Please help. :(

PS - now that I am with a STABLE person, I have been the most stable I have EVER been in my life. Please ... for your own sake ...

The entire relationship that you are currently engaging in is only encouraging both you and your girlfriend to be enablers. It doesn't matter what any of us sit here and take the time to type out for you to read because you are enabling her behavior by accepting it and even more so, by defending it.

It has been six months today since my sister committed suicide and I can say with absolute certainty that she was surrounded by people that were enablers. They accepted her behavior and defended it instead of trying to help her. They were not the cause of her suicide, so that is not what I am implying in any means, but you staying with her and playing into her issue does not help her because she feeds off of it. The more you continue to give in, the more she is going to continue to act the way she acts and sees no need for change. In some cases, tough love is necessary. You have to be the stronger person for both of you and take a few steps back. She is battling both learned behavior and a detrimental sickness, both of which you cannot fix.

And if you ever consider suicide again, please seek help and also please seek help for your girlfriend if she threatens you with it. A lot of times people do act like that for attention but unfortunately, we don't get to decide their fate, only they do. Please don't do what my sister did and leave people with questions that they will never be able to answer.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lasweetswan

The entire relationship that you are currently engaging in is only encouraging both you and your girlfriend to be enablers. It doesn't matter what any of us sit here and take the time to type out for you to read because you are enabling her behavior by accepting it and even more so, by defending it.

It has been six months today since my sister committed suicide and I can say with absolute certainty that she was surrounded by people that were enablers. They accepted her behavior and defended it instead of trying to help her. They were not the cause of her suicide, so that is not what I am implying in any means, but you staying with her and playing into her issue does not help her because she feeds off of it. The more you continue to give in, the more she is going to continue to act the way she acts and sees no need for change. In some cases, tough love is necessary. You have to be the stronger person for both of you and take a few steps back. She is battling both learned behavior and a detrimental sickness, both of which you cannot fix.

And if you ever consider suicide again, please seek help and also please seek help for your girlfriend if she threatens you with it. A lot of times people do act like that for attention but unfortunately, we don't get to decide their fate, only they do. Please don't do what my sister did and leave people with questions that they will never be able to answer.

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:tears::tears::tears:

I just teared up reading this. I think OP if you take anyone's advice it's hers.

:hug:

lasweetswan, that is a sad story, and exactly what I was trying to talk about. I'm so sorry that you had to go through something like that.

Im not a doctor so I cant give you advice for anything medical related but what I found works best with stress etc was being active doing something other than just sitting home in a room. This is a crappy situation for everyone involved and I hope the best for you and your girlfriend.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lasweetswan

The entire relationship that you are currently engaging in is only encouraging both you and your girlfriend to be enablers. It doesn't matter what any of us sit here and take the time to type out for you to read because you are enabling her behavior by accepting it and even more so, by defending it.

It has been six months today since my sister committed suicide and I can say with absolute certainty that she was surrounded by people that were enablers. They accepted her behavior and defended it instead of trying to help her. They were not the cause of her suicide, so that is not what I am implying in any means, but you staying with her and playing into her issue does not help her because she feeds off of it. The more you continue to give in, the more she is going to continue to act the way she acts and sees no need for change. In some cases, tough love is necessary. You have to be the stronger person for both of you and take a few steps back. She is battling both learned behavior and a detrimental sickness, both of which you cannot fix.

And if you ever consider suicide again, please seek help and also please seek help for your girlfriend if she threatens you with it. A lot of times people do act like that for attention but unfortunately, we don't get to decide their fate, only they do. Please don't do what my sister did and leave people with questions that they will never be able to answer.

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Im so sorry you had to go through this.

Thank you all for your kind words.

OP, I apologize for the brief hijack of your thread, but I hope that I managed to get my point across.

I'd hate for you to end up receiving our condolences for the same kind of loss that I experienced. The fight that you will put up to help her will not compare to the fight that you will have with yourself everyday if something were to happen and you realize that you could have done more to get her on a positive path.

Just my $.02

Ok, I am going to add my 2 cents here. I read through the entire thread and there were a few things I wanted to comment on, so lets see if I can actually remember all the points I wanted to make. Let me provide a little background on myself. I work in the the mental health field with a focus on anxiety disorders in adults. I currently work mostly with posttraumatic stress, but I have worked with most anxiety conditions.

1) Whatever therapy she is receiving is clearly not working. She should be seeing a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who specialized in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy. This combined with pharmacotherapy has been proven to be the best approach for anxiety disorders. I know you mentioned that she is on a benzo. I really can't recommend them as a treatment of choice for anxiety disorders due to the potential for addiction. If she is taking 4 a day with no effect, that is a very big problem.

2) The above being said, she won't be able to change unless she wants to. CBT therapy is work and she will only get out of it what she puts into it.

3) Given the longstanding nature of her condition, enabling family and suicidal gestures. I can't say that she wouldn't benefit from stabilization on an inpatient psychiatric unit. At the very least, they could evaluate and accurately (hopefully) diagnose her, detox her off of the benzos, stabilize her on new meds and make appropriate aftercare referrals.

4) Someone mentioned Borderline Personality Disorder. Some of the things written do resemble BPD, but I would be hesitant to diagnose a personality disorder in a teenager. Unfortunately, personalities develop well into the 20s and adolescence does tend to be chaotic, especially in someone with the background the OP mentioned her having. That being said, without treatment she does have the potential to be an adult with BPD.

5) Finally, Kevin, this is a lot for anyone to take on. I'm not going to tell you to leave her or to stay with her, but I do think you should consider carefully the path you are going to be on should you stay with her. There is no easy solution here. She is only going to get better if she wants to and puts the work in. Many people give lip service about getting better without ever actually doing anything about it. You need to ask yourself if she is one of these?

6) Ok, now I am going to contradict my last statement because this also occurred to me. Anxiety disorders are all about avoidance. Avoidance of the thing(s) that the person fears. For some with extreme anxiety, they minimize their world into something predicable and manageable. So they get stuck and don't change because to do so means confronting that which they fear. It is possible that if you were to break up with her, it may be the reality check she needs to see that what she is doing is not working. it may motivate her to work on herself more seriously. By staying with her, she doesn't need to change.

7) Hmm.. Family therapy probably wouldn't hurt either as an adjunct to her own individual therapy.

Ok, I think that is about all the rambling I think I can muster.. lol.. I hope some of this helps.