Need some mental help.

So long story short, I was at the bar with my friend the other night, and I was chatting to a guy there cause my friend was off doing her single thing (I had told the guy I have a boyfriend). His brother came up about the same time my friend came and found me and she took a liking to the guy's brother. They invited us to hang out with them since they were leaving and since I thought my friend and the guy's brother wanted to get better acquainted I said sure. We went over to their house (maybe 5-10 minutes away) and we and their roommate hung out for a bit, then my friend, myself, the guy and his brother went for a walk. We split up to give them privacy for whatever they wanted to do and the guy and I hung out by this river/stream for a bit. My dumb ass (which had had a couple drinks) decided to walk through the stream and it was deeper than I thought and my shorts got soaked. I'm terrified of getting diseases (it didn't help that I had read that article about the girl who contracted that flesh-eating disease from a river just from having a cut on her leg) and when my friend called me asking where I was and if we could go I asked the guy if I could borrow their shower to wash off from the water. He let me and I asked if there was any way I could borrow some pants or something (since I felt it would defeat the purpose of washing off just to put the same pants back on) and he gave me a pair of shorts. Then I went and got my friend and the guy drove us back to our car. He said he wanted the shorts back, but I've texted him asking how to get them back to him and he never responded.

I don't know why, because I'm positive I can remember everything that happened and I know that I NEVER kissed or even touched the guy in any inappropriate way, but I'm oddly anxious/almost guilty-feeling. I have no idea why, and told my friends and even my boyfriend everything and they all said there's nothing I should be worrying about. My boyfriend wasn't mad or anything either. I don't know why I feel this way, maybe because I think since it "looked bad" to come home wearing a pair of guy's shorts that aren't my boyfriends that something should've happened and there should be a reason for me to be feeling terrible. But I'm positive I remember the night, I definitely would've known if something happened. Why am I so worried? Is it because that maybe I think that "what if I really can't remember everything?" and I'm freaking myself out? I have no idea.

You did nothing.

You told the truth to your bf, rather than letting it slip up later on (making it suspicious).

Are you feeling guilty cuz you kinda sorta might like the guy?

Sounds pretty cut and dry to me that there is not an issue here. Of course, get that guy his stuff back, but otherwise I would not sweat it.

I don't think I like the guy in that way. I thought he was chill but I didn't really feel any attraction to him that I really noticed. And I feel no urge to see/hang out with him again. I would be happier if he never contacted me actually and I could just forget all about it.

I already gave the shorts to a friend since he didn't get back to me. I figured that way if he ever did want them back I know where they are, but they aren't hanging around my house.

Well, then done and done. It is cool that you were very up front with everyone involved.

I think what's really bothering me is that I'm being the nice person that I am and actually worrying about whether or not I led the guy on by accident or something when I should be "cold-hearted" and not give two stuff-that-comes-out-of-your-butt (pardon my language). I've been told that sometimes it seems like I'm being "flirty" when I honestly think I'm just being friendly.

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Originally Posted by xFenrir

I think what's really bothering me is that I'm being the nice person that I am and actually worrying about whether or not I led the guy on by accident or something when I should be "cold-hearted" and not give two stuff-that-comes-out-of-your-butt (pardon my language). I've been told that sometimes it seems like I'm being "flirty" when I honestly think I'm just being friendly.

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If he was interested in you, he would have texted you back. I don't think you have to worry at all about having led him on :)

You have the curse of being a very hot girl, and pretty much every guy who meets you is interested on some level. I would not worry about it. Seems you acted very appropriately, and did not sound like you were leading anyone on.

I dont see a problem here lol

I think you could just feel uncomfortable? It's difficult to explain, you might feel like it came across that you were leading him on in some tiny way when you actually didn't but with people saying you come across as flirty when you're actually being friendly may make you think otherwise...if that makes any sense?

I know how you feel in that respect. I have a lot of guy friends, I find girls hard to get along with. Therefore, according to every girl that sees me with a guy, I'm a flirty dirty sleeparound!

A couple of months ago I went for a drink with a friend... Her partners step-father was at the pub. She says that what happened is a "rite of passage" in order to be his friend. Don't think so. We were chatting, I was being friendly, he had an interest in snakes. Next thing you know the guy's grabbed me from behind, yanked and bent me backwards and started attempting to french kiss me?! apparently I have "no choice, everybody has to do it".

After eventually managing to wrench myself free, I left. I kept it to myself for a month, because I felt so so so guilty. Almost like I had cheated on Grant, and I didn't want him to be angry and I was really scared. When I told him he was calm and collected and said it was okay. Then told me later on if he ever sees the bloke he's going to lay him out.

You don't have anything to feel guilty about, you didn't do anything. I think if you'd have gone home in no shorts he might have been a bit more concerned :)

I just received a message from the guy, "I have been busy sorry I work tonight if u feel like swinging by it's in olney the harris teeter. If not maybe I can meet up with you this week."
I responded, "I'm gonna be busy with work as well, and I don't know when I'll be free again, can you send me your address so I can at least drop off your shorts?"

I would think that would solve the problem quite nicely, I'll be able to return what I borrowed, and I won't have to see the guy again and face a potentially awkward situation (if he actually did take my friendliness as "flirting"). I don't think any rules of etiquette are broken, and I was civil instead of going the rude way and saying "I never want to see your face again". Although if he persists in more than just getting his clothes back I have NO problem telling him to stay the H-E-Double hockey sticks away from me and to not talk to me again.

Maybe a little ocd about contamination. :F Otherwise its kind of girl code not to leave your friends especially if y'all rode together. You didn't do anything wrong just a weird incident that looks bad unexplained.

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I seem to be the only one freaking out over this whole thing. I mean my boyfriend didn't even think it's a huge deal. I just dunno why I feel like it is. :/ Being a girl is stupid. haha

And honestly, who cares if he did take it as flirting? I know I didn't mean it that way and if he chose to take it that way after me telling him I had a boyfriend then that's his problem, right?

Nothing about his text sounds like he's hitting on you, and there's no need to feel you need to be aloof with him. The fella just wants his shorts back - nothing more. I think you're over-analyzing things, otherwise it starts to look like a case of "thou doth protest too much" for such an innocuous situation.

I know I've made enough mistakes in life to think about, I don't need to dwell on things I didn't do. You didn't do anything wrong, cut yourself some slack and stop worrying.

you did nothing wrong dont sweat it

Don't worry about it. You were honest with everyone around you, and it doesn't seem like this guy is trying to chase any tail from ya. Keep looking gorgeous and talking about snakes :gj:

I think what's really getting to me is that back when my boyfriend and I first started dating (like in the first month) I DID cheat on him. And I've never fully forgiven myself. And I keep thinking (although I KNOW we didn't have sex, there's just no way I had enough drinks to not remember if that had happened) that what if he had kissed me and I don't remember? What if I don't remember the night like I think I do? The more I think, the worse it gets and the more I doubt my memory. And then I go into crazy scenarios, like what if the guy ends up making up something, and because of my past history no one believes me? I was going to return the shorts today since the guy lives by where I work, so I asked a girl that worked at my job if I could use her smartphone to look up directions. This kid (who is my roommates ex) overheard me talking about it and he starts going like "ooh, this your sauce on the side? Have another guy on the side? Get some, get some!!" and it really upset me. Now I'm afraid he's gonna make up a story (because he's one of those people who love to assume and start drama) and starts rumors? Or texts my boyfriend? (I ended up not returning them because I tried to follow the directions but couldn't find a road and got tired of driving back and forth for forever in a hot car. I figured I'll wait until tomorrow when my roommate's with me cause she knows the area) Or what if my self-doubt is actually a sign of me not wanting to be with my boyfriend? And could I be projecting the past on what's happened and that's why I feel this way?

Maybe this is a sign of me needing psychiatric help? I feel like this isn't normal. I totally understand the "methinks the lady doth protest too much, methinks" but for some reason I am unable to let go of this feeling of uneasiness no matter what I do or what people tell me.

Maybe it is some kind of unconscious sign that you want to be single? Who knows.

But, you have to weigh the pros and cons, and then decide what is best for you. Either way, ruminating on things will eventually wear you down and lead to bigger issues.

xFenrir dont take this the wrong way but imo you honestly sound like youre blowing this WAYYY out of proportion and overanalyzing it way too much lol. Ive been in similar situations, not exactly the same but sorta similar, and it sounds like he and your bf are both handling it how any normal guy would. His texts sounds completely typical for a guy who JUST wants his shorts back. Nothing more at all. Your bf sounds like hes handling it as any guy would. You didnt lie to him and told him what honestly happened and it didnt even seem to phase him. If i was him or the guy i would be acting the same way. Im not sure if youve been talking with your bf about all this as much as youve been on here but if you have then he may have a right to kinda be suspicious if youre STILL feeling guilty over it then it does look kinda sketchy. Showing so much guilt over something that never happened could lead him to believe that you really did do something. So turn down the crazy just a bit haha! In the future i suggest using the buddy system and not seperating from your gf. If this guy was a real jerk he could have seriously taken advantage of you in that situation. Ive seen it happen before. Also dont drink so much that blackout, that never ends well and results in situations like this. EVERYONE feels a little bit of what youre feeling when they have a morning like the movie The Hangover hahaha!

By all of this in no way am i making fun of you or the feelings youre getting. Im just trying to lighten the mood and get you to realize that you did nothing wrong and its gunna be all good! I dont think you need to see a shrink at all, youre creating these emotions of guilt on your own in your head. Only you can realize it and overcome them. I believe in you grasshopper! :gj: