Life is short.

Most of you don't know i'm into martial arts. Jiu Jitsu mainly. I trained since i was young. Tonight some good friends were killed in a car accident. A drunk driver decided they shouldn't live anymore. He left an 8 year old boy parentless. I want to fight. i know its selfish but i want to hurt them.

last week I was told my heart is so bad that its like the heart of a 60 year old and I'm in danger of a stroke. Genetics are a B...ch. I want to live. I want his parents to live. I want to hurt the one who took them from him.

i ask "why?". i want to hurt someone. I want to make someone responsible and "pay". i want to not feel that way but i do. I wish I was the guy that offered hugs to the ones that hurt but I'm the one who offers pain. Right or wrong it's who I am. once upon a time i was a firefighter. volunteer. I held men, women and children as they took their last breaths. I dont want those memories but I have them. They are mine. my nature in these situations turned into a need for retribution. I want to just let it go but i cant. Again I want to fight.

I once cut a fallen tree off a house. A man was trapped underneath. I held him. All he said was "I'm sorry." over and over. he died in my arms. I kept cutting that tree till it was a pile of saw dust. Taking that tree away didnt take that experience away. This is YOUR life! DON'T act like it isn't yours!

Sorry for your loss. I know it sucks because it seems as if the drunk driver always survives the wreck and the innocent are lost. But perhaps that's the payback. They are left to live with the aftermath instead of dying and getting off easy. It can't do your heart good to feel as you do so try and find some peace. Be there for the boy as much as you can and maybe that will help you to find some comfort. But trust me I get the need to hurt.

And that will bring them all back won't it?

I lost both of my parents to a car accident when I was nine. The other driver wasn't drunk, but also was unharmed. The anger will take years to go away, and the pain never really does, but the worst thing you can do is avoid talking about them, especially to their son. Treat him like the adult he has been forced to become early. It only hurt me more when people seemed to avoid the topic (even happy stories) of my parents when I was around. I felt like I lost them in more than body, because all but a few people were afraid to even tell me the things I was never going to learn for my self.

Hey, TheWinWizard, there's no reason to be snappy. We all know that it won't bring anyone back, but if there WAS somehow someone responsible, attacking them would make us feel better. Can you not understand that? It's not pretty, or good, or right, but it's certainly something that would bring an immediate sense of gratification to me as well.
To the OP, I understand what you mean. My health is a piece of crap for reasons outside my control. I'm twenty, and I've had four moderate to major operations to try to treat my digestive issues, and have suffered from various psychiatric disorders since I was six. Because of this, I lost out on most of my childhood and teenage years, and had to grow up way to early. If there was someone responsible for my troubles, I'd want to make them suffer, even if it couldn't change anything.

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Originally Posted by cecilbturtle

Most of you don't know i'm into martial arts. Jiu Jitsu mainly. I trained since i was young. Tonight some good friends were killed in a car accident. A drunk driver decided they shouldn't live anymore. He left an 8 year old boy parentless. I want to fight. i know its selfish but i want to hurt them.

last week I was told my heart is so bad that its like the heart of a 60 year old and I'm in danger of a stroke. Genetics are a B...ch. I want to live. I want his parents to live. I want to hurt the one who took them from him.

i ask "why?". i want to hurt someone. I want to make someone responsible and "pay". i want to not feel that way but i do. I wish I was the guy that offered hugs to the ones that hurt but I'm the one who offers pain. Right or wrong it's who I am. once upon a time i was a firefighter. volunteer. I held men, women and children as they took their last breaths. I dont want those memories but I have them. They are mine. my nature in these situations turned into a need for retribution. I want to just let it go but i cant. Again I want to fight.

I once cut a fallen tree off a house. A man was trapped underneath. I held him. All he said was "I'm sorry." over and over. he died in my arms. I kept cutting that tree till it was a pile of saw dust. Taking that tree away didnt take that experience away. This is YOUR life! DON'T act like it isn't yours!

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If you have trained in martial arts, then you are well aware that the "martial" aspect is but one of many disciplines that are taught. Others are concentration, mental discipline and focus. Your urge to hurt something means that not only are you human, but that your mentors in the arts have not taught you how to focus anger, rage, impatience and other negative energies onto positive ones.

I will be the first to admit that I am unfamiliar with ju-jitsu. I am going to ASSUme that like any martial art, that mental discipline and emotional discipline are tenets. If they are not, I would strongly suggest you try your hand at a new martial discipline - one that does not put such a heavy focus into the martial aspect.

If you train in martial arts to become a better fighter, then you are putting a lot of work and energy into something that you may never use. In fact, most martial arts stress the avoidance of violence and teach you how to girder yourself emotionally and mentally against succumbing to violent urges - revenge being one of those urges.

If you truly train in martial arts and embrace the philosophy and tenets of them; then you get a lifetime of use out it.

Sorry for your loss. I believe it's good practice to find healthy coping mechanisms to deal with tragedy or change in life. It sounds like you have some positive outlets available. Do what you know is right.




Don't take this as insensitive, but...

I saw on the main page:

Post - Life is short.
Newest post - Skiploder

Already improved my day before even opening the thread. Sure enough, he delivers! Epic post.

#1 Fanboy

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Originally Posted by MrLang

Sorry for your loss. I believe it's good practice to find healthy coping mechanisms to deal with tragedy or change in life. It sounds like you have some positive outlets available. Do what you know is right.




Don't take this as insensitive, but...

I saw on the main page:

Post - Life is short.
Newest post - Skiploder

Already improved my day before even opening the thread. Sure enough, he delivers! Epic post.

#1 Fanboy

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Someday you and I will meet and you will be very disappointed..........:(

Skip never gives himself any credit... And it seems the OP doesn't either.

I suck at apathy. Always have. But you're human. This too shall pass...

Feel it, decide what to do with it, do that, move on. Dwelling serves nothing. :cens0r::cens0r::cens0r::cens0r: happens sums it up as well as anything. I rarely ask why, I just try my best to be my best. I'd recommend you do the same. That guy ain't so bad.

I'm sorry to hear this, friend.

I too agree that maybe you should invest your time to learn how to re-direct your negative feelings and impulses to positive energy.


If you need to talk, PM me.

Despite having never gone through such a situation, I have always found myself to be very empathic when it comes to difficulties in life. Seeing other people go through things, I found I could always put myself in their shoes and that would give me perspective to understand their grief.

Your frustration and anger is not a flaw. As Skip said, it only serves to prove that you are human. Our emotions come about based on how we precieve the world.

Anger and frustration are the result of having a desire to change something, but the inability to do so. It is tied so closely with feeling helpless that it's easy to relate anger to grief. We wish to change something, to make a difference, and when we do not know how, we find ourselves turning inward to other emotions.

As was mentioned before, your studying of martial arts should give you some grounds for learning to center yourself and address your emotions with an open heart and mind. It may be difficult now, and yes, you are allowed to grieve in anger if that gives you strength for now. But don't lose yourself to it. Embrace it, awknowledge why you are feeling angry, and ask yourself how you can resolve those emotions through positive actions.

My other half sounds similar to you. When he is faced with something that he believes is unfair, has hurt others, or wishes to help someone but can't, he finds frustration and anger and a desire to fight as well. So, I understand why you are feeling those ways. It's because you care, because you are in touch with your emotions and you are fearless enough to express when you feel hurt. That just shows your passion and your determination.

There is nothing we can do to change the past, as everybody knows. We will hold onto grief for a time, anger for a time, so long as it serves us a purpose in our eyes. When you realize your anger will not hold you up anymore, you will be able to let it go. For now, you are okay. I won't be one to tell you you need to stop and calm down. If this is how you need to feel right now, then that is how you will heal. If you find your anger holding you back, then you will know it is time to let it go.

I am sorry for everyone's loss in this. In that, there are no words enough to cover how awful it is to hear of this happening.

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Originally Posted by Foschi Exotic Serpents

Skip never gives himself any credit.

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The smartest people have the roughest time internalizing their unique superiority... because they know the result would be completely unacceptable.

It's better this way.

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Originally Posted by MrLang

The smartest people have the roughest time internalizing their unique superiority... because they know the result would be completely unacceptable.

It's better this way.

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It feels good to be understood...

Vengeance is a natural and understandable desire in situations such as this. However, not all natural desires are good and beneficial. I think you know this. It's just hard to fight it. My suggestion is, if you haven't done so, go to your wife, girlfriend, close friend, or whoever you have that you trust 100% and vent on them. Cry with them. The best way to curve vengeful desires is to let loose any pent up emotions. I don't know what your faith is but I would pray very hard. In my faith vengeance is God's. So I try to let Him handle it.

As you already know, in the end, vengeance doesn't bring anyone back and, contrary to popular belief, it won't make you feel any better. In fact, it just makes you feel worse.

I am sorry for the loss of your friends. I pray for you, the child, and all effected.

God bless.

I understand the way you felt when you were a fireman. Many years ago I was a Medic in the Army and I have seen more than one person pass and some were friends. Trust me the anger will fade the pain becomes bearable but the memory of them when they were alive lasts forever.

Its common for people like us (meaning that I have a BB in Ju Jitsu as well and we may be more aggressive than some) to feel the desire to hurt someone when we are hurt, especially so deeply. I can't imagine what you must be dealting with but my heart is with you man. Sometimes it seems like our desire to distribute our pain to others that seem more appropriate, such as the drunk drivers whose irresponsibility may have caused this incident, can come from how we think about the way justice is supposed to work in this world. My heart goes out to you and those who lost loved ones!