There is a learning curve, I think

I have to agree there to be honest, sometimes responses here could definitely be done less ... rude. It's one thing to be truthful and not sugar-coat, and another to be outright rude... Some more hippies, peace, and flowers would be dandy ;) After all a lot o people are new to the community and it's no help to intimidate them with harsh attitude into not wanting to ask at all!

I would rather sugar-coat a few times than have a newbie accidentally harm their snake because they're too afraid to seek out help, due to the fear of backlash.

Let's take that "friendliest community" slogan up there and actually make an effort to live up to it, guys, gals, and non-binary pals! :)

The thing to keep in mind about internet communication in general is that you miss the context, facial expressions, and tone of voice that you see in person. Also, people are often in a hurry or typing on small devices, so they are more concerned with efficiency than with politeness. So things can sound crankier or meaner than they would, just due to the delivery mechanism.

On top of that, people are less concerned with being polite because they aren't talking to you in person, and they also figure that long posts don't get read thoroughly; and it's the polite parts that make them longer. The anonymity of the internet, etc.

Or they want to get the point across unambiguously, as in "Take that hot rock out of your tank right this minute so your animal doesn't get burned". Maybe it sounds ruder than "I would recommend replacing your hot rock with a different heat source, since they are a common cause of burns," but it gets the point across that this isn't something you should just wait until you get around to it.

All that is to say, you'll be happier in your internet communications generally if you can develop a slightly thicker skin, and realize that even things that sound rude or knee-jerk may just be how people type and nothing more personal than that.

As an aside:

Different cultures have different mrans of going about things. This is often why New Yorkers are considered rude by tourists. However what the tourists do not realize is that they are often being extraordinarily rude in the New York environment, which is to say one where polite is keeping up with foot traffic, not stopping, and cutting to the point. Different cultures conflict heavily and cause major misunderstandings because one person doesn't understand they are being rude to the other person.

This is further exaggerated on the internet as the different cultures set different people's mindsets, so one means of talking is rude to one group, but the other group's means of talking is rude. My experiences in a kitchen setting have been ripping one another down and "burning" eachother constantly. This is just the environment and how the interpersonal relationships have developed, it's a hoot to everyone in there, but an outside observer could easily misconstrue it as cut throat and mean.

What's more, the internet allows for anominity, so people tend to let inner demons run rampant, without really understanding there is a person on the other end. This can be extreme as horrible racism showing through on ones facebook, or as subtle as giving harsh direct advice to someone who you would never do that to because their demeanor would suggest a soft touch would be wise.

Finally, especially in the US, we have been gradually taught to hold out opinions and views to heart, so an attack on one's views and opinions becomes an assault against the person. Most of this is due to learned behavior from others and from our abyssmal media system. The end result is while one person may find homosexuality (hot button topic used as an example) as an abomination, and another person challenges their view, because it is not seen by the second person as one that allows for acceptance or even coexistance, as a means to open discourse and help better develop eachother's worldview, the first person becomes extremely hostile, as if a fight were about to start. The end result is often between dislike and violence between the people. All because people hold their views and oppinions as too close to their heart as family.

I would love to see everyone getting along happily on forums, but as the others have already said, there are just too many personalities from too many different places that are coming together in one spot for everyone to mesh well. Also, as the others have pointed out, it's hard for feeling and emotions to convey properly through text. The use of emojis help, but not everyone feels the need to use those :confuzd: :D

I was a tutoring manager at my college when I was in school. We had professionals come in every month to hold training sessions for all of us who tutored, teaching us how to be better teachers and more successful with our students. One of the first things you learn from training and experience is that the vast majority of people are much more receptive to criticism and instruction when it is offered in a positive and friendly manner. When you start talking down, snipping at, flaming, etc., the person you are offering the information to becomes defensive and less receptive. 8 times out of 10 they become resentful, and chances are they will not return for help in the future. So, while I understand how the others feel that the "animals come first," they are really shooting themselves in the foot. What good is all the advice in the world if the receiving end is no longer listening?

That being said, most people in forums are not tutors/teachers. They're just your average Janes and Joes from all walks of life, who just happen to share a common interest in what the forum pertains to. The personalities will vary, just like in any social gathering. We all work with or attend school with people who we really don't care for or get along with, and you will run into similar issues here. Different forums have certain core groups that help set the tone of the posts, so you can always shop around for other forums if you feel a certain one isn't right for you, but just keep in mind that you're more than likely always going to run into some buttheads no matter where you go.

Cheers!

I think people's problem is that many are overly sensitive and read things between lines that are not even there and interpret it as rude.

If people cannot handle being told the truth like any adult in real life would who's fault is this?

The truth is just that the truth it should not have to be sugar coated like if people were children.

Good thing this is online got to make you wonder how people even function in real life when they hear the truth.

This rude post was brought to you by me.


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I've seen some very stern responses that read by itself weren't rude but simply direct; however those statements followed up by ':rolleyes:' or something snarky makes the intent rather off-putting (IMO). There are forums that are much worse in regards to users being rude so this one isn't overly bad (again, IMO). I avoid FB and from what I've heard of reptile groups on there, probably good thing to do. haha

I do agree that having the same issues or questions come up constantly (when the answers are usually a simple search away) can get very tiresome. Newbies can search for answers before asking but everyone likes to think their situation and animals are distinct and unique which I believe causes the same questions getting asked... or maybe it really is the fact that people are too lazy to search sometimes. I try to recall when I first started out with reptiles and was asking all sorts of silly questions how nice it was to get helpful responses. Embracing each other with kindness can go a long way towards fostering good relationships and knowledge sharing. We do all have our off days though.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Deborah

I think people's problem is that many are overly sensitive

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Or that some people just lack tact. Again, it has nothing to do with whether or not the information is "truth." If you truly care about the animals, being polite will net you much more success than talking down to people.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by DarthSlitherus

Or that some people just lack tact. Again, it has nothing to do with whether or not the information is "truth." If you truly care about the animals, being polite will net you much more success than talking down to people.

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Again personal interpretation based on either being overly sensitive or reading things that are not there.

Should we have a safe zone too?

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You're a feisty one, aren't you? I did not interpret anything that wasn't there; you're just being purposefully argumentative.

What is a safe zone?

I think everyone involved would benefit from a course in collaborative communication followed by a weekend at the landmark forum. But hey, what do I know.