Divorce Survival?

Tonight my husband and I mutually agreed upon a divorce. I will be moving back to Utah at the end of the week to live with my family.

I have to say, I'm incredibly torn up over it. I thought it would be easier when we both recognized it wasn't working out, but all I feel is pain and regret, and an indescribable sense of loss.

I am selling all of my snakes, as I don't know of any other way to come up with the money I need now. I was a housewife for our entire marriage, so I will have to find a job when I am back in Utah.

Does anyone have handy tips for coping with divorce?

Go out and bang as many guys as you can:O.......I'm sorry I'm sorry, just joking.

on a serious note, get a hobby that keeps you busy like, oh i don't know, maybe reptiles? could you ask your ex for some kind of spousal support at least until you find a job of your own? i'm not sure how long you were married or what the laws are in other states but you could be entitled to it by law unless there was some kind of pre-nup. I mean it's the least he could do for you since I assume that it was not your idea to not work and be a housewife, I would gladly do that for my wife if we ever got divorced. But thatis just me.

I am divorced as well, however it was not mutually agreed upon. My ex was very abusive and I stayed with him as long as possible because we have our son together. It took me a long time to realize that I'm not doing my son any good by staying, so I finally left him. Luckily, I have a pretty steady job otherwise I probably would have been scared to leave even longer.

At first, even with as bad as it was, I still felt those feelings you do. I remember crying to my mom that I missed him (which, if you knew him....:rolleyes: you'd think I was crazy), but I was at the time. Emotions aren't rational, so if you're trying to think rationally and emotions are high, you're probably not thinking as rationally as you think. It's funny how the brain works.

Either way, the only thing that helps is time. Being away from him may make it easier. If you're sure it's what you want then just stay strong and fight any feelings of regret. It may help to see a therapist when you get back to Utah to help you find other ways to cope. It helped me at the time, even though I hated him I still couldn't help the feelings. Just hang in there, it's not easy no matter how long you've been together. Go with your gut, not your feelings. If you go with your feelings you may just be prolonging the inevitable.

He is going to send me with some money. Our divorce was mutually agreed upon, but for some reason that hasn't made it any easier. Luckily my husband is being very kind about things, and we are working together to ensure neither of us gets screwed over.

He and I have been together for 5 years, and I honestly can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. I only hope that time will heal this, and that someday I'll be able to move on.

I have been divorced sine 1998. It was a very tough decision but it was mutual. It makes it even harder when there are children involved. It was the best thing for all of us though. It hurt for a very long time but now I am with my boyfriend as of nine years and I have moved on. Just take things slowly and do not rush anything. I experienced guilt and felt hurt for a very long time. Chin up and you will be just fine.

I've been there and the way I got through each day was due to my sister and several close friends (quite a few were online). There were also my animals because I knew they needed me no matter what was going on in my life. If you get rid of your snakes, I'd recommend keeping 1 or 2 of your favorites to give you something to focus on.
It may not seem like it now or even for awhile but if you just take each day as it comes, you will get through it.

My divorce was mutually agreed upon, and it was best to focus on the the fact that it really was better for all parties involved. I have nothing negative to say about her, but it just did not work out.

I'm twenty, and my little sister is about to turn thirteen. My parents separated about a year and a half ago and the divorce is still processing. ( My dad is an accountant and their are a lot of financials to work out. )

The first thing I can suggest is to let yourself feel it. It sounds simple, but many of us find quick relief in bottling. Let yourself experience it and then take a breath. This is what life is... learning and growing. Though it's painful, we always seem to grow into ourselves the most out of our toughest endeavors.

Try not to focus on blame, or what went wrong and where. We all change and sometimes our changes are incompatible. Guilt and spite are very real and so is the pain, but it will fade. Remember that every morning the sun will come up and the earth will still evolve and grow, just like we do.

That helps me a lot if the stress gets to be a little much in life - I just go sit outside and breathe or look for four leaf clovers. (I've found quite a few now... I'll pick one with you in mind. (: )

Getting away will help a lot, but I agree with Dracoluna. Taking care of one or two of the ones closest to your heart could prove pretty therapeutic to you.

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Originally Posted by meowmeowkazoo

I only hope that time will heal this, and that someday I'll be able to move on.

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While I am not divorced, I think you have the right idea with this post. As with any loss, life does go on and in time you will find happiness again :)

Sorry that you are going through this. It sucks. Im going through one as well. Mine, not so mutual. You didnt mention kids so Im assuming there arent any ? If there arent, just remember you two agreed upon this for a reason. Its SO easy to slip back and try to reconcile later when it gets lonely. Im not saying that doesnt work but again, you agreed upon this divorce for a reason. If you dont wont to make it work, dont try to be best friends right now. You need to distance or it will only make it harder.

just my .02

Just saw that we are neighbors .. if you need a good attorney I can give mine's name. Should be easy since its mutual.

Sorry to hear about this. I am not and never will divorce but I know people who have. I'll do what I did them: I'll pray for you and him and hope God guides you down the appropriate path.

God bless.

I have not been in your shoes, so I don't have any advice to offer. I will say though, that if you need a shoulder, we will all be here for you. Sorry for your tough time. May you find happiness and contentment in the days to come.

I was married for 8 years when my ex-wife threatened to take my kids and go back to live around her parents. Well, I was in the Army and couldn't imagine us staying married but, her living in Washington while I was in New York. So, I told her to go! But, we would be getting divorced! She said no, we can stay married I just don't want to live thousands of miles from my family. I thought her, our kids and me was OUR FAMILY! But, guess not! I filed for divorce and moved out! Then deployed to Iraq and came home and she was still in New York! I have no idea why! Guess she thought I'd change my mind. I didn't think I'd ever find someone else either! Actually didn't even want too! I wanted to just do what I wanted! Well, I met my current wife! Not really sure if this will help! But, just know you can find happiness again! I'll be married for 3 years in May! Just hoping to give you some HOPE! You'll be ok! Keep your head up!

Thanks everyone for the kind words.

My family and friends have also been encouraging me to keep a few snakes, as they all know how important they are to me.

I think I will also try to spend some time outdoors. It can be very calming to spend time out in nature.

Luckily we do not have any kids. We were getting close to the point of starting a family, so I guess we are lucky that never happened.

It feels strange though, going from planning to be a mother to suddenly being single without kids. I feel kind of disappointed, since I was really looking forward to finally having children and having a family to take care of.

Your time will come, with the right person. Don't give up hope on that. They say when one door closes, another opens. I am a firm believer in things happen for a reason. Several years ago I lost my favorite cat to cancer, at a very young age. It was the first death my daughter had to deal with. Hind sight, I believe it was preparing her for the death of her grandfather to cancer a year later. She know her papa and kitty are up there together. Stay strong.

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Originally Posted by meowmeowkazoo

Thanks everyone for the kind words.
It feels strange though, going from planning to be a mother to suddenly being single without kids. I feel kind of disappointed, since I was really looking forward to finally having children and having a family to take care of.

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Mine was the same way and it did feel very disappointing until I realized that families come in many forms. I had my sister to take care of (bi-polar) and my furry/scaly kids who needed me. Now, 6 years later, I'm happily married and though I don't have human kids yet, that will happen in good time. Sometimes it's hard to see what you do have when it feels like your world is collapsing in around you but like you mentioned, going outside and into nature can help along with just taking the time to think about the good things in your life.

The only suggestion I have is get a job asap.

You need to do it for yourself, and it'll be good to get in a new routine to give yourself at least a little bit of a reason to be productive on any given day.

Thanks for all the kind words everyone. I convinced my husband to try marriage counseling before we call it quits. I don't think I would ever be able to let go if I didn't know we had tried everything possible. I am still going to sell most of my snakes (both to save up money in case of divorce and because they're an issue while living in an apartment), but I am going to keep my favorites.

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Originally Posted by meowmeowkazoo

Thanks for all the kind words everyone. I convinced my husband to try marriage counseling before we call it quits. I don't think I would ever be able to let go if I didn't know we had tried everything possible. I am still going to sell most of my snakes (both to save up money in case of divorce and because they're an issue while living in an apartment), but I am going to keep my favorites.

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Good to hear, do everything you can or else you will always wonder what if.