how to deal with an ex

Billy, I'm going to give you slightly different advice. Stop thinking about where to meet a replacement for this girl for now. If you don't figure out why you got so attached to someone who treats you like a convenience, you're really likely to end up with another manipulative user type female. Instead of spending time figuring out how to replace her or if you should call her or not, get yourself busy. Work, hobbies (that take you OUT of the house), join a herp group, go to every snake show within 100 miles of your home, etc. Volunteer at the zoo, the humane society, etc.

The benefits of this...

- you will be too "busy" if Miss User phones
- you'll meet girls who like to be around snakes and other animals
- you'll meet girls in a non-dating situation so you'll get to see if they really are nice girls or not
- you're likely to make new friends of both sexes and that's always a good thing (likely you lost some old drinking buddies as you mentioned you don't drink anymore)
- you always find the best person when you aren't looking for them
- your self-esteem will go up - when you volunteer or join in activities it always helps a person feel better about themselves - better self-esteem and a happier attitude usually means better choices

Lastly, Billy, go look in the mirror. Is the man looking back at you someone who deserves to be treated like crap just because some girl doesn't have the brains and moral standards to know better than to treat you like that? Would you really want a woman like this to be your future wife and mother your kids some day? I'd bet you really wouldn't.

Delete her number from your cell, get yourself so busy you don't have time to waste on her and take some time to decide what you really want in a partner and what you can bring to that relationship. You'll do fine. :)

Ignore her. If she calls you up, tell her you have plans. If she tries to call you, send her to voicemail. I had an ex that i let be a monkey on my back, and it almost cost me my current relationship and now-marriage. She can't have her cake and eat it too! It's either date you, or adios, I think, this is how it should be.

I agree with much of the above information, but mostly with Jo.


I had a situation much like yours. But I let it drag out for 2 YEARS. I only realize how miserable I was, now, after things have ended. During the whole thing, I thought, "I can live with this, it'll be all right."

The best advice is also the hardest: end it, end it fast, quick, and clean. Delete her number, delete her from your life. It sucks, I know. I had to do the same thing, mostly for my own sanity (after 2 years of being dragged around, I was really a mess). I picked up a second job, started working every second I could, pulling 75-80 hours a week. And what time I wasn't working (or sleeping) I was spending with my friends, the people who honestly cared about me, who stuck through those 2 years even when I traded them for Frank. I was doing so much that I didn't have any time to think about him... and when I did, I was around people who knew me and could talk to me and help me cope. I know it seems like you're alone---and, in a way, you are. But there are always people willing to listen and help, family, friends, even here on the forums :)

I didn't immediately look for another guy... and, after 8 months, I'm still not really looking. I figure something'll hit me when it's right. I've moved on, grown up, found a LOT of stuff out about myself, made some excellent new friends (and still have the old ones), a great new job...

It seemed so hard at first, and there were times when I hurt so much I thought I would rather die than keep hurting... but it is perhaps one of the best things that I ever did. I'm a better person for it. And, when the time comes---again, not really in any hurry, but, who knows? ;)---I'll really know what I want in a partner.

Hope this helps.

Think of it as a learning experience. I wouldnt give her another chance to tell you the truth.

She'd rather spend time with her friends than you???come on now. Shes to much into herself. Putting you 2nd. Not even worth a 2nd chance :colbert:

thanks again everyone. great advice. so i talked to her today just so i can get my dvds and clothes from her house. she was really upset that i had to end it like this. she wants to just be "friends". so i say well i thought i wanted more than that but i have come to realize that i dont even want you anymore. and being friends just aint gonna work.

but i have plenty to keep me busy outside the house. i need more snakes!!!!!!!!!!! cause when im home my one little guy just aint enough to keep my busy. ill take donations, (pieds anyone?) i wish.

but i really want to thank you all for the advice. my friends have all told me the same thing but i thought they said it just because they knew she was a :cens0r::cens0r::cens0r::cens0r::cens0r: and never liked her. so to hear it from complete strangers made me realize wow im an idiot.

Good for you. Know it's hard, but it's the best thing!


Frank was p*ssed when I told him I didn't want to see him ever again... that I wanted all my stuff back. Even after he had cheated on me, was seeing someone else, and basically told me the only reason he was keeping me around was just in case it didn't work out with her... he was mad at me??? HUH? Lol... and played it off like he was the one telling me to get lost.

I can laugh about it now, about how stupid and childish it all was. Someday, you will too. Good luck in all your future endeavors!

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Originally Posted by DSGB

but i have plenty to keep me busy outside the house. i need more snakes!!!!!!!!!!! cause when im home my one little guy just aint enough to keep my busy. ill take donations, (pieds anyone?) i wish.

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maybe if i had more to spare! lol. but, all i have is my two normals and u can't have 'em!:P

Run Away Fast.... :bolt:

Seriously Girls like that love the drama, and the attention. She will only play games with you from here on out.

Trust me, from a female who has grown up and learn a few of lifes lessons the hard way.

I was in a situation with a guy who did the same thing. I let it happen for 3 years. He lied, cheated, stole from people, let drugs consume him and worst of all I had a child with that fool. Completely unplanned suprise at 18 years old. I stuck it out through my pregnancy and he got worse and worse, started abusing me getting more and more into drugs. I felt trapped. I had a 4 month old baby and no money. I was a train wreck, and I was sober. <------- that story has a happy ending but we'll save that for later.

What I am getting at is don't let her consume you. Break it off completely now. Spend time with your friends, enjoy being single for a while, have some fun. Its hard at first, to not think about that person. Before you know it a very nice lady will come into your life and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. With respect and like a human being. I wouldn't spend your time looking for other girls to replace her like mentioned by others, just have fun.

what a load of ...........fabulous advice :D

I agree with mostly all of the advice here and can add little but one sentence.

"When you respect yourself you will empower others to respect you and if they dont they are not the people to share your life with in any capacity"

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

:rockon:

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Originally Posted by DSGB

made me realize wow im an idiot.

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Nope you're not (first rule here...no more mean talking yourself okay). You just got caught up in something in that relationship that kept you a bit hooked to her but you're seeing the light now. It happens, doesn't matter whether you're 20, 40 or 60, it just does happen. In the end though it'll be about how you learn from it, grow from it and move forward that really counts. That's where the good stuff ends up coming from. :)