Really sad and dissapointed

Okay, I know I'm not the first and I don't know if I'll be the last either to post about something concerning comments on the forums. I was reccomended to this site by people who said this was a great site with supportive people who really know their stuff. Well, from what I have seen, that is half true.

When someone is posting for help on this site I see a lot more bashing and blaming instead of helping. This has definitely affected what I post on here. If I need help I don't ask on here I call my herp vet, because if I am asking for help I'm not looking for criticism. I know there is something wrong or I wouldn't be asking so there is no need to tell me or anyone else that we are horrible pet owners. I just wish people realize that when someone is being vulnerable enough to ask for help that it is not the oppurtune time to be hurtful.

Being passionate does not excuse being rude and purposefully belittling to anyone. Seeing a snake (or any other animal) in pain makes me feel sad and tear up sometimes, but that does not give me the right to climb up on my high horse and be rude to someone who isn't looking for a fight. I do realize that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and they can say whatever they would like. Even so, using a little curtousy and profesionalism has never hurt a situation and being polite has never escelated a situation.

I'm not calling anyone out, I just hope the people that need to see this do see this. Also, I do apologise if anything is spelled wrong, I am dyslexic so spelling is not my forte, and I do hope that any typos present do not take away from the message. Thank you all.

I haven't been on here as much as I used to be, but this has been the best site I've ever been to for asking questions. Most of the people here, even the "big names" are very helpful and will answer questions even if they are asked over and over. I really don't understand why somebody would waste their time and post a smart a$$ answer, when they could just answer the question in the same amount of time. If they are mean just neg them and ignore them. Don't get discouraged, believe me. The other sites are much worse. :D

I most definitely agree with you. And as I said I just wanted those who apply to the above statements to see this and realize that their words don't just affect those who are posting at that moment, but also for those reading what has been posted because they are the future posters as well.

These forums do tend to have a "my-way-or-the-highway" vibe, but I believe that is the nature of any large community. There is a lot of knowledge here and some pretty cool people as well. My attitude is to take all the information and advice I can get and leave any petty arguments I may come across. There's no need for head-butting, and all things considered bp.net is a pretty awesome place.

You've been a member here for a month. I suspect once you've been around a bit longer you'll see that it's not as bad as you seem to be seeing it.

The ignore feature is pretty cool too. Don't be afraid to use it.

I agree with you. Especially about future posters or someone reading over the forums, as I tend to do often. I'm not sure if everyone will take your message to heart or even realize you are talking about them, but its not a bad idea to bring this up, especially not singling anyone out.

I have always felt the internet in general lacks courtesy and respect, but that doesn't mean this forum has to fall under the same attitude.

However, I do notice that older members are usually not the ones being disrespectful or rude, and I really respect those who respond with courtesy. Even when a new member uses better language, I am more apt to respect that member.

Obviously I don't post much on the forums, but I do really enjoy this site and the VERY knowledgeable members here who post.

Kudos for posting this!

around here you have to have tuff skin so to speak. dont let peoples words get to you as there are some really good people on this site. i bet if you asked half the people on here they dont approve of me but im not here for them im here to continue learning how to properly carefore\breed my animals an if it means some not so nice words here an there so be it.

i agree with that ^^

Yup, it is a public forum, and when you get public together, you get all kinds of people. Everybody does have an opinion, and a right to it. Thick skin is key, you can't let things get to you. This is a very helpful place. Everyone has the pets best interest at heart. As for the "my way or the highway", you are on a very specific forum, bps. Most of people here, through lots of combined experience, have opinions as to what we think is the most optimal ways of keeping our bps. So, when people come on here asking for help, usually these "optimal" conditions are recommended. Lots of times people don't want to change what they are doing, despite having problems because of it. Everyone IS trying to help, everyone just has different personalities. Anytime you get a group of people together you are going to have conflicts, its not all roses. Take what you need from posts and threads, ignore the rest. Always feel free to ask questions.

Sent from my ADR6350 using Tapatalk 2

I think the trick is to not take things personally and to ignore the bad and pick out the good.

While I dont use the "ignore" button there are several usernames I tend to skip right over. Most people here are very helpful but you might find they arent the "loudest".

Sent from my PC36100 using Tapatalk 2

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Royal Chick

Okay, I know I'm not the first and I don't know if I'll be the last either to post about something concerning comments on the forums. I was reccomended to this site by people who said this was a great site with supportive people who really know their stuff. Well, from what I have seen, that is half true.

When someone is posting for help on this site I see a lot more bashing and blaming instead of helping. This has definitely affected what I post on here. If I need help I don't ask on here I call my herp vet, because if I am asking for help I'm not looking for criticism. I know there is something wrong or I wouldn't be asking so there is no need to tell me or anyone else that we are horrible pet owners. I just wish people realize that when someone is being vulnerable enough to ask for help that it is not the oppurtune time to be hurtful.

Being passionate does not excuse being rude and purposefully belittling to anyone. Seeing a snake (or any other animal) in pain makes me feel sad and tear up sometimes, but that does not give me the right to climb up on my high horse and be rude to someone who isn't looking for a fight. I do realize that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and they can say whatever they would like. Even so, using a little curtousy and profesionalism has never hurt a situation and being polite has never escelated a situation.

I'm not calling anyone out, I just hope the people that need to see this do see this. Also, I do apologise if anything is spelled wrong, I am dyslexic so spelling is not my forte, and I do hope that any typos present do not take away from the message. Thank you all.

---

Thanks for speaking your mind...it's always appreciated, but...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by wilomn

You've been a member here for a month. I suspect once you've been around a bit longer you'll see that it's not as bad as you seem to be seeing it.

---

I would agree with this. The vast majority of the community here is IMMENSELY helpful and genuinely concerned. In any forum setting, internet or otherwise, you do get a few elitists, one uppers, or those who find security in taking a condescending tone with others. They're pretty easy to weed out, and once you figure out how to, you'll be far better off. That being said...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by BallsUnlimited

im not here for them im here to continue learning how to properly carefore\breed my animals an if it means some not so nice words here an there so be it.

---

This about sums things up. You are here for you. With practical, "real life" experience, as well as participating on this or other forums, there will be a bounty of valuable knowledge gained. Many opinions and statements here are of incredible help, while there are others that need to be taken with a grain of salt...but at the end of the day, you decide what you gain(or don't gain) here.

Hope you can deal with any potential negative feelings accordingly and that you stick around for a while!

Like I said, I wasn't referring to everyone on this forum. I haven't had someone treat me with disrespect that I know of, but seeing others being treated like they are criminals for making mistakes is disturbing and disheartening to me. I believe that you don't have to agree with everyone, but you should at least try and treat them with a fair ammount of respect and remain in a positive attitude as much as possible.

Not everyone applies to what I was talking about, and I appreciate how knowledgeable many people are on this forum, there are times (I'm on here often and usually read a lot of the posts) when I see people being, to put it frankly, bullied and that's just not something that sits well with who I am. I'm not angry, and I'm not blaming one set person because we all have our off days. I just think that it wouldn't hurt for some persons to put their emotions aside and look at things from a mature, objective point of view.
Suggestions tend to be recieved better than demands you know?

Not trying to argue, just clear up any misunderstandings I may have portrayed in my previous posts.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Royal Chick

Suggestions tend to be recieved better than demands you know?

---

I could not agree more. I try to be very polite and kind when I post on the internet, but there are always going to be the people who don't. I think the best course of action is to ignore them and enjoy the company of the friendlier members. :)

I think people see it as a door way to enlighten someone to the other relate problems that they have. While not intending to come off as...hateful? Or disrespectful, they just use the opportunity it try and tweak what the person is doing. The hearts in the right place, the Internet just cuts off all sense of emotion and comes off condescending. It's something that I personally have had to work on, and I re-read my posts a couple of times (for grammar and more importantly bluntness) so that I can rectify any unbecoming's quickly.

Though, I agree with your main point. It's honestly kind of the reason this is my close second site. But, I'm on the staff of my "home forum", so everything is in second or farther. ;)


Browsing on Tapatalk from my iPhone :)

I'm prety much the most awesome person here, so I don't think this thread applies to me :cool:.

Jk jk jk :D:P:D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by BallsUnlimited

around here you have to have tuff skin so to speak.

---

I agree with this to a point. You do have to have some what thick skin. But for the most part comparatively speaking to a lot of other forums, this place is rainbows and sunshine. Some people will give very blunt straight to the point advice and some will sugar coat things, that's the way of the world. But I would say 99% of the people on here no matter their approach, want to help.

IMO people are just getting fed up with owners going out and buying animals that they have no idea how to care for. Even though this doesn't in any way apply to all new owners, it applies to so many that it becomes a generalization. Most people here, including me, wish that they would get their setup right, their temps perfect, before bringing a snake's life into the picture. This might be what's causing some of the tension.

I know myself and others have unfortunately had bad days so to speak where it's very easy to snap at people, especially when they are being told the same thing over and over again and they refuse to admit things or change anything. Nothing irks me more than someone coming on here with a vague question such as "why won't my ball python eat", and when they get the "well describe your enclosure" and it's like so far off it's crazy....and then when they are told things that they NEED to change (such as a THERMOSTAT....there's no "other way of doing it" when it comes to controlling heat sources....) they stick their noses up and come back with something along the lines of "well my friend said" or "well he's been fine for 3 months".

People are generous enough to come on here, and give the same exact advice over and over again, usually very detailed and time consuming, to help new people out...it just irks me when it's blown off like no big deal. You also have to understand that with large communities such as this, there will always be a WIDE range of personalities. I work in public safety so I'm used to "strong" personalities, but someone who's not used to it can take serious offense to someone who's literally just trying to help...just in a stronger manner lol. I don't know, all I can say is there is NO need to be disappointed. I can only think of a couple instances where there has been unnecessary bashing, and the mods jump in very quickly and simmers down after a bit. No big deal, it's just people being people.

(Edit: apologizing for the horrific grammar :oops: )

Sometimes people don't make sure brain is in gear before engaging fingers. My best advice and what I do Is take what I can use and leave the rest. They are only words.

Ok here is my two cents. The internet is a wonderful place and these fourms bring out the best and the worst in some people. It affords a certain amount of anonymity allowing them to act and say things they wouldn't normally say. When I was young if you lipped off to someone it was to there face and you usually got a shot to the snot pump. But being anonymous allows some people to bring out there inner jerk. Which is ok because I like a certain amount of banter and bickering. As a whole though this place is great and usually pretty mellow. I have gleaned lots of useful stuff along the way and enjoyed my time on here. Take it for what it is. A great place to be a part of..

I've been here for a couple of years and to be honest I 100% agree with you. I've had my share of the bashing here. :rolleyes: All I do now when I need to ask questions is limit the info i give and just put the basics. That way I can't get bashed for personal details. People don't need to know that stuff here, they'll only beat you up for it.
You'll find through trial and error what to include and what not to include here, but it is sad that this community is like that. I'm a member of several other online communities that are in no way as judgmental as this one, and I stick to those now.
Shellie

One of the things that burns my butt (other than a 3 foot flame), is when someone asks a question, or has an issue, and they are told to "research" or "Google it". Yet, most of the time, when you "google" anything about Ball Pythons, alot of the top hits are on BP.net...

Sent from my Motorola ATRIX using Tapatalk 2.