I need some snake people!!

Putting down the dog is old business, and because the dog lived in HER house, you don't have a lot of leeway in it.

The snakes live in your house. If she starts in about the snakes, then say "I'm sorry, but I don't want to discuss with you, unless you will be reasonable". If she won't, then change the subject and refuse to speak about snakes.
If she's on the phone say "I have to go." and hang up. Every time she starts ranting about snakes, turn and leave, politely, or hang up after a polite goodbye.
If every time she becomes unreasonable, you leave, she has no one to argue with, you are not having any screaming matches, and at WORST, you'll not have to listen to orders to get rid of your pets. At BEST, she might start to be more reasonable, bit by bit. At any rate, it will stop the ranting and demands, without any fighting.

It's your life, and you have to stand up and refuse to fight, or in your case, cringe because "mom" doesn't approve of part of YOUR choices. It shouldn't matter that she doesn't approve of every choice you're making. She won't approve of other choices you make later, it's part of being an individual.

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Originally Posted by wilomn

And I know this man. Smart guy, little emotional and self absorbed, but all in all a good guy. The thing is he was stubborn. His way or no way. The guy was sooooo stubborn, that he cut of his nose just to spite his face.

The funny thing is, and he doesn't realize it, all he accomplished was making an idiot of himself.

He thinks the cutting was inspired, from On High, worthy of the praise of his peers, as he once put it; albiet he was a bit in his cups when that statement was made, puked up a lovely clamchowder a bit later in the evening if I recall, but, at any rate, HE thought he had accomplished some great ....thing, by removing that center of attention as well as center of his face, and so he did.

Cut it right off, not a thought of what was to come after. Never a seconds ponderance that his last flower smelled WAS his last flower smelled, not a moments consideration that the alluring scent of a woman was forever gone to him, as was the smell of snow, and rain after a long dusty summer, chicken right off the grill or the smell of his child, fresh from suckling its mothers breast, gone.

To make a point that he could not now recall well enough to repeat.

Yes, surgical removal of unpleasantness is the surest way of avoiding that which you could not otherwise escape.

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Yes, if I had an unecessary block mounted on top of my head holding me down, id take it off and walk freely.

Alright, Alright. I gotchya! "stop being such a pansy." lol.

I have screamed until my veins collapsed
I've waited as my time's elapsed
Now, All I do is live with so much fate
I've wished for this, I've :cens0r::cens0r::cens0r::cens0r::cens0r:ed at that
I've left behind this little fact:
You cannot kill what you did not create
I've gotta say what I've gotta say
And then I swear I'll go away
But I can't promise you'll enjoy the noise
I guess I'll save the best for last
My future seems like one big past
You're left with me 'cause you left me no choice

Ha. Nothing that can't be cured with a little slipknot. Good thing she doens't know about my music choice. lol.

I guess im lucky then. My dad didnt know for about 2 years that I had snakes and when he found out he didnt really say anything even though he is deathly afraid of them. My mom on the other hand was pretty cool, she was visiting one day and she saw them she was scared but after a few minutes came around and even asked to hold one. So of course the one time one of my snakes bites someone its my mom. She didnt mind though. :D

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Originally Posted by stratus_020202

Yeah, I started yelling. She just said, "that's it. I don't want to talk about it" I would love to give her a piece of my mind, but she's my mom. I can't exactly alienate my mom, because she's afraid of snakes. There has to be a smooth way to get her to understand my point of view.

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I can not ever understand why blood means so much to people? Pretty much I am going to say what I feel to anyone, no matter who they are. Secondly if my mom doesn't like what I am doing as an adult (or dad, or uncle or anyone), then tough crap. You can respect me, or you can...:mad::confused::mad::rage: I don't care if you are blood related or the freaking pope, or both. People act like you must respect someone just because they are related to you. Before anyone says I am full of it. My mother will not let her brothers into the house, or even know where she lives. They are thieves, liars, and drug addicts. I was raised that just because someone gave birth to you, or is blood related etc, they don't have to mean anything to you.

Now granted this isn't that severe of a case, that doesn't mean as an adult you have to put up with her crap, and if it were me, I would flat out tell her she is full of it.

Im with stormwulf.

just sayin.

Update on the weekend. My mom behaved herself very well. Out house was full of kids and they were fascinated by the snakes. The two yr old was walking around all night saying "Nake? Nake?" It was adorable!! My mom can't resist little kids, so she had to keep her cool. I even seen her Sunday too, and she just said, "I don't understand." I said I know. It is something that is acquired. Like beer. I hate beer. I'm a liquor person, and everyone tells me is an acquired taste. AND that I'm not going to ever force her to like them, and I will keep them in separate rooms while she is there. It will be something she's going to get used too, it will just take a little time.

My aunt was scared to death though. I finally got her to get close enough to get a picture of her 6 yr old holding one. She thought it was cute, but there was a shudder in her shoulders. lol.

I did have one that just finished shedding before they arrived, and I was cleaning it out later, and she bit me!! I couldn't believe it. Of course that room was off limits because I knew she was a little sensitive. lol. Now I have to tell people I have been bitten.

Dude, you don't have to tell anyone you got bit. Snakes are animals, they bite. That is life. It isn't like a bizarre phenomena when a snake bites you, lol.

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Originally Posted by Kaorte

Dude, you don't have to tell anyone you got bit. Snakes are animals, they bite. That is life. It isn't like a bizarre phenomena when a snake bites you, lol.

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lol. Well, I have to say yes if they ask, and they always do. It's the first question out of their mouth. lol. They think it's a phenomena. I just think they are funny. I tell them, they get PMS, and sometimes need to be left alone for a few days.

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Originally Posted by stratus_020202

lol. Well, I have to say yes if they ask, and they always do. It's the first question out of their mouth. lol. They think it's a phenomena. I just think they are funny. I tell them, they get PMS, and sometimes need to be left alone for a few days.

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ask if their dog or cat ever bit them?

Wow long thread. I read as much as I could before posting.

I have to echo everyone who said you are 27 and live in your own home so grow a spine.

I also agree that you should not take your newly stiffened spine and beat your mother over the head with it.

You and your mom have to both work on your dynamic. So here is my advice. You can not change anyone except yourself. You can choose your actions, words and thoughts.

Here are some mom comments I made up and some responses you could give that are respectful but assertive.

MOM:"you have to get rid of them I can't stand it anymore!!"
YOU:"Mom I love you dearly and I understand that my snakes bother you but I have to live my life how I choose, I don't have to get rid of my snakes. I know that YOU can't stand them and you WANT me to get rid of them, but I love them and they make me happy."

MOM:"So you are choosing the snakes over your mother!"
YOU:"I am choosing to keep the snakes and you in my life, are you choosing to cut your child out of your life because of a small animal no more dangerous than a cat"

MOM:"Well I am never comming to your house again."
YOU:"I can't tell you how sad that makes me that you don't feel comfortable comming to my home. Is there anything I can do to make you feel safe in my home other than get rid of the snakes?"

MOM:"Mark my words the snakes are going to hurt you and then you will know I was right all along"
YOU:"The snakes are animals and they could bite me, but they are small animals with little itty bitty teeth. I have more of a chance of getting hurt by a cat or dog. Regardless its a risk that I choose."

Hopefully you can work things out but in the end I don't think this has anything to do with the snakes really. It sounds to me like the snakes are just one example of a bigger problem.

My mom is not a big fan of my BP, but our dynamic is much different than yours and your moms.

My MOM:"Ewe, I don't know how you live with that thing in your house"
Me:"I know its awful, I have to feed it once a week, I have to make time to change the water every couple days. Do you know I even have to take poop out of the cage every couple weeks, its hell. Get this sometimes, not often but sometimes I even see the snake come out from under that plastic hide. Its crazy, she will just slither out like she is going to look around or something. Speaking of nasty filthy animals, how is that dog of yours that pees all over the house. Is that cat scratch on your arm healing up ok."

You made your mothers life miserable now its her turn to make yours just as fun.

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Originally Posted by Derteufel

ask if their dog or cat ever bit them?

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lol. I just get a head shake. I'll give it some time. Eventually I'll win, and if not, at least the kids will grow up knowing they are safe. Pretty soon, they will be old enough to stand up for them, then it will be harder for the parents to rebel.

Some of them still don't understand the purpose of a dryer. I hate hanging my clothes on a line, they get bugs in them!!

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Originally Posted by Egapal

I have to echo everyone who said you are 27 and live in your own home so grow a spine.

MOM:"So you are choosing the snakes over your mother!"
YOU:"I am choosing to keep the snakes and you in my life, are you choosing to cut your child out of your life because of a small animal no more dangerous than a cat"

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Child is a bad word, you just said yourself, "you are 27".

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Derteufel

Child is a bad word, you just said yourself, "you are 27".

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Yeah, but I know what Egapal meant. I just have to add my own touch :)

She sounds like a ASF who's started to eat her children.

Time to feed her off.

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Originally Posted by Derteufel

Child is a bad word, you just said yourself, "you are 27".

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I am 30, the OP is 27 and the Mom doesn't see a 27 year old, she sees a child. Believe it or not I chose the word "child" carefully. The question is of course loaded. The question is, does the mother want to cut her adult offspring out of her life over a snake. There is nothing quite like the love a mother has for her child. So the plan is to use that. You want Mom to realize that no matter how much she hates the snakes, she loves her child more. Now in reality her child is 27 years old and is far from a child and that's why the ball is in Mom's court. She needs to know that she can no longer control her child and that now she has to choose to accept and support the OP's choices or damage the most important relationship in her life.

In the end the message that everyone needs to understand is that you can not change other people. You can change yourself, and you help someone through the process of change, but you can not force your will on another and expect anything good to come from it.

So Mom needs to change and adapt or suffer and child needs to change and adapt or suffer.

I like set theory so here it is. 3 outcomes

1. stratus_020202 keeps the snakes and mom doesn't accept that.
stratus_020202 :weirdface and mom :tears:

2. stratus_020202 gets rid of the snakes and mom is thrilled.
stratus_020202 :tears: and mom :)

3. stratus_020202 keeps the snakes and mom accept that.
stratus_020202 :D and mom :weirdface

Keeping the snakes should be stratus_020202's choice, because its the only one that has the potential to make stratus_020202 happy. Mom then has to choice between outcome 1 or 3. Lets hope she chooses awkward acceptance over sad and angry. Its sounds like Mom is already coming around to a reluctant acceptances.