Getting Over Snake Fear

My boyfriend and I have recently decided that we want to move in together. The problem is that he has ophidiophobia and I have 3 snakes. We never really thought about it before, as most of the time when I spent the night, I went to his house and I never forced him to look at my snakes.

However, he's decided that he wants to try to get over his phobia so he can live comfortably with me and the snakes. The thing is, I don't know how to go about helping him. Obviously I don't want to immediately throw a snake at him and make him hold it. I figured we would first start by just watching the snakes in their enclosures and him watching me handle them.

The tough part is I don't have any especially small snakes. My smallest is my 5 ft ball python, who's pretty shy, so I don't know how she would do with someone who is scared of her. My tamest snake is my 9 ft rtb, but because she is so big, I don't want to start him on her. I also have a blood python, who is actually very nice for a blood.

What's the proper course of action to take? When he is ready to hold a snake, which one should I start him on (He does want to try to hold one, I just don't want him to freak out and accidentally drop them.)?

Good on him for wanting to learn! I would start with putting the ball on the bed and letting him sit beside it and just pet it. When he is more comfortable with touching it andd understanding how it reacts and moves let him just hold it in his lap. That's how my friend got over it at least!

when i first started dating the girl i'm with now she was terrified of my snakes. if i got my little 500 gram bumblebee out she would be on the other side of the room literally crying. the key with her was to go really slow. if he likes you enough (which i'm assuming he does if yall are thinking of moving in together) he'll want to get over the fear of them for you. i believe that's one of the most crucial keys too. actually WANTING to get over the fear. if someone doesn't want to, they usually won't.

with her i just kept reassuring her she was completely safe and i had been doing this for years and i'm still alive and well to tell the story (lol). we just started out with me holding a snake, and she would touch it on the tail. she'd freak out if the head came towards her so i would try n keep it facing me as best i could. but for a few weeks whenever i'd be cleaning cages or something i'd bring one over to her and just let her touch the tail a little.

after she got use to what they felt like, we were sitting on the bed one night and she let me just set it in her lap. she still didn't want to hold it, but she could sit and look at it being harmless in her lap. eventually she got to where she held it one night. throughout each little baby step she took, i kept reassuring her over and over she was fine, the snake wasn't going to hurt her, and i was right here. the key is taking things nice and slow, at THEIR pace, not yours. it would help if you had a baby ball python or a smaller snake, but since not i'd just use the smallest one you have.

now she comes to all the reptile shows with me and holds the snakes for me while i'm cleaning their cages. she even asks if i can get the retic out for her sometimes because she ENJOYS handling them.

this is her after about 6 months of working with her. she literally use to cry if i was across the room with a snake.
http://img.tapatalk.com/d/13/06/21/apa7yvez.jpg

Great advice so far^

I would talk with him and find out what he's actually afraid of. Does he think they're cold and slimy? Afraid of getting bit? Afraid that they're venomous? Afraid its going to eat his dog? Just doesn't like the way they move? I usually try and find out what actually scares them, before i even try and convince them to touch or hold them. For some people their fears are just completely irrational, so i sorta leave them be. (For example: my grandma. She will never ever ever ever like my snakes. Ever. I've accepted that lol). When my step brother got a snake, my dad's biggest worry was that it would bite him or get out and constrict someone in the house in their sleep. (Funny to us, but for someone who doesn't know, its a semi-rational fear). Once he told me that, all i had to do was use logic to help him get over his fear. "Dad, shes just a baby. if she can't kill a large rat and eat it, how would you expect her to kill a human...?" Then, as far as being bit, i just had to explain how theyre much more flight over fight, hence why they ball up. It's been over a year since my bro got her and my dad now even holds her sometimes. Does he love snakes? Not by any means. But is he irrationally afraid of them anymore? Nope!

Honestly, the people that I've dealt with that are scared of snakes are usually more scared of my small ones than my big one(When I had my Yellow Anaconda). My mom would actually hold my girl but she wouldn't pet my small snake who was about 13 inches long. Same with a few other people, but what I would do is I'd have them just pet your snakes while you're holding it and show them that the head is away from you, then after doing that sometimes they warm up a bit, or sometimes it takes a few more of the "petting" sessions.

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Originally Posted by Neal

Honestly, the people that I've dealt with that are scared of snakes are usually more scared of my small ones than my big one(When I had my Yellow Anaconda). My mom would actually hold my girl but she wouldn't pet my small snake who was about 13 inches long. Same with a few other people, but what I would do is I'd have them just pet your snakes while you're holding it and show them that the head is away from you, then after doing that sometimes they warm up a bit, or sometimes it takes a few more of the "petting" sessions.

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This whole post belongs in the out of context thread lmfao

tie him down. let snakes crwl over him until they get tired and fall a sleep on his belly.

If he doesn't get over the fear, do it agian until he does :)

Good suggestions above. One possibility is just to sit on the floor with him and one of the snakes. Then, sit on the floor with a different snake a different time, and so forth. Whichever one he is most intrigued by is the one he will eventually consider touching and holding. By being on the floor, he can't drop it any distance that will harm them (I use this method with small children ;) ). But don't expect him to be in the same room, touch a snake, and hold a snake all in the same sitting. Let him progress at his pace as he feels less threatened by them.

Good advice so far.


I don't have much to add except for stories.

1. I got a friend accustomed to snakes when we both worked at a Petco. She didn't really care for snakes(especially older or bigger ones) but also wasn't afraid of them either. After I calmed her down with the baby redtails she would walk around the store with up to 3 of them on her at any given time. Unfortunately after she left the store, she had gone back to her "old ways".

2. My grandmother and my mother respected snakes but weren't really thrilled with them either. I got lucky with my "pretty" albino black ratsnake. When we would be at the kitchen table, I'd let him hang out on the table so they could watch/study him. He was also 2-3 feet at that point as well. My cali king helped also because he is kinda "pretty" as well and the african house snake is pretty much a worm so his size was like "that's all, but he's so small?". Once they realized nothing "bad" was going to happen, they would touch him low on his body and eventually my mom came around and now willingly handles any snake I have, even my nippy one(s). Grandma still kept her distance but was more open to them.

3. My new neighbor at my apartment isn't thrilled with snakes so if there is a group of us sitting outside, I'll bring out the house snake and sit a couple seats away from her so she gets accustomed to their presence. She's ok with the "little" guy but anything bigger and she might not sit around. I'm gonna subtley get her to overcome her fear. She's ok with talking about them so thankfully that is one step I don't have to overcome.

4. I know a couple people who have nightmares if you say the word snake or make hissing noises. As much as I'd like to have them overcome the fear, I know it's probably not worth the time and effort.

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Originally Posted by Mike41793

This whole post belongs in the out of context thread lmfao

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Bwhahahahahahaha! Wow, how did I miss that!? I must be getting "clean" in my "old" age.

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Originally Posted by Rickys_Reptiles

tie him down. let snakes crwl over him until they get tired and fall a sleep on his belly.

If he doesn't get over the fear, do it agian until he does :)

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^^ this reminded me of the scene in Mighty Ducks when they strap Goldberg to the goal and shoot slap shots at him until he he realizes it doesn't hurt and starts laughing. :D

My girlfriend had a terrible fear for my BP when I got it but one day I found her in the computer actually looking at videos on info on them and one was actually a video on how to hold them. Like most she started slow by touching it slightly when I was holding it, to one day actually carrying it and now, as we speak, she ordered her first BP. It takes time and the will to learn. One thing is for sure, when they show that they want to try, you ALWAYS feel proud!

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Originally Posted by Mike41793

Great advice so far^

I would talk with him and find out what he's actually afraid of. Does he think they're cold and slimy? Afraid of getting bit? Afraid that they're venomous? Afraid its going to eat his dog? Just doesn't like the way they move? I usually try and find out what actually scares them, before i even try and convince them to touch or hold them. For some people their fears are just completely irrational, so i sorta leave them be. (For example: my grandma. She will never ever ever ever like my snakes. Ever. I've accepted that lol). When my step brother got a snake, my dad's biggest worry was that it would bite him or get out and constrict someone in the house in their sleep. (Funny to us, but for someone who doesn't know, its a semi-rational fear). Once he told me that, all i had to do was use logic to help him get over his fear. "Dad, shes just a baby. if she can't kill a large rat and eat it, how would you expect her to kill a human...?" Then, as far as being bit, i just had to explain how theyre much more flight over fight, hence why they ball up. It's been over a year since my bro got her and my dad now even holds her sometimes. Does he love snakes? Not by any means. But is he irrationally afraid of them anymore? Nope!

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I agree with what Mike said. My mom was the same way. When I got my first baby ball python, my mother vowed to never to come over to my apartment (after just getting her comfortable with my corn snakes in their cages). I asked her what she was so afraid of (because Fluffy was only 50g at the time). She said she was worried that the "python" would get to be like 20 ft long and would be dangerous to my cat and to her. Once I told her that this particular species gets about the same length (if not shorter) than my cornsnakes, she eventually got to a point where she would be around my ball pythons. Now, many, many months later, she will come home from work and pull out my big normal girl (though she sad that she can't do that anymore because the snake is gravid) and hold her. She'll even pull out Fluffy who's about 850g and watch TV with her.

It takes time to get over these fears. As long as know the root cause and allow him to work through his fear on his own timescale, I'm sure he'll be able to conquer this fear.

I'm sure every person with a fear of snakes is different but within my circle of people I've noticed that just having them in the house eventually leads to curiousity. After a while the stigma wears off and people begin to realize that they have an irrational fear. This isn't to say that they "enjoy" the animals but they definetely do tolerate them and are no longer freaked out when one is in the room. I don't push people to hold or interact with my animals mostly because I don't push myself to interact with them. I leave them be and prefer them to be as stress free as possible. But I guess by not pushing people they dont feel pressured, so curiousity wins over.

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Originally Posted by Mike41793

This whole post belongs in the out of context thread lmfao

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Just burst out laughing in the college library, re-reading this out of context :rofl:

Baby steps! If he is afraid to even look at a snake, maybe have him look at pictures on the internet first.

Then move on to looking at the actual thing from across the room, then close up, then maybe touch it.

You get the idea :) The people I have come across that don't really like snakes are either willing to get over their fear or they aren't. If they aren't... well, not much I can do. The ones that are willing usually get used to them pretty quickly! I've had people come into my house that are fearful, and within a few hours they are holding snakes :) :)

I have a couple people at my office who are still petrified of snakes... maybe one day they will want to overcome that fear. It must be a burden being afraid of the coolest animals on the planet!!

I will say, growing up in Texas where you are taught to avoid or kill snakes (sheesh!), it took me a long time to get over that. I think it's reptiles, in general, that are misunderstood. Once we got our beardie, we all opened our minds to reptiles. The natural progression was moving to other reptiles, snakes included. We try to educate everyone who comes in the door. We have converted quite a few adults and kids into reptile tolerators, if not reptile lovers.
I think what everyone has said is great advice! It takes time. I think one of the more important things you can do is to talk about the personality of the snakes. I think non-reptile people don't think about that aspect a lot. I also think a slow snake is best to start with. People kind of weird out about our corn because she moves quickly. Our bp is ideal for people that are more skiddish. She just sits there! Very easy!
Good luck!

I honestly don't think size matters all that much when first introducing snakes to someone who's timid around them (Don't take out of context lol!). I think it's a personality/cuteness factor combo :) My mother in law is scared of snakes, yet very intrigued by them. Funny, considering her mom had a monster boa when growing up. She was scared by my 600 gram ball, and still is kind of nervous when she first takes him out, but he's such a sweetheart that anyone who holds him can't help warming up. Now she won't go anywhere near my itty bitty het pied girl. She needs some work, definitely gives off some 'bitey' vibes haha. That's one feisty snake! Mother in law can't get enough of our hoggies, they have the magic touch with anyone who's terrified of snakes. No on can be scared of those adorable, upturned little noses lol.

Figured I'd toss this in as well. See, snakes don't eat babies!! (Photo cred to my mother in law)
http://img.tapatalk.com/d/13/06/22/agenu3e2.jpg

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Honestly, the people that I've dealt with that are scared of snakes are usually more scared of my small ones than my big one

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I agree with this! I think the smaller ones can be scarier as they move faster, and make people think of snakes they've seen in the wild that maybe they were frightened by (or tortured with as a child! :)) or assume are venomous. I think your BP would be a perfect size to start with.

First off I'd find out his comfort level and start by every so slightly pushing it. If he's fine with them 10 feet away in a cage, have him sit 9 feet away until he's ok with that, and just gradually work up to things. It's awesome that he wants to get over his fear; that's the hardest part of all!

Once he's ok with the idea of touching the snake, have him pet somewhere in the middle. I don't recommend letting fearful people pet the tail because as you probably know, snakes often jerk their tail away when it's touched, and that can be scary to some. Once he graduates to holding, do it on the floor or couch so you don't need to worry about falling.

And just remember, he may never turn into the person who cuddles and feeds them, but as long as he can live with them and you, that's really all you need. My ex-boyfriend was afraid of snakes when I first met him, but after watching me and my comfort level with them, he eventually got to where he would hold them briefly for me if I needed to clean a cage, but that was it. He had no desire to do more than that, and that was ok with me. :)

Considering the size of yours and that you already have a 'few', have you considered investing in a new baby ball that he would be able to help raise? This would give him a chance to understand more about them and he wouldn't be so intimidated handling a 14" baby as apposed to a 5ft potentially temperamental one?

I used to have quite the fear of ball pythons and pythons in general due to the fact that someone threw one on me and it began to constrict around my neck. Until I used to have quite the fear of them up until recently when I met the most beautiful woman in the world:blowkiss::blowkiss:I still however is still a little bit afraid of burmese pythons. Used to love them until that incident, but I was still fascinated by them even when I was scared

I think your boyfriend wanting to work through it is the key. It took me 5 years to get my wife to consider having a snake in our home. I have wanted my own ball from the moment my brother got his when he moved out. The closest I got in the reptile world with my mom was an iguana I had when I was younger. My mom worked through her fears enough to hold Sally from time to time.

My wife had dated a guy once that had a snake (she doesn't know what it was, she only remembers it was big) that apparently didn't like females. Said snake once escaped and got into the ceiling and she's been freaked ever since.

Over the years I would bring up that I wanted one and finally got the answer I've been waiting for and spared no time in getting Orchid. The one condition I was given was that if she ever gets out she's gone. Perfect! Hence why they make locking lids!

I came home with Orchid and the wife cringed at the sight of the critter box she was in. After unloading the car I happily started setting up her new home. Half way through my wife came in and watched, she screamed when she saw Orchid start moving around. I just reassured her that she would never have to interact with her if she didn't want to and showed her how secure the lid was.

By the end of the first night I found my wife sitting in the room watching her and commenting on how pretty her markings were. A great sign! After a few days I picked Orchid up and my wife petted her a few times. Our cattle dogs reaction to Orchid helped too as he really loves the snake. He lays on the bed in the room and falls asleep watching over her and wants to lay next to me whenever I handle her. He constantly wants to lick her and rolls over and submits to her every time he sees her. My wife would pet her whenever I picked her up but still cringed a bit.

To my surprise after having Orchid for a whopping 10 days I got a text at work from my wife that she picked Orchid up to show the nieces. Something I never thought would happen! Now when my mom calls and harasses me about Orchid, that she's going to kill us in our sleep or one of the dogs, even my wife defends her and tells my mom there is nothing to freak out about.

If the will is there it'll happen. Just go at whatever pace he is comfortable with and it will all work out.

I didn't realize that I was afraid of snakes until I got my spider as a baby. I thought he was gorgeous, but I was terrified of him. I shook so hard when I held him and jumped so much when he moved his head at all that I was afraid I'd drop him. So I put his tank in my bedroom where I could see him (and also where it was quietest) and just watched him for a few weeks. I was fine with feeding him, but had my boyfriend hold him when I needed to clean the tank and I'd sit and watch him and pet him with my boyfriend holding him, but he'd try to push me to hold him or would put his head near me and that freaked me out. Then my bf went in the hospital for a few weeks and I had to reach in to clean the tank, so I put on long sleeves and gloves (yeah, I was terrified!) and transferred him to a holding tub and when he was chill for that, I held him for a few minutes and then put him back. I couldn't get okay with reaching in the tank without long sleeves and gloves, though. Then my roommate at the time started handling him and she would sit next to me with him and let me pet him. She always held his head away from me and I got to where I could hold him while she kept his head and eventually I started carrying him in my hoodie pouch for a few minutes occasionally while I did housework. After several months, I was able to hold and handle him without a problem and started getting more. My spotnose female had an attitude when I got her and struck at anything that moved...except me, for some reason, so I was actually the only one who'd handle her. I also rescued one with some neurological issues and have now assist-fed, removed stuck shed, everything needed to take care of them. The only thing I still can't do is let him sit around my neck, but I'm working up to it just to get past that last bit of fear. Having that patience from my roommate helped a LOT. Knowing that I didn't have to move any faster than I wanted to was really comforting, knowing that he couldn't bite me helped me get used to him being near, and the fact that he's just THE chillest snake ever helped a lot, too. One time my bf forgot to wash his hands after handling rats and got him out and he didn't even seem to notice...and this guy's a PIG! My 9 year old handles him now and whenever anyone comes over who's nervous but wants to interact, he's my snake ambassador. Oh, and I don't use gloves anymore, lol.
My baby and me (long sleeves b/c it was cold, not because of fear):
http://sphotos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/hphoto...08806491_n.jpg

Edited to add: Just for the record, my bf did get more careful about making sure to wash his hands after that, just in case. Especially since if he made that mistake with the spotnose or the baby, he'd be virtually guaranteed to get tagged and we both know that just because he got away with it with this particular snake once doesn't mean he'd get away with it again.

I can't top the advice given here but I'd like to share.. my fiancee was apparently afraid of snakes when we started dating. I say apparently because I forget some people out there are in fact afraid of snakes, and I kind of sort of maybe through my 5 foot adult female on him the second week of us dating.
He took it like a champ (reportedly because I sat in.his lap and cooked him dinner) and I had no idea he was afraid until months later ... LOL. but now he's fine if they don't bite .

I don't suggest that method though.. results may vary :P

All good advise! I agree that the hardest part is willingness to get over fear. I have several family members who have sworn they will never enter my house again. Even more fascinating are these ladies I work with. I am the new guy at work (been there 6 mo) and there is one other snake owner in the office but she is not as enthusiastic of a herper as me. Most of them are indifferent about snakes but there are two in particular who are TERRIFIED. One even admits she lifts her feet off the floor when she hears me talking about them. The interesting part is they are the two who ask the most questions and have taken the most interest in my hobby. Even though they might "get a chill" when I tell them something (like assist feeding stories) they still ask more questions and they are the two that are most faithful with bringing their old newspapers for me. I educate them as best I can and one has now expressed an interest in conquering her fear and was bragging to me how she was determined to be less afraid of snakes than her husband and son. All of the advise above will certainly help me as well thanks everyone!