What to say to family and friends

So while at thanksgiving all my relatives asked me if I still had my snakes when I told them yes they asked why in a way that made me somewhat offended. and kinda caught me off gard but I explaind how I've always loved snakes and have always wanted one. But the way they responded makes me think they still don't get it.

So jw when all your friends and family ask that question and act in such away what do you all say?

Well some of my family and friends don't agree with it. I feel like that's their problem. My moms came to visit and she claims she don't like snakes but want to see my new ones. And says she going to call the pet people on me. Then ask what kind of mice/rat i feed em and when i tell her they say eww. As long as i live in my own place i can care less what somebody thinks. That's just me though :rage::rage::rage:

I know what you mean when you say "Caught me off guard."
Im appalled for a few seconds every time someone says something like that!

It doesn't really bother me when they don't "get it." I'm lucky in that my mom and sister think they are cool...but my brother and his wife are more like, "Seriously? Eww!" ... :rolleyes: ... And my husband just tolerates them. He doesn't "get it" either...but he loves me anyhow.

And that's the key. I love my friends and family for who they are...not because they agree with or enjoy everything I do. I won't change my passion for snakes just because they don't get it...and on the same point, I don't expect them to suddenly "get it" and change their way of thinking just because I want them to.

If someone is open to hearing why I like them so much, I'm very happy to explain. But I don't force it on anyhow. If someone gets a bit uppity or snooty about my having snakes...I just shrug it off and think to myself how sad it is that they lose out on so much by being so closed minded.

Sad to say, the majority of people, including friends and family, don't get it.

Reactions range from, ' Why would you want to own a snake ?" To "I am NEVER coming to your house again!" To the popular, " Don't you know it's going to eat you/your children in your sleep?"

For those who show gentle dislike and/or mild curiosity, I tell them a bit about the snakes as pets, and offer to introduce them to one.

Those who show violent dislike, I tell them I will miss them not coming to visit, but just for reference the snakes stay safe in tubs and are not seen unless I get them out.

For the ridiculous few who insist they will eat me/my kids. I shake my head and say, that is just about as likely as Bigfoot living in my garage! There isn't a snake on earth big enough to eat an adult human, and even if there were one that big, the odds of it happening are so slim, I'd be more likely to win the Missouri lottery, Powerball lottery, and at slots on the Casino Queen all in the same night!

And if they drag out that tired news story of the snake killing the little girl, I tell them it was proven the girl was abused by her parents, and the snake had nothing to do with her death. Of course, that doesn't make for good ratings like blaming the snake does, but I invite them to look it up.

Gale

When me and my gf were at thanksgiving the snake subject was also brought up

Them: You still hoarding snakes?

Me: No i collect them

Them: 12 is hoarding

Me: 2 dogs is hoarding

Them: Your off your rocker

Me: My 12 snakes require food once a week, water every 2 days, Poop/pee cleaned up every what 2 weeks?, Dont need to ever be held.

Me: You dogs need fed, water, cleaned up after, played with EVERY DAY and require A LOT more space then my 12 snakes

Them: Thats comparing apples to oranges.

Ehh i just ask them if they own cats or dogs and the usualy response is yes. Then i ask them what's the difference between owning a cat or snake and usually they just shrug it off and continue on their way. If your that close minded to not even be open to different pets than the normal cat or dog, that's your fault.

Most of my family, and friends have accepted my love of reptiles. I have owned snakes, and such on and off all of my life. There are a few friends that still refuse to enter my house because of my snakes though. That is just to bad for them, and I will sure miss them, oh wait no I won't.

I have family members that just about faint at the mention of the word snake, but if they ask me about them I explain them in a comical way get them laughing as I start explaining the genetics of this or that and then they will tend to be inquisitive and lighten up a lil

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Originally Posted by JLC

It doesn't really bother me when they don't "get it." I'm lucky in that my mom and sister think they are cool...but my brother and his wife are more like, "Seriously? Eww!" ... :rolleyes: ... And my husband just tolerates them. He doesn't "get it" either...but he loves me anyhow.

And that's the key. I love my friends and family for who they are...not because they agree with or enjoy everything I do. I won't change my passion for snakes just because they don't get it...and on the same point, I don't expect them to suddenly "get it" and change their way of thinking just because I want them to.

If someone is open to hearing why I like them so much, I'm very happy to explain. But I don't force it on anyhow. If someone gets a bit uppity or snooty about my having snakes...I just shrug it off and think to myself how sad it is that they lose out on so much by being so closed minded.

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I was going to reply but you took the words right out of my mouth!

It's like religion... We don't really talk about it and they bring it up, I just answer questions and laugh everything else off. Yea, my parents haven't been to my house since but, just like me changing religions on them, they'll eventually just start to accept it. If not, oh well. They love me. No question about it. I'll never understand why my sister can't cross the street by herself and she'll never understand why there are snakes in my house... We're both cool with that.

yeah i go with the aspect of its a hobby and doesnt require 24 hour attention like my dog. me and my girlfriend just had this convo tonight actually she joked saying her ball was my best friend and i said no.. this is my hobby my best friend is in there (reffering to my dog kennel in the next room). my dog is without a doubt my best friend nothing will come between me and him no girl or person. i love my snakes but with the exception of my first it wouldent break my heart to get rid of one.

as for the family issue some care some dont, useally i just get the "where are the snakes" question to which i reply down stairs where they belong. or the "what do u do with them? or what do they do" and i reply not much, just poop,eat and relax much like myself" and it useally ends there, i only have one family member who will "dis-own" me if i bring one around but well.. if im 15 min late im disowned for the day so it doesnt really phase me.

i also a a firm believer in the dont ask dont tell policy with my reptiles lol.. ill take the same one out for walks but dont advertise i have the number i do simply because its noones buisness but my own and the mmebers of my house hold.

the only real problem i have with ignorant people and snakes are the biting questions and the ones who draw out the same old story with either the girl or the everglades which just urks me because its all wrong and even after reason and sometimes proof i get responses like "no, that cant be right the news said...." or "your not a know it all.. i saw it on the news and they had scientists say so.. and soo.." i particularry like the scientist come back tho cause i love to rebuttle with the global warming scam with the 2k emails proving it a lie.

noone really likes an educated individual, but one that has the same ideas and beliefs, so i tend to go with research and facts lol..

My family is accepting of my choice of pets, snake, dog, and cat although some friends and acquaintances are not; but when asked (or insulted) I just explain that like any of my other animals they are a part of my life and that they make me happy. If they persist in knowing why I would want a "thing" like that in my house I give them the same answer once again and if they are still not willing to let it go I tell them that if it really bothers them so much that they don't ever have to step one foot into my house.

I do try to explain to people who are afraid of them that there really is no reason to be afraid and give them as much information as they are willing to take but if it is just a person who dislikes them and refuses to listen to any reasoning than I am a lot more likely to give all types of smart mouth responses.

I simply tell them, "If you don't own one you just won't get it." It's like asking someone why they collect stamps, rocks, or coins? Or why do the run a marathon? Why do they own a dog or cat?

It's all because that hobby is what attracts you and you have an interest in.

I could care less what other people think. My wife isn't all that interested in my snakes either, but that's okay too.

Don't be offended. I look at it this way, you have a hobby that most people don't have the guts to participate in.

Jim Smith

My mother is less then pleased that I have snakes and that I one day want to breed them. She thinks snakes are disgusting and that it is totally gross that they eat mice and rats. She will not step foot in my home and that is ok because it is her right. I just simply state that this is something that I really enjoy and that it is my hobby. My whole family does not like snakes. It is the way they were raised. I will not quit doing what I love just because someone does not like it.

The only person in my family that doesn't get the willies from my snakes is my oldest sister, and that's only because she understands the attraction of the "oddity pets" - she's got a couple of cockatoos and lots of fish. Quite honestly, she's really the only person who can talk to me with a straight face about my snakes. Everyone else I know is rather disgusted by or totally stumped by it, and a couple of my old friends had made it their hobby to insult me about it whenever the subject came up. Needless to say, they're not my friends anymore. The reactions and questions don't phase me much anymore, and when the subject about why I own them comes up, the only reply I ever give is "because they're fascinating."

Not everyone is going to love everything you do, in the same way you don't them. The way I look at it is that it's best not to go into depth with the people who blatantly want to be disgusted and argue about snakes, because that's an argument you'll never win. ;)

I get a lot of [poop] from a lot of the people I know about my keeping snakes and plans to breed. They're like "Why would you want to aid in the spawning of the Devil?!" (No seriously, someone actually asked me that).

I understand that not everyone is as comfortable around snakes, in fact, I have some seriously ophidiophobic friends, and I respect the fact that they're afraid. I used to be scared stiff of dogs, and people understood and would put their dogs away if they were very high energy and I was around. It's when people are scared and make rude or ignorant comments about my hobbies that I get my back up. They'll ask me "Why would you want a pet that you can't interact with?" or "Snakes are dumb, they don't recognize you" and I tell them "Have you ever owned a fish?" and then tell them how smart snakes can be. They don't get it, but I try to help them.

The people I know really don't give me much crap about it. I have always had some type of lizard/snake so I guess they are used to it. I have also worked with animals most of my life so it's just part of who I am and they accept it. I guess I am lucky.

Eh, I've never been normal in my family. So to them it just added to it when I got into snakes a few years ago. I am lucky to live with my Aunt and Uncle who are accepting of my passion and don't mind having them in the house. My aunt prefers lizards, but she doesn't mind looking at the snakes and thinks they are pretty. As for the other part of the family, like everyone else is stating it's not brought up until someone asks me about them or decides to give me crap in front of my whole family.

Shrugging it off is all you can really do, even if they begin to frustrate you I try and keep my cool and change the subject. My Aunt understands what these animals mean to me, and honestly she is the only one in my family that actually gives them a chance.

Every single time I get asked that question I tell them I have 3 words....

STRIKING
GRACE
BEAUTY

if they don't understand from those 3 words I'm not wasting my time explaining it to them !

I was told by my family that I am strange for owning the snakes. They can't understand it..ect. However I told them "They are inlaw repelents." Suddenly everyone "got" it LOL.

Seriously though the only person in my family that "gets it" is my brother. Everyone else either ignores the fact that I have snakes or they try to be polite and ask question but they just get the glazed look when I answer. But I do know that they love me inspite of my "weirdness" so it's fine with me.

After being asked "why" I always explain it to people like this.... Some people collect classic cars and you don't think anything of it because they think they are beautiful, some people collect art or jewelery, again because its beautiful. I collect snakes and to me they are living art. The range of colors and patterns they come in is almost hard to fathom sometimes and as a bonus my "art" has a personality I get to interact with. if they're religious people throw in a "I appreciate god's artwork."

I've had no one have anything negative to say about it after that. And normally after that comes the normal questions, which you can keep comparing them to cars and artwork because people relate to those usually. their a lot easier to take care of than most cars lol.

I think people find it tough when you want to compare them to their dog or cat, i mean there's no doubt there is a different kind of relationship with a dog or cat than our snakes, so I think the above is a lot easier for people to understand.

My boyfriend is who got me into snakes and my mom freaked out at first until i explained a few things.

1. snakes are hypoallergenic for the most part. Its very very rare that you will have someone have a reaction to them other than their fear.

2. when properly housed (like all of ours are and probably all of yours), they are not going to get out.

3. If on a rare occasion they do get out, they are most likely just going to curl up in a dark warm place.

4. They don't make noise (no barks, meows, howls, etc).

5. Since most people are phobic, they make for great home security...heehee.

6. There are thousands of dog and cat bites each year that lead to hospital visits, surgeries and even death to every one snake bite.

7. the media and politicians blow things way out of proportion in order to get ratings, learn the facts first.

and lastly 8. I am an adult, I enjoy them, they relax me and amuse me.

Of course, it also helped when we sold our first couple for her to realize that not only is this my bf and my hobby, its a business. She's gotten used to it now, although still says she won't stay the night in our house...lol.

The bottom line, some people will listen, others won't. ;)

One of my favorite things to do is have someone who has an unfounded fear of snakes visit my home. In almost every case, they are holding one of my snakes and want one before they leave the house.

To me this has always been very simple.

Me: "Do you know anyone who has fish?"
Them: "Yes."
Me: "Do you ask them why they keep fish?"

This is normally when the person gets confused. Like what does that have to do with anything.

If they say Yes.

Me: "What did they say?"
Them: "They are pretty to look at."
Me: "Thats why I keep snakes."

If they say No.

Me: "Then why are you asking me."

At this point they say something that is anywhere from "I just don't get it" to "Its going to eat your cat." You respond accordingly.

At the end of the day most people either understand or have an irrational fear or prejudice against snakes. I normally point out how their fear or point is irrational. They either come around instantly or they will most likely never get it. Save yourself a lot of time and energy and make a very quick effort. Ask them if they want to see or hold your snake(s) and if they don't get it move on. Its not worth your time and energy. If its a family member who now refuses to come over to your house, its probably for the best. There is most likely other differences between you that will only lead to conflict. Surround yourself with people who understand or at least try to understand that no everyones life is church and puppies.

I find my family understands more if they can relate.

I once said to an uncle: "It's like having a child. You love it unconditionally even through the stress and worry. And you hope that once it grows, it will pay for itself, but you can't count on that. You just try your best to be a good parent, or...breeder.:)"

ALot of my family dont agree with it and call them "evil". But i really dont care what people think thats there problem. My mom and dad dont like snakes, and my mom used to be terrified of snakes. Now she will look at them but thats as close as she will get. I was fussing the other day about spending all this money on this reticulated python, and all i get told is. "well we'd rather see you spending your money on that than on drugs"

I generally don't have issues with people being disgusted and I am not going to force anyone to like them. My opinion is that if they are rude to u about something your passionate about, they are stupid and ignorant. I am sure I dont like everything they like, but I dont make an issue of it. As for eating kids or me?.... lately I feel lucky if I can get em to eat a delicious mouse or rat... Generally people also inquire much more about how I can have five dogs and dont really focus on the amount of reptiles lol
and the reason I like ball pythons is cause they are soooo cooool!!!!

most people are like OMG EWW SLIMY until i show them then they say OHHHH PRETTY!!!!:O




my mom has a running joke about my pastel every time she sees it she says...."You would make amazing Shoes!" lol :P

I'm fortunate enough that most of my friends either keep or even breed snakes. With the family, its a different story. Most of them hate snakes. At first it was hard to deal with, but I just realized some people choose to be ignorant.

now i just say "of course! my snakes are my family."

I grew up in reptiles, but my friends have never understood it. Its like my wife says now they live here you dont, you dont like it, theres the door! I knew I loved her for some reason:D

i have a picture of one of my snakes hanging in my cubical at work. someone walked by and saw it for the first time and nearly jumped out of her skin... i had to laugh.

she then said she hated snakes but she hated rats even worse... got another laugh when i told her i raised my own food for the snakes...and that was rats. i thought she was going to die lmao.

I really dont care if others think im strange for having snakes and rats. Im a pet nut.. i have dogs, cats, mice, rats, snakes, crested and leopard geckos, birds and *thinks* pet mealworms? ... so im used to people thinking im weird for having so many pets ;)

I pretty much just avoid the whole conversation... my snakes are in their own building so most people who come over don't even know I have them. I never bring it up and I won't show them to anyone unless they REALLY want to see them. Besides, I do lots of other stuff my family disapproves of...they can't possibly have time to lecture me on all of it. I think they gave up when I started jumping out of planes, lol.

i think its sad that certain pets are discriminated against. granted i would never own a spider or scorpion as a pet cuz i'm deathly afraid of them but to those who do...as long as they're careful around it and they take all neccessary precautions to not get bit/stung, then more power to 'em. i like snakes the same way other people like dogs or cats. my dad knows i want a snake but doesnt know i pretty much already have one...picking it up monday...cuz when we talked about me wanting one he said "snakes are disgusting, creepy lookin' things. why would you want one of them?"
my mom believes snakes are evil cuz the devil portrayed himself as one in the bible. i'm willing to bet my bottom dollar that if the devil had portrayed himself as a rabbit my mom would hate them too. whatever.
a few people i know and socialize with in church know i'm getting a snake and their reaction when i first told them was " oh, a...snake...ok." but they didn't give me any kind of nasty remarks about it. i just try to keep my tone a little nonchalant when i talk about having a snake as a pet, like its no big deal.
i know that if my parents know there were a snake in my house they wouldn't visit the house but they'd meet us somewhere in town, fine with me. i wouldn't have to worry about everything looking perfect for them, lol.
i was the kind of kid that played with all the creatures i found outside, except for the rattlesnakes, my dad went out of his way to kill them when they came too close to the house, probly because he thought i'd try to play with them too,lol. but yeah, i was picking up lizards, bugs, you name it. they were always like "ew gross! let it go." then when a bunch of lizards got into the house one summer my mom had me catch them and put them outside, while she "hid" ontop of the couch.
anyways, it upsets me when people talk about snakes like they're the devil and when someone starts to do that i just tune them out and turn my hearing aids off if i cant walk away at the moment. my bf doesn't like snakes either but he's tolerating the fact that one will be here, he just wants no part in caring for it, but he has to take me to pick it up and to get the rats cuz i dont drive.

I usually say there fine except the one that got free and is roaming the house .....joking

we have the BP normal, about to add a pinstripe, guinea pigs, alot of fish, an AMSTAFF (going on 10yrs with us), one APBT we rescued on thanksgiving day and a boxer (we call him our "accident") we also foster APBT's from time to time.

so in addition to the shock of us owning snakes we get the "that pit bull will turn against you and bite your face off one day" :confused:

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Originally Posted by mommanessy247

my mom believes snakes are evil cuz the devil portrayed himself as one in the bible. i'm willing to bet my bottom dollar that if the devil had portrayed himself as a rabbit my mom would hate them too. whatever.

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Has your mother read the bible?

"Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?"

Where does that say the devil was the serpent?

"And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou [art] cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:"

My snake eats rodents not dust. I think the bible was talking about other serpents. If God had a problem with my snake then clearly it should be eating dust. I don't recall the part of the bible where God let the serpent off the hook for the whole Eden mishap.

Good luck with your parents.

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Originally Posted by dembonez

most people are like OMG EWW SLIMY until i show them then they say OHHHH PRETTY!!!!:O

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lol i got a good example of that. i was at the mall and there was a reptile shop there. i bought a next bp and was walking around the mall waiting to get picked up by my sister manda panda (my older sister amanda, my good sister) and i walked in to hottopic and half the people in the store came up to me saying "OH MY GOSH THATS SUCK A PRETTY SNAKE!" or "WHERE DID U GET HER?!? I WANT ONE!" then i went through spencers. half the people in there avoided us once they saw my snake lol there were fine before they saw her. 3 girls actually scearmed when they realized i had a snake. i was laughing. but when i went back to the snake shop half the people in there were saying "eww y would anyone want snakes?" or "y r there snakes in the mall?" look if u dont like snakes dont go in the snake shop idiots! but most of the people i helped out were really cool and i got lots of phone #'s from people who had ball pythons hehehe. the snake world is divided in 2. thoses who love them or freak out. lol altho there are very few in the middle:O

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Originally Posted by Egapal

"And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou [art] cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:"

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Sounds more like a worm to me.

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Originally Posted by spitzu

Sounds more like a worm to me.

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Man thats a good point. Not only that but a worm would be more interested in fruit than a snake.