How do you know when it's time to call it quits in the snake world?

Ok bear with me here. I love my snakes, I really do. But I've been thinking lately maybe I'm not cut out for this anymore. Once upon a time, I spent a few minutes each day or every other day holding my snakes, checking them over and checking their tubs. They were given 15 minutes of playtime on the bed under close supervision at least once a week. I took great pride in my animals, and in giving them great care.

But now? I rarely get them out unless it's to show one to someone. I don't spend time with them anymore. Sometimes they go a week or more before I'll remember to check their tubs and change their water.:(
What was once a joy has turned into a job. And it's one I don't much like to do anymore. I feel badly when a week goes by and I forget to even check their water dish. Or a month goes by and the only time they see me is when I feed them. And feeding has gotten sporadic too. Sometimes I don't feed for two weeks or more. I tell myself "today is feeding day, don't forget!" But then I get distracted by other things, and when I do remember it's too late. So I say I'll do it tomorrow, but then the cycle just repeats itself.

More and more I am becoming the kind of snake keeper I can't stand, but I don't know what to do about it. Should I just give up, sell all my snakes and forget them? Should I keep one or two and try to be better for them? Should I try to get my family to help, knowing the snakes are my responsibility and everyone else has lots of stuff of their own to worry about.

When I do spend time with my snakes, I am happy. I love to interact with them, talk to them, watch them. But it seems I never spend time with them anymore. And the babies I bred and was so proud of... no one has bought one. I thought they would before now. They were so beautiful and so much better than most of the ones I see, but no one seems to care. I've gone to shows with them, and people comment on how nice they are and how beautiful, but then they just walk on. It feels like I worked so hard for nothing. I don't even get excited about my 50/50 pied anymore. He's just another baby to feed and dirty tub to clean. And after waiting so very long to have one like him, since the early '90's you would think I'd be thrilled to have him, but I'm not. Not anymore.

I just don't understand what went wrong. Why I was once so happy to have them, to breed them and care for them, and now I just don't care. They are a chore, a bother, sometimes I even feel resentment
that I need to care for them.

So please someone, tell me what you think has changed, and what you think I should do. I am lost at this point.

Gale

Your passion for them is gone. Priorities in life change. Clearly, based on your post, your priority isn't snakes. That's ok, nothing wrong with that at all. But that you've begun to neglect your snakes is a problem. I'd say it's definitely time to part with them. For whatever reason you're not giving them the level of care you expect yourself to provide. Give/sell them to people who can and will. Keep one as a pet if you like, but get out of the business of snakes.

I can't answer what has changed, however with what you said above it sounds like you have already made your mind up. When you stop caring, I would say it is time to step away. This is not a bash on you, but the animals deserve better than to go a week without being checked on.

Good luck on what you decide.

It happens, losing your passion in a hobby. But I agree, once you start neglecting your animals you need to let them go.

I'm sorry to hear about the change of heart, that's tough :( But honestly from just this post it sounds like you may be done, especially with forgetting to do daily/every other day care (ie the water bowls, feeding, and such) and your newest clutch not even doing anything for you anymore (I know you had problems with it but I still say congrats on the healthy babies). My advice is to try a little more for awhile (ie make yourself spend more time with them) and see if your attitude changes simply by being around them more. Maybe getting into a groove of working with them more frequently will re-spark your interest? And if it continues to be a chore....then maybe it's time to move on or simply cut down the collection to your favorites so it's not so time consuming. As far as what changed...if this change of heart is sudden then maybe it's other issues making you feel this way? I remember your other thread about your hubby...maybe outside stress not related to the snakes is coming down on you and making you feel this way towards them? I'd really ask yourself if this is just about the snakes or something else (are you losing interest in other hobbies/interest you have?), but in the end I hope you do what makes you the happiest ultimately. And for that little male pied you produced, I would still be super proud of him: I would snatch him up in a heartbeat. That het pied girl with the crazy pattern was stunning too.

Oh, and as for not handling them all the time like you used to: honestly I only handle my balls if I need to clean out their tubs, get weights, or if I feel like getting pics. I think they enjoy being left alone over being fussed over frequently :oops:

I think you need a break. Do you have someone close to you who can care for your babies for a period of time? I'd hate for you to get rid of your collection only to regret it later. You are a great person and very helpful here, so if you choose to get rid of your snakes please don't leave us.

It's sounds like you are burnt out. I know life can be crazy and busy. Maybe get rid of all but just one or two of your favorites. A male and female in case down the road you want back in. But I agree, if they are getting neglected, its time to do something about it. Find them homes where people adore them, like you used too. Good luck. :)

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Could this have anything to do with the problems you were having with your marriage? I remember reading that awhile ago but dont remember ever seeing what had come of it...

Sorry to hear that you're feeling as you do. Sometimes life just has a way of stealing our zeal. It seems you've had a tough go of late, and that has included your snakes. Do you think you may be suffering from some depression? It will definitely rob you of your passion and it does it in a way that you may have trouble recognizing. It creeps in like fog so you don't notice it. But once its thick enough, its hard to find your way back. You may want to look into it as some of what you have described seems syptomatic.

I agree with another poster about staying on task as far as the care. It is our responsibility to care for our animals even when we don't feel like it. But I think it's alright to ask for help too. Sometimes we just can't do it all. Try putting reminders on your phone just so that you do not let things go for too long. Above all you need to care for yourself first otherwise you won't be capable of caring for anything else, regardless of your desire. I have seen many posts on the forum here where "you" have done your best to be the light in the darkness. I hope we can be that for you now and you can work through this.

I too have gone through this before. I used to have four snakes but I soon found it to be more of a chore then a passion. I ended up rehoming three of the four snakes, it was for the best interest of the animals and myself. I gave myself a break for a little while. There is no shame in admitting that you need help and that you do what is best for the animals. When you find your passion turning into a chore, then yes, it is time to rehome the animals. What really helped me was keeping my big male normal male that started the passion for me in the first place. I have such a bond with this snake and I could not part with him even if I tried. I love him very much and I am very much passionate about him and taking care of him. I have slowly picked myself up off of the ground and once again found out just how much I love my hobby. Depression is a real downer and I have been there and done that already. I sought counseling and it really helped me to be able to focus on the real issues. I find my snakes very therapeutic now and they are a welcome distraction from the world of depression. They give me a sense of purpose and keep me in a steady routine that helps get me through each day. Just take the time to figure out what you really want and need right now. Perhaps just holding onto one of your snakes will help you decide what you really want to do. If you need to talk, I am just a PM away.

I literally just went through this exact situation, you're not alone. I have sent 7 of my animals to a wonderful rescue (and of course donated their houses and food so they weren't just dumped there for the rescue to figure out what to do with them), am planning on shipping a leopard gecko out in the Spring to her new home, and am debating about selling my 4 ball pythons I hatched when they are larger, as it's easier to find homes for them as larger females. Honestly, the free space I have and less responsibility is a huge relief. I miss them of course, but I feel it was the right thing to do. I still have a leopard gecko and 7 snakes (apart from the ones I'm debating about rehoming) and I can't say that I've spent more time with them just yet, but I do feel much less overwhelmed. I think that if I had gotten rid of all of my animals at once I'd have debated whether or not it was a good choice, so I say to start rehoming animals until you stop feeling this way.

ive been there in the past i just lost my passion.... and ive gone through random spurts of it. for me i just need to go back to where i started. watch old videos of herps i liked when i started, go to shows, try and get re-snakey. Sometimes though your passion is gone but randomly it WILL come back who knows how far down the road think of it this way. You can take the kid out of the city, but not the city out of the kid. same way with herps in my eyes.

Thank you all for the warm words of comfort and reassurance. It helps more than you can know. I do in fact suffer from SAD, but I had forgotten about it until a few of you mentioned depression. And that started me thinking. I've been feeling the symptoms for some time, but failed to put a finger on what it was. And you are right, it's not just the snakes. I've lost interest in my favorite tv shows, in cooking, I don't even read the way I usually do. All the things I love have slowly lost meaning to me, and yes I feel sad and helpless a lot of the time now. I had just forgotten how bad my seasonal depression can get, last year is was very mild, so going so long without a real episode made me forget just how bad it can be.

But now it's like a lightbulb went on in my head, and I can't believe I didn't recognize it for what it was. It came on so gradually, I just didn't put two and two together. So now the question I face is, is it finally time to admit the SAD is more than I can handle on my own and seek treatment? I've put if off for many years now, mostly I think because up until a few years ago, no one even knew it existed. But my son is Bi-polar, and I know his medication helps him live a normal life, maybe it's time I ask for help to battle my own demons.

Do any of you suffer from SAD ? Have you sought treatment for it ? Does treatment help ?

Any words of advise you can offer me are welcome. In the meantime, I'm going to take the suggestion of putting up notes to myself and at least try and make sure my animals are well cared for, until I decide where to go from here.

Thank you all again. Sometimes it's hard to believe people I've never met not only care about me, but I care about them as well.

Gale

i had depression 2 years ago (which some think is strange for a kid) but i didnt take any medications, just fought through it....well i tried medications but anti-depressant make you feel weird. I found talking to people and trying to live life actually helped me the most! Best of luck to you it is tough stuff :(

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Originally Posted by angllady2

Thank you all for the warm words of comfort and reassurance. It helps more than you can know. I do in fact suffer from SAD, but I had forgotten about it until a few of you mentioned depression. And that started me thinking. I've been feeling the symptoms for some time, but failed to put a finger on what it was. And you are right, it's not just the snakes. I've lost interest in my favorite tv shows, in cooking, I don't even read the way I usually do. All the things I love have slowly lost meaning to me, and yes I feel sad and helpless a lot of the time now. I had just forgotten how bad my seasonal depression can get, last year is was very mild, so going so long without a real episode made me forget just how bad it can be.

But now it's like a lightbulb went on in my head, and I can't believe I didn't recognize it for what it was. It came on so gradually, I just didn't put two and two together. So now the question I face is, is it finally time to admit the SAD is more than I can handle on my own and seek treatment? I've put if off for many years now, mostly I think because up until a few years ago, no one even knew it existed. But my son is Bi-polar, and I know his medication helps him live a normal life, maybe it's time I ask for help to battle my own demons.

Do any of you suffer from SAD ? Have you sought treatment for it ? Does treatment help ?

Any words of advise you can offer me are welcome. In the meantime, I'm going to take the suggestion of putting up notes to myself and at least try and make sure my animals are well cared for, until I decide where to go from here.

Thank you all again. Sometimes it's hard to believe people I've never met not only care about me, but I care about them as well.

Gale

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There's a special light bulb developed to counteract SAD. My friend's mom had it ever since she moved to Salinas, California. Light bulb installed and SAD slowly went away

I suffer from intermittent depression, it doesn't seem seasonally linked but it's the same type of thing: a chemical imbalance in your body, mostly of serotonin and dopamine.

I've coped very well by taking St. Johns wort, and 5-HTP, which is a precursor to serotonin. St Johns wort is prescribed as an all natural antidepressant in a lot of other countries, esp Germany with a lot of success. I used to take them everyday but I've gotten to where I don't need to take them unless I start feeling down and my mood elevates pretty quickly when I do. I've never been diagnosed but from personal observation and my body's and mood's reaction I'm nearly positive I tend to be serotonin deficient and I've managed to self-treat with great success. Either can be found at almost all health food stores.

If you are on the birth control pill don't take SJW, but it won't effect an IUD or birth control implant, and the 5-HTP won't effect the pill or anything else. High quality fish oil can really help with depression too. Good luck! I know VERY well depression is no fun, I spent years being depressed to the point of total apathy and suicidal but didn't want to take conventional antidepressants before I started researching natural treatments.

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Vitamin D supplements help, too, as well as the light therapy already mentioned.

I have suffered major depressive disorder since the 6th grade. If I could afford to get treatment, I absolutely would. There's no reason to try and stick it out on your own if you have the resources available to you.

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Originally Posted by Coleslaw007

I suffer from intermittent depression, it doesn't seem seasonally linked but it's the same type of thing: a chemical imbalance in your body, mostly of serotonin and dopamine.

I've coped very well by taking St. Johns wort, and 5-HTP, which is a precursor to serotonin. St Johns wort is prescribed as an all natural antidepressant in a lot of other countries, esp Germany with a lot of success. I used to take them everyday but I've gotten to where I don't need to take them unless I start feeling down and my mood elevates pretty quickly when I do. I've never been diagnosed but from personal observation and my body's and mood's reaction I'm nearly positive I tend to be serotonin deficient and I've managed to self-treat with great success. Either can be found at almost all health food stores.

If you are on the birth control pill don't take SJW, but it won't effect an IUD or birth control implant, and the 5-HTP won't effect the pill or anything else. High quality fish oil can really help with depression too. Good luck! I know VERY well depression is no fun, I spent years being depressed to the point of total apathy and suicidal but didn't want to take conventional antidepressants before I started researching natural treatments.

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St. Johns Wort is the worst thing ever. The only thing it did for me is make me immensely nauseous and kill what little appetite I had. If you've never been diagnosed, it's a horrible, horrible idea to self medicate. Depression can be a result of a chemical imbalance in the brain, or it can be an indication of other medical problems. Seriously. Get yourself checked out.

with that many snakes i bet it's getting hard for you to care and pay attention to your snakes. i wouldn't say your loosing the passion for the hobby, but having that many snakes and other things to do it gets tough to care for them. maybe letting some go and keeping a few would be good for you.

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Originally Posted by Raptor

St. Johns Wort is the worst thing ever. The only thing it did for me is make me immensely nauseous and kill what little appetite I had. If you've never been diagnosed, it's a horrible, horrible idea to self medicate. Depression can be a result of a chemical imbalance in the brain, or it can be an indication of other medical problems. Seriously. Get yourself checked out.

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Well that sucks, worked great for me, though I used the 5-htp more. I've known others who were diagnosed and used it successfully. I've seen doctors for it but they never bothered to actually diagnose me, just tried to prescribe antidepressants. I honestly don't much trust western medicine and I've known a few people, including relatives, who've had some rather horrible side effects from various prescription antidepressants /other drugs.

I realize it won't work for everyone, and I didn't just jump into it blindly, I researched for quite some time. I have had great success self-treating to the point that I very, very rarely even take either or have depressive episodes anymore. If I do have any occasional episodes I take a dose of each or just the 5-htp and I've yet to have it not improve things rapidly. If I ever hit a point where it seems not to be helping and the depression comes back I will seek help if I feel I need it.

I certainly wouldn't recommend self-treating as a first course for many, but some ppl won't or can't seek medical help and it's something to consider trying if you do it carefully and recognize whether it's helping or hurting.

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I am sorry your having a hard time with the snakes right now, your fires and pied this year are stunning, I can't believe you haven't sold them yet! I had hoped to pick one up but things fell through this year for fires. If your having issues with the season, what helps my mom is the new Daylight bulb and vitamin B. In our area the fact that the weather is cloudy as much as 3/4 of the year can effect people, no sunlight means people don't get enough vitamin B and although I tend to keep lights off as much as possible, I LOVE the new Daylight bulbs. I hope you find something that helps, and if rehomeing your snakes, or some of them is what you need to do then that is what you should do, but as mentioned, if you do end up getting out of snakes please check in here to chat with us still = ). I will keep you in my prayers. Take care.

I am sure you have (I think we all do) one particular animal that is dearer than the others. It does sound like there are issues beyond the animals perhaps cutting down the group is a good idea and keeping one or two of the most special ones and allowing the others to have a happy home else where. This would cut the time needed and ease the demands of a large number it will allow you to find your balance and perhaps find that you still do need these special few in your life. I would hate to hear you re homing all of them only to find that you missed them later. I hope that you do find some peace and things get better for you.
Best of luck,
Alex

If you decide to give up keeping your snakes whatever you do, don't think of yourself as quitting or failing at it, rather put it into perspective, either choose to do something else or continue but look deep within yourself, because something has happened for that passion to have diminished, what is the focus of your time and energy? really look at it and find where it is not working is it scattered for example whats different now in your life to when you 1st got interested in them.

Are you prone to starting things and losing interest it may be natural for you to lose interest after a period of time some people have long lived passions some seek more and more varied experiences and building new ones.

Don't feel bad about it, that baggage will come back later in life and start similar trends, cause and effect.

just my humble opinion best of luck in whatever you decide keep your chin up.:)

Snakey

Just a quick update for you all.

The depression is still here, but the weather turned sunny and I've been getting outside in it as much as I can, and it is better than what it was.

I sat down the other night and went over my snakes one by one, too see which I would feel comfortable rehoming to lessen my burden, and was not really surprised to find I had very valid reasons for keeping them all. :sigh2: So I went to my husband and told him how I was feeling. To say it shocked him would be putting it mildly. He couldn't believe I had been seriously thinking about getting out of my snakes, and at first he didn't understand why. It took some explaining, and reminding him of past episodes of my SAD but he finally hugged me and said he would be here for me no matter what, but if all I needed for now was some help with care, he would be only too glad to help. This made me feel much better. I think because I had such mild SAD last year, barely noticeable in fact, that he forgot how bad it could be just like I had. But he's been extra sweet and loving since we talked, and it helps too.

For now, I am focusing on a routine, to ensure care does not get overlooked. I am spending a little time with a couple of my favorite snakes, and being around them helps me remember why I started doing this in the first place. I have an appointment to see my son's psychiatrist later this month, and I'm looking into getting a phototherapy lamp as well. Things aren't all better, not by a long shot, but at least for now I am dealing better with them. I have been under a tremendous amount of stress lately with matters concerning my mom and brother, as well as my own family and that has certainly not helped my depression at all.

I am taking things one day at a time. And reminding myself of the positive things about my life as much as I can. Although there are days when it's hard to think of anything positive, I keep trying.

I want to thank you all again for your support and encouragement, it means more than you will ever know.

Gale

That's awesome, I'm really glad to hear it and it's great to hear how much your husband is helping you through this. Good luck with your continued recovery. Keep us updated. :)

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Hang in there Gale! I hope that things look better for you soon and in the mean time I am certain the community here will be ready to help as needed.