My mother's ignorance bothers me

If you want to skip my story, the topic is about how to deal with people who try to bring you down for liking herps and try to take away our rights to own them.


For the first 6 years of my life, I lived with my aunt, uncle, and cousins because my parents were not suitable.. parents.
My cousins owned 4 ball pythons, an iguana, and a Burmese python, for those first 6 years I caught and played with bugs and lizards I found outside.
When my parents got custody of me, and we moved to Florida, I continued searching for lizards and bugs to catch and play with, but when my mother found out she would not have it. She told me they were dirty and diseased creatures who I should far away from I would be put on restriction if she saw me playing with the critters I found in my yard.

In 3rd grade I met some really cool classmates who I would go to the lake to play with, we would look for little garden snakes and grasshoppers. And we did it in secret because none of our parents liked our little hobby.
And every day I would come home all dirty and sweaty with the same old story "Went to the lake to play tag and hang out"
One day, my mother decided to come get me because we needed to go somewhere and caught us playing with this tortoise we found. After that, I wasn't allowed to play with them anymore.

When I was 12 after begging my mother for months and months to let me get a manageable snake she agreed to it, but she said it was to always stay in my room and if she saw it outside of there, she'd release it.

Now the tabled have turned, sometimes she stays with me in my apartment that I pay for. So whether she likes it or not, she'll either have to deal with my snakes or leave. But that doesn't stop her from nagging me and my friends to death any time we bring up anything that's not cute and fuzzy.
She is constantly bringing my hobby down, and telling me and my friends that we're crazy.

And it's always the same old thing "I don't see why anyone would own a snake"
Recently a friend and I were in the living room discussing the potential python ban, and she walked in the kitchen and overheard us and decided to jump in by claiming that large snakes were a menace and danger to society and they shouldn't be allowed in the US. My friend got so mad he stormed out of my house and refuses to come back when she's here.


How do you deal with these type of people? It's like arguing with a rock, they think it's okay to control other people's lives just because it's not something they're interested in.

Would you put up with that sort of behavior from anyone but your mother? No? Then why put up with it from her? It's your apartment, so you set the rules; it's just the exact reverse of when it was her house and she set the rules. She can have an opinion about snakes in her room only, and if she brings that opinion out into the shared space, "release" her from her ability to live with you.

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Originally Posted by olstyn

Would you put up with that sort of behavior from anyone but your mother? No? Then why put up with it from her? It's your apartment, so you set the rules; it's just the exact reverse of when it was her house and she set the rules. She can have an opinion about snakes in her room only, and if she brings that opinion out into the shared space, "release" her from her ability to live with you.

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i x2 that

You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, you can even pick your friends nose, but you can't pick family. Whether or not your mother agrees with your hobby or not now that you are on your own is none of her business. While I understand she's your mother, if she has no respect for you or your friends why should you respect her. I would lay down the law. It's your home your rules. She did the same to you. And to tell you the truth of it all, there are some people you just can't reach no matter how hard you try. They refuse to accept you for who you are and what you do. Fear=hate. She fears the animals for whatever reason so she hates them and takes it out on you, your friends, and your animals. Maybe try to find out why she fears them so much and go from there. My girlfriend's mother is terrified of snakes because when she was a child her parents threatened to make her sleep with snakes and the snakes were going to strangle her and eat her in her sleep. So maybe it's something deeper. I eventually got my gf mom to touch a snake, so maybe your mom will come around with a little help and positive reinforcement from you.

There's all types of people out there with all sorts of opinions, some people believe big foot is real, some believe they were taken by aliens in the middle of the night. She's entitled to her opinion no matter how wrong it it, but you are also entitled to tell her to keep it to herself under your roof.

I would sit your mother down and tell her directly that her criticism of your hobby makes you and your friends uncomfortable in what is supposed to be YOUR home. I would then reiterate that it is your home, you pay for it and you deserve to feel comfortable in it. I agree with ChrisS that you need to lay down the law. I've had to do so with members of my extended family on more than one occasion (not related to snakes, but if that came up, I would) and its not pleasant, but in the long run it makes your relationship better than simply avoiding the issue indefinitely.

I would try to sit down with her and talk about it seriously. And if she keeps pissing you off i would tell her to gtfo. I dont really like my mom so i would have no problem doing that, but i can understand if itd be harder for you lol.

Tell her if she don't stop her nagging about snakes you are gonna turn her room into a snake room :) I'm lucky my mom doesn't care that much for snakes but she doesn't criticize my love for them. She even came over while I was out of town to make sure they had fresh water. She is 68:D

This isn't about snakes. It's about control. Sooner or later, almost everyone has to confront overbearing family members.

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Agree w/Vypyrz. I'd bet the majority of her "concern" comes from wanting to push your buttons and exert control....ESPECIALLY now that she's living under your roof. The snakes are just the means for her to do it. The less you engage with her on the topic, the quicker she'll run out of steam. How long can she keep carrying on if you just mumble, "Mmm-hmm," and keep on with whatever you're doing?

Easy for me to say....I don't have to live with her! Good luck, and hang in there.

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Originally Posted by Vypyrz

This isn't about snakes. It's about control. Sooner or later, almost everyone has to confront overbearing family members.

Sent from my Motorola ATRIX using Tapatalk 2.

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This, ^^^ there comes a time when you have to stand your ground with overbearing family members. Been, there, done that, got the tshirt. My grandparents weren't very happy with me. I was 20 and living on my own and put my foot down. Everything didn't have to be to please them, it was now what I wanted. It may be awkward for awhile, but you will find yourself probably happier, if you tell her these are things you like, a hobby you enjoy very much. And while she is entitled to an opinion, she can keep it to herself when she is in your home or around you, as you have heard enough of it. Good luck. :)

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She is not "ignorant" she is "willfully ignorant" because you've tried to educate her and she refuses to look into facts about reptiles.

You can fix ignorance with education. You can never fix willful ignorance. The person chooses to ignore facts and stick to their opinion. You can't fix that.

If she is in YOUR house, I would tell her that if she attempts to disparage your hobby, she will be told to leave immediately. If you continue to allow her to make insulting or disparaging remarks, then it's your choice to have that occurring in your home.

When you live in someone's house, you abide by their rules, whether you agree with them or not. I've stated it many times when someone whines that their parents won't let them own a snake. It's the same thing NOW with you and your home. If your mother wishes to rant against snakes, she can do so to her heart's content... elsewhere.

Thanks for your advice, guys.
I'd hate to kick out my own mother, but you guys are right. When she gets home from work I'll tell her she either has to keep her opinions about my animals/hobby to herself or she can leave.

Don't think of it as "kicking her out". It will be totally her decision on whether she wants to spout off her unwanted opinion or stay in your home.

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Originally Posted by wolfy-hound

Don't think of it as "kicking her out". It will be totally her decision on whether she wants to spout off her unwanted opinion or stay in your home.

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Exactly! Give her the choice, then you aren't making her leave.

I'm lucky, my whole family is supportive of my hobby. I can only imagine how much of a struggle this must be for you.

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Holy crap.

This isn't about not supporting your hobby, this is about not supporting YOU. She can dislike snakes all she wants, for whatever ridiculous reasons she wants to come up with, but putting you and your friends and your hobby down goes beyond the dislike of snakes.

For example, a supportive parent may not like the profession you chose, or may not like your boyfriend, but they'll still be happy for you if you're happy. They'll still help you out or keep an eye out for things that might interest you and/or listen to you blather on about it because it's important to YOU, and YOU are important to THEM.

This "mother" needs to get her priorities straight. :\

Kick her out and ignore her for awhile, maybe being homeless will set her straight.

kicking your own mother out wouldn't be such a good choice in my opinion. just have a serious talk with her about how she has to respect your rules in your home like you did in her home. maybe even let her know how ignorant she is acting about the hobby and to do some research before she starts talking.