any good jokes?

Here is one I havn't told in 4 years[probably a reason!]

A brunette was doing jumping jacks on a railroad track chanting "99, 99, 99..." A blonde comes up and starts doing jumping jacks and chanting the same. In the distance you could hear a train roaring. The brunette steps off the tracks, the train passes, and she gets back on doing jumping jacks and starts chanting "98, 98, 98..."

It always makes me laugh lol! I don't remember if I made it up or if I heard it somewhere... It was in 5th grade on a week long fieldtrip. ^^

that's SO wrong! lol

bump! i'm bored again! lol

so, a woman walks into walmart to return a broken toaster. the lady at the courtesy desk says 'i'm sorry but you can't return that. you bought it on clearance.' the lady throws her arms up in the air and yells 'PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES!' a crowd starts gathering to see what all the commotion is about. so the clerk goes and gets her manager. the manager comes out and asks the lady what the problem is. so she explains to him that her toaster was broken when she took it out of the box. the manager tells her, 'well, my clerk is right. according to store policy, we can't allow clearance items to be returned.' the lady throws her arms up in the air again and screams louder, 'PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!' the manager asked her 'why do you keep yelling that?' the lady said, very calmly, 'well, you see, i like having my nipples pinched when i'm getting screwed!' and walked out of the store with the crowd clapping for her

Hi,

Found this one on a newsgroup today and it made me giggle. :giggle:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem
to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other pulls out his phone and
calls emergency services.
He gasps to the operater: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator in a calm, soothing voices replies: "Take it easy. I can help.
First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?"


I'll get me coat.:oops:


dr del

Omg Derek hahahahahahahahahaha! (he's here through Thursday folks, try the veal and don't forget to tip your server!) :D

Fantastic Derek!

:rofl:



ok so here ya go...


A young boy asked his dad, "What's the difference between confident and confidential?"

"You are my son. I am confident about that," said the father. "Your friend next door is also my son, but that's confidential."

One of my favorites:

A little boy goes up to his father and asks: "Dad, what's the difference between hypothetical and reality?"

The father replies: "Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she'd have sex with the mailman for $500,000."

The boy goes and asks his mother: "Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $500,000?" The mother replies: "Hell yes I would!"

The little boy returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'"

The father then says: "Okay, now go and ask your older sister if she'd have sex with her principal for $500,000."

The boy asks his sister: "Would you have sex with your principal for $500,000?" The sister replies: "Hell yes I would!"

He returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'"

The father answers: "Okay son, here's the deal: Hypothetically, we're millionaires, but in reality, we're just living with a couple of whores."

Did you hear the midget fortune teller escaped from prison?

He's a small medium at large.

i read this one the other day...kinda funny

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday

hehehe.... maybe i'm just easy to entertain today but that's funny!