What if your Sig. Other doesnt like the Herp Obsession?

Me and my daughter love reptiles, primarily the BP craze thats going on. However my wife... not so much...lol In fact she cant stand it and is completely freaked out by any type of snake/reptile.
I'd like her to become more into the hobby but I dont know how to go about doing it. I've taken her to shows with me. We watch alot of documentaries on the subject but in the end she is just not cool with it and thinks were crazy:rofl:

She has it programmed in her head that all snakes and reptiles are evil creatures that just want to devour humans and take over the planet:rage:
What would any of you who have delt with something similar propose?

I hope to watch this and find the same answer. I have the same issue with my wife :confused:

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Originally Posted by Monster Dodge

Me and my daughter love reptiles, primarily the BP craze thats going on. However my wife... not so much...lol In fact she cant stand it and is completely freaked out by any type of snake/reptile.
I'd like her to become more into the hobby but I dont know how to go about doing it. I've taken her to shows with me. We watch alot of documentaries on the subject but in the end she is just not cool with it and thinks were crazy:rofl:

She has it programmed in her head that all snakes and reptiles are evil creatures that just want to devour humans and take over the planet:rage:
What would any of you who have delt with something similar propose?

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Ask her questions. Why does she feel the way she feels. I did not use the word think for a reason. This is not a rational thought, its an irrational thought causing a feeling. Once you have some idea why she feels the way she does you can try and change those feelings. Ask if she has any questions, any at all. She might have some questions that she feels stupid asking. Don't be pushy. Don't tell her that her thoughts are irrational and don't discount her feelings. I like to compare ball pythons to cats. Cats are way more likely to scratch you or bite you than a BP and the pain is much worse. At the end of the day she might not like BP but you might be able to get rid of the fear or misconceptions. With the cat comparison people often say, well my cat shows me affection. To which I say, my snake is lower maintenance and out of the ordinary. We each of things we value about our animal but the issue that most people have is fear. Once that's gone what we have left is that I have a snake you don't particularly want. No different from a person who has fish and another person not seeing the point.

Good Luck

I'm kind of in the same boat. My husband doesn't really care for snakes. In fact, not too long ago he even admitted that he used to be scared of snakes, even while I had them and that he "got over it" to make me happy. He now allows me to keep whatever reptiles I choose, but he doesn't like to really help out and doesn't care about all the "cool new morphs" and info I find on reptiles.

If your wife is not comfortable with snakes or other reptiles, I'd be careful about bringing them into the house. While I don't think your wife would do anything to harm the snakes, you also don't want to make her uncomfortable. My husband knows where the snakes are, how many I'm breeding, and he's comfortable with that, and has even held a few on occasion, but for the most part, he doesn't want anything to do with them. If you wife can be in a similar situation where she is comfortable about them being in the house as long as you don't chase her around the house with them, then you should be fine. If she can get to the point of liking them, even better.

But it may come to a point where you realize she is never going to have a interest in reptiles like you have. Heck you are actually doing better than I am. If I ask my husband to come to a show with me, he gives me this face and says "Do I have to?" and usually ends up finding something else to occupy his time while I go with friends.

I dealt with the same stuff... not as extreme but my wife was never really fond of it. What changed her was when the first clutch hatched. Now she has her own snake (a normal male out of the clutch). I would say patience is the best route to take. Don't force it on her and eventually she will come around(hopefully)

She's cool on the fact that I can pretty much do what ever I want to do and have what ever I want to have. As long as I keep everything clean and theres no chance of escape then she's cool with me having Ball Pythons or whatever.
I just kind of wanted her to show interest ya know? Its always more fun when someone else shares your interest:gj:
My daughter is 5 so theres not a whole lot she can help me with right now but it is fun talking to her and explaining stuff to her. She is like a huge sponge who just wants to "Absorb" as much information as she can:)

I'm like your wife. I'm scared of them.

I'm okay with them now - although I'm still scared of them - don't ask me why, I just am. I very rarely handle the snakes. The rats are my pets.

For over 10 years I've been telling my husband 'No'. But, I finally gave in when this Reptile Store opened a few miles from the house and I saw how kids were holding the snakes without a problem.

im in the same boat my gf doesnt care for them but she does help. for instance she fed 4 snakes 2 times for me while i was gone. I jsut had to buy the 16 inch metal plier things lol which are amazing i might add. anyways I feel your pain though she gets over whelmed by them some times like my baby butter struck and hit her hand didnt bite her though and well thats the end of the helping she said LOL. but after 3 years of dealing with reptiles BD, to balls she is starting to actually come around. in the beginning she sounded very similar to your situation. good luck I agree with not pressureing or pushing it though, some people shut down.

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Originally Posted by anatess

I'm like your wife. I'm scared of them.

I'm okay with them now - although I'm still scared of them - don't ask me why, I just am. I very rarely handle the snakes. The rats are my pets.

For over 10 years I've been telling my husband 'No'. But, I finally gave in when this Reptile Store opened a few miles from the house and I saw how kids were holding the snakes without a problem.

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This is a good point. I breed gerbils for feeders and my partner has accepted them. She will check on them if she sees I haven't yet around their bed time. She is interested in the colors I am breeding and will tell me what order they need to be fed off in. She picks who gets to be the future breeders. For the most part she gets her way with the gerbils unless there is a good reason not to do it her way. In those cases I explain what my thoughts are and she understands. Only time will tell. Be thankful you have a daughter that is interested.

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Originally Posted by anatess

I'm okay with them now - although I'm still scared of them - don't ask me why, I just am. I very rarely handle the snakes.

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I guess because like most people they have it in there mindset that snakes are only out to bite you. The media plays a big roll on this with all of there shows nowadays (Fatal Attractions, Python Hunters, etc...)

The last show I was at, I held this amazing looking bumble bee morph that snapped at my hand and proceeded to twist.... I just kinda laughed and was like Owwwwwch....lol
My wife completely freaked out like it was a Western Diamondback that just tagged me:rofl:

After that she was like screw this so...... I dunno

Lol, I was in the same boat. My fiance, didn't like me having snakes and thought I was out of my mind until I took him to the Tinley show in October with my sister. Once he saw the show and how amazing the designer morphs were he understood why I got into this hobby and why I enjoy it. He's pretty excited about the snakes now and even bought his first at the show, a Mojave female! Since you already tried that, I'm not sure what route you would take now....lol. It did take two years to even get him to come to a show, so I think you are on the right path.

Oh, and my mom was deathly afraid of snakes. She would have nightmares of them all the time, and couldn't even look at pictures of snakes. Now that she's been exposed to them she's almost cured! She even comes over every other day when I'm on vacation to check on all my critters, including the snakes! One of the times she called me almost screaming to tell me that she had to take out my biggest female, and clean her tub because she spilled her water! It was hilarious! She even bought a new bowl for that female! :rofl:

Your wife will eventually learn to tolerate it, and probably accept it one day!

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Originally Posted by Monster Dodge

The last show I was at, I held this amazing looking bumble bee morph that snapped at my hand and proceeded to twist.... I just kinda laughed and was like Owwwwwch....lol
My wife completely freaked out like it was a Western Diamondback that just tagged me:rofl:

After that she was like screw this so...... I dunno

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Compare that story to the last time you played with a kitten or a puppy. Explain that its totally different with an animal that you know and work with on a regular basis. You would never put her in a situation where you think she will get bit. But its not a big deal so you have no problem putting yourself in that situation. You can't guarantee she will never get bit if she holds your snakes or puts her hand in the enclosure but you can guarantee you will never intentionally put her in harms way.

I don't think there is a single relationship that doesn't have similar issues where one partner has a hobby/like and the other has an irrational (or possibly rational) dislike.

I don't like dancing. I hate it. I've tried to enjoy it for the sake of my girlfriend, but loud music, dark rooms, bright lights, and crowds are a sensory overload that is just all way too much. It is the exact opposite of fun and relaxing.. tense and upsetting. No thank you.

My girl doesn't particularly enjoy fishing. Out of the 5 years we've been together, we've gone fishing twice. I go practically weekly during the warmest months of the year.

While I'd certainly like to think that I'd like us to do everything together, it's probably healthy that we're not THAT dependent on each other that our relationship falls apart if we don't. We do just about everything else together (including pets of all shapes and types!) though, so the areas where we don't overlap aren't a big deal.

My suggestion to the OP: The reptiles can be a thing between you and your daughter. Daddy-bonding time is important! As long as your wife has some things that help her not feel left out, I think there isn't anything wrong.

Recently, I lost a guy to the snakes. He was completely terrified of them, and wouldn't even walk into my apartment. I gave up on him.
My ex-husband was scared of them at first, but he slowly got used to them just by being around me with them and going to snake shows. I got him a baby ball for his birthday, and once he had his own snake, he warmed up to them all over time. I had a few that he was nervous about, but he handled most of them. Once he got bitten for the first time, all the fear seemed to go away and he handled everything I had then (nothing venomous)
I would say just give it time if she really wants to get over her fears.

My hubby LOVES the snakes and tolerates the lizards...(other than Princess Bob the beardie). I have to say education is the best way to help ppl. I teach kids at schools about reptiles...they in return talk to their parents. Since we have such a small town we all pretty much know each other. I have had parents call or kids call me asking to bring their parents over that are scared of stuff. I always take out the smallest first...:rolleyes:...we talk about it. They see the snakes with their children and how gentel they are. I would say I have about a 90% turn around. They are typically still very cautious but at least petting them and not so totally freaked out. The key I think is not to push anyone into it. Let them come around to it.

When my husband and I met, and he told me he wanted to get a snake, I was like, "You are CRAZY! Snakes are EEEVIL!!!!" Ok, not really, but there was no way I was going to be involved.

Well, that one snake turned into 3, and then 5, and then 8, and now we're up to almost 30 assorted snakes, and I am in the beginnings of breeding balls.

I'm not sure what happened really. But I started out with lizards. I don't know HOW someone can not find a crestie cute as can be. Once I felt more comfortable with them, I got my first snake. My husband suggested a ball python because of their easy nature. Who knew it would turn into this!

There are MANY aspects to reptile keeping. Is she willing to get involved with anything? If she's creative, and you use tanks, maybe she can be your 'tank designer'. Or if she's ok with it, she can breed your feeders. Or she can help you with genetics if she is a science type. Without knowing her its a bit difficult to pinpoint what she can help with, but you get the general idea.

If not, buy her a cat. :)

Been there done that, my husband did not even want to look at them at first, touching was DEFINITELY out of the question, he however had no issue with ne pursuing something that I loved and that was enough for me I did not expect more from him.

I never forced this hobby on him I just started educating him slowly, showing him snakes that I have, talking about genetics, cutting eggs in front of him, letting him witness babies coming out if their eggs, taking him to shows etc.

At some point after a while the snake talk and a better understanding of those creatures started to rub on him and while he is not that crazy about my BP he fell in love with one of my female Honduran (now HIS)

This Hondo is the only snake he will touch, handle and recently started to get out of her enclosure by himself.

I am still not expecting him to be involved in this, this is MY hobby but I am glad to see that he has come such a long way and now have an appreciation for those amazing creatures.