What the worst, yet funny, joke you've ever heard?

Here's mine:

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realises that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him. By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th. By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music. "Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker. "He's just decomposing!"

Im pretty sure mine wouldnt be fit for even the QT room!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MasonC2K

Here's mine:

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realises that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him. By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th. By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music. "Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker. "He's just decomposing!"

---

Hahahahaha!

A man walked into a bar......and it hurt!

What's brown and sticky?





a stick.

Two cupcakes are being baked in an oven.

The first cupcake turns to the second and says "Jeez, it's hot in here!"

The second cupcake immediately points at the first and screams, "OH MY GOD, A TALKING CUPCAKE!"

What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?


The both go around Uranus to whipe out the clingons



Why did the Jelly Roll?

Cuz he saw the Apple Turnover

So this Priest, a Rabi and a politician walk in to a bar..

Bartender looks at them and says...

what is this some kind of joke

So the cold and flu season are upon us again, it's gotten so bad that the other day I heard two caskets talking to each other. One said to the other, 'was that you I heard coffin?'

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes.

Needless to say, the bartender is rather surprised at this. Not only is there a talking duck, but he wants some grapes. Rather annoyed at how odd this is, he gruffly says "no grapes". The duck leaves.

The next day, the same duck walks in again and asks "do you have any grapes?".

Knowing he had answered the same question to the same darn duck the day before, the bartender responds "I told yeh yesterday, no grapes!" The duck leaves again.

The following day, the same duck walks in for a THIRD time, going up to the bartender and asking "do you have any grapes?"

Now this bartender has had enough of this duck goofing around asking people for grapes and just being too odd to deal with. "IF YOU COME IN HERE ASKING FOR GRAPES ONE MORE TIME, I'M GOING TO NAIL YOUR DUCK FEET TO THE BAR!" yells the bartender. The duck quietly leaves, and the bartender wipes his forehead hoping that he won't see the duck again.

Much to his dismay, the duck does in fact come back the next day. Instead of the usual however, he asks "got any nails?"

Q. What kind of bees produce milk?


A. Boo-bees. :P

My Dad's all time favorite...

Two fleas retired and bought a dog.

A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders two shots of whiskey. The tender serves him up and watches as the man downs one of the shots and pours the other into his shirt pocket. The guy pays for the drinks and departs, leaving the bartender stumped.

The next day, same guy walks in, sits down and orders two shots of whiskey. When he's served he drinks one of the shots and pours the other into his pocket again. The tender is so full of curiosity, he can hardly stand it, but he doesn't ask and takes the man's money before he leaves.

The third day, same guy, same order. Drinks one shot down and pours the other in his shirt pocket. The tender decides he can no longer stand it. He tells the guy: "I'll give you these shots for free if you tell me why you keep pouring one in your pocket."

The guy stands up, looks the tender square in the eyes and says: "That's none of your business." at which point a little mouse sticks his head out of the guy's pocket and sloshingly says: "And that's none of your damned cat's business, either." :D

What is black n white, black n white, black n white...
A nun falling down some stairs.....

What is green and goes a hundred miles an hour up??!!!

SNIFF/SNORK......
(snot)

Some tourists go to egypt and look around for a while and one goes up to a camel herder... he asks the man what time it is?
The herder goes towards the back of the camel, lifts the camels gonads and then looks at the tourist and says, 10:05...
Well the guy is so impressed he goes to his friends and goes on and on about how the camel herder can tell what time it is by fondling the camels gonads, they come back the next day to ask him again, what time is it?
Well the herder does the same thing and then says, 11:20. One tourist checks his watch and lo and behold, the herder is right.
The tourist says to the camel herder," I will give you 20 bucks if you tell me how you do that?".
The herder takes the money goes to the camel, lifts his gonads, and points at a clock on a tower on the other side of the square, giving the time.


How do you make a baby float?
Add ice cream and put all into a blender.....

What goes clippity clop, clippity clop, clippity clop...
TWANG< BANG!!
clippity clop, clippity clop, clippity clop, clippity clop,
An Amish drive by....

What did the brown chicken say to the brown cow?

Brownchickenbrowncow!

hmm..
So a seal walks into a club.

Three golfing buddies died in an auto accident and went to heaven. Upon arrival, they noticed the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen. St. Peter told them they were welcome to play the course, but he cautioned them with one rule: “Don’t step on the ducks.”
The men had blank expressions on their faces, and finally one of them said, “The ducks?” “Yes,” St. Peter Said. “There are millions of ducks walking around the golf course, and when one of them is stepped on, he squawks, and then the one next to him squawks, and soon they’re all raising hell and it really breaks the tranquility. If you step on the ducks, you’ll be punished.”
The men start playing the course, and within 15 minutes, one of the guys stepped on a duck. The duck squawked, and soon there was a deafening roar of ducks quacking. St. Peter appeared with an extremely homely woman and asked, “Who stepped on a duck?” “I did,” admitted one of the men. St. Peter immediately pulled out a pair of handcuffs and cuffed the man to the homely woman. “I told you not to step on the ducks,” he said. “Now you’ll be handcuffed together for eternity.”
The two other men were very cautious not to step on any ducks, but a couple of weeks later, one of them accidentally did. The quacks were as deafening as before, and within minutes, St. Peter walked up with a woman who was even uglier than the other one. He determined who stepped on the duck by seeing the fear in the man’s face, and he cuffed him to the woman. “I told you not to step on the ducks,” St. Peter said. “Now you’ll be handcuffed together for eternity.”
The third man was extremely careful. Some days he wouldn’t even move for fear of nudging a duck. After three months of this, he still hadn’t stepped on a duck. St. Peter walked up to the man and had with him the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. St. Peter smiled and without a word, handcuffed him to the beautiful woman and walked off.
The man, knowing that he would be handcuffed to this woman for eternity, let out a sigh and said, “What have I done to deserve this?” The woman replied: “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck.”

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MasonC2K

Here's mine:

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realises that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him. By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th. By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music. "Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker. "He's just decomposing!"

---

Ok i had to take and post this on my facebook ! Mason this made my day :)