some major life changes

So my life just took a drastic turn.

Yesterday, I left my husband. Ok, he's not really my husband but we've been together close to 6 years, we have kids and a house, so close enough to a marriage. Anyway, things have been pretty rocky between us for the past couple of years, and I just couldn't take it anymore.

My 4 year old and I are staying with a friend for right now. Which is kinda stressful because she has another friend with her 5 kids staying here as well. Talk about a full house :rolleyes:
I'm extremely thankfully my ex let me take my car. It's still officially his car ( all in his name ) but he's going to transfer everything to me when I get insurance and get paid. I NEED my car as its my livelihood, I deliver newspapers as a job. And trust me, it came as a huge surprise for him to let me take it. He use to always tell me if I leave him he hopes I have a good walk/good luck finding a new job.....blah blah blah.

Now if I can just let him let me have my snakes. His theory, he paid for them so they are his, even though they all have been bought FOR me. Anyway, to make a long crappy story short, I will be taking a small hiatus from the forums. I have a lot to do in the next couple of weeks, find an apartment, get ALL new furniture as I have absolutely nothing, not even a freaking mattress and stay strong for my daughter. I luckily found an organization that helps people/families with emergency funds to find an apartment, so I should be able to get an apartment this week :please:

I will occasionally pop in and say hey, see how everyone is doing. I know this sounds kinda lame, but thanks for kinda letting me get it all out, I feel a bit better now :)

I'm really sorry to hear that. It sounds like it was for the best though. I hope everything works out for you.

I wish you the best of luck. It isn't easy to start over. I had to do it last year. I found the forums a great place for me to forget about everything that was going on. At least for a few hours... I was lucky enough to have a few good friend that were around to help me through also. I did spend a lot more time with my collection also. It gave me something more to focus on.

Sounds like you did the right thing! And I say congratulations on having the courage and strength to do so. <3

Hopefully when it's all calmed down a bit he'll see sense and let you have your snakes back. :]

Hope all goes well for you.

life's too short to waste on mediocrity. it takes a lot of balls to make a change like this. i'm glad you did. ive been there. it sucked at first but now i'm pretty damn happy. i'm a single father and we are both much happier now.

talk to an attorney about the snakes. if they were purchased as gifts then i do believe in pa, they are considered your pets.

good luck.
let me know if you need anything. im not terribly far away.

Luke

Sorry to hear about that, stay strong! It sounds like it's for the best, try not to worry too much and take it one day at a time. Remember we're all here for you if you need us!

Good luck to you!! I hope you can get your snakes back. :snake:

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Originally Posted by dragonboy4578

I wish you the best of luck. It isn't easy to start over. I had to do it last year. I found the forums a great place for me to forget about everything that was going on. At least for a few hours... I was lucky enough to have a few good friend that were around to help me through also. I did spend a lot more time with my collection also. It gave me something more to focus on.

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Same here, except it was 4 years ago. My motorcycle forums are what helped me through alot of it...that and riding :) Something that you can really get into and focus on for a while helps alot.

Good luck! It's not easy but you can do it, hopefully with your animals. :)

Men often make empty threats to get their way. That's probably what the car threat was. He probably saw what was coming and didn't want it to happen. Anyways, I am sure this is something you've thought long and hard about and that it's the right decision for you. I hope everything turns out well for you.

I'm sorry to hear about the current events, but I hope you come out happier than before..


On a side note, not to be a negative nancy, but you are in a bit of a sticky situation for now. He's got your snakes, you've got his car. Normally I would tell you to just go pick them up when he's not home and that's the end of that. But if you do that now he might just take his car back.... Anothe rissue is that if you don't retreive them soon enough, he may just sell them and then there goes your collection.

Is he refusing to give them to you? See if you can take them to a friend's house and fix the paperwork with the car ASAP.

"Now if I can just let him let me have my snakes. His theory, he paid for them so they are his"

smh

Not to be ugly - but would 50/50 be a more equitable distribution. Did he buy the car too? You need to consider common law marriage law in PA. If you reach too far - he could react and you could end up with nothing.

Pennsylvania: A common-law marriage was established if, before 1/1/2005, a man and woman exchanged words that indicated that they intended to be married at the present time and they also held themselves out to the community as married (introducing eachother as husband and wife, filing joint taxes, etc.).

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Originally Posted by womsterr

"Now if I can just let him let me have my snakes. His theory, he paid for them so they are his"

smh

Not to rain on you but - I would think 50/50 would be a more equitable distribution. Did he buy the car too? You need to consider common law marriage law in PA. If you reach to0 far - he could react and you could end up with nothing.

Pennsylvania: A common-law marriage was established if, before 1/1/2005, a man and woman exchanged words that indicated that they intended to be married at the present time and they also held themselves out to the community as married (introducing eachother as husband and wife, filing joint taxes, etc.).

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How is that an equitable distribution? They are her snakes. Yea he paid for them but they were gifts to her. Now if the collection was maintained by both of them then thats a different story. But if he had no interest in them and only bought them for her as gifts, then they should not go to him at all.

My most sincere apologies Heather.
I recently left my boyfriend of 6 years as well. I know your pain, though we didn't have kids, we did have mammalian pets together (I got two of the three in the "divorce") and splitting up after 6 years is hard.

I hope you and your daughter fare well through this. I wish you all the best luck and nothing ill fated befalls you.

Best wishes and luck to you! That takes a lot of strength, especially not knowing how he would react.

As far as furniture, don't discount Craigslist. I have given away a lot of stuff through there that I just didn't want to send to the dump when I got replacements. Just be careful and never meet someone alone!

I was in a similar situation but I had dogs. I was with this person for 10 years. We both dragged our relationship out. Finally he told me he wanted me out. So I ended up at my mom's house. I couldn't take my dogs. That is and was heartbreaking for me. During this time he got his nosy new girlfriend to get a lawyer to issue me papers saying that if I didn't pick them up with in 10 days they would be considered abandoned by me. I still was in a situation that I couldn't get them. He knew and knows how I felt and feel about my animals. He just wanted and still wants to hurt me. He is a grudge holder. He don't like nobody.

I am married now and my husband and I bought a house. I have room for them now. I finally after years found out that he still had them. I was so afraid that he had given them to the pound. Anyway, I contacted him just to ask if I could see them and he said No! So I let it go. I still thank about them everyday. Only thing that gives me comfort is I know he is taking care of them.

I don't know how fond your boyfriend is of your snakes or if he takes care of them. If you are like me you were the main care giver at your place. Hopefully if that is the case when you get settled he will offer them to you. Everything is probably still pretty crazy for you now.

I wish you luck with your new beginning. Life is to short to be unhappy. I am so happy now. I never thought I would meet someone so wonderful to me. Don't go to far away from the forums. My doggie forum friends kept me sane when the ex and I split. I think the forum here when you have time will help you to :)

You are strong. After so long of sharing everything. It is hard to be alone.
But, you have more time for your daughter and finally yourself.
Glad that he left you with the car. He sounds like a fair man. He sounded like he was joking when he told you to start walking.
If the break up was decided by both of you and you both still want to remain "friends" As in he is still going to see his daughter. Then i say let him have the snakes for now. Let him take care of them until you are more established on your own before trying to bring back 100+ snakes back into the home. Feeding them will take out enough money you could use for new furniture, food and clothes.

Good luck on your journey. I hope the best for you!

Good luck with everything, I hope you get everything figure out and it goes as smoothly as possible!

I've been in a very similar situation, and it takes courage to leave. It sounds like you have invested a lot of thought into this decision and into how to move forward. Best of luck to you! I hope you are able to get your snakes back too:)

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Originally Posted by Annarose15

As far as furniture, don't discount Craigslist. I have given away a lot of stuff through there that I just didn't want to send to the dump when I got replacements. Just be careful and never meet someone alone!

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True story. I've seen tons of (what looks like) nice furniture on CL for FREE!

Just an update:

Chad and I have been talking and we are trying to work through things. As many times as we have gone through this, I still feel like we need to try and get through our differences. I DO love him and I would love to spend the rest of my life with him, so I hope we can get through this bump, or should I say mountain, in the road.

I'm :please: this is the last time I have to go through this, as my heart can't take anymore, but on a brighter note I'm looking towards the future with my family. Thank you everyone for your wise words and advice, it really meant a lot to me! <3