Kid slaps mom

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You must spread some reputation around before giving it to Wilomn again.

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How you raised your children is how I was raised, and I think I've grown into a fairly decent adult.:P

I was never spanked beyond the age of 6, because I knew better, and I quickly learned right/wrong. But they did not only tell me what I was doing wrong, they rewarded me for being good.

Looking back I know my dad wasn't being abusive, I love the man and respect him for molding me into who I am.

Nothing wrong with a little discipline. There is a difference between beating your kids and a swat on the bottom for punishment.

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Originally Posted by jknudson

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You must spread some reputation around before giving it to Wilomn again.

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How you raised your children is how I was raised, and I think I've grown into a fairly decent adult.:P

I was never spanked beyond the age of 6, because I knew better, and I quickly learned right/wrong. But they did not only tell me what I was doing wrong, they rewarded me for being good.

Looking back I know my dad wasn't being abusive, I love the man and respect him for molding me into who I am.

Nothing wrong with a little discipline. There is a difference between beating your kids and a swat on the bottom for punishment.

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Ditto that! :gj:

What a little Bastard! :colbert: No reason for him to slap his Mom... I'm sure the doctor already did that when he came out.
OH!.... couldnt resist!

Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow

Good posts starmom, equis8-- a couple others that I can't remember. I appreciate your thoughts on respectfulness and thoughtfulness in parenting. And I agree!! :D

I think everyone agrees that the boy should not have hit his mom. I hope that the family is able to find their way through all of this, especially now that they are fodder for Dr Phil and his sensationalist psychology. Bleah.

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Originally Posted by starmom

I also have a 'normal' son; not het for anything!

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A sense of humor can take you so far. :)

[QUOTE=starmom;798561]and Dr. Phil is an idiot.[QUOTE]

I loathe reality TV, I think people like Dr. Phil are boil sucking parasites. I blame Saint OPRAH(!) for unleashing this fool on the world. This weekend I think I will fly to Chicago and vandalize the offices of "O" (get over yourself Oprah).

That sad-sack of a human being exploits and patronizes families that are in crisis.

I do not watch TV, but when I was home at my mom's house awhile back she was deeply glued to the "heroin twins" saga.... *retch* *blech* *gag*.

I hated him to begin with, but seeing him add time lapse photography to show a woman (that was coming down, going through detox, and absolutely ravaged by her condition) what "Junkie Face" looked like long term... complete with missing teeth and thinned hair... was probably the lowest I had seen TV sink to.

But that is today's society, if you are willing to take your dysfunction on TV then you are worthy of help and support.

As much as I would like to feel for a family like this, they have agency and perhaps should spend a few minutes of each day exercising it.

Bruce

Wow, a lot got said on this thread while I was busy elsewhere today! Lots of things I want to comment on, but I'm going to start with this:

Connie, you say you were a very strong willed child, and were unaffected by such things as time outs, and you refused to obey authority until you were spanked. You also say you were never beaten up, and it never left a bruise.

I'm glad it worked out ok for you. And I don't think there is anything wrong with a spanking that doesn't leave a bruise, in and of itself. Some things work for some kids, and other things work for others. So I think the most important thing is to figure out what works for your kid. And it sounds like your parents figured it out with you.

With exceptionally difficult children, any sort of punishment often turns into something that resembles the nuclear arms race... it just keeps escalating. So when taking away one toy doesn't work, you take away more and more until they have nothing but a mattress in their room. When a brief time out doesn't work, it gets longer until they are grounded for 4 months.

The problem with spankings or other physical punishments, such as another old favorite, going to bed without dinner, is where do you go from there when they don't work? If the only tool a parent has is to resort to this sort of stuff, then what about the even stronger willed child who is not affected by a spanking any more than you were by time outs? Do you hit them hard enough to bruise? If/when that doesn't work, do you hit them hard enough to break bones? If missing one meal doesn't bring them in line, do you withhold food for a whole day? a week?

McKinsey and a few others have mentioned things such as chores and other physical labor as an alternative to spankings. This will often work with children who don't respond to time outs/grounding or just being talked to. It still reaches that physical discomfort spot that seems to need to be pushed on some kids. The example of having to walk to school when kicked off the school bus is another great one. Exercise can also push that button. Physical punishments, which do work very well with some kids, do not have to be spankings.

Having worked with at risk kids for a long time I'll share some of my thoughts on the video. I don't think this snippet is a reflection of how these discussions with mom generally go. I think she was on her best behavior for the camera. I guess I didn't really feel like she validating what he was saying. She was explaining but never really said yeah I probably elbowed you harder than I meant and I am sorry. If kids never hear us apologize or admit mistakes they never will. That kid knew mom was showing for the camera so he let it all out. Watch the way he reacts when he slapped her. He expected it to come right back but took the chance. He also keeps repeating how do you feel which tells me mom has taken that action to him before as well as telling him to shut up etc... I truely wouldn't even consider this kid hardcore. I'll make some assumptions (I know) but having your sister die and mom not really listening to you and possibly taking her grief out on you (not intentionally) can make a kid very frustrated and start acting up. To be honest the elbow issue wasn't really the issue it was just the spark that lit the fire. Some may think getting your "feelings" out is a waste of time but his kid has a lot to say and unload. Keeping those feelings in because noone is listening is just like a pressure cooker and when he finally has stuffed enough he is going to blow with no control. The talking is relieve some of the pressure and hopefully start emptying it out. It would be very difficult for mom to process with this kid about his behaviors if she is exhibiting the same behaviors. If she tried without admitting she has made mistakes all that is going to happen is he is going to resent her and think her a liar and hypocrite. I think if this mom and son had some good family therapy (some therapist are very bad) they would end up just fine but both are going to have to change behaviors and communicate much better.

Each child responds to different ways of child rearing etc... What works for one may not work for another. Some things that generally help almost all though is consistency. Stay consistent and follow through. Don't make threats you have no intention of following through with. Hold them accountable for thier behaviors. Most kids (I'm talking under 13) will tell you want punishments work best if asked when you aren't punishing them. Communication and explaining why their behaviors are unacceptable and having them explain it. There are a lot of techniques that one could use but getting them to explain what they did wrong why it was wrong and how they could have done things differently helps alot. As far as timeouts go they can be very effective if you stick with it and process with them afterwards when they are "wore" out. Some take longer than others but younger kids if they are raised with timeouts generally accept them. There is an age where you are wasting your time as they are too old for timeouts. Trying timeouts with a 13 who has never had them and is ODD seldom is effective. Let them experience natural consequences for their behaviors. I can't tell you how many parents bail their kids out of consequences or just don't follow through with them. I could ramble on but will leave it at this. Most troubled kids I have worked with I would guess 90% of their problem was home enviroment. Those with true mental illnesses such as bi-polor, autism, manic depression, severe depression etc... need different treatments that may require meds. I don't necessarily see ADHD or ODD as mental illnesses although I have had a select few that were so ADHD that they required meds. One quick thing on meds. If the meds are making them zombies or overall changing their personalities then they need to try something else. The core personality shouldn't be effected. Some of our severe ADHD kids that got the right meds weren't inactive they were just more able to control themselves. Meaning they were able to clear their head and study without their minds racing. When outside they were still very active and "hyper" but in much more control.

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Originally Posted by kc261

...McKinsey and a few others have mentioned things such as chores and other physical labor as an alternative to spankings. This will often work with children who don't respond to time outs/grounding or just being talked to. It still reaches that physical discomfort spot that seems to need to be pushed on some kids. The example of having to walk to school when kicked off the school bus is another great one. Exercise can also push that button. Physical punishments, which do work very well with some kids, do not have to be spankings.

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I'm not into physical punishment at all. I am bigger and stronger than a kid and so I consider it to be a power trip and I also consider it to be a signal that I am out of control of the situation. I really just don't care for physical harm and I include 'spankings' in this category. I don't feel it is okay to hit each other in the name of 'teaching a lesson'. I think it teaches a kid that hitting is okay or kids get the message that they 'won' because the parent lost control and then parent often times ends up apologizing. It's just weird.

Around our homestead doing chores wasn't physical punishment and I did the chores with them. Doing the chores needed to be done regardless; and when one of my kids thought that being oppositional was a great idea and wouldn't or couldn't back down, the chores got done THEN. It was a great way to release the energy and to focus on something other than the negativity that was going on and escalating into confrontational stuff.

Different strokes for different folks, imo. People have been raising kids since, well, a long time ago :) Even mother animals (lions, horses, dogs) will physically reprimend their babies when they get out of line. If a swat on the behind makes your kid pay attention to you and it works, so be it. If you need to quickly swat your kid;s hand to prevent him from knocking a store display over.. it is just ludicrous to me for people to call that abuse. It is logical and in the long run much better than the consequences for kid, mom, dad, and store!
My issue is with actual child abuse. Real beatings that leave bruises, mental and physical scarring. I know of several friends of mine that endured Brutal physical abuse as kids and had to watch their moms get it too from their fathers. (I also know a man who endured abuse from a longterm girlfriend; I am by NO means saying that women can't be abusive as well.) To me, there is no reason why a kid should ever be beaten this strongly and violently. A quick swat to the butt, or a smack in the hand to deter them from, say, grabbing a hot kettle.. that is a far cry from what my one friend underwent. If she so much as made a sound, her stepfather beat her badly. She to this day, will NOT sneeze out loud; she stifles it to her own discomfort; that saddens me.
And no; I have no kids. But I do have a stepdaughter.. and well, I feel qualified posting here because, well, not so long ago I was a kid too. I only got hit as a last resort, and I knew that the possibility was there because I had gotten it before! So I knew when to back off of things and listen to an adult. My grandma and her wooden spoon never left horrible, counseling-inducing, suicide-causing trauma to me..