In Law Woes

Ok, now this is just getting annoying. I have all my animals on a feeding schedule. The cats have their dry food in an auto feeder and get wet food a few times a week. The dog gets kibble during the day and wet food at night. The bird gets fed once a day a pellet food with some seeds. The rats get mazuri lab block, a little dog kibble, and fresh food (a few times a week).

Now, a few nights ago, I had been working an evening shift and when I got home, my dog was walking around with a really bloated stomach. We are talking this dog looked like he was going to blow. He wasn't interested in his food at all when I went to feed him and when I went upstairs, I found a bowl of kibble in our bedroom that had been "moistened" with water. For some strange reason my mother in law feels its necessary to feed the dog kibble with water in it "because dogs like it wet like that. He'll eat it more." It was soggy and really nasty when I found it. *bangs head on wall* So then this morning, I walk in to feed my bird and rats. Inside one rat's cage I found a stale biscuit (the kind from KFC) and I also found a piece of stale biscuit in my bird's food dish! I am livid. Why does she take it upon herself to feed my animals food that I have time and time again told her not to feed to them. I've actually told her to just not feed them at all. The other night, she was eating some kind of meat that had a bone in it. Of course, my dog, being the untrained thing he is, was sitting by her feet, begging for the bone. Now, I have a strict rule about no cooked bones. Raw ones are fine because they don't splinter, but cooked ones are an absolute no. As she was pulling the meat off the bone, I said "Do not give that to him. Its cooked." She looked down at Bailey, my dachshund and said to him "Your mommy said no. She says its bad for you. I'm sorry Bailey." but she said it in a way that made me want to scream.

We are hopefully moving in February. We were going to be moving this month, but the people living in the house we are going to rent needed an extra few months to get into another place. I can't wait till we have our own space and I don't have to worry about my animals getting food they are not supposed to have. There are reasons I don't like to give my dog table scraps. There are reasons I don't feed bread or biscuits to my bird and rats.

I put a sign on the Animal Room door (we keep the snakes, bird, rats, and ferrets in one room. When we move, the ferrets will get their own room) that says not to feed any of the animals in that room. I hope she sees it and respects it. I don't even want her setting foot inside that door. We pay rent to her so she needs to respect our stuff and our animals. One day I'd gone into the animal room and she had sprayed "air freshener" (that nasty floral chemical smelling stuff that I swear is going to give me cancer) in the Animal room and my first thought was the health of my animals. They don't need to be breathing that stuff.

Ugh. I just don't know what to do with her. We can't move until February. I understand that maybe she just likes to care for others and maybe wants to "spoil" her grandbabies but I have rules and they need to be respected. I don't feed her animals unless asked to do so, and she should do the same for me.

Sorry, I just needed to rant somewhere and maybe get some advice.

Wow that must be frustrating, have you confronted her every time she does something like this? Potentially she could make your animals sick and I can't imagine how I would feel if that was me.
I would talk to her and explain your situation without flying off the handle. Hopefully she will be more considerate to your rules.

Have you explained to her that the health of your animals is at risk? Or have you just said, This is the way I do it. Maybe she does not realize that she could possibly make your animals sick. Maybe she does not know that cooked bones splinter easy and could hurt your dog.

With cooked bones, I have explained to her several times that they splinter and I would not enjoy having to rush my dog to the vet because he has a bone splinter lodged in his throat or intestines. A few nights ago she was eating a chicken leg and one of her cats grabbed it off the plate. I wanted to take the bone from him but she said "No, let him have it." "But it will splinter and that could hurt him." "No, he does fine with bones." You also have to understand, she has three cats, all of whom are indoor/outdoor and she doesn't give them flea meds other than a flea collar (which I can't stand) and most of the time they don't wear those either. Ugh! She's just a lady stuck in her ways and I understand this, but these are MY kids. I decide what is best for them.

And yes, I have told her that bread and foods like it are harmful to birds and rodents because it swells in their stomach which can cause all sorts of problems, ESPECIALLY for birds. But she does it anyway. Apparently if there is no food in one of my animals' bowls, I'm starving them. I provide a constant source of kibble to the cats only because I have 4 of them and feeding them that was is easier. They don't overeat. Bailey would eat himself into seizures if I let him. And I find a great grain-free treat for him (No-Grainers. Best treats ever!) and she goes out and buys him Ol' Roy Tiny Special T's.

First few ingredients: wheat flour, soy flour, water, corn flour, sucrose, propylene glycol, animal fat....wth? I mean c'mon! No-Grainers have some plant material in them but they are better than Ol' Roy. Actually I found these treats at work that I'm going to start buying him. They are all natural and have little to no plant ingredients in them. :) Of course, I also might invest in a dehydrator and just make him his very own jerky treats.

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Originally Posted by Jay_Bunny

With cooked bones, I have explained to her several times that they splinter and I would not enjoy having to rush my dog to the vet because he has a bone splinter lodged in his throat or intestines. A few nights ago she was eating a chicken leg and one of her cats grabbed it off the plate. I wanted to take the bone from him but she said "No, let him have it." "But it will splinter and that could hurt him." "No, he does fine with bones." You also have to understand, she has three cats, all of whom are indoor/outdoor and she doesn't give them flea meds other than a flea collar (which I can't stand) and most of the time they don't wear those either. Ugh! She's just a lady stuck in her ways and I understand this, but these are MY kids. I decide what is best for them.

And yes, I have told her that bread and foods like it are harmful to birds and rodents because it swells in their stomach which can cause all sorts of problems, ESPECIALLY for birds. But she does it anyway. Apparently if there is no food in one of my animals' bowls, I'm starving them. I provide a constant source of kibble to the cats only because I have 4 of them and feeding them that was is easier. They don't overeat. Bailey would eat himself into seizures if I let him. And I find a great grain-free treat for him (No-Grainers. Best treats ever!) and she goes out and buys him Ol' Roy Tiny Special T's.

First few ingredients: wheat flour, soy flour, water, corn flour, sucrose, propylene glycol, animal fat....wth? I mean c'mon! No-Grainers have some plant material in them but they are better than Ol' Roy. Actually I found these treats at work that I'm going to start buying him. They are all natural and have little to no plant ingredients in them. :) Of course, I also might invest in a dehydrator and just make him his very own jerky treats.

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Sounds like you should sit down with her and explain to her that these are YOUR babies. But good luck either way :banana:

For out dog, since we live in Alaska, there's a company here that makes an all natural dog treat. Have to find out the name.

Well I hope she comes around before you have to make a trip to the vet.

Good Luck.

Count your blessings that she is friendly towards the animals!

I know all too well why you're irritated. My future MIL is that exact way, but with her it's a power play. She feels she doesn't have control over her life, so she tries to control someone elses. Since we moved out, it hasn't been as bad, but there are times she'll still try to play that game.

It's something that can't be talked through (In my experience), because they think you don't know what you're talking about and since they're the older and wiser one, they're always right. Until you take her somewhere, or she sees some "professional" say the same things you have been saying for who knows how long, she won't stop.

My friend's MIL is the same way. I swear they all collaborate sometimes...

Problem solved very easily. Figure out exactly what bugs the **place all BG's enemies are going***:D out of her, and keep doing it. Do it, and do it some more..... eventually she'll get the message.:gj:

You're living in your In-laws home. It's THEIR HOUSE. I'd be counting my blessings that they're allowing you to keep all of those animals in THEIR home.

UGH!!!! I feel your pain. Man I would be livid if my MIL was doing that crap! I told my boyfriend we can't take our dogs over to his mothers house because the dogs aren't fixed and spray all over the house, and she literally gives entire plates piled full of whatever they had for supper down on the floor for each dog. One time it was an entire plate of sweet potatoes with marshmallows, tons of butter, and sugar galore. I grabbed my dogs and made them sit next to me as I stared in disbelief. And if you are wondering, yes just about every one of her dogs has had major surgery, she has SIX.

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Originally Posted by MarkS

You're living in your In-laws home. It's THEIR HOUSE. I'd be counting my blessings that they're allowing you to keep all of those animals in THEIR home.

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Just because they are living in THEIR HOUSE does not, BY ANY MEANS, give her MIL the right to possibly do harm to her animals. I agree the best way to fix the problem is to move. But in the mean time her MIL should still respect how she cares for her animals.

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Originally Posted by MarkS

You're living in your In-laws home. It's THEIR HOUSE. I'd be counting my blessings that they're allowing you to keep all of those animals in THEIR home.

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NO, at the point that they are paying rent, it is now a rental space. You would not tolerate such behavior of a landlord. this is no different. I actually get sick of hearing this statement.

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Originally Posted by stormwulf133

NO, at the point that they are paying rent, it is now a rental space. You would not tolerate such behavior of a landlord. this is no different. I actually get sick of hearing this statement.

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begging your pardon, but I believe landlords DO have a say in what kinds of animals are allowed on their properties, at least every place I ever rented did. Granted, her Mother in Law should leave the animals care to the owner, but I think allowing them there at all should grant her some kind of immunity from anger, otherwise it just sounds ungrateful.

Yes it is nice of the MIL to allow her to keep her pets there, but the point is she should be a little more considerate to her wishes and not feed the pets.
It doesn't entitle her to do as she pleases with something that doesn't belong to her.

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Originally Posted by MarkS

begging your pardon, but I believe landlords DO have a say in what kinds of animals are allowed on their properties, at least every place I ever rented did. Granted, her Mother in Law should leave the animals care to the owner, but I think allowing them there at all should grant her some kind of immunity from anger, otherwise it just sounds ungrateful.

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Well yeah, they have a say in what animals are allowed, but they don't have a say in what they eat.

Maybe it's something that only people who have been in the situation can understand. When I'm paying for a room, whatever IN that room is mine. Almost like a storage, unless you've fallen behind on payment or something like that, then yeah do what you will. But don't try to harm animals when you've been warned time and time again what you're doing could have bad consequences.

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Originally Posted by MarkS

begging your pardon, but I believe landlords DO have a say in what kinds of animals are allowed on their properties, at least every place I ever rented did. Granted, her Mother in Law should leave the animals care to the owner, but I think allowing them there at all should grant her some kind of immunity from anger, otherwise it just sounds ungrateful.

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Mark, I agree that she should be greatful that she can keep all of her animals there, and should solve this in a peaceful mannor, but still, harming her animals has nothing to do with her allowing her to keep them.

I kind of know what you are going through. We my aunt used to come and visit she would always give my dog table scraps and treats and whatever else she felt like. I would tell her not to because my dog doesn't do good with anything besides dog food and even too much of that can make her sick. I would inevidibly end up cleaning up dog vommit multiple times while she was visiting. Then when I would tell her not to do it she would have the audacity to tell me that I don't treat my animals well and that I should give my dog to her because could take care of her better. Wow. Drove me crazy. I now pay a friend to watch my dog for when my aunt is there, she tries to give me crap about it but my dogs health is more important.

While I totally agree that your mother-in-law sounds like a holy terror, until you get the _____________ out of there I believe you can plead, beg, threaten and if she still wants to be a gigantic pain in the rear panels, she's just gonna do it.
It doesn't sound like she has much common sense. Does she possibly have her own animals? Are the horribly obese?

Oh geez...I totally feel for ya! My 83 year old Mom lives with us and has some very interesting ideas when it comes to her "grandbabies". She wanted to get the snakes a fake mouse and a ball with a bell in it. Ya know....just in case they wanted to play....:O. Every year...even though I tell her to stop she gets the dogs raw hides. Hate those! I have big dogs so they swallow them whole...not good. ANYWAYS...

Sit down and have a talk with her. Let her know that you have given your dogs table scraps in the past...;)...but unfortunately he is one of those dogs that has a very agitated digestive system. Hence he gets sick with scraps. Tell her that you feed him the dry food becuase it helps to clean his teeth. You can also get her some olive oil if she feels neccessary and she can put a teaspoon of that in with his dry food. (great for their coats).

I would also explain that the birds...if given biscuts (due to the yeast) can make them internally swell and ...well you get the picture. (I have no idea...I am going for effect here). Then give her some things she can do. Empower her. It sounds like she is trying to spoil them. Maybe get her some things she can give to the animals as treats. Maybe ask her to help clean some of the cages ....or take care of the animals when you are cleaning cages.

Bottom line...(I learned this with my Mom) and lord knows she makes me crazy!! As they get older they want to feel needed...by you...the grandkids...the animals...etc. They start to realize that you do not need them and can take care of yourself and that is hard for them. In my Mom's case.....I give her certain chores...this helps her to feel as though she is contributing. When she wants to get something for the animals...I give her a list of appropriate stuff. Sounds crazy but I swear it works. If you can "act" busy and say..."oh shoot....I wanted to get this snack for the dog...could you pick it up"....it empowers them. Try it!! Hope that helps!! :D

I'm sorry to disagree with almost everyone who has posted here, but, YOU do not need to do anything. This is your mother-in-law not your mother. Hubby needs to step up to the plate and deal with the situation as her son. He needs to explain to mom that look we love you and appreciate you letting us rent from you but you are....(explains how she is being a pest).... then hugs her and says mom please stop. We don't need your help in this. You need to respect my and my wifes wishes in this. His word should carry more weight and by him stepping up it keeps you from making an enemy out of MIL.

Thank god i dont have inlaw problems. As soon as they found out snakes were in the home the stopped coming over!

Arguments could be made for both sides in this situation and that's just the way it is. Some people just don't want to hear that they don't know what is best, relative or not.

I believe the best approach might be to get hubby to talk to her as well as yourself, so she knows you are of one mind on this. Perhaps she thinks it is "just you" who feels this way and that her baby boy doesn't care what she does so that gives her a reason to keep doing it.

Of course you should be as patient and respectful as you can, both because she is related and because she is allowing you to stay with her, but that doesn't mean you can't be firm. Tell her the truth, these are your animals and not hers. Tell her you provide the care and not her. And tell her if she continues to disrespect your wishes at feeding time and one of the animals becomes ill and needs treatment, SHE will be paying the vet bill. And be sure to mention how expensive avian and exotic vets are.

If the dog makes a mess, tell her since she caused it she can clean it up. That should help convince her if nothing else does.

Other than that, just take deep breaths and keep reminding yourself it's only a little longer, only a little longer.

Gale

I think your MIL definitely seems to have good intentions, if you tried explaining why you don't like what she's doing, thanking her for the effort and giving her some details of what would be better she might very well be happy to do things the proper way. Of course, she might not, or she might think that she's right and you're wrong, but its worth a shot.

Simple soloution: put a lock on the the door. That eliminates the problems for all but the dogs and cats. For them, can u put their food in a place she doesn't have access to?

I can't put a lock on the door and I have told her about feeding them. She actually warned me there was cooked chicken bones in the cats' bowls so I could pick up the bowls before Bailey got to them. I just can't wait till we move.

Thanks everyone for all your advice. I think we just need to wait until we move. Then we won't have a problem of people feeding our kids.