Better Ignore Feature?

This year I had the pleasure of deciding to use the ignore feature, and have unfortunately found it somewhat lacking.

I was wondering if it could be made into more of a "real" ignore feature, where you can't see the person you are ignoring, and they can't see your posts or your threads either.

The way things work now, it's more just a test of willpower to see how long you can resist clicking the link to see the post they have made. I'd rather just have an "out of sight out of mind" feature like in most other websites that I use. The way things are now really draws attention to the ignored posts, makes them stick out like a sore thumb.

Would it be possible to fix this? Or am I just using it incorrectly? :confusd:

Hi,

There is no way to stop anyone seeing that you have posted on a public board - we do not require people to log in to read anything on here aside from the QT room. :)

I'm afraid you are just going to have to exercise the willpower to resist clicking "view post"

If it helps please remember us poor fools who are not allowed to use the ignore feature at all. :tears:


dr del

Poor Derek! haha

Yeah... I usually end up clicking the show post button. I wish I never even saw the posts.

There is no way to make them just not show up at all? Its cool if they comment on threads I am in, but I just don't want to even know they commented.

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Originally Posted by dr del

Hi,

There is no way to stop anyone seeing that you have posted on a public board - we do not require people to log in to read anything on here aside from the QT room. :)

I'm afraid you are just going to have to exercise the willpower to resist clicking "view post"

If it helps please remember us poor fools who are not allowed to use the ignore feature at all. :tears:


dr del

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Oh, I understand that. I mean when I am logged in, I would like to be able not to see the people I have ignored, and when they are logged in, to not be able to see my posts.

That is how it seems to work on most sites. I am a moderator on a different site, and I am not allowed to use the ignore feature there either, but being a moderator also comes with a different mindset than being a helpless user.

He already said they can't do it..

I never realized this was such an issue.
I suppose it makes sense though. I wouldn't want to see an 'ignored' person's post or reply.

Luckily, I haven't had the pleasure of "ignoring" someone yet.

I don't think that would work. You'd be reading a thread and it'd look like people were talking to themselves and quoting nothing lol.

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Originally Posted by Mike41793

I don't think that would work. You'd be reading a thread and it'd look like people were talking to themselves and quoting nothing lol.

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This is true as well.
Good point.

Why should that matter? As it stands...I'm pretty sure I can read posts by people who I have ignored through quotes from other users.

No thanks.

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Tapatalk 2

Yeah I thought the ignore feature would just block me from seeing all of the persons posts, but I still see when they post.. and if their posts are quoted, I can see that no problem.

Seems like the ignore feature is more like a spoiler feature.

Just because you choose to ignore a person doesn't mean that they've chosen to ignore you. This is a public forum and if you're making posts, you don't get to pick and choose who gets to see them or reply to them. You have the option of NOT clicking on the link that will show you an ignored person's post. If you want to say something and don't want another person to see, take it to PM rather than putting it out there in an open discussion format. EDIT: Thinking about it, this is a Facebook type mentality. I don't like this person or that person, so I'm going to defriend them and that should make it so they can't even see what I post... That's not how forums work.

I can see how it could be frustrating to see a person you've chosen to ignore being quoted, but you also have the choice when you see the post and see that user has been quoted, to scroll down without reading.

I guess I just don't get why people are so upset about seeing that someone else posted on the forum...

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Originally Posted by Bobbafett

He already said they can't do it..

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It can be done. My husband is a web programmer. It's a matter of whether they choose to do it or not.

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Originally Posted by Mike41793

I don't think that would work. You'd be reading a thread and it'd look like people were talking to themselves and quoting nothing lol.

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That's not really an issue on other sites. People generally aren't THAT easily confused.

Well said. Just because one user doesn't like member X, doesn't mean that member X doesn't exist on the forum. They have every right to see all of the postings and stuff on the site, just like every other member in good standing here.

If Member X does so much bad stuff that they should no longer have that right, they'd have been issued warning points and real points and be banned by staff. So unless staff decides that member X is not welcome here, they get to be a site user, just like all the rest of us. You can't block out your posts just because you don't like them. I don't actually know of any forums that do that, actually, although I'm not a member of tons of sites.

To clarify,

I did look to see if there was a plugin which did this but the only one I could find has not been maintained and stopped working a few iterations of vbulletin ago.

It also did nothing to prevent the quoted posts showing up in the first place.

Sorry but I don't see this being possible any time soon.


dr del

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Originally Posted by Inknsteel

Just because you choose to ignore a person doesn't mean that they've chosen to ignore you. This is a public forum and if you're making posts, you don't get to pick and choose who gets to see them or reply to them. You have the option of NOT clicking on the link that will show you an ignored person's post. If you want to say something and don't want another person to see, take it to PM rather than putting it out there in an open discussion format. EDIT: Thinking about it, this is a Facebook type mentality. I don't like this person or that person, so I'm going to defriend them and that should make it so they can't even see what I post... That's not how forums work.

I can see how it could be frustrating to see a person you've chosen to ignore being quoted, but you also have the choice when you see the post and see that user has been quoted, to scroll down without reading.

I guess I just don't get why people are so upset about seeing that someone else posted on the forum...

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When you have been harassed by an individual or a group of individuals, it might be more clear to you why a person would want this feature. I want to be able to use and enjoy the site without worrying about being harassed by people who can see my posts and stalk me that way. People who choose to view my posts so that they can criticize or harass me.

Just because that's not how THIS forum works doesn't mean that's not how forums work in general. I have been using forums for over a decade now, and this one is very unique in how the ignore feature is carried out. Facebook is a very recent example, but there are many, many other forums that work in the way I'm asking for here.

If you offend someone to the point of them wanting to ignore you, why should it matter if you can see their posts or not? I've never been bothered when somebody ignores me and I can't see their posts.

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Originally Posted by meowmeowkazoo

It can be done. My husband is a web programmer. It's a matter of whether they choose to do it or not.

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Yes I could try and restrict the "view post" template to staff only - that however still leaves the glaring problem of what happens if you click the "unread posts" button and it happened to be one that was made by someone on your ignore list as your account would not have permission to use it. It also doesn't work on the quote option.

I'm not risking messing up the database and generating repeated avoidable error reports just because a very few members have trouble with self control. :rofl:

Have your husband work on it and have it tested on vbulletin.org with different versions and get back to us if you like. :)


dr del

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Originally Posted by meowmeowkazoo

When you have been harassed by an individual or a group of individuals, it might be more clear to you why a person would want this feature. I want to be able to use and enjoy the site without worrying about being harassed by people who can see my posts and stalk me that way. People who choose to view my posts so that they can criticize or harass me.

Just because that's not how THIS forum works doesn't mean that's not how forums work in general. I have been using forums for over a decade now, and this one is very unique in how the ignore feature is carried out. Facebook is a very recent example, but there are many, many other forums that work in the way I'm asking for here.

If you offend someone to the point of them wanting to ignore you, why should it matter if you can see their posts or not? I've never been bothered when somebody ignores me and I can't see their posts.

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Oh really?? I've been harassed to the point of involving federal authorities. I'm simply astounded at the idea that you've got a WHOLE decade on the internet using forums. Really. Honestly, cause you know, that's a really long time and obviously, the fact that I'm really old and remember when computers were the size of rooms and used punch cards shouldn't come into the argument... but there you go.

The fact is that you have NO right to not be offended. I don't know where the idea started, but it's false. If you don't like that a site includes a person you don't like, then you get to leave that site behind you. Oh? What's that? Do I hear a "You wouldn't say that if it were YOU!" comment? Cause I have, and did. I left a site that I had belonged to for a DECADE and that I was a site admin on! All because of one single harasser that the site owner would not ban, because he never broke the site rules, all his harassment was outside of the public site.

It's a public forum and if you post something on here, it is viewable by everyone who visits. To hide your public posts from someone who has not been banned from viewing the site would be unfair.

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Originally Posted by meowmeowkazoo

When you have been harassed by an individual or a group of individuals, it might be more clear to you why a person would want this feature. I want to be able to use and enjoy the site without worrying about being harassed by people who can see my posts and stalk me that way. People who choose to view my posts so that they can criticize or harass me.

Just because that's not how THIS forum works doesn't mean that's not how forums work in general. I have been using forums for over a decade now, and this one is very unique in how the ignore feature is carried out. Facebook is a very recent example, but there are many, many other forums that work in the way I'm asking for here.

If you offend someone to the point of them wanting to ignore you, why should it matter if you can see their posts or not? I've never been bothered when somebody ignores me and I can't see their posts.

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If you are being harassed, then take it up with the staff and report the incident(s).
If there is any foul play, the mods will address it accordingly.

And no offense, but you might just have to buck up and grow a thicker hide.....

A certain resident German with the name that starts with a K and ends with an N is a prime example of someone who I cannot stand. Some of the stuff he says makes me want to gouge my eyes out. I have yet to ignore him. I'm sure many of the people here have seen us butt heads on multiple occasions. Yes, a lot of the bull that comes out of his mouth bothers me, but I do not take it personally.

I suggest you just not take it so personally. This is the internet. A public forum in fact. These people don't know you and you don't know them. You probably will never ever meet them in person anyway. And have you ever thought that they're trying to antagonize you on purpose? Just don't take it personally. Done and Done.

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Originally Posted by meowmeowkazoo

If you offend someone to the point of them wanting to ignore you, why should it matter if you can see their posts or not? I've never been bothered when somebody ignores me and I can't see their posts.

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What happens when you post a care guide, DIY guide, or have any post with good information? Should they, because they offended you somehow, now be without that information?

Personally I think the ignore feature is completely unnecessary. I refuse to let anyone on the internet alter my feelings to the point of feeling "harassed". I'm sorry someone or some people have affected you so much that you feel that "I never even want to know they exist".

If they are truly harassing you, that is against tos and should be reported. If you just don't like that they criticize you, well...I'm sorry hun, but get over it. Nothing anywhere says you have to read or reply to them, or that you have to click "show post".

There is no "ignore" feature in real life. Learn to deal with people who irritate you, or learn to let it roll off your back. Don't let people, in real life or online, who have no value in your life, ruffle your feathers so much. By letting them have so much power over you, you are giving them value, where non is required.

Just my 2¢ and hopefully you understand I am not trying to attack you. Just a different perspective is all.

I think all of you guys are fixating on one part of this question: Can I put users on an ignore list, and they not be able to see my posts or threads?

But there is a second part of this that I believe would also be really effective and is not at all unreasonable!: Can I put users on an ignore list, and not expect to see their posts or threads pop up, or see their posts in quoted text?

because right now, I can still see them post. All I have to do is click "Show this post anyway" and it pops right up! This is treating the post as a spoiler. When I see that message, my eye is instantly drawn to it because I don't see it very often. I usually click on it. Sometimes I am disappointed that I did, other times it doesn't really matter. If it was a user voluntarily limiting the posts that they see, I don't see how that affects anyone else negatively. It would only affect the person who CHOOSES to ignore posts from certain users.

That is not unreasonable at all.

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Originally Posted by wolfy-hound

Oh really?? I've been harassed to the point of involving federal authorities. I'm simply astounded at the idea that you've got a WHOLE decade on the internet using forums. Really. Honestly, cause you know, that's a really long time and obviously, the fact that I'm really old and remember when computers were the size of rooms and used punch cards shouldn't come into the argument... but there you go.

The fact is that you have NO right to not be offended. I don't know where the idea started, but it's false. If you don't like that a site includes a person you don't like, then you get to leave that site behind you. Oh? What's that? Do I hear a "You wouldn't say that if it were YOU!" comment? Cause I have, and did. I left a site that I had belonged to for a DECADE and that I was a site admin on! All because of one single harasser that the site owner would not ban, because he never broke the site rules, all his harassment was outside of the public site.

It's a public forum and if you post something on here, it is viewable by everyone who visits. To hide your public posts from someone who has not been banned from viewing the site would be unfair.

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What the hell? Why on earth are you attacking me like this?

I'm sorry you had a negative experience that was SO much worse than mine, but that doesn't invalidate how I feel or justify you jumping down my throat like that.

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Originally Posted by Kaorte

I think all of you guys are fixating on one part of this question: Can I put users on an ignore list, and they not be able to see my posts or threads?

But there is a second part of this that I believe would also be really effective and is not at all unreasonable!: Can I put users on an ignore list, and not expect to see their posts or threads pop up, or see their posts in quoted text?

because right now, I can still see them post. All I have to do is click "Show this post anyway" and it pops right up! This is treating the post as a spoiler. When I see that message, my eye is instantly drawn to it because I don't see it very often. I usually click on it. Sometimes I am disappointed that I did, other times it doesn't really matter. If it was a user voluntarily limiting the posts that they see, I don't see how that affects anyone else negatively. It would only affect the person who CHOOSES to ignore posts from certain users.

That is not unreasonable at all.

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And dr del already addressed this, and gave her the information to have her husband work on a way if she likes. IMO, that concluded that part of her query. Hence the only thing left was letting the ignored see her posts.

So then complete conformity to uniformity is the goal?

If you're so bugged by seeing that someone has posted and you are so bugged by that someone seeing that you've posted, that you're this stressed out, I'm not so sure the internet is a place you should be. No throat jumping, just the facts.

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Originally Posted by RoseyReps

And dr del already addressed this, and gave her the information to have her husband work on a way if she likes. IMO, that concluded that part of her query. Hence the only thing left was letting the ignored see her posts.

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Okay.. I just don't get why everyone needs to dig in rather than brainstorm alternatives. Everyone is being really mean!!

I also agree...what wolfy said was really really harsh and uncalled for.

In the same way that Meowmeow should just try to ignore posts from users who bother her, you guys shouldn't feed the flames by promoting a debate where the goal is to make her take back how she feels and a legitimate concern/question.

Remember that whole think before you post thing? I'd say that you all didn't HAVE to say what you did.. YOU could have just ignored it.

Derek was very helpful and respectful of her concerns. It is not unreasonable to pitch ideas to the admins and mods. It is not the duty of all of the forum members to attack another members opinion of how things should be run.

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Originally Posted by dr del

Yes I could try and restrict the "view post" template to staff only - that however still leaves the glaring problem of what happens if you click the "unread posts" button and it happened to be one that was made by someone on your ignore list as your account would not have permission to use it. It also doesn't work on the quote option.

I'm not risking messing up the database and generating repeated avoidable error reports just because a very few members have trouble with self control. :rofl:

Have your husband work on it and have it tested on vbulletin.org with different versions and get back to us if you like. :)


dr del

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Unfortunately my husband doesn't support my reptile hobby, and isn't interested in spending time on something like this. It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth that the one site I've ever wanted an ignore feature on doesn't have one, but I guess that's the way it will have to be.

Thank you for taking the time to address my query.

Sounds like the husband could use a tune up. Isn't part of being married usually support of each other even when you don't want to?

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Originally Posted by wilomn

So then complete conformity to uniformity is the goal?

If you're so bugged by seeing that someone has posted and you are so bugged by that someone seeing that you've posted, that you're this stressed out, I'm not so sure the internet is a place you should be. No throat jumping, just the facts.

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There is a lot of tension between users on the forum. You most of all should be aware of this. Is it so much to ask that users be able to choose to walk away from certain disputes in their entirety in order to get a more positive experience from the forum?

Dear everyone:
Telling someone to just "get over" someone bullying someone else is kinda harsh, don't you think? Saying "oh its just the internet" isn't that easy for everyone. Have you guys even heard of cyber bullying?

If I were being bullied by someone, or being spoken to in the way that many of you are speaking to her, I would most definitely utilize the ability to just ignore that person fully on the forum. Being a public forum, this is the only option to really avoid conflict without affecting any other members. It is hard to turn a blind eye, but a simple computer program can do this and it causes no harm to any other member of the forum.

However, I think its unreasonable to ask that your posts and threads be screened based on people YOU might have on a list. That isn't fair. People might be annoying, but they still deserve to share in your knowledge and contributions, even if it is one sided.

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Originally Posted by wilomn

Sounds like the husband could use a tune up. Isn't part of being married usually support of each other even when you don't want to?

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Supportive marriage is generally easier said than done. In the past I have used websites like this one to find the support I need, but even that hasn't been working out so well lately.

Maybe in the end I am meant to move past this part of my life and find new hobbies that I enjoy. Who knows. :confusd:

So let me get this straight steffe...if I don't agree with something that someone is suggesting, I should just not say anything? How are the admins to know that everyone doesn't agree or disagree if we don't pipe up?

Being really really mean? Come on. We're all adults, well the majority anyways. If you post a proposed change to a website that would affect everyone (yes, the ignore not being able to see what you post, not the other half) she/you/we should expect some debate.

I thought wolfys remark was direct and a bit hard, but I've come to expect that from her. It's not a bad thing to not sugar coat everything. Especially if she feels strongly about it. I didnt see it as overly harsh, or an attack by any means. Maybe thats just me. *shrug*

As for you sarah, I'm sorry to hear that hubby won't give a hand. That sucks big time.

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Originally Posted by meowmeowkazoo

Maybe in the end I am meant to move past this part of my life and find new hobbies that I enjoy. Who knows. :confusd:

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Only you.

For those that wish they didn't see the notice that an "ignored" post has been made...there are also those that are glad they have the option to read it if they choose to. Who's to say which person's wishes take precedence over the others?

I've dug around in the site controls, and have found no simple way to turn that feature on or off. I'm sure it's in there somewhere, but it's not anyplace obvious. Frankly, it's not worth the time and effort it would take to fulfill one person's wish and take away someone else's useful tool.

To set the site up so that someone on your Ignore List can't even see what you write, would take a great deal of customized programming that we would have to pay for. That's not going to happen.

I'm very sorry that there may be a few individuals who can't/won't/don't get along with someone else, to the point that they feel the need to go to such extremes to pretend that person doesn't exist. I wish it were within my power to make all 30,000 of our members get along and be kind to each other. I really do. But let's face it folks....life is life, and it's not always fun and pretty. We do everything humanly possible to keep BP.net user-friendly as well as fair. We can't kick someone off the site just because they don't get along with someone else.

That being said, if ANYone feels they are being harassed in any manner that is against the rules of this site, PLEASE contact us and let us know. We DO care. If you have private messages, save them so you can show us. If there are specific posts made, those can be reported with the click of a button...or send us a link in a private message. We can't and won't take action for merely "not getting along"...but if we believe someone is intentionally maliciously harassing another member, we WILL do something about it.

Maybe it's being raised differently then. Yea, I do say get over it to people who complain about what other people think or say. I tell my girls to man up, and not worry about who said what, worry about what makes them happy. If that means they're wearing dinosaurs instead of princesses, they have my permission to tell the snotty brats picking on them to kiss their grits.

People being raised to believe that everything should be sugar ccoated with rainbows and butterflies is the cyber bully epidemic. There are jerks in the world and online. There are people who get their jollies by picking fights and making others feel bad. It sucks. Get. Over. It. It's life, and to tell anyone any different isn't going to do any good.

I'm generally a nice person, but the whole "coddling" thing really grinds my gears.

Give them all a trophy, so no one feels bad! Bleh.

/end rant

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Originally Posted by Kaorte

Telling someone to just "get over" someone bullying someone else is kinda harsh, don't you think? Saying "oh its just the internet" isn't that easy for everyone. Have you guys even heard of cyber bullying?

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I guess my question would be, is it really bullying or over sensitivity?
I personally haven't seen anything that merits the title 'bullying'. Yet.
Don't beat around the bush without fluff posts, yes. Bullying, no.
But I suppose that's up to the mods to decide. Like I said, report the incident(s).

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Originally Posted by RoseyReps

Maybe it's being raised differently then. Yea, I do say get over it to people who complain about what other people think or say. I tell my girls to man up, and not worry about who said what, worry about what makes them happy. If that means they're wearing dinosaurs instead of princesses, they have my permission to tell the snotty brats picking on them to kiss their grits.

People being raised to believe that everything should be sugar ccoated with rainbows and butterflies is the cyber bully epidemic. There are jerks in the world and online. There are people who get their jollies by picking fights and making others feel bad. It sucks. Get. Over. It. It's life, and to tell anyone any different isn't going to do any good.

I'm generally a nice person, but the whole "coddling" thing really grinds my gears.

Give them all a trophy, so no one feels bad! Bleh.

/end rant

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I'm the same way and agree completely.:gj:

My point is, this is a family friendly forum. No one here should expect to be talked to in this way. No one should have to have their sensitivity judged and put down by people on the internet. This should be a safe place for everyone and I feel that for some members, it is not. And that isn't fair. Now, since they are not technically breaking any rules, it would nice to just walk away from any confrontation by not seeing the posts. To not be tempted to click on that thread .

I understand needing the whole member approval for a site modification, but if it was just an option to Hide or completely ignore, not really a big deal right?

I understand that this is not something that will happen with a click of a button and *Magic* it just works. That is okay with me, but I feel bad for other members who feel they must abandon this WONDERFUL and AMAZING site just because of a few sour grapes :/

I know it has happened in the past, and I see the cliques on the forum. I try not to take any sides and see everyones opinion objectively. I give everyone the respect they deserve, even those who I see mildly break the TOS. Even people who I don't really get along with. I still give them my help when they ask for it, and try and ignore things when they bother me. I can't ask everyone to have such tough skin.


And NO! Not everyone on here is an ADULT. There are children on here and they DO read your posts. Don't make it seem like this harshness is just part of life on the forum... you don't have to be that way :(

Huh. For a minute I thought this site was publicly available and free to use, how foolish of me.

The only obligation the admins have to us is to enforce the ToS and even then, it's their ToS so they can do as they please.


Is the morale of the user base is certainly in their interest, no users means the bills don't get paid (That and I do believe they genuinely care about us). If there were a large number of users requesting a different ignore system then it would probably be in their best interest to do something about it. You asked and they looked into it for you. It sounds like it would be a fair deal of work and may not even be possible the way you want it.

If you get this touchy over the internet then maybe the internet isn't for you. The admins aren't part of your marriage and I don't see why they should be.

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Originally Posted by Kaorte

And NO! Not everyone on here is an ADULT. There are children on here and they DO read your posts. Don't make it seem like this harshness is just part of life on the forum... you don't have to be that way :(

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Harshness is part of life, not everyone is going to get along with everyone else. It would be great if everyone just magically got along but I don't see any value in pretending for the children that that is how the world works. This thread is a great example of that. You should be able to (and can!) speak your mind within the ToS without worrying that someone might find out that the world isn't all rainbows and unicorns.

Meowmeow and I went at it in other threads before lol. It doesn't mean I'm gunna ignore her on here. What if she posts something that could help me or what if she makes a post where i could help her? We can dislike each other on a personal level but that doesn't mean we can't still help one another when it comes to snakes. Shes not nearly as bad as some of the people who come on here as obvious trolls. I think people hold harsh grudges too much. If you get in an argument in the off topic cafe or something, it shouldn't transfer over into any herp threads. I dislike a lot of people, i still help them if they need it though. After all, were all really here for the same reason. :p

Mike would be ignored by everyone if we could.

Sent from my Droid RAZR M using Tapatalk 2

In forum like in real life you can’t make people get along, there are many different personalities from people that are very blunt (I am one of them) to people who sugar coat or need to have everything sugarcoated, and of course when personalities like those meet and disagree it can turn ugly.

And again like in real life if someone says something that you do not like or don't agree with you have two choices.

You can either give in and answer back or ignore and move on, this does not require a complex web programming just the ability to make that decision and see if answering back is really all that worth it.

Wow. Where to start... First of all, yes, this is the internet. There are all kinds of people here, and no, not everyone is going to get along. You couldn't even begin to expect that. I haven't seen any harassment, or stalking. That's what the mods are for, and they do a darn good job. Disagreements, criticism, yeah. Deal with it, its part of life, internet or real life. People are going to disagree. There are people here that most of their posts irritate me. And I hate when people whine, but guess what? As soon as I click out of that thread, poof, its gone. I can't imagine (like Rosey said) letting some nobody on the internet make me that crazy that I had to pretend they didn't exist. I can't imagine using the ignore feature. Really, its not that bad. I'm on the same boat of teaching my daughter to not give a hoot what somebody says, and to be strong and self confident, and have her own opinions. And you know what? Nobody ever drags her down. Why do you care what people you don't know, will never know, think?? Blow it off and move on... I do think all the molly coddling and sheltering, doesn't help anybody. Then when a situation presents itself, they don't know how to handle it. And I'm sorry Steffe, but I don't see "cyber bullies" here, just difference of opinions. And everybody has their own way of expressing theirs. As far as the original concern, I don't think the mods need to change things just to cater to one person.

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Originally Posted by toyota89

Mike would be ignored by everyone if we could.

Sent from my Droid RAZR M using Tapatalk 2

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Everyone can ignore me if they want to haha.

Aww you know we like you to much to ignore you. Wink wink

Sent from my Droid RAZR M using Tapatalk 2

Being married to a woman who is getting a masters in special education and focusing on bullying for her thesis, let me express that bullying is any tactic that puts down a person in your own interests.

Sent from my SAMSUNG Galaxy SIII using Tapatalk 2

I bully people A LOT then haha. I bully myself for peoples own amusement too though, so i feel like it all evens itself out.

Haha, I think it's over sensitive personally. I feel physical actions are bullying. On the Internet, you can just turn it off and walk away

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Originally Posted by RoseyReps

Being really really mean? Come on. We're all adults, well the majority anyways.

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Originally Posted by Kaorte

And NO! Not everyone on here is an ADULT. There are children on here and they DO read your posts. Don't make it seem like this harshness is just part of life on the forum... you don't have to be that way :(

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The majority of people on this forum ARE adults. Do we have a percentage of members that are under 18? Yes. Do we have members that are under 15? A few. Do we have members under 10? Doubtful.

IMO there is no reason whatsoever to pretend that everyone is happy and never disagree or talk aabout how life really is. That, in all of it's sugary goodness, is the problem with the generations up and coming.

Kids over ten and even some below, have more than likely already figured out there are jerks in life, class, or on the internet.

Think of the children!! How about all the threads that have general sexual innuendo in them? Or talks of violence/violent happenings around the world? What about those threads and comments? Are these bp.net children too young to learn that life is full of jerks, and they shouldn't worry about it and let it roll, but not too young to know about bombings/shootings/general craptastic issues around thr world?

I know you're a good person Steffe, and I understand why it bothers you and you're trying to protect those who perhaps cannot take the heat of debate/truth/whatever the hell this is. But protecting them does little good. I tried to protect many people, but realized they will never get that tough skin if they continue to be "protected".

I'm not saying Sarah needs to be protected, I was just noting that I recognized what you are trying to do.

Definitely not "being mean" to either of you. I very much enjoy having you both as friends both here and on FB. That doesn't mean however, that we will always agree on everything 100%. I hope the both of you can see that and understand.

I can see both sides to this argument. And yes, it is an argument.

I think Meow has a point. I have belonged to a forum or two where someone put on your ignore list just vanished from your sight. Of course, they could still see what you were saying, but anything they posted you did not see, nor could they PM you. The problem of course is people quoting the person you are trying to ignore. So if that bugs you a lot, just skip over those posts. It's what I did when I ignored the person who felt the need to stuff his opinions down my throat about my babies. Sure it takes effort on your part. And sometimes skipping over what was said is a lot easier said than done. You just have to adapt as best you can.

Fortunately for me, once I stopped rising to his bait, he pretty much crawled back under his rock and left me alone. Of course, sometimes that bait can be mighty tempting, and not rising to take it takes a lot of effort. But one thing I have found to hold true over many long years of dealing with bullies. Once you aren't fun to pick on anymore, they tend to find someone else to annoy. I could quote you every dumb line in the book. The old, be a better person, just ignore it, it only works if you respond, etc. etc. etc. But the fact remains, not everyone is cut out to deal with those people that way. It took me a long time to get to the point where I could, and the last thing I needed was people telling me what I already knew. I know it takes two to tango, so to speak, but darn it sometimes that beat just gets your feet moving before your brain can stop them. Over time I learned to turn up the volume on my own music, so the beat that they were playing was harder to hear.

Meow, I know how you feel, I really do. I know you already know everything people have been telling you about getting tougher, life isn't fair, this is the internet, blah, blah, blah blah. I just thought maybe you would like to hear someone say, I know how you feel. And I know how tough it can be, believe me I know. And I am going to ask you to do something even tougher. Don't let this person or people spoil this place for you. Don't let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch. Just throw the moldy one away and make cobbler with the rest. A little bit of spice, a little bit of butter, and a healthy dose of sugar are all you need to have something really special. Remember that sweetie.

Gale

That little bit of good, in my opinion, is worth it.

There is so much ugliness in this world. I don't to want to share this ugliness with people who share my passion if I can help it. If that means standing up for people who are getting ganged up on, so be it. Everyone deserves a voice. Everyone deserves to be heard with out judgements.

Disagreements are one thing, but when multiple people just tell someone to "get over it", that is not helpful. If they could have gotten over it, they would have already.

No hard feelings to anyone. Seriously. I don't hold grudges. If you've rubbed me the wrong way, its cool. I don't hold onto it and I don't hold past mistakes against anyone. We all make mistakes and we all have different opinions and experiences. It is what makes us unique and valuable!

I just wish people would be more kind to one another. It is only the internet, but sometimes it is easier to be hurtful since you don't see people face to face. Sometimes you don't realize what you said could be hurtful. You can never judge how someone else is feeling based on text posts alone. It just isn't possible!

I try to avoid negatively as much as possible. Sure sometimes I get angry, but who doesn't. We are all very passionate and opinionated people.

Treat people the way you'd like to be treated.
If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything.

These are simple things they tell children, but I feel like some adults need to hear it too from time to time ;)

Just because one user would like a more functional ignore button does not mean they need to be ganged up on for having that opinion and asking a question.

It is a shame because I believe we have lost a very valuable member due to others being inconsiderate when they should be supportive.


PS: GALE, THANK YOU. I <3 YOU. This is what I am talking about guys!!

Very interesting.

Meow, I get it, now get over it. By that I don't mean just soldier up and move on, I mean sit down, figure out what's bugging you, figure out what you need to do to fix it, decide what you CAN do to fix, then do that. Or lose.

In my world it's that simple. When you stop, or quit, or are no longer playing, the game is over and you lose. The game is simple. Survive until you can't play any more. You're allowed to do anything you want so long as you pay the price, good or bad, known or a mystery, you get to do what you want. If you want to be bullied, you will be. If you don't want to be, you won't be.

It's totally your decision. If you don't know how to stop it or think you can't by yourself, ask for help. Shoot me a pm if you need to.

Kodieh said "Being married to a woman who is getting a masters in special education and focusing on bullying for her thesis, let me express that bullying is any tactic that puts down a person in your own interests."

Bullfriggincrap

That may be so for those who can't defend themselves like special ed folks, but for guys like me and you, it just ain't so and you putting out there that it is is part of the problem we are having right here. People need to know how to deal with the crap life slings without hiding from it. If they insist on hiding from it, they have MADE THAT CHOICE, provided they are indeed like us and not mentally challenged.

Are you sure it's bullying that's bothering you and not something a little heavier in your personal life Meow?

Unless you're getting harassed by private messages, I haven't seen anything that would violate the TOS.

Tbh, it seems like you're getting mad because people aren't agreeing/siding with you in the past few threads you've started.