Completely devastated

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Originally Posted by evan385

So i've been thinking. In a last ditch effort to see if I can get her mother to like me i'm just gonna back off until she turns eighteen. Also I don't need any unnecessary trouble. If she still wants to be with me when she turns eighteen then it's meant to be and it will be.

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It aint about trying to get her mom to like you. If her mom is really physically abusive towards her then it needs to be reported. If she really has burned her with cigarettes and cut her as you say then there will be marks that can be shown, and it will only take one single phone call to get her out of that situation.

99% of normal 16 year old girls are not ready for that level of commitment. Someone who has been mentally and physically abused, and who has been suicidal ABSOLUTELY IS NOT ready for that level of commitment.

You don't even know who she will be when she is 18... neither does she.

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Originally Posted by CatandDiallo

But when you find out how old she is, that's when you call it quits. That what an adult would do.

I met this amazing guy (well, he was a manager at a store I worked at - but at a different location, so we didn't know anything about each other).
We both thought we were closer in age.

I was 19 and he turned out to be 29. Even though it wasn't illegal, when we found out about each other's ages, we decided that it wasn't going to work out because we weren't on the same level.

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That's different. With me we had already been dating for six months and talking every day of those six moths for hours on end before I found out her real age and I already loved her so much.

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Originally Posted by Mike Cavanaugh

It aint about trying to get her mom to like you. If her mom is really physically abusive towards her then it needs to be reported. If she really has burned her with cigarettes and cut her as you say then there will be marks that can be shown, and it will only take one single phone call to get her out of that situation.

99% of normal 16 year old girls are not ready for that level of commitment. Someone who has been mentally and physically abused, and who has been suicidal ABSOLUTELY IS NOT ready for that level of commitment.

You don't even know who she will be when she is 18... neither does she.

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Well said! This is exactly my point! I heard that from Skiploder too. I would hope that it will stop and they can put this behind them. I don't want her to hate her mother and I want them to have a good healthy relationship. I realize that this will probably never happen but I can hope. If I talk to her any time soon I will have her report her mother. I know that she's told her grandfather and he hasn't done anything. IF she still wants to be with me when she turns eighteen then I will help her as much as I can to have a happy, healthy, normal life. If not then it's not the end of the world. I would find another girl when I eventually got over her and I would make sure that she is eighteen or older.

Wow this thread really popped off since i was last on !!!!!!:D

Okay, I have to say something, and I hope that no one takes offence, but having been a 16 year old girl, I think this is an extremely relevant point. This girl SAYS a lot of things about her mother, her life, her relationships with you and with others. Here is the thing though, in person, you have only met her once. You have no way of knowing whether or not those things are true. I am not calling your girl a liar, but long distance relationships not based in real experience are often an outlet for fantasy. This girl may very well genuinely like you, but she also might just like the attention and knowing that there is some one who can always give it to her. She is, no matter what you feel, still a child.

When I was 15, my "boyfriend" was 23. I though I was soooo cool then. Now, I think he's a creep. There is absolutely no legitimate reason that a grown man should have had that kind of interest in what was essentially a child, no matter how much I wanted to be or thought I was mature. To be fair, at 16 I held a steady job, went to school and took care of my little brother and sister, but the way that I thought about situations and my life was dreadfully immature. I often cannot believe how much I've grown up since I thought I was full grown. The age difference in a "real life" relationship could very well be circumstantial, but the age difference in a long distance relationship, especially with you as the elder partner is a little bit difficult to understand because there is no way of knowing if you actually know this girl at all.
If this girl wanted to get in touch with you, she would. She would call from a friends cell phone, or use gmail or skype which both allow free calls from any computer. If her mother's wishes are that you leave her alone, I believe you should do that especially if she herself is respecting those wishes. You are both constructing fantasies of one another, and without direct interaction there is no system of check and balances to keep those fantasies in line with reality. Often fantasy is better than reality, and a few years from now if you reconnect, you might not like what you find. My final note is a little depressing, but it is important. Sometimes love is not enough.
Please be open to life. Fixation and obsession are not healthy. Love only comes when you are honestly and truly happy within yourself, and that rarely if ever presents concurrently with adolescent relationships. Good luck.

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Originally Posted by evan385

That's different. With me we had already been dating for six months and talking every day of those six moths for hours on end before I found out her real age and I already loved her so much.

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]

It doesn't really matter. The law is the law.

When I was 16, I thought I loved the guy I was with so much. I was ready to marry him. I would have (and did) do anything for him (including literally saving his life - he attempted suicide via drug overdose, and I found him and got him to the hospital in the nick of time).

I loved him, but I had to let him go. He ended up going to rehab in the states and came back a completely different person.

You never know what's going to happen. Basically what I'm trying to say is: leave the option that you might not be with her in the future open.

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Originally Posted by AtlasStrike

Okay, I have to say something, and I hope that no one takes offence, but having been a 16 year old girl, I think this is an extremely relevant point. This girl SAYS a lot of things about her mother, her life, her relationships with you and with others. Here is the thing though, in person, you have only met her once. You have no way of knowing whether or not those things are true. I am not calling your girl a liar, but long distance relationships not based in real experience are often an outlet for fantasy. This girl may very well genuinely like you, but she also might just like the attention and knowing that there is some one who can always give it to her. She is, no matter what you feel, still a child.

When I was 15, my "boyfriend" was 23. I though I was soooo cool then. Now, I think he's a creep. There is absolutely no legitimate reason that a grown man should have had that kind of interest in what was essentially a child, no matter how much I wanted to be or thought I was mature. To be fair, at 16 I held a steady job, went to school and took care of my little brother and sister, but the way that I thought about situations and my life was dreadfully immature. I often cannot believe how much I've grown up since I thought I was full grown. The age difference in a "real life" relationship could very well be circumstantial, but the age difference in a long distance relationship, especially with you as the elder partner is a little bit difficult to understand because there is no way of knowing if you actually know this girl at all.
If this girl wanted to get in touch with you, she would. She would call from a friends cell phone, or use gmail or skype which both allow free calls from any computer. If her mother's wishes are that you leave her alone, I believe you should do that especially if she herself is respecting those wishes. You are both constructing fantasies of one another, and without direct interaction there is no system of check and balances to keep those fantasies in line with reality. Often fantasy is better than reality, and a few years from now if you reconnect, you might not like what you find. My final note is a little depressing, but it is important. Sometimes love is not enough.
Please be open to life. Fixation and obsession are not healthy. Love only comes when you are honestly and truly happy within yourself, and that rarely if ever presents concurrently with adolescent relationships. Good luck.

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Thank you. I respect your opinion and know that you know nothing about either me or her. I have no further comments for you. Have a good night. It's about time for me to feed my lovely lady. (Captain Hook)

There is no law against relationships, the laws are about sexual consent. There is a VERY important difference.

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Originally Posted by CatandDiallo

]

It doesn't really matter. The law is the law.

When I was 16, I thought I loved the guy I was with so much. I was ready to marry him. I would have (and did) do anything for him (including literally saving his life - he attempted suicide via drug overdose, and I found him and got him to the hospital in the nick of time).

I loved him, but I had to let him go. He ended up going to rehab in the states and came back a completely different person.

You never know what's going to happen. Basically what I'm trying to say is: leave the option that you might not be with her in the future open.

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I've already said in an early post that i'm going to back off until she turns eighteen. If she still wants to be with me great. If not it's not the end of the world.

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Originally Posted by AtlasStrike

There is no law against relationships, the laws are about sexual consent. There is a VERY important difference.

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Exactly. I've only seen her one time we never planned on doing anything like that until she turned eighteen so no law breaking here.