Twenty years old and I still can't talk to girls....fml

Like the title says, i'm twenty years old now and I still can't talk to girls. I still tried the whole pass them a note thing like I did a couple days ago but i've only even done that twice, ever. So what the hell is wrong with me? Any time I want to talk to a pretty girl I sit there and think about it for a while and then by the time I have a chance i'm like "Screw it, what's the point?" As much as I would like to I always come to the conclusion that it's completely pointless and a waste of time. But I can talk to girls online like nothing. Guess I have no confidence. Anyone else with a similar problem or dealt with this before that can give me some advise?

My only advice (being a 21 year old female) would be don't sit around he-hawing for too long and just jump in there and go for it. If you get shut down then who cares? Just move on and figure out how to approach a girl in a different way. Only way to get better at talking to girls is to get out there and do it. You may surprise yourself once you get over the "I can't do it, what's the point?" phase.

And obviously it's not pointless and a waste of time if it bothers you enough to post about in on a forum!

Go to a reptile show and start a conversation with a girl there! At least you will have a starting point for a conversation. :)

Eh, just be yourself. :) You'll feel a lot more confident that way.

Trust me, I've been there - trying to think of the right thing to say, and ending up just not saying anything at all and drowning in awkward silence. Totally not worth it! Just smile and talk!

The point is,, your 20, and in your prime. You gotta think like a pimp. Trust me, no matter how many times you think your gonna get rejected, or whatever, ain't nobody gonna remember it in 5 years anyway. The only thing that will be remembered is by you wandering why you didn't use your pimpness to the fullest when you had the chance.

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Originally Posted by mr.spooky

The point is,, your 20, and in your prime. You gotta think like a pimp. Trust me, no matter how many times you think your gonna get rejected, or whatever, ain't nobody gonna remember it in 5 years anyway. The only thing that will be remembered is by you wandering why you didn't use your pimpness to the fullest when you had the chance.

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I gotta say. The fastest way for me to write off a guy is if he thinks/acts like a pimp.

Life is to short to worry about stuff like that. Just do it. If you get shot down just move on to the next one. Find someone that you can be yourself around right from the get go.

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Originally Posted by Raptor

I gotta say. The fastest way for me to write off a guy is if he thinks/acts like a pimp.

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Ditto... sounds like a terrible idea to me.

Just act friendly. Honestly, I tend to be really put off by guys who try to date me before they try to befriend me.

Low self esteem honey.

Want to know a secret ? Most of the time, we pretty girls feel exactly the same way about you. Granted, some really pretty girls are stuck up and snooty, to be polite about it. But a lot of the time, what you see as beautiful we see as "just me".

I will tell you one thing. Do not be fake. Any girl, pretty or not so pretty can smell that a mile away and we hate it. If you notice a pretty girl at say, a coffee shop. Ask her what her favorite kind is. Or even better, just kind of talk out loud to no one in particular about something. You know, for example it's a cold morning and you really enjoy that first hot sip. So just kind of go over near her and quietly say something to the effect of, " Boy does this taste good on such a cold morning." Glance in her direction. Usually she'll smile, sometimes she might even agree with you. It's a great way to get in a little practice.

Don't be afraid to just chat a little. It doesn't have to mean anything, just chat a bit. It only takes a little smile, a brief comment, you never know where it might lead.

Don't sell yourself short sweetie. If you are just you, someday a lovely girl is just going to fall head over heels for you, and you still aren't going to know why. :D

Gale

Don't be afraid, like other people said.its ok to.get turned down. When you approach a girl don't be nervous stay cool and tell yourself you're the best. Its all a mentality believe it or not. If you think you're great you will be. Start out small to build cofidence. Just make a convrrstiin with random girls.that you're not really interested in to get the feel. Try fifteenth flirting styles and pick ups. The best thing is you will never seem these girls ever again and it makes them feel good too. Trust me start small and build up for that girl you really want. Heh its fun to get the girl you really like ;);)

When I was single in college my friends and I used to play a game. We actually had a game going on how many times we could get shot down in one night!

It was just harmless fun but it certainly got us over the fear of talking to girls.

Think about it there's absolutely no way every girl in the world will shoot ya down. Say ya get shot down by 10, # 11 has a high chance of talking to ya.

One of my friends would go all night I think his highest was like 16 girls in one night and whats funny is he met his fiance that night as #17!

Think of it as having the *censored* to get out there and just talk to girls and be your self! It's a good thing to get shot down at least ya tried.

How adorable. I'm a 21 year old female, I'd talk to you. :rofl:

I never passed any notes or went out of my way or anything. Everyone I've dated (not a lot of people, but still) have been my friends first, and boyfriends second. :)

Ok heres my advice. When you go up to a girl, under no circumstance do you open with hey ya wanna see my snake. Now since thats out of the way its easy. Girls your age dont care about what you have to say. They care about what you think of them, just talk about them and you got it made. Just make sure noone with a cell phone camera is around if you do get rejected or else it will be all over youtube. Thank god there wasnt youtube in 1993. I would have been screwed hahahah.

It is just like public speaking, the more you do it the more comfortable you will get. However, the first couple of times you feel lucky if you just don't poop your pants. You just have to take a deep breath, be yourself and start the conversation. BTW, you will fail and some girls will look at you like you are a weirdo, but they are normally hiding their own insecurities. If you fall down, get back up.

Using the correlation to public speaking, I once gave an hour presentation with a group of about 20 professionals. Once I was done, I looked down and my zipper was wide open. I wanted to die. However, I kept at it and am now asked to make presentations.

This comes from an old fart, who has been married for 30 years. I intentionally didn't tell you about my experience with women prior to marriage. My wife may be reading. :O

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Originally Posted by snake lab

under no circumstance do you open with hey ya wanna see my snake.

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:rofl::rofl::rofl:

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Originally Posted by rebelrachel13

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

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That may actually work if you were at a reptile show lol

I did have this issue back when I first got out of high school, high school made it to easy to pick up girls, they are trapt in the same building with you for hours they had to talk to ya at some point haha.

But you have to find your way of doing things. Every guy has his own way. I'm an IT guy so I learned in college to meet girls talk to them about their laptops and cool phones etc. When they were studying in the library on campus etc., almost every college student has computer issues. I would offer to help them and fix their laptops, it was a way to talk to them and meet them. Plus I was being a nice guy and fixing their stuff for free.

Also playing that game with my friends really got me over my social anxiety and I was able to meet many girls and determine what I wanted in a wife. Now I have my gorgeous girlfriend (soon to be fiance as soon as I can afford a nice piece of jewelry).

use your shyness to your advantage. some great girls love shy guys that arent all full of themselves. heres an opening line for someone youre really into. "im a little nervous but i really like you and was wondering if we could hang out sometime"

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Originally Posted by Raptor

I gotta say. The fastest way for me to write off a guy is if he thinks/acts like a pimp.

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maby our ideas of a pimp is different. Guess I should have used the word confident. Confident like a pimp.

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Originally Posted by mr.spooky

maby our ideas of a pimp is different. Guess I should have used the word confident. Confident like a pimp.

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As far as I know, there's only one meaning behind that word.

Pretty much everyone has said it so far but just be confident in yourself. Its like reaching in and taking out an aggresive snake. They can sense if youre nervous and you hesistate alot. If you just reach in and grab it, ya theres a chance you could get bit, but theres also a chance youll be perfectly fine. Same thing with girls, if youre confident, theres a chance you could get rejected, but theres also a chance she'll say yes.
For the record im only using the comparison because this is bp.net, i hope none of you lovely ladies take offence bc i certainly didnt mean it that way lol...

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Originally Posted by mr.spooky

maby our ideas of a pimp is different. Guess I should have used the word confident. Confident like a pimp.

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I got what you meant spooky but ya that was sorta a poor way to word it lololol.

I am married and I still can't talk to them. Online dating FTW!

Like this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqjaPZEt0KY

One thing that helps me alot (granted i am not by any means a ladies man) that has slightly been touched on is confidence.

ways that I personally boost my confidence expecially going out is dressing in what im confortable, yet I feel good in. also something like getting a hair cut or shaving or something minor like that could help, just make you feel better about yourself which would make you want to interact more.

In my opinion, and how I approach it is, (this is more for going out to places) there are good ways to be noticed and bad ways to be noticed. good way being the guy whos slightly over dressed yet looks sharp, and confident, then the guy who looks like a slob.

And the best tool you could ever use, is your female friends. mine help me with all different aspects, from style to conversation approaches to female signs ect. ect.

Hope this helps, again its my opinion, just do what makes you feel comfortable and dont over think anything, expecially the conversation, because thats when youll get nervous. happens to me alot.

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Originally Posted by BFT12890

Hope this helps, again its my opinion, just do what makes you feel comfortable and dont over think anything, expecially the conversation, because thats when youll get nervous. happens to me alot.

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the worst is when you get nervous and combine words/phrases lmao.
For example: I hold the door open for a pretty girl and she says thank you. Then i try and say youre welcome and no problem at the same time so what comes out is "no welcome!" or "your problem!".... can you say awkward haha!

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Originally Posted by Mike41793

the worst is when you get nervous and combine words/phrases lmao.
For example: I hold the door open for a pretty girl and she says thank you. Then i try and say youre welcome and no problem at the same time so what comes out is "no welcome!" or "your problem!".... can you say awkward haha!

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Haha right! thats when you semi redeem yourself by laughing about it and trying again while attempting to act a little more cool, or just running away real quick. hahaha

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Originally Posted by Raptor

As far as I know, there's only one meaning behind that word.

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:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

It's real easy to give advice but quite another thing to put if to practice.but here's my two cents. Flirt being a little flirtatious can go a long way just don't get carried away could you might come off as obnoxious . there's nothing wrong with a little flirting or even a line. it's kind of like a knock at the door. if they don't respond well then move on . you definitely don't want to get involved with somebody that snooty stuck up or conceited . there's plenty of nice girls around. Also don't always go for the pretty ones there too pretty that maybe part of the reason you get nervous around them. don't overlook the ones that are maybe not as pretty but funny or have good personalities or just nice . beauty can fade but a good personality never will . Lastly just don't sweat it its really no big deal to get rejected.believe me I got shot down plenty of times before I married my beautiful wife. Good luck

Being the flirtatious sort I never had much of a problem. Just be confident, be yourself and being humorous never hurts. I once jokingly told a girl that I was gonna marry her and she was going to have my babies after just meeting her. It works with my personality, I wouldnt recommend you say that though, granted I did end up marrying her and she has had two of my children thus far. I am pyschic I suppose.

Let me give you some perspective from an older guy (46 years old, married twice, been single for 9 years now). It took me a long time to figure out that the key to talking to women was to talk with women. A subtle difference, to be sure, but an important one. Simple conversation is the best way to discover if you have any common interests, which can become the building blocks for something more. Back when I thought I had to talk to women in order to get a hook up, it always led to disaster, embarrassment and usually rejection. After doing some self-analysis on my successful relationships versus my crash and burn episodes, I realized that I was at my most successful when I was engaging the woman in natural conversation that resulted in two way communication. The bottom line for me was that talking to women felt fake, while talking with women felt real. And, and the song says, "Ain't nothin' like the real thang' Baby."

I used to be like that, Then College happened. And well I walked up to every girl i seen on campus and parties.

Some were nice, others not so nice but the majority wont be rude directly to your face but give you hints for you to up and walk away.

I could care less what people think of me especially women, Ill talk to them and if they show no interest i move on and done.

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Originally Posted by FkNdRk

Being the flirtatious sort I never had much of a problem. Just be confident, be yourself and being humorous never hurts. I once jokingly told a girl that I was gonna marry her and she was going to have my babies after just meeting her. It works with my personality, I wouldnt recommend you say that though, granted I did end up marrying her and she has had two of my children thus far. I am pyschic I suppose.

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lmao. Thats really funny actually!

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Originally Posted by FkNdRk

I once jokingly told a girl that I was gonna marry her and she was going to have my babies after just meeting her.

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:O That's exactly how my twins ended up being born :O

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Originally Posted by evan385

Any time I want to talk to a pretty girl

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That's your first problem right there. Stop thinking about looks first. Is it easy to talk to girls you're not immediately going 'ga-ga' over?

I highly recommend OK Cupid. I don't know any guys who use it but many girls who do. It seems to be a popular dating tool, and since some ridiculous % of relationships these days start online, you might as well take advantage of it. If I understand things correctly, you basically start to get to know people via text/IMs/wall posts, all of whom are interested in dating. I'm lucky enough to be one of the few these days who is in a long term relationship (almost 6 and a half years!) that started as a friendship in college, the good old way of doing it :P

You'll probably be a little awkward at first, but practice makes perfect. Seriously though, offer to take a few girls out bowling and getting a few sodas and onion rings is a great way to start dating in a low-pressure situation.. or anything else similar, a fun and easy activity. Save the dinner/movie dates for later, start with plain old fun.

If you're in college and have the choice, opt to live on a co-ed floor. Making friends with girls you have no specific intention of dating is important if you've never done so in your life. I'm still surprised at how segregated by sex much of our society is these days, particularly in youth.

Getting over the 'jitters' for anything in life is usually only done by exposure.

An addendum:

I have zero issues talking to any women these days partly because I've been in the same stable and loving relationship for over 6 years, and most of all.. the only friends I hang out with anymore are women :rolleye2:

Somehow all the guys I knew in college up and left the great state of Minnesota, and all my close female friends ended up staying.

It's all about exposure, the comfort will come in time.

Dont think about it dude, its just a girl. Dont force yourself to go talk to a girl because it will probably be awkward. When the right moment comes along it will just happen. Meanwhile dont think about it so much.

I am no expert but i do have 6 older sisters. there were always girls around when i was growing up so i never had trouble talking to girls. I've had my fair share of rejection. probably more than my fair share. The best "pick up line", in my opinion, is "Hi, my name is _____."
I would say most importantly though would be dont try to be someone youre not. Now get out there and get you some! :cool:

Confidence bro.

Striking out is good. It's practice and most the girls that just shoot you down off the bat aren't worth your time anyways.

I've dated probably 100 different girls and struck out probably close to just as much.

Just start talking about things you're interested in and find out her interests and if she shares some of those common interests you'll be surprised at how easy it is to talk to her. Even if you don't end up dating the girl you'll have a good in because likely she'll have friends too and maybe she'll have a friend that's perfect for you!

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Originally Posted by cecilbturtle

The best "pick up line", in my opinion, is "Hi, my name is _____."

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THIS!^

I honestly have a really weird method for it. I currently have a girlfriend, but when I was single I wasn't super confident either. So what I would do is talk to them and pretend that I had a girlfriend. Because for me when I saw them as just someone I was trying to be friendly to it wasn't so scary.

Im the same way actually I am very confident online lol but I am super shy. Guys are always trying to talk to me but I never know what to do so I walk away....I am a loner lol

Ok from looking at your pic you look like a decent guy im 22 my self in a relationship now but when I was single did I have a blast but thats a story for another website.

Be yourself.
Hygiene I CANT STRESS THIS ONE ENOUGH. ie brush teeth(nothing worse than bad breath kisses)showers shave deoderant etc.
Dress casual no shorts unless where called for ie beach etc. also wear a nice shirt a button up nice vneck. Avoid hats like the plague. Do your hair.
Make her laugh.
peacocking lol wear a nice watch or necklace etc to grab the girls attention after all we all know girls love shiny,trust me sounds dumb but works.


O and if all else fails drink til you can talk lol jk hope this helps man keep your head up.

Don't look at me. I'm happily married, and I've never struck up a conversation with a guy in person in my life. Every serious relationship I've ever been in started online, lol.

Which just proves, I suppose, that that works too.

Don't worry... I can't talk to girls either.....and I'm a girl!
I honestly think its less complicated to avoid other chicks. So much drama being a 22 year old female..... x___X

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Originally Posted by Rhasputin

Everyone I've dated (not a lot of people, but still) have been my friends first, and boyfriends second. :)

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I agree. I'm the exact same way.

To the OP:
As others have said, be yourself. Don't pretend to be someone you're not because that will only disappoint the girl. Be confident, but not arrogant. Go to social events and meet people. Join some school clubs. I've met some of my greatest friends and my current boyfriend from clubs. Turned out we had almost everything in common, from the smallest bad habits to crazy Fresh-off-the Boat- asian parents.

I've dated 2 others prior to my current boyfriend. (One of those relationships being a childhood puppy love thing that doesn't really count). Anyway, I started out as a friend to these guys. I think being a friend first is really important. You get to know each other on the basis of common likes and dislikes and other personal details. I'm sure you're more comfortable with your friends than strangers.

And lastly I will say this, do not judge a girl on her looks. While having an pretty girl is a plus, I believe her mind should be one you're attracted to.

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Originally Posted by frenchy

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peacocking lol wear a nice watch or necklace etc to grab the girls attention after all we all know girls love shiny,trust me sounds dumb but works.

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I like shiny but not jewelry me personally love the new shiny knives lol but I would be afraid of a guy who brought a knife on a date haha

Can't catch a fish if you don't throw the bait. Sometimes you catch one, sometimes you don't. No biggie. Think like that and you'll get girls.

Anyone seen the movie Sex Drive? Its kinda related to all of this... Evan you should watch it.

don't be afraid of getting shot down, the more you talk the more confident and comfortable you will get. I really believe there is somebody for everybody when you find someone that you are comfortable with you will know it . somebody else posted had a good idea about maybe going to reptile expo as there you would have something in common with the girls therefore something to talk about. I don't know about all that cheesy pickup lines though, for me that wouldn't work. But maybe that's just me

Thank you all. I wish I had time to reply to all of your posts but sadly I work third shift at Denso and i'm on about an hour of sleep. Tuesdays and Thursdays are basically school and try to get some sleep between classes. Which is another factor. Even when I don't have school, after sleep, driving, and whatever else I have to do I have about a maximum of five hours free time. But realistically it's about four give or take thirty minutes and even less if I decide to hit the gym. This is why I have no social life. Guess i'll have to start partying on my one night off. Another thing and I won't go into much detail about it, I was with a very sweet girl for what will be three years on March 3rd. Not going to say it was the perfect relationship or even anything close. Hell it was long distance, she lied about her age for the first six months to make me believe she was only one year younger than me, and her mother intervened more than once. But still, I was sure beyond any doubts that we would be together come next year and that I would spend the rest of my life with this girl. For whatever reason she up and disappeared out of nowhere almost three months ago. So I also have issues with trust and depression.

think this way whats the worst that can happne. you are still single and not dating anyone. thats exactly where you are if you dont try.

I say start off with whatever your sense of humor is. if there is something ridicous going make a joke. or just say hi and smile. Better yet let the girl catch you looking at her and just smile. If she smiles back you are in.

Best pick-up line ever: Do you need rats for your snakes?

It's how my boyfriend snagged me and I couldn't be happier. :D:D:D