Any stepmoms?

I thouhgt of a few more things. Her mother and Mark seperated before she was 2, so I think that is a better thing than if she had grown up with them together. I did, and my parents divorced when I was 12. My dad cheated on my mom and was/is alcoholic.
It is funny; but while I did have a stepmom, I actually felt more at-ease with her than with my dad. I wondered why she was with him; he had no good job, drank like a fish, etc. They are divorced now, and I highly doubt that he would ever remarry.. but she was never obtrusive when we spent time together and I am glad I never had to deal with a bad stepparent situation. (My mom has sworn off men and will probably never even date again! lol)
I am definately Not a very maternal person regardless, and will definately not be the one to smother her or try to be a second mom. If anything, I would be the aloof one in the situation; I would just let her come to me.

Hello Ginevive,

I have two step daughters of my own, and my husband and I have been together for 7 yrs now (almost 5 of them being married...anniv. on aug. 10th). From experience it can be difficult, and for me I had it a little better but also a little worse I suppose. My stepdaughters were 4 and 5 when my husband and I were 1st together (they are 12 and 13 now), but at the same time I was only 20. The toughest part for me was having to deal with their mom...my husbands ex.
I agree with everyone else here....don't push yourself on her...I had thought of it more like being friends to an extent. I would let him do all the disciplining because she would expect it from him, from you it would just seem like you were being mean which would set you way back in trying to form a relationship with her. Mostly it is just respect and patience. Give her her space but at the same time include her in everything when ever she is there. Ask her her opinion on stuff...... what to do, where to go, what to have for dinner...etc. That kind of thing makes them feel apart of the household as opposed to just being a visitor.
But I think that you are on the right track to forming a great relationship with her, play into her interests... like the snakes and the horses. Maybe even get her her own snake so that she has something that she likes that is all hers. Or get her her own art stuff (easel/desk, paints, pencils..... whatever medium she likes the best) and set up maybe an area in the house that she could see as hers while she is there, that way if things get a little stressful for her she has an area that she could retreat to for awhile.... But I guess that would depend on how much she is around. These are just things I did with my stepdaughters that helped, they liked having their own pets at our house ( they have a cat here and used to have some mice and they still have their own room here.)
I understand the whole being busy thing, my stepdaughters aren't around so much anymore (even though they live 10 min away) Darrel (my husband) works 60+ hours a week now and the girls are always doing something....and I am afraid its only going to get worse (just think in 3 yrs my oldest will be driving!!!)
Mainly don't overthink anything.....just have fun!! It may be a little intimidating at first (I know it was for me) but it will be okay. I think the "evil stepmother" types are those that push themselves on their stepchildren and try to make them follow all kinds of strict rules and try to discipline them.. I think after awhile you will start to get a feel for everything and it will become a breeze!! And don't worry about being "motherly" towards her. I think at this point she wouldn't want that anyway. Right now just treat her with respect and she will come to respect you the same.
I hope that some of this helps you. My girls aren't over a whole lot (I think some of thatr has to do with their mom though too) so when they do come over, we don;t really stress rules (unless thay are trying to do something harmful to themselves or others which is almost never) we just try to have alot of fun. And I think, at least for us, that is the main thing!!

Just wanted to apologize for leaving such a long post.....didn't realize it was that long until I posted it!! Sorry!

jen,

she is going to adore you. you are both into the same stuff... and once you start talking about your passions... her passions will mingle with yours and VOILA insta-bond!!!

denise,

i don't believe in the 'half' term either. we are family... period. come in all shapes and sizes but we are one big family with no steps or halfs (unless of course i want to share) :8:

Thanks for your wonderful posts. Pam, your post is not too long; don't worry!
She is here now, out on the atv with dad. They went to a few stores beforehand and I am just glad that he is able to spend time with her. I am not jealous at all. I don't know if I have ever seen a kid as energetic as her though! She was lovin' being out in the barn, chasing the chickens around (I feel no sympathy toward them; cocky roosters need someone to put them in line! She can't catch them anyways..) And she likes the horses. I wan't wait to see what kind of art she comes up with if she is so inclined. She wants to be a tattoo artist like her dad, and is hooked on Miami Ink..

sounds like a VERY cool kid to have around!!!

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Originally Posted by Ginevive

Thanks for your wonderful posts. Pam, your post is not too long; don't worry!
She is here now, out on the atv with dad. They went to a few stores beforehand and I am just glad that he is able to spend time with her. I am not jealous at all. I don't know if I have ever seen a kid as energetic as her though! She was lovin' being out in the barn, chasing the chickens around (I feel no sympathy toward them; cocky roosters need someone to put them in line! She can't catch them anyways..) And she likes the horses. I wan't wait to see what kind of art she comes up with if she is so inclined. She wants to be a tattoo artist like her dad, and is hooked on Miami Ink..

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:eek: Can I come play at your house too!???
Dang, that girl's got it made... wanna adopt a 34 year old brat? I'll be more than happy to chase the chickens too and groom the horses. :D
Heck, I'll even clean coups and muck out stalls. :carrot:

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Originally Posted by Shadowspider

:eek: Can I come play at your house too!???
Dang, that girl's got it made... wanna adopt a 34 year old brat? I'll be more than happy to chase the chickens too and groom the horses. :D
Heck, I'll even clean coups and muck out stalls. :carrot:

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Yeah, that's what I was thinking...play with Gin's horsies and snakies and draw too? Can we make cookies! =D

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My experience with "blended"; my folks seperated and divorced when I was quite young, 2 or 3 or something and I grew up with my Dad. My step-mom/mom came into the picture soon afterwards and is just as much my mother as my birth mom is (although it did take me a while to realize that and give her the props for raising me).

Everyone around is always confused because I refer to them both as "Mom", hehe (although I have always called my step-mom by her first name because that's how we started off...although sometimes "Mommy" or "Mom-cat", her nickname). Takes a while to get to know me so you can tell which I'm referring to by context. =)

The thing that I wanted to say is the thing that drives me the most crazy; my mom has remarried twice (this last time for good) and her husband is a good guy. But he calls himself my "step-father" - and he isn't. He's "my mother's husband" as far as I am concerned.

Anyway, I guess the point would be similar to what everyone else is saying...=)

Hopefully she's not like me, and just can't "get along". But you two have a STRONG basis for a rock solid friendship. You two both love the same things, and that is a GREAT thing to have.
I have nothing in common with my mom[step, been around since I was 5], and it is difficult at best. But I really think you'll do fine. Your cool! I think you'd be an awesome mom! ;)

Jen,
I think it's wonderful that you want to become involved and are willing to ask for advice. You two will find your niche together and your relationship will form around that. You seem like such a gentle loving person and I think she will see that about you as well.

My 2 older daughters live with their dad and his wife. We all kep a very good relationship with each other and we are a family. I dont refere to her as a step mom ever. She also has 2 boys the same age as my girls. I talk with all of them on the phone. If I send presents for christmas I be sure to include the boys as well. I think it is nice as what could potentially be an uncomfortable situation has turned into 2 family's who for the most part get along well.

Best of luck!