Trust

An act of broken trust is a symptom of a larger problem. I've been married more than twice, been divorced the same number of times I've been married. Some of it my fault, some of it not, so I've seen both sides of the coin.

The act that breaks the trust is just a manifestation. Be it cheating or substance abuse, or cleaning out the checking account...all are symptoms of greater disharmony.

In my experience, once a trust is broken, it will continue to be broken, regardless of what words are said or what pain is soothed.
The old saying, “If you marry someone you cheated with, don’t ever be surprised when they cheat on you”, is not only true, it applies to other breaches of trust as well.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by LGray23

Okay, but what happens if you don't have 10 years of a strong marriage to fall back on? And what if the other party continued to make bad choices following the "mistakes"?

---

LGray, Sweetie, Tigers don't change their stripes...You really can't blame the Tiger for being a Tiger…it’s just doing what Tigers do. Sometimes you just have to recognize it for what it is and move on.

I guess, if you are a good enough person to truly forgive them, and they are truly repentant, then possibly. For me, no way. Once my trust is lost, it would be easier to start from scratch, than to try to convince myself that a KNOWN LIAR, is telling the truth.

I was hurt pretty much as bad as u can be an i can tell you this i have a very hard time trusting people. I was betrayed not only by my girlfriend of 3 years but my best friend since i was just a little kid. It has ruined pretty much any\all relationship for me till this day. But what i can tell you is after years of anger i put it aside an resolved any problem i had with the two. Did it make me trust people any more no but it did feel better to not carry along the hate i had built up for years towards these people. I find myself pushing people away before i get that attachment bc im honest to god scared as hell to get hurt like i did again. If someone continues along the same path an doesnt change its time you make the change you need to. If theres not 100 percent trust on both sides imo there is no relationship.

I have to say no. If I don't trust my wife and vice versa then I would always have doubts. She is my best friend and I discuss things with her prior to doing anything. Communication is a must.

Leah i think i remember you saying that you were in a bad marriage before you even were with your (now ex) boyfriend. Sounds like you just have bad luck with guys lol. I can assure you that you can do better though. Youre very pretty. Never ever settle for someone who you think is gunna cheat on you again... :gj:
just my 2 cents on the matter, though im farrr from the romancer lmao!

Guys will not change. Either your a loyal man or not. I have friends that sleep around on their wives, and I don't get it. Not my thing I guess I enjoy coming home to my wife and kids. Again people are who they are, not a whole lot is going to change that.

I would say if you have examined the breaches (sounds to me like it was more than one) of your trust and they are founded (meaning no jumping to a conclusion or assuming), then you probably know what to do. Though, it is not a bad idea to bounce it off others and get a new perspective.

Too bad you are on the East Coast, we need more like you out here.

Sorry you are having a hard time.

Trust has always been a challenge for me, and it has come out in many of my relationships in different ways. As far as whether or not a relationship can survive trust issues, I think it really depends on the persons involved. The connections between people tend to be sticky, complicated, and wholly unique. I've gotten into the pattern of simply cutting things off when I knew that I personally wouldn't be able to trust a certain person again. People are all different, and it's just very hard for me to forget being crossed. And while there was a lot of temptation to go back sometimes (the grass is always greener...) I know that I'd be one holy mess of suspicious. I tried to get past my feelings a couple of times and realized that I was making myself miserable as well as the other person. As Brian said, once bitten twice shy.

I'm in my first relationship where I genuinely do trust the other party whole heartedly, and we're able to work things out when they do come up. This being the case I don't think I'm in any position to give advice, but I hope my opinions help. It's all up to you whether you think you can trust someone to put as much effort into a relationship that you are. We all love ya here Leah, don't worry about searching for a sounding board here :)

A relationship can survive trust issues and/or breaches of trust, depending...depending on the people involved in it, their commitment to one another and most especially, the why of it all. If someone made an honest-to-God mistake and I'm not talking the alcohol induced or the all-too-common anymore "I have a sex addiction" b.s., then I think darn near anything can be overcome; for me, anyway, it's all about the intent. If they knew what they were doing, knew it was wrong and did it anyway, short of a medical condition or diagnosed psych issue and even then...it would take a lot of convincing and a lot of time before that suspicion would pass.

It will take time, sincere and heartfelt effort and investment. Not just paying lip service to the relationship or the other half but sincerely working at it. That saying about each person has to contribute 50/50 is bull; a relationship is 100%/100% or it doesn't work. Both people are either in it for the long term or they aren't, simple as that. Don't shortchange yourself and stay with or pursue something with someone who doesn't appreciate and venerate you for you; the good along with the parts you might not be so proud of. Life's too short to waste it with someone who's just passing the time. Good luck and I hope things even out for you and you find the answers you're looking for or at the least find some comfort. Take care, Leah! :gj: