A Joke

The judge says to the double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer." A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!" The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer." The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten bastard!" The judge stops and says to Paddy in the back of the courtroom, “Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes ... but no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?" Paddy stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honor, but for 15 years I've lived next door to that idiot, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one.

Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go in the bathroom?

Because the P is silent.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MasonC2K

Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go in the bathroom?

Because the P is silent.

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So are you a Nerd Fighter or just stumbled across that video online? It's SO FUNNY!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by interloc

So are you a Nerd Fighter or just stumbled across that video online? It's SO FUNNY!

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I saw a video the other day with tons of these things in it. And I can't get them to leave my head. So I thought I'd share.

Why is it I remember the most useless things so easily?

What did cinderella say when she got to the ball-- ...Oh wait... okay nevermind lol

What Bee’s produce milk? Boo’bees

Why don’t women fart? Because they don’t shut up long enough to build up the pressure.
;)

A man is out golfing when a young lady approaches and asks if she can join him. He agrees and so she goes to tee off and hits a great shot. He is impressed with her game and her beauty so over the next few weeks they continue to meet for rounds of golf. Finally the guy decides he would like to take their relationship to a more romantic level. He invites her back to his place where things progress and so he asks her to join him in the bedroom. As they are undressing the man is shocked to see she has a package. Unable to control himself he draws back and punches her right in the face knocking her to the floor. "You S.O. B., all this time you've been hitting from the ladies tees."

NO SEX Since 1955

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.
There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!"

She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."

The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."

what do midgets and dwarves have in common?



-very little.