any good jokes?

This one is kinda bad but...

why did the mexican man throw his wife out the window??

TEQUILA! lol (to kill her) dumb i know but i heard it like 2 days ago.

Here's another one..

A man walks into a bar and oders a grasshopper (the drink) and on his way home while he's walking he sees a grasshopper and says "Hey! i just had a drink named after you"...and the grasshopper responds "really? you had a drink named Harry!?" lol

You all have probably heard this one. Its not really 'bad' but it does deal with the female anatomy a bit.

One night a teenage girl is about to go out with her friends and goes downstairs to wait for them. Her grandmother enters the room and sees her granddaughter wearing a semi see through shirt with no bra.

"Take that off right now. You can't go out like that!" she shouts.

"Grandma, you have to live a little. You gotta let your rosebuds show every now and then." The girl then leaves with her friends still wearing the shirt.

A few days later, the girl is going out again with her friends and walks downstairs to wait for her friends. When she enters the room she sees her grandmother sitting near the door, knitting, with no shirt on!

"Grandma, put a shirt on. My friends will be here any minute."

"If you can let your rosebuds show, then I can certainly show my hanging baskets."

Okay, I've always liked this one...

So three girls are stranded on an island. A brunette, redhead and a blond. 1 mile away, there is land. So first the brunette swims about half a mile, she gets tired, and she drowns. Then the redhead tries. She to swims half a mile, gets tired and drowns. So last we have the blond. She swims half way, gets tired, so she swims back.

Haha, I know, kinda cheesy, but mehh..

:8::rofl: thanx. I nearly spewed water all over my monitor and keyboard. that was good.

AN ATHEIST IN THE WOODS

An atheist was walking through the woods.

"What majestic trees"!

"What powerful rivers"!

"What beautiful animals"!

He said to himself.


As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes

behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw

that the bear was closing In on him.


He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped &

fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear

was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his

right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my

God!"


Time Stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.


As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You

deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even

credit creation to cosmic accident." "Do you expect me to help you out of

this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer"?

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me

to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps You could

make the BEAR a Christian"?


"Very Well," said the voice.


The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped

his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:


"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through

Christ our Lord, Amen."

not really jokes but some funny quotes


Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist

one i heard a while ago

the FBI had been doing tests to see who would be their next agent.
it came down to three men.
they stood outside a door
and an agent gives the first man a gun and says
"in there you will find your wife tied to a chair SHOOT her"
the man quickly replies
"i cant do it"
and hands back the gun
the second man come up to the agent
and the agent give him the gun and tell him the same thing
this time the man walks in the door
silence
then for twenty minutes sobbing
the man comes out and says "i couldn't do it"
and walks home with his wife
then it is the turn of the final man
the agent gives the gun
tells him to shoot his wife
the man goes in
five minutes later 10 shots sound
then silence
the the sound of scuffling
then the man comes out to the agent
and says
"you could have told me the gun was loaded with blanks
i had to beat her to death with the chair"

bad but made me laugh :rofl::8:

i got another bout a granma grandson shrimp and female lower parts but it not for here :oops:

lmao @ christian bear!

There's a gynecologist who decides he hates his job (go figure) so he takes some mechanic classes at the local community college. He does pretty well, and the final exam eventually rolls around. Each student is given a complete car in working order and they are required to disassemble the whole engine piece by piece and put it back together. If it doesn't run when it's over, they fail.

Two weeks after the exam, the gynecologist receives his test scores: 150 out of a possible 100. "This can't be right", the Dr. says to himself, so he phones the professor:

"well" says the professor, " i gave you 50 points for fully disassembling the engine, you did it perfectly. You also put it back together perfectly - still runs like the day we bought it, so there's another 50. I had to give you the 50 *extra* points, though, because in all the years i've taught this class, you're the first one to do it all through the muffler".

lmao! great jokes guys! keep 'em comin!!!

or not..... (bump)

Why is the space between a women's breast called a waist?

Because you could put another pair of breasts there!

:cool: