Not so Enthusiastic Spouse

So how do you deal with a not so enthusiastic spouse? My husband at first was interested in the snakes and even had his own king snake. He loved that snake. Then I was a horrible person and put the wrong kind of lid on his tank and he got out. :( Ever since then my husband really hasn't cared about the snakes.

I have a tendency to talk about my snakes....a lot. I used to talk to him about my plans and what kind of snakes I wanted to work with and he'd nod and I found out later, he was tuning me out. I have to admit, that kind of hurt to find out that I had been talking to him about something I'm passionate about and he didn't care enough to even listen. I have toned it down a lot. I don't think I've talked to him about my snakes in like 3 days. :rolleyes:

But there are things that I need his help with that deal with the snakes. On occasion I need him to pick up feeders when I can't or more recently, I need him to help me get a website.

I feel kind of bad having this hobby and talking about it to him (sometimes a little more than I should) since he doesn't have a hobby for himself. I told him he should get a hobby and talk my ear off about it but he still hasn't found something he's interested in.

So what do you do when you have a spouse that doesn't care about your hobby?

Your husband doesn't have to be you. Just because you have a hobby you are interested in doesn't mean he needs to have one. Video games, tv, beer, and bedtime are sometimes hobbies unto themselves.

That said, I always try to take an honest interest in at least KNOWING about my girl's hobbies/interests/job etc, whether or not I participate. I definitely have to tune down how much I talk about fishing and reptiles because I know that my girl isn't as interested in it as I am, but she is happy for me when things are going well in those hobbies :D

I'm not saying he has to be me or be as passionate about something as me, but I'd like him to have an interest that he participates in. All he does is work and sleep. Haha, maybe sleeping is his hobby. He definitely gets a lot of practice in that (12+ hours if I let him sleep in)

buy him a motorcycle :) not a harley either, a race one :P zoom zoom :)

He supports you enough by letting you have the snakes in the first place. Leave him alone about it! Don't ever talk to him about the snakes again.

Let him bring it up. One of these days he will. Until then leave it alone and try to do your snake stuff when he isn't around.

I'd have to agree with Mike . just let him be and he will either come into it on his own or wont. as far as getting feeders plan ahead on getting them, and for cage building or other such things start learning the how to's of the hobby. believe me it will make things better all the way around.

The fact that have a hobby that you enjoy has nothing to do with your husband at all. If you try to force him to either participate or pretend to find enjoyment in something that he really has no interest in, you will ultimately cause him to feel resentful toward either you, your hobby or both. If you think about it, there can be only a selfish motivation behind your desire to force on him something that he doesn't want.

Karl has zero interest in my ball pythons. But he supports me by never raising an eyebrow when I bring in new animals, he supports me by going to reptile shows with me (he actually likes looking at all the critters). He also is a very social person, so he absolutely loves all the folks that we've met through this hobby as much as I do, and looks forward especially to weekend get-aways when we get together with others from this forum, because he loves to hang out with us, even when we're talking reptiles.

He does none of the maintenance, other than he decided he wanted to raise his own tank of ASF's for me. But I think he enjoys the ASF's, not for what they provide for me, but for the entertainment value. He talks to his ASF's, sits and watches them play on their wheel, etc. He just asks that I pull feeders when he's not there, so he doesn't have to see me do it.

He does think it's cool to tell his friends that I breed ball pythons to see their reaction, and he's somewhat interested in the animals that I've asked for his input on naming and I use the name he's picked.

Once in a blue moon if I'm handling a snake he'll ask to hold it, but only for very short periods of time.

I don't depend on him for any aspect of this hobby. Not in assistance in caring for them, not in getting feeders, not in vet bills. It's my hobby, not his. I don't set expectations for something that he didn't ask to be involved in.

He does think that the breeding aspect is cool and likes to see the eggs when they are first laid, and see babies pipping.

And he laughs at me while I'm cleaning and go "now THIS girl is one of my favorites!" because I seem to say it with every snake I clean.

Working and sleeping with nothing else.......

That is a well established recipe.

Ingredients must be added, flavor and texture too, or someday your pot will boil over and once the steam has cleared all that will be left is a dirty broken....well you get the idea.

Good luck.

I am married to someone that is not into reptiles but who he is happy that I do something I love. He has no problem with me adding new animals, he will sometimes listen to me when I talk about my snakes, or watch as I cut eggs and he even gave up the basement so I could expend my hobby.

How much more support could I want? The answer is none he has gone beyond what most people would do already.

I am not expecting him to help me, this is MY hobby therefore I do everything that has to be done myself from cage cleaning to rack building to caring for rodents, and it’s fine by me since I only take on what I can handle by myself.

I would never expect him to do something he is not into just like he would not expect me to do something I am not into either.

We are two different individuals with different passions.

If you want him do have a hobby it should be the hobby of HIS choice and not the one YOU want him to be in, and if he has an interest even if it differs from yours you should encourage him to pursue it.

This is my hobby and passion, not my husbands. That said, I do occasionally mention something snake related to him without pushing the issue. He does respond, but he doesn't initiate.

To him they all look alike. He thinks they are interesting looking, has nothing against snakes but its not for him. Sometimes he will pick up the feeder mice for me if I can't get them, but I don't ask him often because he can't stand the smell of the mice. He tolerates my hobby because it makes me happy and thats about it.

Don't push him, just leave him be about it. He'll either show an interest or he wont, but at least he is willing to share you with your hobby. Plus you have the forum to share your enthusiasm for the hobby. :D

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Originally Posted by Jay_Bunny

I have a tendency to talk about my snakes....a lot. I used to talk to him about my plans and what kind of snakes I wanted to work with and he'd nod and I found out later, he was tuning me out. I have to admit, that kind of hurt to find out that I had been talking to him about something I'm passionate about and he didn't care enough to even listen.

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thats how most of my family is lol. they'll see me lookn at a pic of a cool BP, and i'll say "omg come here look at this!" and then i will explani the genetics behind it... and they will get lost, interrupt me to talk to soemone else, and then leave lol. b4 i can finish. but eh, i understand bc its just something they're not into :rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by Jay_Bunny

But there are things that I need his help with that deal with the snakes. On occasion I need him to pick up feeders when I can't or more recently, I need him to help me get a website.

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ya, i dont drive yet, so i kinda rely on the ppl around me, and i try not to bug them too much (specially bout the live feeders bc i hav a picky snake). but every week i find SOMEONE who can take me, sometimes they cant so i have to wait 2 days -_-...

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Originally Posted by Jay_Bunny

I need him to help me get a website.

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i think u might have tapped onto something here :gj: does he ENJOY website design? if so, hey maybe u guys can share in this!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jay_Bunny

I feel kind of bad having this hobby and talking about it to him (sometimes a little more than I should) since he doesn't have a hobby for himself. I told him he should get a hobby and talk my ear off about it but he still hasn't found something he's interested in.

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and u've recieved many answers about THIS. and i would have to agree. all i do is work, and tend to my pythons. i get nagged at about finding something other to do, and its VERY annoying.

When my husband and I first met, I didn't have any reptiles. My family had given up the rescue and sold most, if not all, of our collection and was going through some tough times. In fact, I didn't have any pets at all, as my best friend, a German Shepherd, had passed away shortly before and I didn't feel up to it.

Poor future-hubby!

Well, he had an inkling, I think.

Anyways, when we were living together, he said he wanted to get me a surprise. And he brought me . . . a ball python!

I guess the man listens after all. :P

He was scared of her. One time when she moved her head while he was holding her, he dropped her. Luckily I had him holding her over the bed Lol.

But he got better and better, and listened activly as I explanied things. Our collection begin to grow pretty quick as we went. I even bought him his own reptile, a bearded dragon.

Things didn't REALLY click until I brought home a very large female ball python I got in a trade. Then, all of a sudden, that was HIS snake. And still is. :D

It sort of went the same way when I got into goats. He bought me my first two, and probably regretted it. Now he has his own goat as well.

We're coming up on our seven year mark, and we have four dogs, one cat, two snakes, one lizard (the beardie!), nine goats, and a huge mess of quail hatching and chicken eggs in the incubator.

And I've actually cut my collection down. ;)

Hubby listens when I start going on and on about something, be it genetics, feeding, housing, or some plans I have for the goats/chickens/reptiles. He responds, and might even ask questions.

I do all the care, but if I ask, he will help.

And as much as he claims, "No, I don't even like those critters" I can be sure to catch him in the pen with some kind of goody, laughing as the goats stick their tongues out to get it.

Or in the reptile room, petting his ball python or giving his beardie some greens.

I'm a lucky woman. :)

i think i'm one step backwards in this topic. My boyfriend is downright PHOBIC of snakes, and we live together.

It has gotten better since i wrote and photographed "Keeping Ball Pythons" and he said that he'd look at MY pictures of snakes, but he still didn't want to look at anyone ELSES pictures of snakes. (apparently mine are super special because they're mine). He cracks up when i watch SnakeBytes.tv because he thinks its so ridiculous (because of the music).

He's given me permission to have my own reptile room and do whatever with it. He just wants to know when i bring in new animals, but he doesn't care about anything else.

Every ONCE in a while he'll ask about the snakes, or i'll say something about how someone is doing and he'll respond, but usually he regrets it because i'll go on for hours if he doesn't stop me. To be honest, i've tried to stop talking to him about my snakes because its not something he cares about.

If im browsing other reptiles, turtles, chams, geckos or something and i find something cute we'll awe over it for a while but I could never ask him to come to a reptile show because there are too many snakes and they make him really uncomfortable (its bad enough that he has a hard time seeing them on TV).

My fiance thinks my snakes are cool, and pulls out her favorites from time to time and lets them crawl around on her but that's about the extent of it. She goes to shows with me when she can and attempts to keep up with me talking about them which is pretty rare because I only explain when I have new snakes coming in or going out on loan. She tries to keep up with it all but at the end of the day it isn't her hobby it's mine. I'm extremely greatful that she gets involved to the point she does.

But like Robin's Carl, my fiance doesn't clean up or work with my snakes at all, infact she hates rats and refuses to touch one.

I wish my wife was as understanding as some of yours. She falls in with Cinderbird's significant other. I'm still trying to get her to let me outfit the shed into a snake house and not even have them in the house. She would never even have to see them. I don't even mind never talking to her about them, it would be nice to share in something I enjoy with her, but I've got all you fine folks to talk to and share with...when the day comes. :(