Need some advice...

So, long story short. I grew up in a small city in Rhode Island. My best friend since I was 8 or 9 is one of the only people I kept in contact with after I moved to Massachusetts when I was 14. When I was 18 I had my son, needless to say I lost a majority of my friends because I couldn't go out and party every day like them, which was fine with me. She was always one to pop in and say hi. As the years went on, living different lives, she still came to family parties and events, but because we both have full time jobs we haven't really "hung out" since high school. She was even the maid of honor for my wedding (now divorced lol) when I was 18. Since then it's been minimal contact, other than facebook stalking and chatting occasionally, and family/friend parties. I've still always thought of her as my best friend.

Well she got married last month, and I "liked" her posts on her upcoming wedding, even commented on a few. I was never invited...

Now, she's been married for a month, and I didn't mention the non-invite before the wedding because I didn't want her to feel bad and then invite me out of pity, but I find it hard to believe she just "forgot" to invite me. After seeing all the pictures on facebook, it wasn't just a small "family only" wedding so that's not an excuse. I guess I'm just hurt because she's always been one of the very few people I'm close to, even if we don't see each other all the time. Do I mention this, or do I just let it go? Does anyone else have a similar experience? :(

I would just let it go. You know she will have some bs excuse. That is how the world works these days.

If its important to you then say something. Life is too short to wonder about such things. Since you guys are or were so close she will at the very least understand why you are hurt and needed to ask. This way you'll get an explanation. Good or bad at least you won't have to wonder anymore.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cecilbturtle

If its important to you then say something. Life is too short to wonder about such things. Since you guys are or were so close she will at the very least understand why you are hurt and needed to ask. This way you'll get an explanation. Good or bad at least you won't have to wonder anymore.

---

X2. I would judge my feelings about continued friendship based on her response. I'm sorry your friend did this to you.

I would REALLY find it hard to just "let go of".

I have a very similar experience with one of my best friends from high school (we did EVERYTHING together, we even ran off and backpacked Europe together right after prom).

We had a group of really really close friends. 5 of us girls, and 1 guy. After high school, she moved to Montreal to go to University. We all thought we were going to be seeing her all the time, Montreal is only a 5-ish hour drive! Yeah, no.
She gradually distanced herself more and more from us, always making excuses of "work" and "busy" to come visit us, or we, her.
She's come a couple of times, once for her birthday a couple years ago and she brought her boyfriend with her. He seems nice (keep in mind that he isn't a Canadian citizen).
They move in together, really fast.

Early this summer, I saw all these "congratulations" on her Facebook wall. Hmm. Strange.
My friend and I were shopping at the mall and I mention this to her. We decided to text Montreal girl and ask her how things were going with her and her "boyfriend". She said things were going well and she was very happy.
We joked about her getting married. She responded with something like this: "Actually, we got married last month. He didn't propose to me, we just had a conversation and decided it was the best thing. I have my mother's wedding ring. We got married in a Mosque with a very few amount of people in it."

.... :O.

Whaaaaaat?

It's not that she didn't invite us (small weird mosque wedding with only family - fine), she didn't TELL US. We had to FISH it out of her!

Sigh. We confronted her about not telling us, and yadda yadda. Since she is one of our "best friends" she didn't get angry with us. She understood where we were coming from and did her best to try to explain the situation to us (even though we think she isn't tell us the full truth).
She came back to Toronto recently, in full neck-to-toe dress (neck covered with scarves, and only very baggy shirts, pants/skirts) and told us that she had fasted for Ramadan. So very strange, a little (previously hard-core Athiest) French-Canadian girl turned Muslim! Oh, okay! Fine! (Nothing against Islam, it's just weird seeing one of your best friends do a complete 180).

She told us that she got married because he turned extremely religious, and wouldn't touch her, kiss her or sleep in the same bed as her anymore.

Remember how I mentioned he wasn't a Canadian citizen? Ahhh, yeah, that's what we think too.


ANYWAYS. I would talk to her about it. And I agree that it is how she responds that dictates whether or not you should be friends anymore.
We are still friends with Montreal girl, although we're quite certain she's going to disappear for good, soon.

Best friends shouldn't get mad at you for the confrontation.

Good luck.

To me part of being a friend is giving them the benefit of the doubt. It seems that this might be the case, I'd assume that she had a valid reason and that that is enough. I'd mention it but not make a huge deal from it.

I also got married and divorced I didn't ask my best friend to my wedding because I knew that it would cost him a lot of cash he didn't have, to get there. If I asked him to go, he would have been there somehow and been broke afterwards. He understood, and was upset that he was not there, he also accused me of waiting until after he paid his rent for the month on purpose. I did and he new it, I know he has my back just as I have his even if he doesn't like it.

I'd ask.
When I married my wife (13 years ago) it was very chaotic, and we had someone else helping with the invitations. She wanted them done by a friend with very nice hand writing and I had a couple friends that didn't get invited. But being guys they said "hey what's up? I didn't get invited..." and that was fixed.

Could have been something simple like that, and she might be wondering why you didn't go to her wedding thinking you had been invited. Better to talk it out then keep wondering.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cecilbturtle

If its important to you then say something. Life is too short to wonder about such things. Since you guys are or were so close she will at the very least understand why you are hurt and needed to ask. This way you'll get an explanation. Good or bad at least you won't have to wonder anymore.

---

This :)

EVErYTHING changes,, people are no exceptions.. i understand what your saying... about 4 years ago, i moved states and left everyone/thing behind. for i while, my best friend and i would talk via skype or the phone a few times a week (weed even have a drinking night on skype LOL) . over time, i found myself doing all of the calling,, then finally, i thought that id just not call and see how long it took for him to call. never did........ i just realise that life goes on, and i dont hold any hard feelings..
just think of it being lucky to have what good times you did,, and dont look back.
spooky

I would say something. If she's a good friend she will have a reason as to why you weren't invited. Don't live the rest of your life wondering.

I'd say something too... like kitedemon said, give the benefit of the doubt, but ask . . . Tell her you were dissapointed you didn't get an invite and want to make sure there isn't something wrong or what not.

Good luck girl.
Hope things are okay.

Could it of been Funds lacking on ones end...

My first thought when I read your post was that this sounds like a case of growing apart. It could be that this is a friendship that didn't stand the test of time and in your case distance. You could ask her about what happened, but to be honest, if she wanted you there she would have made an effort. If the invite got "lost," she could have contacted you and been like "what's up? You coming?" I could be wrong and there could be a valid excuse, but I just don't have a good feeling about this. If you decide you ask her, don't make it a big thing. I have a hunch you'll simply get a polite excuse. Probably a better choice would be to simply ask "how was the wedding?" What she says or doesn't say will probably answer your questions. I'm sorry this happened :(

Thanks for all the replies. I probably will try talking to her when I figure out what I'm going to say. As far of lacks of funds, I don't see how it would have cost much more for her to invite me, since it was a pretty big wedding of about 75-100 guests judging by the pictures. There were 8 bridesmaids and 9 groomsmen...and I'm sure not lacking funds. And we live 25 minutes away from each other, max.

As a guy, I'd tell you to put it behind you... But most of us don't understand these things so well :P




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Good luck! I can't think of any explanation. I don't really know what I'd say to someone after that either. Not an easy thing, but it's best to get the situation in the clear rather than wait and mention it years from now or the next time you see her. If it was important to you it is best that she knows that, and how you feel about not being invited

Not to be too much of a downer, but this is why we (my wife and I) don't make any friends. They will just let you down and/or use you. Even family is just a let down.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cecilbturtle

If its important to you then say something. Life is too short to wonder about such things. Since you guys are or were so close she will at the very least understand why you are hurt and needed to ask. This way you'll get an explanation. Good or bad at least you won't have to wonder anymore.

---

I started typing a response and then read this. That's what I was going to say...and I'm pretty sure that if it bothers you enough that you feel you need to post this thread than it probably bothers you enough to say something. I hope that you can work things out. It hurts to grow apart from friends.

Also her answer will give you a better idea of if there's the possibility of a continued relationship.

Well i say let it slide. but instead try to talk with her and reconnect. its hard to always understand the choices of others especially when you arent in contact with them for many years. As you know I live 300+ miles from everything I have ever known in my life and I too feel as though i have become very disconnected from my friends and even my family; however if you were able to be good close friends before and you want that back just try having a conversation and/or building it back up. I can relate to the situation and I have rebuilt friendships that were once lost.

Losing a good friendship to the point it breaks down like this is a result of both parties involved. My best advice is not to place blame nor "call the person out" but try starting over. at this point it is water under the bridge and the choices that have been made can never be changed.

I gone though that a lot with most the people I know , they never got up with me for the most part and only seem to contact me via facbook as if they collectiong freiends to make a list lol. I figure whe nI get married it will me more of the family and limit frineds event since most people only get up with me when they want something done anymore, so once I move to upper DE it will be more less sorry but you never got up with me when in lower de so you have to find you another handyman type person.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cecilbturtle

If its important to you then say something. Life is too short to wonder about such things. Since you guys are or were so close she will at the very least understand why you are hurt and needed to ask. This way you'll get an explanation. Good or bad at least you won't have to wonder anymore.

---

My thoughts exactly.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by babyknees

Also her answer will give you a better idea of if there's the possibility of a continued relationship.

---

This is very true.

Judging by your responses on here (and how you've helped me :P) you seem to be rather good at communicating with people, so just remember there is a tactful/adult way and a childish/immature way to approach every situation. Just do what you normally do talk it out like an adult and Im sure things will go fine for you :D