Share your best joke!

I'm not going to share mine, as they may be offensive to some. So give me some new jokes!
:banana:

one of my faves:

So, Donald Rumsfeld is briefing George Bush in the Oval Office.

"Oh and finally, sir, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq today."

Bush goes pale, his jaw hanging open in stunned disbelief. He buries his
face in his hands, muttering "My God...My God".

"Mr. President," says Rumsfeld, "we lose soldiers all the time, and it's
terrible. But I've never seen you so upset. What's the matter?"

Bush looks up and asks..."Exactly how many is a Brazilian?"

Haha!! That one was pretty good! I grew up with a family who LOVES cheesy humor and its rubbed off on me. Here's one of my favorites (WARNING: its super lame!!):

*start telling it dead serious to a friend*...

Me: Geeze, you know, I had the strangest dream last night. It was really weird, I kept dreaming I was a muffler..

Friend: A muffler? That is weird (or whatever they say)

Me: Yeah, and when I woke up I woke up exhausted!

LOL @ both, I love hokey, lame jokes....

A baby seal walks into a bar, and says "ouch".
Also, PROPS to any musicians or theory geeks like myself that get this next one ;)
A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.”

An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.

Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: “Get out now! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: “You’re looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development.” This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au naturel.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest — and closes the bar.
ROFL
XD Theory nerds FTW :D epic.

Can't resist, 2 more:
Life without you would Bb. :D
And Bach can't be fixed. (c'mon, who knows why? musicians...?)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by shelliebear

Can't resist, 2 more:
Life without you would Bb. :D
And Bach can't be fixed. (c'mon, who knows why? musicians...?)

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'Cause he's baroque! :rofl:

:P

Theory geeks unite! :gj:

.......................................

Just a warning to everyone though....this thread will likely get sent to QT because folks simply can't resist posting either off-color jokes or political/religious jokes. We've already had one that I'll let slide for now....they're not against the rules, just that they usually fit better in QT is all.

YES!
JLC=the best :D
yay music theory! :)

by the way, Judy, what is QT? :(

Quote:

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Originally Posted by shelliebear

by the way, Judy, what is QT? :(

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It's nothing bad. It's a hidden forum called the Quarantine Room where members can talk about politics or other sticky topics, as well as carry on arguments that they might feel compelled to continue without mucking up the public hallways, so to speak.

Anyone can have access if they wish it...but it must be requested. Shoot a PM to any admin (names in red) and we can set you up.

Someone was arguing with Big Gunns and actually thought they may win.


HILARIOUS!!!!!!! :rofl:

Pirate walks into a bar with a giant ship wheel sticking outa his pants.

Bartender says "What's that all about?"

Pirate says "Arrrrr it's drivin me nuts"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nate

Pirate walks into a bar with a giant ship wheel sticking outa his pants.

Bartender says "What's that all about?"

Pirate says "Arrrrr it's drivin me nuts"

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Haha nice one :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nate

Pirate walks into a bar with a giant ship wheel sticking outa his pants.

Bartender says "What's that all about?"

Pirate says "Arrrrr it's drivin me nuts"

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LOL!

A man walks into a a bar wearing only pants made out of Saran wrap,

He starts at the Bartender, Screaming at the top of his lungs

Bartender says "I can clearly see your nuts"

:D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by shelliebear

A baby seal walks into a bar, and says "ouch".
Also, PROPS to any musicians or theory geeks like myself that get this next one ;)
A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.”

An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.

Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: “Get out now! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: “You’re looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development.” This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au naturel.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest — and closes the bar.
ROFL
XD Theory nerds FTW :D epic.

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I haven't heard that since freshman theory! Props for the music joke. What do you play/sing?