How do you get through ambivalence?

I'm paralyzed by ambivalence, concerning a particular aspect of my life. I objectively know what I need to do, but emotionally I'm a mess. It's just been one of those months.. couple of months.. whatever. I've never had an issue with being objective in my personal life and making hard decisions before, but apparently I've never been so emotionally wrapped up, and can't seem to fully commit one way or the other.

When you're facing a particularly difficult situation, how do you get through it? How do you go through with a decision, knowing it's going to be excrutiating? I think I'm just a little to codependent, and I'm afraid of the fall out.

Maybe it's time to renew my prozac prescription :weirdface

I find that talking to people I trust can really help make a hard decision easier. Most hard decisions have a clear "right" answer and your friends will often unanimously agree on the right answer.

Whatever your problem may be, talking about it really does help.

Flip a coin. the outcome doesn't matter, in that split second that it's in the air you will know what side you are hoping lands face up.

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I think I just don't want to deal with everything that follows. But I think it has to be done. Ugh.

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Originally Posted by Anatopism

I think I just don't want to deal with everything that follows. But I think it has to be done. Ugh.

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That part is really hard, but if you will be better off for it then the hard part will eventually end. :)

Well, boyfriend and I broke up last night. Still doing the snake stuff together for the time being, but this all happened around 2 AM last night, so haven't had any time to really get through the rest of the details. Struggling physically just to stay awake. My eyes burn a bit.

I'm a little relieved i'm at least not stuck in limbo anymore, but obviously a bit sad at the same time.

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Originally Posted by Anatopism

Well, boyfriend and I broke up last night. Still doing the snake stuff together for the time being, but this all happened around 2 AM last night, so haven't had any time to really get through the rest of the details. Struggling physically just to stay awake. My eyes burn a bit.

I'm a little relieved i'm at least not stuck in limbo anymore, but obviously a bit sad at the same time.

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Sorry to hear that. Ending a relationship is always a struggle.

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Prayer will get one through any tough times! Remember that God will never give you more than he knows you can handle.


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Ending a relationship is never easy, especially when you're to the point where it feels like the fallout will be more difficult than just continuing. I'm so sorry that it'll be difficult for a little while, or even a long one, but it -will- be better in the end (at least it sounds like it was something that needed to happen). We'll be here, take some time to mend yourself and vent if you need to

Ouch! Yeah, it sucks going through the pain of a breakup. Just know that in the long run, you're saving yourself more heartache and more years of ambivalence. And IDK if you were joking about going back on Prozac, but if there's ever a time for it, this is probably it. I'm a Wellbutrin achiever myself :) It can really help when life is more difficult than usual (or in my case, all the time).

Thanks for the kind words everybody. I know I'll be okay, I just kind of feel lost. He's planning on finding a place where he can keep most of the snakes, so we can continue that, and I have the extra room to rent out. Might have to put in some extra overtime at work to make sure I can afford any time lost between him moving and finding a new roommate.

I love his family more than my own, and fortunately I still get to see them, and he's OK with it :P They have a habit of absorbing people as one of their own, and have been my replacement family since I don't really have anyone else out here in Washington (my messed up family moved to Illinois).

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Originally Posted by Fidget

Ouch! Yeah, it sucks going through the pain of a breakup. Just know that in the long run, you're saving yourself more heartache and more years of ambivalence. And IDK if you were joking about going back on Prozac, but if there's ever a time for it, this is probably it. I'm a Wellbutrin achiever myself :) It can really help when life is more difficult than usual (or in my case, all the time).

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Yeah not joking about the Prozac. Both my mom and dad's genes are full of depression and anxiety. I've noticed a trend in my anti-depressant usage though, and it tends to only be necessary when I'm feeling particularly bad at the end of a relationship/beginning of a breakup. The rest of the time I'm typically able to handle whatever gets thrown at me.

Mourn the loss. Something died. Then move on. You're alive. You're healthy. You're free. It's all about perspective. Pain is temporary.

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Originally Posted by wilomn

Mourn the loss. Something died. Then move on. You're alive. You're healthy. You're free. It's all about perspective. Pain is temporary.

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I know, and thank you, especially for being blunt, as I need it sometimes. Starting to feel better already, now that a decision is made and over with.

There is a nice quote about pain in the book The Handmaid's Tale... something about forgetting what it ever felt like once it's gone.

Few things frustrate me more than ambivalence in relationships.

There simply shouldn't be a debate.

Glad to see you got things done.

Don't relapse - embrace your freedom and move on.

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Originally Posted by MrLang

Few things frustrate me more than ambivalence in relationships.

There simply shouldn't be a debate.

Glad to see you got things done.

Don't relapse - embrace your freedom and move on.

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Good advice. I wish I could give it to some people I know.. and that they would listen for once. I know a lot of people in a similar position and I wish they would stop torturing themselves and get on with their lives.

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Originally Posted by jbean7916

Flip a coin. the outcome doesn't matter, in that split second that it's in the air you will know what side you are hoping lands face up.

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I love this advice. I've never thought about it like this but this is so true.

"The Art of Happiness" is an interesting little book a friend gave me. While it never applied to me directly (they were things I already lived by), the quotes in the book were worth a read. They are derived from the teachings of a greek philospher back in the day, from his verbal lectures to his students.

I think you might enjoy picking it up and giving it a quick read. If you were closer, I'd lend you mine, as I have lent it to numerous people now.

Relationships ending is never easy. As said by someone above me, it is a form of death. Something that you once relied on isn't there anymore. It's changed. Essentially, you are alone right now, when you once weren't. That's hard to come to terms with.

I don't believe depression is soley genes. It is far too common to just be blamed on chemcials in your brain. You are allowed to feel sad, angry, hurt, frustrated, helpless, lonely, regretful, unresolved, without direction.... We've all been there, and all gone through it. It's just a matter of allowing yourself to feel these emotions, but not have them rule you for too long. Give in to them for now, allow yourself to be weak. Cry. Give yourself up to this moment for now. Only then can you start to rebuild, after all the pieces feel like they've fallen away.

It will take time. Goodness knows it's not something you can fix easily. Sometimes it takes years. But you'll get there, one step at a time. Don't let it overwhelm you, and don't try to shoulder this by yourself.

Every ending is just a new beginning in disguise. Gosh, it sounded so corny when someone told that to me when my common law partner of 6 years left me for his girlfriend on the side.... and their baby girl (which I had no idea about). It broke me. And people kept telling me it gets better, it gets better. Well, it didn't for a long time. But I did get stronger. And eventually I found someone who was everything I'd always hoped for but never dreamed I'd have. But it was only after I stopped trying to control my life and started doing things for myself did everything start falling into place.

You'll get there. It's just raw right now. Hard to feel anything but pain. But wounds heal. They'll mend, scar over. You'll remember them, but eventually they won't hurt anymore to think about.