Not sure what to do...

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Originally Posted by Mike41793

I wasnt trying to make the point that i think im better than you or that people with depression are weak, i was trying to make the point that i dont understand what the difference would be between you and i were something to happen to us. I dont understand it. Why if something bad happens to us do we react differently? What is your definition of something negative? Beause i feel like i encounter negative things allthe time. Could i beat myself up and get depressed about stuff? Well sure, i could, but i guess i just dont for whatever reason. Once again, im not trying to say im better than you bc of that, i just wanna know what would cause that? The hormonal imbalance someone mentioned or something else...?

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Depression is defined by three P's- Personal (this situation is all my fault, and I deserve this), Permanent (this pain will never go away), and Pervasive (everyone else thinks I'm a bad person too; the pain will follow me wherever I go).
Depression can be caused by different factors. It can be genetic or "learned" (you can be in a situation where you develop the imbalance). It's also highly co-morbid with physical pain and other disorders.
"Getting depressed" isn't a normal response to adverse situations we encounter in our daily lives. It seems like it could be easy to fall into, because those that are chemically predisposed might have a smaller trigger than those with healthy coping mechanisms.
Likewise, and not to minimize the pain of those suffering from depression, it can be frustrating to understand why people can't just "get better".
For a metaphor, if you were sick with the flu you couldn't go play basketball with your friends. You want to, but your body just isn't up to it. And on top of that, you can't be sure the flu will ever go away, and you're worried that your friends won't call anymore because you're such a drag while you're sick. And you still feel awful from the flu symptoms. Why bother drink a ton of fluids? You know it isn't going to help.
Simply put, depression is as real as cancer, schizophrenia, etc. It's just harder to see with the naked eye, so people can't relate like they could if you had a cast on your arm. The chemical imbalance in the brain causes it to be ill-equipped to deal with adverse situations.
Another example is addiction. It's hard to understand why people can't just stop drinking. They look normal. Why is their life falling apart? Again, due to chemicals, what is simple to us seems impossible to them. It's like asking someone not to eat for the rest of their lives. (The signals you get when hungry- pain, weakness, irritability- they are distress signals similar to the ones the brain puts out as someone goes through withdrawal.)
In terms of healthy people using "depression" as a synonym for "sad"; I believe that is detrimental. It lightens the severity of the condition, because we always hear people saying "I had a bad day. I'm so depressed" and then they are fine the next day. It makes it harder for those that are depressed to talk about it because people expect them to "cheer up" like a healthy person would be able to do. Yes, there are drama queens out there, but depression doesn't just disappear the next sunny day. Good things can happen to depressed people, but they aren't cured by them.
Depression can be managed through medication and/or cognitive behavioral therapy. A big obstacle is getting the energy to seek treatment in the first place. Again, what seems simple to us is monumental to someone that is suffering. Is it a weakness? Well, is a broken leg a weakness? Is cancer? Sure, I suppose so. But it has nothing to do with a person's morals, character, or integrity. It's not their fault, or a personality flaw- it's a disease.

Sorry for the wall of text! This is one of the few chances I have to actually apply my psych degree in conversation. I hope this gives you a better understanding. If you have more questions, ask away.


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I can't say for sure if my sister is clinically depressed or not, I'm a computer programmer not a doctor. At the very least she's homesick, lonely and upset.

I did have a short talk with her last night. She's lonely because she's home alone all day and doesn't know anyone her own age. She's upset that she hasn't heard back from any job applications (but won't listen to me and our dad that the squeaky wheel gets all the grease), and she's homesick because she's never been this far from home for this long before. I do get why she feels the way she does. I ended up telling her that I liked having her around and I think she will like it here if she gives it a chance. I have some work to do on my end because she's not fully moved into my spare bedroom yet because I still have some stuff in there. I decided that after she gets settled into the room and gets a job, if she still really hates it here I will help her get back. I am not going to foot the bill myself, but I will help her. I will probably have more of a heart to heart with her on Saturday when I will have more time to talk with her. That was when I planned on talking with her but she initiated the conversation we had last night.

Has anybody even addressed the instant gratification trap we modern people fall into. The best things in life require time and effort. Whether she stays or goes she will respect herself more (at all) if she earns it herself. One more thing, problems follow us as we move from place to place. They can be hidden for a while but will eventually surface.

Chkadii - Good post and informative when considering what your degree field is. I do not believe that real depression, as you said, is a weakness. I believe that sad people who claim to be depressed are being weak and seeking out attention from those around them. One example that drives me nuts is when people on facebook post vauge crap like "sigh" or "this sucks" or "I hate my life," etc. etc. They are seeking attention instead of sucking it up and driving on. I have also never been one that can't kick a habit from drugs to cigarettes. I've smoked numerous times and quite numerous times for months, even years, at a time. When I do start a habit again it isn't from a need but random chance. I'll get drunk and buy some smokes and then start again because of that, so maybe my resistance to addiction also affect my outlook on "sad" and not truly depressed people. REAL depression is a legitimate sickness, you have no argument from me there.

Kinra - I'm gald that you had a talk and it seems like there is some hope there to make things better. I would do everything that you can to get her her very own room, with nothing but her stuff, so that she feels like she has her own place. This may give her a sense of responsibility since it will be up to her to decorate, clean and make use of that space. Second, what types of jobs is she applying for and what has she worked in the past? Maybe she should try applying for something new? Also, has she looked at schools there, maybe a local community college? That would give her something to work towards and spring semester is just around the corner. FAFSA is a great way to get money and she could probably get quite a bit since she isn't living at home.

Chkadii- thanks for the info, that really did help me understand it a bit more.

Archie- I feel the same way towards addiction. Alot of people at my work smoke and complain about smoking allllll theeee timeeee. MANY times ive thought about smoking for a month and then just seeing if i could quit. Im 99.9% sure i could no problem, i just feel like i have that kind of personality. I feel like that outlook on addiction effects my outlook on depression as well.

I just wanted to expand on Chkadii's post. A true depressive disorder can also come from mulitple sources. Sometimes depression can run in families and there is an actual genetic predisposition towards depression in an individual. Then some people are just born that way from an otherwise healthy family. A person can actually develop a tendacy towards depression based on their upbringing and life experiences. These things can affect how resilient a person is to negative life experiences. Early life experiences, parenting, trauma and other things will shape an individual's belief system. So if a kid has a lot of negative early experiences, he or she can develop a more negative belief system and view of the world. Now this beleif system can possibly change based on positive experiences or be reinforced by further negative experiences. So this could be a precursor to a depressive disorder and part of therapy is trying to address this past learning.

I also do truly beleive that misuse of language is a problem here. Too many people will use the term "depression" when they really mean they are sad, dissapointed, down in the dumps, ect. I think it confuses matters.

Kinra- I defintiely agree that helping her feel more at home may help. I can say if she is depressed or just feeling sad/homesick. People can become depressed from major life changes, however, it just feels too soon to me. If she is depressed, she was likely depressed before the move and the move has only made it worse. Most likely because she has no way of avoiding the feelsings that were there before the move. Given her age, I wonder if she is feeling lost? At 18, she's finished high school and has likely seen many friends go off to school or do something else to move on with their lives. Now here she sits in an apartment that isn't hers & with no direction and no one around she knows. So I wonder if part of the problem is that she hasn't figured out what she wants to do with her life. Working on short term goals like moving in fully and finding a job will help, but she probably still need to find something that gives her a sense of purpose. Some kind of bigger goal to work towards and give her direction.