I need to vent....

Well its been 1 1/2 years since my brother moved back into my parents house where I live. He lives in the living room of our familys home. Well with the economy that dosent seem that bad well he also has a child. Well that child cannot take care of itself yet so it needs parents. The mother of the child is a no good pos person and well shes pretty much out of the picture. Anywho my mom DOES EVERYTHING!!!! She is the childs main caretaker while my brother spends his time drinking with friends, or playing ps3. He also has had a D.U.I and lost his licenses so my mom takes him to work everymoning. He has a car that needs paint but hes too damn lazy. He spends all his money on beer cigarettes and going out to eat with friends. My parents have given him a place to live and have helped him a lot but he goes and blows his money and everynight leaves his child in my mothers care.... it really sucks, I just needed to vent.... :(

Ugh, yikes. That's a tough situation.

Maybe your bro will grow up someday soon :oops:

May Big Gunns suggest you do the same, then maybe your momma will realize she has become an "enabler".

Sad to say, it's your parents CHOICE to have it be this way. He's taking advantage, but they're letting it happen.

It's always sad to see it, and you can wish it were different, but then, why should he change his ways? He's got it made. Not everyone will chose to be a good person just on it's own merits.

Sometimes life's just not fair. HUGS! Know there's some good folks out there too.

It is really hard out in the real world! Maybe your mom should give him a little tough love and boot him out and make him see how good he has it!!

well here the thing i have tried to sit her down and tell her that she needs to let him learn and be a parent but she says that I dont have any kids and that I have no clue what she is going trough. Well she has gotten so stressed that what she likes to do is come home cry, then cook and go to bed but she keeps letting it happen. My brother is worthless in my eyes, he needs to grow up but he refuses. He keeps thinking he dosent have a family. I have talked to him about his alcoholism and all the negatives things that he keeps doing..... and he thinks that hes not in a commited relationship that he can go out and hook up with any girl he wants..... :( IM SO ******* pissed :(. All I know is that my dad is about to lose it also, he comes home 2hrs late from work just to not be around his family, before my brother moved back home it was a race to get home for him but now he dosent even want to come home. This is tearing apart my family.... and i hate it.

For the kid's sake I'd suggest you help your mom out as best you can. People like your brother don't come around often, and if they do it takes time and/or a serious negative life experience.

This really sucks for the kid and your family.

I wouldn't blame your parents if they kicked your brother out, but I hope they make sure the kid is well taken care of.

Your parents are enabling him. I would strongly suggest they give him a time limit and then dump him... just him, not the child of course. He will never improve unless he is given a reason to.

PS3, beer cigarettes... has to earn them himself.

I can understand your frustration!

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Originally Posted by jkobylka

Your parents are enabling him. I would strongly suggest they give him a time limit and then dump him... just him, not the child of course. He will never improve unless he is given a reason to.

PS3, beer cigarettes... has to earn them himself.

I can understand your frustration!

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This. It's one thing to be going through tough times, it's another to be going through tough times and not making and active effort to better your or your child's situation.

That sucks. I actually know someone who is like that! I don't talk to him, he's always given me the creeps but he's a guy that we all "know".

Hope your brother gets off his butt and learns some responsibility soon for your family's sake!

Thanks everyone its really nice to have support of the bp.net crew. But in my family my "opinion" dosent matter..... they say they are tired of me telling them what to do but I feel what I am telling them is right and they are being his slaves in life. I really wish the situation was better but he thinks because he went trough a bad relationship with this ex that he had that he thinks he shouldnt have to do anything with the child. The mother of his ex has offered to take the child but my mom and my brother are 100% against it....... atleast thier it would be more normal than what is going on now. As I type this my mother is feeding the child and my brother is outside smoking a cigarette and playing beer pong..... its really sad. I hate to keep going on because I know that we all have our problems and we cant care about one persons misfortune.

We used to have the same problem with one of my sisters, she had a drug problem for years. My mom, my aunts, my other sister, basically the entire family did what your parents are doing, one after another. Eventually we all together decided to cut her off and let her deal with it herself.

It was scary, but she came through and has been right now for about two years. I hope everything works out for yall

Thanks everyone, I hope he grows up...

I have recently been having a family issue of my own. Luckily, where I work, I can call up resources for living and talk to a councilor if need be. It really did help me try to deal with things.
One thing I was told, that made the most sense to me, is that you need to make boundaries. It is important because otherwise people like your brother and my mom will exhaust you. Its not any fun. I also helps to realize, that while he is acting very childish, there is nothing you can do about that. The most you can do to help is to use your relationship to influence him.
If you guys have to say no to him or set a boundary to protect your own well beings, that is perfectly fine. It sounds like his actions are already taking a toll on your family.

you cant really throw him out because of the kid.
sometimes its not so easy on someone when relationships go bad especially when children are involved.
sure i know what your saying about what hes doing, but do you think there is more deep seated issues with him and that is perhaps why this is going on?
stop judging him and perhaps talk to him on an equal level. your in a much better place to talk with him than your parents are.

Usually having a kid is what makes people grow up. If that didn't work, who knows what it's going to take.

After I left for the Air Force, my brother became a tyrant and my mom would always call and complain. I told her she needs to kick him out and get a restraining order (It was pretty bad, thankfully it wasn't drugs though). He needed life to give him a swift kick in the pants. She never did anything about. Fast foward 11 years... Everything worked out fine, but your situation is a little different except that your parents also don't want to do anything about it.

Good luck, keep your sanity. Most of the time it's not worth worrying about things you don't have control over. Just do what you need to do to not become like your brother.

Just curious, but in your profile it says your occupation is "livin off of mom and dad"...:confused:

Well it sounds like others have said this as well but this will continue as your Mom is an enabler. Maybe she needs to go to a support group that teaches you how to deal with not enabling or being co dependant. He will not change until he hit HIS rock bottom. But what a crap example to be setting for a child.

I do NOT understand ppl...you make a choice to have children. Like it or not it is a choice!! Once you make that choice then you need to make sure that all of your actions are in the best interest of that child.

I would appeal to your Mothers "grandma" side. Yes she is a mother however what he is doing to this child and the example he is setting is so bad. Does she want her grandchild to grow up like that as well?? There is a very good chance that will continue on through her as well if it is not stopped.

Al-anon probably would be a good group. It was recommended for me because it helps families that have been dealing with alcoholic family members.

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Originally Posted by wolfy-hound

Sad to say, it's your parents CHOICE to have it be this way. He's taking advantage, but they're letting it happen.

It's always sad to see it, and you can wish it were different, but then, why should he change his ways? He's got it made. Not everyone will chose to be a good person just on it's own merits.

Sometimes life's just not fair. HUGS! Know there's some good folks out there too.

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wolfy-hounds right.my dad and uncle did the exact same thing to my grandpa.and now he is in bankrupse.but HE let it happen.he could have said no anytime but he didnt.so its his fault as much as thiers.now he is lucky to come home wit $20 left from his paycheck.so you need to talk to your parents about.tell them to close thier pockets or watever they are letting him take advantage of.k. seiriously talk to them.peace i gotta run

A similar situation happened with my friend's sister. She could no longer care for her 3 daughters, so my friend's parents took over custody of them.

Your brother does not seem to me, like the kind of person who's going to just stop taking advantage of your parents on his own. He needs an ultimatum from them; stop drinking, stop galavanting, or get out and give up custody of your child to someone who is a good parent.

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Originally Posted by sho220

Just curious, but in your profile it says your occupation is "livin off of mom and dad"...:confused:

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because im a minor, not a 21 year old still sucking at its mother teat..... and I really cannot talk to him because he makes up excuses and stresses me out to much.....