The Boy Friend or Snakes ???

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Originally Posted by Raptor

Everyone here is speculating. We only know half of what is going on; we don't know his reasons at all. Considering this is a snake forum, of course the majority are going to say "ditch the boyfriend, keep the snakes". Snakes don't take a huge amount of time to care for unless the collection is massive. In which case, the boyfriend would have a legit complaint. Honestly? Instead of coming onto a forum and complain, she should sit down with him and ask his reasoning for why he thinks she spends too much time with her snakes.

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Suppose she has. Suppose she has more than once.

Your advice is worth no more than most. At least with those of us who HAVE seen this happen to others we can tell her what actually happened when the snakes were given up or what happened when the option was put out there by a significant other.

Maybe you, since you keep harping on her talking to the guy, should let her be so she can make up her own mind.

Frankly, if HE says "the snakes go or I do" it's probably not at all about the snakes. It's about him wanting control in the relationship. If you didn't keep snakes and instead you took dance classes... he'd say you spent too much time out dancing... or with your friends, or family, until you rely on him exclusively.

Most of the time anyone who declares a "your hobby/time/enjoyment or I'm leaving" doesn't object to the exact thing mentioned... just to the fact that it's not time/attention on THEM. A woman may say "You go out bowling too much, I hate bowling..." but it's not bowling... it's time away from HER. With guys, it's often "You go out too much... you spend too much time with..." for the same reason.

Get rid of the dog... ditch the cat... stop going out with those friends... it's all the same thing. If you've been spending XX time with your pets and he is NOW objecting, then I'd say he's being controlling and to kick him to the curb before he ruins your entire life.

If you've recently started spending more time with your pets and less time with him, then YOU need to figure out why you've spent less time with him lately. Have you lost interest in him? Are there other things he does that you don't like, object to? Don't focus your thinking on the snakes... focus on your relationship with him over all. Does he try to restrict your time? Is he jealous of time spent with friends?

Frankly, anyone who tells me "XX or I leave" automatically can leave. I will not be controlled by another person. I do not react well to threats. If they want to leave, there's the door. If they are petty enough to threaten to leave over something, they aren't welcome with me. If they want to discuss things, I have no objection to it. Threatening to leave is a bully tactic that invariably would backfire with me.

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Originally Posted by wilomn

Suppose she has. Suppose she has more than once.

Your advice is worth no more than most. At least with those of us who HAVE seen this happen to others we can tell her what actually happened when the snakes were given up or what happened when the option was put out there by a significant other.

Maybe you, since you keep harping on her talking to the guy, should let her be so she can make up her own mind.

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Funny. I only mentioned her talking to him once. That doesn't qualify as harping.