I messed up big time :( (advice appreciated...)

I don't think other girl's a tool just because she wants someone to stop pursuing her because it's her friend's ex. Sometimes it's a respect people afford their close friends, even if one of them's crazy. I wouldn't date one of my friends' exes no matter how much we may be right for eachother. They are my friends first, and my loyalties lie with them foremost.

In this case, he only said she is the younger sister of one of his exes friends, not a friend of her herself.

On the other hand, she might just not want to deal with the drama that may ensue, and that's her choice as well. She also has to take into the account that her sister might lose a friend if she did this, and that consideration is also admirable. A girl who's willing to forsake her family's happiness at the drop of a hat for someone else will undoubtedly be able to do so to that someone else in question as well.

If he wants to see if he can change her mind, he should, especially if he thinks she's worth it. No one wants to go through life thinking "what it?"

Sometimes these stories go like this: blink, and you'll miss it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by p3titexburial

I don't think other girl's a tool just because she wants someone to stop pursuing her because it's her friend's ex. Sometimes it's a respect people afford their close friends, even if one of them's crazy. I wouldn't date one of my friends' exes no matter how much we may be right for eachother. They are my friends first, and my loyalties lie with them foremost.

In this case, he only said she is the younger sister of one of his exes friends, not a friend of her herself.

On the other hand, she might just not want to deal with the drama that may ensue, and that's her choice as well. She also has to take into the account that her sister might lose a friend if she did this, and that consideration is also admirable. A girl who's willing to forsake her family's happiness at the drop of a hat for someone else will undoubtedly be able to do so to that someone else in question as well.

If he wants to see if he can change her mind, he should, especially if he thinks she's worth it. No one wants to go through life thinking "what it?"

Sometimes these stories go like this: blink, and you'll miss it.

---

its makes her a tool because her relationship with someone else is being effected in a obviously negative way by her and she lets it happen.

could someone explain this to me.... why does who i date, my friends ex or not, affect my relationship with my friends? I have a couple friends dating my ex's, i don't care one way or another, I moved on and therefore... why would I care.

It's everyone's preference--If you and your friends are alright with that, then go for it, but not everyone is and that personal preference doesn't make them a tool. I know many people who are fine with it and it works out for them, but I also know many instances where it blew up into a giant debacle.

IF it would negatively affect your relationships with the people you care about, are you still willing to pursue it without a second thought? Some people, maybe that girl included, wouldn't.

Sometimes it affects relationships because it creates animosity between the couple, especially if the breakup was a nasty one (i.e. I don't want you hanging out with him/her because I can't stand him/her) and the mentality behind that would be "why is my boyfriend/girlfriend spending time with someone I hate?" And that would in turn create anger among friends "you're going out with him/her now so you don't want to hang out with me." Some people can't let go of the past, so they don't want to hang out with their friends at the same time as their ex because it can be awkward. Other times it's the worry that the ex will go back to the friend because they once had something together.

Lots of messes--that list can go on and on. But it's their choice, and neither is right or wrong for it.

Wow. So much support from herp fans. *sniff :D

@Vypyrz:

Hahahaha. Now that you got me thinking, once I get my raise, I'm getting that new retic i've been drooling over...

@stratus_020202"

hahaha. will give that a try one of these days. ;)

@Snakeman:

not so sure about this one. If I was the one who dumped my girlfriend, then yeah...I find it "dishonorable" if I started going for my ex's friends. But in this case...I was the one who got dumped (call me a wimp who can handle retics and afrocks but except for 1 of my ex's....I never dump my exes...I always find ways to make "us" work :(...)

@OhhWatALoser:

I know what you mean by crazy. ;)

I agree with you on the dating thing tho; you're already "exes"; who you want to go out with, is none of his/her (or its ^_^...bwehehehehehe) business. Sadly tho, not everybody thinks the same way we do.

As for her "being a tool", I guess what I'm really trying to say is that I don't know how to explain to her now that what I feel for her is genuine...and she's no rebound/a means to get even with the ex.

@p3titexburial

Yeah....I'm THAT type of guy who does hold doors open and helps the ladies to their seats; grew up with 3 sisters and no brothers; they did quite teach me well enough how I should behave around women in general. :D...sadly tho, that's how I attracted my ex (again) after she left the first time :(

As much as I want to reach out to her in two days or weeks, I'm not so comfy doing so as I feel that the "mess" caused by the crazy ex is still fresh. That, and I sorta agreed to hold my end of the bargain to "stop".

I guess time is my ally here. :(

dude im 14 and i havent even had a problem like that but forget her there is more fish in the sea

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by p3titexburial

Sometimes it affects relationships because it creates animosity between the couple, especially if the breakup was a nasty one (i.e. I don't want you hanging out with him/her because I can't stand him/her) and the mentality behind that would be "why is my boyfriend/girlfriend spending time with someone I hate?" And that would in turn create anger among friends "you're going out with him/her now so you don't want to hang out with me." Some people can't let go of the past, so they don't want to hang out with their friends at the same time as their ex because it can be awkward. Other times it's the worry that the ex will go back to the friend because they once had something together.

---

Theres 2 kinds of people to avoid

If I read right, your ex left you twice and she cheated?
It doesn't really seem like you're ex cared much about your feelings like you did about hers. But all that doesn't matter because the relationship is over.

As far as "her friends" reaching out to you to hang out, she has no right to tell you that you can't. It is your choice and their choice to hang out or not.

And for this "new girl", it's always hard to start a new relationship with an ex's friend because it comes with a lot of baggage, insecurities, and unwanted drama. Your ex could freak out and make both your lives miserable or she could just get over it. You never know. And I know you said the new girl asked you to stop, you could try one more time if you think she's worth it. If not just move on, live your single life and enjoy it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by OhhWatALoser

why does who i date, my friends ex or not, affect my relationship with my friends?

---

Relationships ALWAYS affect friends. It's just part of the human dynamic.

I'll be honest, if one of my friends started dating someone hateful, disrespectful, or too offensive for me to tolerate, that would certainly affect my relationship with my friend.

I don't think any of this has much to do with the OP's problem however.

A girl asks you to stop, you stop. Plain and simple.

Hi,

I'd go find a particular video by a band called puddle of mud and play it till my ears went numb and I started laughing.

I'd give you the name of it but I can't on here without having to infract the bejeebus out of myself afterwards. :rolleyes: :D

Then phone a friend and hit the town. :gj:


dr del

@oOJaZZieOo:

yes. she left me twice; the first time, she cheated and i actually forgave her for leaving me both times. She went ballistic on the 2nd time I forgave her tho (kinda off topic but she went ballistic on the 2nd time i forgave her coz she went on something like she never asked for forgiveness in the first place, blahblahblah).

Yes. In that aspect...I can be patient.

@dr del:

actually. I've been listening to this: YouTube - Kyosuke Himuro feat. Gerard Way - Safe and Sound: Full version [HQ] (the song exclusive to the Jap. version of FF7: Advent Children Complete)....until now :D