horrible.....

I want him so bad...he was never abusive just jealousy made him attempt to control me I know its an excuse for him but all of us are guilty for sticking up for the ones we trully love...I dont want anyone but him and I cant do that you guys dont know the whole story....Ive been through so much with him he saved me from depression and thats literally the truth...I had to be on anti depressants half my life and a few months after being with him the doctor told me I dont need them....he was my first real relationship (lasting more than 2 months) we have been together even we he was over 1000 miles away. He was the first to take me to a dance well every dance throughout high school, the first to buy me flowers, jewelry, chocolates, stuffed animals. The first my real family ever approved of. He was the inspiration of many of my paintings all over my walls. Hes the first guy to ever tell me he loved me. The first to ever take me on a date, to the movies, out to eat at nice expensive resturants, the first I ever lived with, the first to ever still be with me on my birthday, the first I ever loved. I cant do this I know I cant go back to him but I cant just sit here and ignore his calls all morning and afternoon, I have to call him back....Ill let everyone know how that goes....

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Originally Posted by python_addict

he was my first real relationship (lasting more than 2 months) we have been together even we he was over 1000 miles away. He was the first to take me to a dance well every dance throughout high school, the first to buy me flowers, jewelry, chocolates, stuffed animals. The first my real family ever approved of. He was the inspiration of many of my paintings all over my walls. Hes the first guy to ever tell me he loved me. The first to ever take me on a date, to the movies, out to eat at nice expensive resturants, the first I ever lived with, the first to ever still be with me on my birthday, the first I ever loved.

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And he won't be your last...

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Originally Posted by python_addict

i understand what all of you are saying but I also see where my boyfriend is coming from hes always complaining I never hang out with just him its always me him and a snake and everytime I talk to him its about snakes so I feel bad the only reason I ever got into snakes is for a bumble bee ball python I thought it be cool to produce one myself but I dont have to I dont really want to risk a 3 year relationship just on something so little that I wanted to do for a fun project on the side. And Im not allowed more than 2 snakes where Im moving the landlord said no so either way they have to go either way but for now Im telling him its just for him but in reality its in order to live where I want its close to both of our jobs its a great neighborhood it comes furnished and completely redone and another plus.....NO where NEAR my family :D

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I'm not gonna read all 8 pages of this drama...but from this post it seems the snakes are more of an obsession than hobby. If it's always you, him and a snake...or all you ever talk about are snakes, I can see where he's coming from. Relationships are about compromises. I love keeping and breeding bp's, but my wife comes first...by a long shot...and she knows this. If I was your boyfriend and I was playing second fiddle to a bunch of snakes, I'd be outta there...

We all have firsts. They don't loose importance most of the time. But, once is all you get for a first.

No one is trying to force you to do anything. There are people here, particularly the women who have posted in this thread who have BEEN you when they were having THEIR firsts.

LISTEN to them. If you take him back you take him back. If he does it again, he does it again. You simply have to deal with it. Not us.

You however, are your own worst enemy. We are all our own worst enemies. Telling ourselves we can't do this, live without that, have to make exceptions for something else, don't deserve for whatever reason, can't do any better, don't want to do any better, or worst of all, can't because we/you OWE someone something that happiness would infringe upon.

Let us know how it goes.

Personally, I just don't cotton to ultimatums. Never have. You either have to be willing to not be who you want to be to live under them or be the kind of person who gives them, whom I generally find to be weak and lacking in the stuff that makes men men and women women. Real men and women I mean, not boys and girls. You're barely a woman and have had a crappy life so far and this ONE bit of good is hard to let go of even if it is starting to turn a bit dark. It IS just one bit though. There will be many others if you allow them in. Talk to some of the women who have offered to help you. Take the help that was offered. There's no shame in that and quite possibly the support you need to do what you know is right.

Capitulating to ultimatums sort of puts up a shield that will keep your happiness from finding you. In my opinion.

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Originally Posted by Wh00h0069

Boyfriends come and go.

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But the snakes will always be there, lol. When she needs someone to talk to. When she needs a shoulder to cry on. When she needs some encouragement or advise.

I've got news for some of you folks...your snakes don't care about you. Not even a tiny little bit. I know some people will find that just too hard to believe, but it's true...

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Originally Posted by sho220

But the snakes will always be there, lol. When she needs someone to talk to. When she needs a shoulder to cry on. When she needs some encouragement or advise.

I've got news for some of you folks...your snakes don't care about you. Not even a tiny little bit. I know some people will find that just too hard to believe, but it's true...

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...... This guy is CONTROLLING and JEALOUS. Those are two of the RED FLAGS that someone should look out for when they're in a relationship.

Controlling behaviour may be just jealousy and controlling a couple things (like pets) right now, but it WILL escalate. Not might, WILL.

So, so so so so so many abusive relationships start off with controlling and jealous significant others.

It always escalates. You think abusive relationships just happen at the snap of a finger? No, the abuser has to gain trust and love of the partner, and then he will start controlling his/her friends, what they look like, etc, and will do anything to isolate the victim from his or her family. That is when the abuse (physical) starts, because the victim has no one to turn to.

In my mind, the OP's boyfriend can quite possibly become abusive. He has some of the red flags already.


If she needs someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, or some advice there are FRIENDS. There are even hot lines that you can call and talk to someone anonymously and the person on the other end has no bias.
You can't just stay with someone just because they can be a person to cry to, yadda yadda.

Rant over.

Girl, everything in your post screams codependency. I went through it with MY first too, and a couple others. You think you need them, and no one else can match up.

Do what you like, and this is not really about snakes anymore, but I don't think you were in a healthy relationship.

You need learning experiences, you can't just settle down for the guy that made you learn a lot about yourself just because he did. You don't want to have to deal with the problems he has against you.

And if this is really a matter of you being obsessed with snakes and never stopping about it, it may drive him crazy, but there are nicer ways of him telling you that then telling you its him or the snakes.

I dunno, but if I were you, I'd deal with the heartache (that will take time to heal but it will go away) and move on. Most people do not stick with the first person they meet.

I am my fiance's first but I'm older and know more about what a healthy relationship is, and let me tell you ... he got darn lucky. That almost never happens. But he is stubborn and didn't want to date just any girl, so that's on him.

Probably 98% of people do not stay with their first. And probably 85% of people learn CRAZY amounts of things about theirselves during their first real relationship.

You'll be fine ... with or without him. Just remember that. You don't NEED him to stay off antidepressants, that is YOU, not him. YOU! YOU did it. He helped you, but you did it.

Take a deep breath and just think about things for a while before you jump back into it.

I didnt get ahold of him but I could get ahold of his brother and right now my ex is currently in a hospital after crashing his car on his way to my house.....I kept ignoring his calls so he finally told his brother he was just gonna come talk to me...hes still unconscious it was about an hour ago.....Im about to go up there to check on him

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Originally Posted by python_addict

I want him so bad...he was never abusive just jealousy made him attempt to control me I know its an excuse for him but all of us are guilty for sticking up for the ones we trully love...I dont want anyone but him and I cant do that you guys dont know the whole story....Ive been through so much with him he saved me from depression and thats literally the truth...I had to be on anti depressants half my life and a few months after being with him the doctor told me I dont need them....he was my first real relationship (lasting more than 2 months) we have been together even we he was over 1000 miles away. He was the first to take me to a dance well every dance throughout high school, the first to buy me flowers, jewelry, chocolates, stuffed animals. The first my real family ever approved of. He was the inspiration of many of my paintings all over my walls. Hes the first guy to ever tell me he loved me. The first to ever take me on a date, to the movies, out to eat at nice expensive resturants, the first I ever lived with, the first to ever still be with me on my birthday, the first I ever loved. I cant do this I know I cant go back to him but I cant just sit here and ignore his calls all morning and afternoon, I have to call him back....Ill let everyone know how that goes....

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first doesn't mean the best OR the right one.

That is too bad, but remember, just because he is hurt doesn't mean he is right for you. Try to remain neutral.