some advice?

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Originally Posted by kellysballs

Honestly it all about compromise. You can take the middle ground approch and do the research get the enclosure ready and just continue to talk to him about it (not nagging) and eventually he will probably agree. I let my SO park his chevy 350 on a motor stand in the living room during the 3 months of hurricanes a few years back so he owes me big time! ;)

Have you asked him what his reasons are for not wanting to get one?

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basically I think its a space issue. I do think, however, that while he isnt openly afraid of them or even dislike them, they dont facinate him like they do me, and to be honest, sometimes if he isnt into it, we dont get it unlless/until he discovers we might have a use for it.

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Originally Posted by ECLARK

Wendy, Very simple solution, replace your SO with a herper Dude. :)


No more problems with future snake wants!

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LOL

how about brainwashing? anyone know how to do that?

funny thing is, he does actively seek them out sometimes. like I cam home from the store with my girls, and he was holding Nag, and told me he already had Nagaina out that day.

so he isnt really opposed to them, just indifferent.

thing is, I want at least 2 more snakes, but I dont want a whole bunch like some of you have (I get tired just thinking about cleaning and feeding all those cages)

I want a male and female rainbow boa. got some reasearch and some reading to do, and its not like I want to go out tomorrow and get it...few months down the road would be nice, but even a year later is ok.

its just the thing whereif I want it and so does he, we usually get it fairly soon after the want is expressed. if I want it and he doesnt really, I get all kinds of lame-ass excuses as to why we cant do it right now.

(boy do I hope he doesnt read this)

it just feels like a major double standard

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Originally Posted by tigerlily

My husband does NOT like snakes. Not at all. :no: So we've talked and talked and compromised. I will never be able to have the large number of snakes that many of the other members have, but I have to be happy for what I do have. :yes:

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yeah see I dont want a house full....I want my BP's and a male and female rainbow boa. I dont think thats unreasonable when his "hobby" costs a lot more than it does to keep snakes.

for him to brew beer, its at least $25 for every 5 ballon batch...and he was brewing every weekend! so I dont see that as being fair. problem is, if I bring it up I know he is gonna get cranky with me and I really dont want to hear it. however I really want 2 boas.

sometimes relationships are tough

relationships are all about give and take... and for my hubby and i... we are all about giving each other as many dreams and wants as we possibly can... cause when we are old and dieing... we want to be able to say "i'm so glad we..." instead of "i wish i had..."

If he's taking them out and holding them when you're not home, maybe he's just in denial! :P

When my boyfriend first met me he was pretty indifferent about the snakes themselves and not in agreeance with their diet. He has since gotten over the whole rodent-eating part of snake life, and is actually interested in some species of snakes. For some reason he likes rubber boas, so I may get one for him sometime. Otherwise, he doesn't really recognize each species or color morph within the species, but is supportive of whatever I want. When I am browsing online, I sometimes call him over to see a snake, and his most popular response is, "Don't you already have one of those?" Although he's not as interested in them as I am, he will still help me take care of them, purchase snake-related things for me, and support me in whatever decisions I make with them.

If you are with someone who is at least somewhat interested in animals, a baby of whatever species has always worked for me in smoothing things over a bit. For some reason people just find baby things a lot more cute... helpless, harmless, and accept them a lot easier.

yeah I want 2 baby rainbow boas. they get about the size of a BP if I recall correctly (correct me if I'm wrong please)....doing my research as far as habitat and other such, so I'm hoping that when we get tax returns and he gets his computer geek stuff (which I KNOW he is going to get) then I'll just tell him, "you got to spend this much, I want to spend this much as well" and when he asks me, I guess I'll tell him what I am going to get.

I dunno...it just doesnt seem like such a big deal to add one more small bin to my stack of 2 I have alrerady.

c'est la vie I suppose. time will tell :)
thanks for all the advice and support.

Im young, but i have a perspective on love. As the others said it takes work and its all a give and take thing. I dont like to inflict in personal affairs, but run this quote by him.

"Loves not always about doing what you love, sometimes it's about doing what you hate because you know the one you love loves it, and you love her"

Thats a tongue twister, but it's honest.

Hope you get your boas that would be awesome.

-mike

Different scenario but, six months ago I was terrified of snakes. Literally a small milksnake (didnt know that at the time) would have me crawling up the walls... Then one day in october I walked outside and there was a 1 foot garter snake in the drive way. And it was aobut 32 degrees outside. So I called my buddy who works at petsmart and said dude theres a snake in my driveway what do i do? He told me that
#1. Its wayyyy to cold right now for a snake to be out.
#2. If I didnt pick him up and take him inside to get warm he would die, probably within the hour.

So I picked him up and put him in a tupperware bowl and waited for my friend to get off work. He came over with a 15 gallon tank setup and said "Welcome to the wonderful world of snake ownership" Since this was the begining of our colorado winter I couldnt set him loose. So after letting him get used to his new warm home for a few days I decided to be brave and pull him out.

This is when I learned that WC snakes are a bite(not a typo) aggressive. But I was surprised that it really didnt hurt when he stuck at me. A few months rolled around and I got more and more comfortable with handling him, tho hes still a mean little bugger, and then I saw a BP at the petshop/distributor.

That sealed the deal once I had him in my hands I knew i loved snakes. Kinda funny that I went from terror to "Hey can I hold your 6 foot burmese??"

Sometimes it will jsut happen... For me it was knowing that that little guy would die if I didnt get over my fear.

Try to compromise with him, hey you can get those stainless steel kegs you have been wanting if I get my snakes....

Or if all else fails I'm single and love snakes! Buy what ever you want! hehe :carrot:
-Mikey

Wendy,


I'm in about as close to exactly the same situation as you can get. My hubby doesn't care for snakes. Isn't afraid of them...doesn't openly despise them or anything...just doesn't care for them. (He says!) And he was very opposed to getting our first snake. It took a lot of patient talking and speaking his language (logical "need" for one...to further daughter's education, etc etc etc) to get it. And it took another couple of years before I was able to get my own snake and bring our grand total up to....two snakes.

That is where things stand now, and if he has his way, it'll stay that way until some nebulous date in the distant future when he retires from the military and we get a permanent home with enough property for us to build a separate building to house snakes....... mmmmhmmmm....

For most people, it seems like a simple thing to say "If he loves you, he'd let you..." or "Love is all about compromise so he should let you do what you want..." But I think you and I both know it's really not that simple. If all else is really good in the relationship...and you truly love (and are IN LOVE) with the man involved....it's not like you're going to just cast him aside because he can't come to a "reasonable" compromise in this one issue.

But it's also not as simple as saying "Well, I love him and I have to accept him the way he is, so I'll just let go of the desires that conflict so badly...." because that just causes a festering wound. Trust me....I tried that approach. It didn't work any more than expecting a perfect "give and take" compromise.

What to do??? I don't have any answers, other than to continue to be very patient. And be willing to talk about it and your feelings, without being accusatory or putting him on the defensive. Your original story of him asking you what you wanted to do with your chunk of the tax return money and you not wanting to tell him because you knew (rightly so, apparently) that it would upset him.....sounds exactly like what Dean and I have gone through in the past. "What do you want for Christmas, hon?" ...."Ummmmm....oh, I dunno. Nothing in particular, I guess." "No really....seriously...what would you really like to have?" "Well...since you insist on making me say it...I would be beyond thrilled to get a snake for Christmas." ...and immediately he gets a sour look on his face and no longer wants to talk about it.

It hurts. Yes indeed, it does. It's an unfair double standard, without a doubt. It's a painfully fine line to walk because you can neither force the issue, nor can you pretend it doesn't exist.