Parental Craziness

Dont you love it when one day your parents wake up and decide that having five snakes is a terrible idea? Called me things like irresponsible and selfish, even though I fully explained to them before getting my collection and that I would need to expand and get a few more racks. By "racks" they thought I meant "tubs"... Durrr, I guess its my fault for not going into full detail. Depending on the situation, I wont be able to move out for another 3 years so theres a chance I might have to sell my collection, but I have been trying to discuss with them in a positive manner what other solutions I have.

Anyone else have problems with juggling their ball python hobby and parents / roomates / girlfriend ? Or any parents out there with some parental wisdome for me? Im not sure how Im going to get out of this one, I tried explaining that I have spent a great deal of money already on the collection, and my dad promptly storms in saying "I'll give you $3000 to get rid of them!". I proceeded to explain that it wasnt about the money, that it was my hobby and I wanted to do it for the rest of my life because it was my passion But they didnt really even acknowledge that point.

Things are really rocky between me and my parents right now.. I have the choice of either dropping out of college, working full time instead of 14 hours a week, and supporting my snakes OR staying in college for another 2 years, living at home and selling my collection for the time being until I save enough to move out (Im smart enough to know that if its between those two options, there really isnt a choice to be made, I would stay in school). It breaks my heart that this could be a reality but I wont find out until my parents give me an ultimatum in a few days. :(

I know its kind of my fault for not telling them every little detail and there was an obvious miscommunication about how many "racks" i was going to need to buy, but they have been supporting my hobby since October with not many problems so I assumed they were cool with everything. The main problem they have now is that they thought I had bought all the things necessary for my snakes, but I told them today that I would still have to expand by buying a new rack for my males and females and hatchlings and an incubator, and thats what made them freak out. Such a terrible day , and sorry for the rant guys, just wanted to see what some of you, who are actually parents, have to say about this..

My parents aren't exactly thrilled about my collection, but I don't live with them so that makes things much easier. For me as long as I can be financially independent they aren't a problem... I just hope I don't get into a situation where I have to ask my parents for money because I'm guessing I'll be selling a snake or 2 to get it.

I'm so sorry to hear that! :( My parents have always been wary of my pets, but they got used to them after a few years (though my dad is still not at all comfortable with my boas). It's a tricky situation to be sure. Maybe you could compromise, say you'd keep the five snakes you have but not breed them. That would eliminate the need for more racks and incubators. If not, you could sell them / give them away to someone local so you can keep an eye on them and maybe buy them back once you move out?

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time right now with your parents. I'd just give them a day or two to calm down and then just try to talk to them about it. Explain to them how much your snakes mean to you and don't get defensive. They may just be overreacting right now because of the initial shock of you telling them you are going to need more racks and an incubator. They may change their minds after a few days when they realize how much this means to you. When I first got into reptiles, my mom was totally fine with lizards, but there is no way snakes were coming into her house. Just a few months later, they were loaning me 2 grand to buy my first rack and 3 new bp's lol. So just give them some time and then just talk to them. :D

This was actually exactly the way my parents used to be. My mom is still hating on them though, she really hates them and tells me to rid of them constantly. On the other hand my dad has actually gotten used to them after I bought my 3rd one. He actually started to like them.. He's bought every single snake of mine after that lol. We bought over 20 ball pythons in less than 6 months. He's helped me build my racks, rat racks, and he helped me pay for my incubator, thermostats, supplies. Its all really costly because I dont have a job, and I'm only 17, still in high school.

Before all this, everyone in my family HATED snakes. They all thought I was crazy. If I were you I'd tell my parents that I could sell 1 or 2 since they think 5 is too much. Or tell them you'll just keep those 5 and you wont breed. Then when you move out in 3 years you can breed and all your females will be definitely ready! :)

Good luck to you!

Ouch... I went down this road. I went to LCB, one of the best and most expansive culinary schools... In school for a year put me $50,000 in debt now (I usually say 100,000 to include the interest..)

I brought home Simba, my normal male and my mom freaked out thinking he was a killer... WELL, I brought home Sarabi... Mom went crazy.. I brought home 3 more.. 1 Being a Burmese Python.. she went even crazier (sadly my first burm died...)

Well after a few months a brought home a 3.5 foot burmese. Well she threw a fit, you know what I said to her when she threatened to kick me out? harsh.. I said.. "YOU made me have to drop out of school, I watch BOTH my brothers daily and get NO life, AND I work, I deserve something" (worded because i don't remember this excatly, But I Will ALWAYS remember these words.... Without me, you couldn't take care of this family. She has yet to say anything besides she wants money for bills.. WHICH every time i get cash something breaks -_-; IE $700 to have a vehicle for work.

Yes, I know are two cases are VERY different, but this is what I did. In your position I would find a comprimise.. Dropping out ill make life only harder, BUT selling your collection could start a trend of emotional discomfrot, WHICH could lead to option 1 anyway.. You never know..

Well that's my advice and my story... I also left out a LOT of details but hey.. Family life stays in the family. :)

I think while you're in school and living with your parents that you should keep your hobby to primarily keeping...if you feel the need to breed, pick out a pair a year. Keep it small, and be responsible. Talk to your parents about what you're doing. They probably see you as going through a phase and hate to see you spend your hard money on your hobby, thinking that you'll be over it in a year or two.

You're at a time of your life where your mind will change about a million times...not saying you're going to stop keeping snakes, but you never know. There's no need to expand at your age while you're working and going to school full time. Concentrate on yourself for now, and do what you have to do at this time. The snakes will be there when you're done with college, find gainful employment, and have a place of your own. I'm not trying to discourage you from keeping snakes now, that is awesome. My point is that you aren't quite established in life, and you're bound to discover about 100 more things that you possibly could be passionate about over the next few years.

Only thing I can say is stay in school.

When I was 19 I dropped out of college, then joined the army, was injured (non combat) to be discharged, then spent 12 years working in construction until a catastrophic injury in 08, and disabled since.
My life would have been completely different if I would have stayed in school. I still would have joined the military, I just would have had more options like flying a hilo over driving tanks.

I don't like to talk about my life in a public forum, but I just don't want to see someone make the same mistakes I did.

Thanks for the advice guys, I'll let you know how it goes. I really like the idea of not breeding them until I move out but we'll see what the rents say.

That really sucks :/ My mum won't have anything other than a cat in her house, so I couldn't get my first BP til I was nearly 20 because I was living at college and then moved in with my grandparents and it took me seven months to persuade them. They got used to mine, but my mum still refuses to have anything that's not a cat.

Unfortunately, as I found, arguing with parents is pointless if they just don't get it. My Mum doesn't so I've stopped bothering asking and so has my brother. Luckily I don't live there any more. I guess if you've given them all the facts and figures and reassured them to the point of screaming it at them there's not a lot you can do. Don't get any more and expand loads, it'll just make them more frustrated. Parents can be so unreasonable. Hope everything goes alright :)

Stay in school, don't expand your collection or breed until you move out.

i have a question are they paying for any of this stuff for you?, the situation sucks, my mom was cool with what ever i got, even the rhino vipers, copper heads, and gaboon vipers, but if my step dad really knew what i had he prolly would have killed them all off, racks in my case helped a ton, since it kept is small and not show-offy when he had to visit my realm.

the reason i was asking about if they are paying for anything, i could see the irritation when you said i need another rack. and that was one thing my mom made real clear, she did not care what i had, how many of them or what i needed, as long as i payed for it 100%, the occasional few $ for feeders was ok as long as it was payed back within a week. (i no longer live with my parents, but had to a few times through the years.)

Definitely stay in school, if they are bothered by the expansion of your collection, then hold off on it for a while. Girlfriend, well if she is not cool with it,......well that will be a harder choice to make later on when that time comes around.

Stay in school and get your education! I would forget about breeding and expanding while you are still living at home. There will be plenty of time for that when you move out. Then you have your own place and can do whatever you want. Perhaps if you told them that you decided now was not a good time to breed and that you are going to wait, they would be ok letting you stay at the 5 snakes you have now. Maybe them they would be ok, and you would get to keep the snakes you have. Isn't that better than getting rid of them, to just chill and wait?

I suggest that you come up with a plan and go on the offensive, rather than waiting for them to give you an ultimatum. Offer the compromise that you will stop expanding (that includes no breeding) until you are out of school and on your own financially, as long as you aren't required to get rid of what you have. If they are supporting you, even with tuition, then they have a very strong right to tell you where your money is going to be spent. Tell them that you understand and respect that right, and you had no intention of misleading them in any way. As others have mentioned, you are at a very unstable place in life. Although I doubt you will lose your passion for BPs in just the next couple of years, you have to bear in mind that you will need flexibility when it IS time to move out, find a "real" job (parent-speak for salary and benefits), and having twenty-thirty-ninety snakes will make that a LOT harder, especially since you will still probably need to live with a roommate, who may not share your passion. If your parents are reasonable (I can only advise in how I would have approached mine), then I think they will understand your desire for the hobby, appreciate that you came to them with a plan like an adult, and ease off your back now that the initial panic attack has subsided.

The reason that theyre mad is bc you plan to breed not buy more snakes right? So just dont breed for 2 years until your out of the house. Theyll probably be ok with that. This will only benefit you bc then your females will be over 2000grams and the first year you breed your chances of getting some big clutches will be good!

Don't be a fool; stay in school.

Keep the ones you've got till you move out, then get serious with the snakes.

You have plenty of time.

My stepdad is like that. He never wanted to have snakes in his house for whatever reason. I have three and would have had four. I had to sell my boa so I could get a big breeder female because it was either breed possibly this season and definitely next or have a cool boa that won't give me any breeding experience. Just a few days ago he thought he found a bedbug and was blowing up that the new female brought them in and he's just gonna bug bomb the house snakes or no snakes and get them out for a while if you want them to live. That's an insult to me and I told him that straight up. I make damn sure that an animal is healthy and mite-free before I add it to my collection and even then I still quarantine for six months. I just need to save my money because he has told me if I have my own little building/shed he'll help me insulate it and run electricity and water to it so I can have it on my own meter and get my own bill every month. Then he doesn't care how many snakes I have because they're not in his house. Also I think you need to stay in school. Realistically if you're going to breed snakes and try to make a living on them, you need a good job to support yourself and to get started. Not only that but you need to have something to fall back on if your breeding doesn't go the way you want it to.

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Originally Posted by evan385

My stepdad is like that. He never wanted to have snakes in his house for whatever reason. I have three and would have had four. I had to sell my boa so I could get a big breeder female because it was either breed possibly this season and definitely next or have a cool boa that won't give me any breeding experience. Just a few days ago he thought he found a bedbug and was blowing up that the new female brought them in and he's just gonna bug bomb the house snakes or no snakes and get them out for a while if you want them to live. That's an insult to me and I told him that straight up. I make damn sure that an animal is healthy and mite-free before I add it to my collection and even then I still quarantine for six months. I just need to save my money because he has told me if I have my own little building/shed he'll help me insulate it and run electricity and water to it so I can have it on my own meter and get my own bill every month. Then he doesn't care how many snakes I have because they're not in his house.

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That Sucks, but in the same regard is not a bad idea if he is willing to help you out on that project. my only concern would be the security of the shed with animals in it, having someone break into it is night or what not and steal or kill your animals off would,....... can't think of a word that would describe that feeling

Growing up my dad was like that however my mom was on my side so I was constantly sneeking in reptiles.
I would suggest trying not to get your parents involved with your snakes as possible. The less they hear or see them the less of a bother they will be to them. When they see them they are thinking about them and I like to avoid conversations like that as much as possible. If you plan on breeding it do it on your terms. Get all the equipment on your own without asking for money. Snakes are not for everyone so you cant force them to understand but you can show them your responsible enough to be able to handle it.
Do not drop out of school either. School means more then anything these days.

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Originally Posted by jcoylesr76

That Sucks, but in the same regard is not a bad idea if he is willing to help you out on that project. my only concern would be the security of the shed with animals in it, having someone break into it is night or what not and steal or kill your animals off would,....... can't think of a word that would describe that feeling

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Well if I have thousands or even hundreds of dollars worth of snakes then I would invest in ADT or other form of security system. Maybe a big pad lock on the door and some bars on the windows. It would be a strong, sturdy building and not flimsy like some sheds are.

I'm 46 years old and my parents still give me grief about the snakes. Trust me, that part of it never goes away. The difference is that I don't live with them, so I don't have to care. It's a different deal when you live under their roof.

My advise, limit the collection to what you have now, wait to breed, and finish school. :gj:

That sounds kinda like how me and my mom were. I got a baby 11' pastel male and she was fine with it and didn't really care as long as she didn't see it and my garter. So I told her I was getting another, a breeder male mojave which I guess she wasn't listening to me at the time about it being larger than the baby. I wasn't living with my parents at the time, but at my gfs, and I would just came home every few days to clean and fed. I got a text from her at like 11 one night with a huge bold lettered rant about all my snakes needing to be gone because on how big my one male was, there was no debate that they needed to be gone by Friday (it was Wednesday) and she was so disgusted by seeing it that she almost threw up. I guess I wasn't clear on the mojaves size, but to me a full grown male bp isn't that big...to her it was going to escape in the night and strangle her (her words). So I unfortunately had to sell my bps for the time being, I was sad but ill have some again. I was hoping to have some this year, but me and my gf decided not to move out of her moms house until we finish our 2 years for our associates in nursing. By then we will be making quite a bit of money and will have our own dream house made. I get the second story of the garage as my man cave, along with the basement for extra space.

It sucks to have to give up what you love, and I hate seeing everyones pics on here of their gorgeous snakes, but if all I have to wait is 3ish years....judging a typical persons average lifespan, that's not that long. Plus ill be more financially stable and able to buy more than just base morphs. ;)

Hang in there man, things do get better!

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Thanks everyone for the replies and stories, really!

To answer some of your questions, I actually support myself financially and have been for a few years. I work as a lifeguard/swimming instructor and I pay for my own tuition. I pay for my own spending. I pay for anything that is snake related. Pretty much I can say confidently that I havent taken money from them in two years, except heres the catch, Im 20 and they arent making me pay rent. I am really thankful for that because it gives me time to get ready to move out at my own pace. I already have a plan in two years of renting my parents spare apartment, which has a small walk in closet perfect for ball pythons, and a roomate who I have been friends with since grade 6 and owns a snake himself. So as much as I love the snakes, I realized that it would be really stupid to drop everything in my life for them and I thank you guys for showing me that, I was just so angry when it happened last night.

As for breeding, I am definitely going to hold off until I move out. Hopefully my parents will be okay with me keeping these five, I can be pretty persuasive when I have a good argument and my parents arent the most irrational people in the world. And I agree, I'll have some pretty big females in two or three years from now so thats definitely a plus. If they really need me to get rid of them, then I think I would do it but it would be hard.

That sounds like a good plan. Sit down with them and say, "Look, I admit I wasn't seeing things clearly at first, but I realized I was being selfish and spoiled and I feel bad about it. What if I agree to only keep the ones I have for now ? No buying more, no breeding until I am out on my own? Does that sound reasonable ?"

As a parent, I can just about promise you if you tell them you were wrong and they were right, they will be so surprised and delighted they won't care two figs if you keep the snakes you have now.

And truthfully, those two years will fly by as you watch your babies grow.

Gale

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Originally Posted by angllady2

That sounds like a good plan. Sit down with them and say, "Look, I admit I wasn't seeing things clearly at first, but I realized I was being selfish and spoiled and I feel bad about it. What if I agree to only keep the ones I have for now ? No buying more, no breeding until I am out on my own? Does that sound reasonable ?"

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This is probably the best thing that you can do.