it seems to come to that more and more in today's world..very sad....

I agree with the block and ignore or totally delete the FB account.

Then, on top of that, I would enroll her in a legitimate Gracie Barra Brazilian Jiu Jitsu school. No, I'm not saying she needs to duke it out on fisticuffs. Taking martial arts classes - especially the family-feeling of a Gracie Barra BJJ school - builds confidence in kids and a feeling of "belonging" to a group of people who has your back (which I feel she is not getting at home). It gives kids the desire and the strength to walk away from trouble because they have nothing to prove. If you've seen the movie The Lucky One (yes, yes, sappy boring chick flick, but I like the male character in that movie), the soldier was constantly harassed by the cop. The soldier had the strength to just walk away even when a gun was pointed at him, simply because he has nothing to prove and he recognizes that the cop is simply being a butthead.

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Originally Posted by Rickys_Reptiles

I don't think that teaching her to "run away" is a good idea.

I would just have her block the members who are bullying her, and teach her to ignore those who are "haters". Throughout her life she will come into situations over and over where she may be bullied, or simply not get along with someone. She needs to have the ability to not let it bother her.

"Thick skin" is an important live lesson.

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I completely agree. I know kids these days can be horrible, but if there is anything I learned while being picked on growing up is that if you ignore them and show them it doesn't bother you they get bored and move on. Being thick skinned can help you out a lot in life.

I've seen a lot of stories about kids being bullied online and always wonder why they didn't just block the bullies.

I also hate to say it, but I think it might be a good idea to bring this to the attention of your ex-husband. You are 3 hours away and he needs to keep an eye on her if you are worried about her.

Another vote for delete the account or at least lock it down so she doesn't have to look at it.

Otherwise, ALT-Print Screen + CTRL-V into a MS Word document should also prove useful if you need proof for the school administration or parents. If my daughter engaged in any kind of bullying behavior you can bet there would be serious repercussions!

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Originally Posted by MrLang

I just want to point out just to be realistic - if you 'snitch' on these kids on behalf of your daughter it's not going to make her situation better. She needs to block them, ignore them, or get off Facebook. It's hard to really give advice without understanding more details... but let her know that if she's being 'baited' then she needs to turn cheek and ignore it. Making fun of someone without any kind of response from them isn't very fun for very long.

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Originally Posted by Rickys_Reptiles

I don't think that teaching her to "run away" is a good idea.

I would just have her block the members who are bullying her, and teach her to ignore those who are "haters". Throughout her life she will come into situations over and over where she may be bullied, or simply not get along with someone. She needs to have the ability to not let it bother her.

"Thick skin" is an important live lesson.

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I agree with these. It's hard to give too much advice without knowing the entire situation, but some combination of blocking those people bullying her, making her account more private so those people can't see the content on her Facebook profile, and/or deleting her account is in order. Children can be merciless, and even brutal. My sister and I were both teased, and even bullied, when we were in school, but we also took different approaches. Before I even reached high school, I didn't let bullying bother me. If someone tried to tease me about something, my response was typically "Um... so?" and I did not befriend those people. It's impossible to avoid them completely, but it is possible to not play into their taunting. They quickly figured out it wasn't going to work and left me alone. By the time I reached high school, I had determined who my real friends were and wasn't bullied. My sister on the other hand was always bothered by bullying. She wanted to be everyone's friend. She played right into it. And her school life was almost hell at times. Everyone is different, so different approaches will work for different people. Depending on your daughter's personality and situation, one of these might work.

I too would vote delete FB. At least for now. I don't think that is running away. I have read way too many sad and tragic stories that have occurred as a result of teens being bullied. I also would make sure her Dad at least, and the school was aware of whats going on. Perhaps counseling might help her, maybe, coping with all this?

Have her set her FB to private. Unless you're a celeb or a business FB account, setting an FB account to public is asking for all kinds of trouble. This should take care of most of the problem. I can't imagine she has these people friended on FB. But if she does, defriend them and block them if they are PMing her.

I was bullied verbally throughout grade school. The best thing to do is ignore it. If the bullying happens in school itself, then there are other steps that she can take. I developed quite a sarcastic whit to fight back with.

The important thing is, bullies are the original trolls and the worst kind. Once they realize they can't get the desired reaction from you, they leave you alone.

Again either delete FB or make it as private as possible. I would still inform her dad if at all possible or have her bring it up to him so that both of you can monitor the situation. Is this issue just taking place online, or does she go to school with these people and has it spilled over to at school as well? While I know violence isn't the answer I do agree with possible enrolling in some form of martial arts or MMA if she is interested in order to help her build confidence. I used to teach martial arts and a number of kids that were bullied would come into the school for classes, and the boost to their self esteem was amazing. Its not for everyone, but just a thought.

Thank you all so much for the suggestions! Her facebook account is no longer activated. I have brought this to the attention of her father and he promised that he would take care of it. I know that he and I do not agree on a lot of things when it comes to our children but we both love them very much and we only want what is best for them.

Good on you for getting her to delete in. IMHO, online bullying is the easiest to deal with...just get rid of it. I was teased and bullied my entire life, and I have NEVER let it bother me. You don't like me? No skin off my nose. Think I'm ugly? Cool story bro. You just need to not worry about what others think of you. It isn't any of their business.

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Originally Posted by ballpythonluvr

My child is devastated and is reaching out to me for help. I have an obligation to her as her mother to help her ...I know what online bullying can lead to.

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I'm really sorry this is happening to your daughter - no one should be made to feel like she feels. There are few things in life that can be much worse than seeing your child hurt. I'm a father of three and I'm also in education, so I can see this from more than one perspective.
Schools today have a zero tolerance for bullying and, depending on the state you're daughter is in and/or the nature / severity of the harassment, there may be no separation between bullying that occurs at school versus bullying that occurs online. EVERY school also has some type of acceptable use policy for students and their use of technology, and Cyberbullying may be addressed in that policy as well, so you may have more tools available to put a stop to this than you may realize.

If your daughter is fearful of taking this matter to the administration (including counselor, teacher or resource officer) at her school, or refuses to, then you need to (unless of course her father could be informed of the situation and address it with the school himself).

Just as an FYI, schools do have a mandatory reporting policy in place for things such as this and if, God forbid, it were to escalate to a more extreme form of harassment, then you will want to have made every effort to make someone at the school aware of the situation. Once they have received a complaint there are steps they must follow.

**If you're unsure where to start please check out this link on reporting Cyberbullying

I wish you and your family the best with this and hope that their is a quick stop to the harassment.
John

Thank you all for the advice. The bullying has effected my daughter pretty badly but she knows that she must move on from those so called "friends" and find ones that accept her for who she is. She will be seeing a psychologist to help her cope as this seems to have made an impact on her mentally. She is a strong young lady and I know she can overcome all of this and continue her life as normal. I really appreciate all of you very much and I thank you from the very bottom of my heart for all of the wonderful advice.

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Originally Posted by ballpythonluvr

Thank you all for the advice. The bullying has effected my daughter pretty badly but she knows that she must move on from those so called "friends" and find ones that accept her for who she is. She will be seeing a psychologist to help her cope as this seems to have made an impact on her mentally. She is a strong young lady and I know she can overcome all of this and continue her life as normal. I really appreciate all of you very much and I thank you from the very bottom of my heart for all of the wonderful advice.

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I'm glad she's getting help, and it sounds like she's got a lot of support from loving parents too. That will go a long way in helping her too. Thank you for the update!