Re: I need some snake people!!
Wow long thread. I read as much as I could before posting.
I have to echo everyone who said you are 27 and live in your own home so grow a spine.
I also agree that you should not take your newly stiffened spine and beat your mother over the head with it.
You and your mom have to both work on your dynamic. So here is my advice. You can not change anyone except yourself. You can choose your actions, words and thoughts.
Here are some mom comments I made up and some responses you could give that are respectful but assertive.
MOM:"you have to get rid of them I can't stand it anymore!!"
YOU:"Mom I love you dearly and I understand that my snakes bother you but I have to live my life how I choose, I don't have to get rid of my snakes. I know that YOU can't stand them and you WANT me to get rid of them, but I love them and they make me happy."
MOM:"So you are choosing the snakes over your mother!"
YOU:"I am choosing to keep the snakes and you in my life, are you choosing to cut your child out of your life because of a small animal no more dangerous than a cat"
MOM:"Well I am never comming to your house again."
YOU:"I can't tell you how sad that makes me that you don't feel comfortable comming to my home. Is there anything I can do to make you feel safe in my home other than get rid of the snakes?"
MOM:"Mark my words the snakes are going to hurt you and then you will know I was right all along"
YOU:"The snakes are animals and they could bite me, but they are small animals with little itty bitty teeth. I have more of a chance of getting hurt by a cat or dog. Regardless its a risk that I choose."
Hopefully you can work things out but in the end I don't think this has anything to do with the snakes really. It sounds to me like the snakes are just one example of a bigger problem.
My mom is not a big fan of my BP, but our dynamic is much different than yours and your moms.
My MOM:"Ewe, I don't know how you live with that thing in your house"
Me:"I know its awful, I have to feed it once a week, I have to make time to change the water every couple days. Do you know I even have to take poop out of the cage every couple weeks, its hell. Get this sometimes, not often but sometimes I even see the snake come out from under that plastic hide. Its crazy, she will just slither out like she is going to look around or something. Speaking of nasty filthy animals, how is that dog of yours that pees all over the house. Is that cat scratch on your arm healing up ok."
You made your mothers life miserable now its her turn to make yours just as fun.
Re: I need some snake people!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Derteufel
ask if their dog or cat ever bit them?
lol. I just get a head shake. I'll give it some time. Eventually I'll win, and if not, at least the kids will grow up knowing they are safe. Pretty soon, they will be old enough to stand up for them, then it will be harder for the parents to rebel.
Some of them still don't understand the purpose of a dryer. I hate hanging my clothes on a line, they get bugs in them!!
Re: I need some snake people!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Egapal
I have to echo everyone who said you are 27 and live in your own home so grow a spine.
MOM:"So you are choosing the snakes over your mother!"
YOU:"I am choosing to keep the snakes and you in my life, are you choosing to cut your child out of your life because of a small animal no more dangerous than a cat"
Child is a bad word, you just said yourself, "you are 27".
Re: I need some snake people!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Derteufel
Child is a bad word, you just said yourself, "you are 27".
Yeah, but I know what Egapal meant. I just have to add my own touch :)
Re: I need some snake people!!
She sounds like a ASF who's started to eat her children.
Time to feed her off.
Re: I need some snake people!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Derteufel
Child is a bad word, you just said yourself, "you are 27".
I am 30, the OP is 27 and the Mom doesn't see a 27 year old, she sees a child. Believe it or not I chose the word "child" carefully. The question is of course loaded. The question is, does the mother want to cut her adult offspring out of her life over a snake. There is nothing quite like the love a mother has for her child. So the plan is to use that. You want Mom to realize that no matter how much she hates the snakes, she loves her child more. Now in reality her child is 27 years old and is far from a child and that's why the ball is in Mom's court. She needs to know that she can no longer control her child and that now she has to choose to accept and support the OP's choices or damage the most important relationship in her life.
In the end the message that everyone needs to understand is that you can not change other people. You can change yourself, and you help someone through the process of change, but you can not force your will on another and expect anything good to come from it.
So Mom needs to change and adapt or suffer and child needs to change and adapt or suffer.
I like set theory so here it is. 3 outcomes
1. stratus_020202 keeps the snakes and mom doesn't accept that.
stratus_020202 :weirdface and mom :tears:
2. stratus_020202 gets rid of the snakes and mom is thrilled.
stratus_020202 :tears: and mom :)
3. stratus_020202 keeps the snakes and mom accept that.
stratus_020202 :D and mom :weirdface
Keeping the snakes should be stratus_020202's choice, because its the only one that has the potential to make stratus_020202 happy. Mom then has to choice between outcome 1 or 3. Lets hope she chooses awkward acceptance over sad and angry. Its sounds like Mom is already coming around to a reluctant acceptances.
