substrate issues, very frustrated

Let me see, over the years I've used; Cypress mulch, Aspen, pine, All of which worked fair but I always had wood chips all over the floor, I liked the Cypress best of the woods.
Sand, Gravel, small pebbles (about the size of marbles) ALL dumb ideas though the small pebbles probably worked best but still heavy and impossible to keep clean.
Milled sphagnum moss, coconut coir, potting soil. The potting soil wasn't bad but all of these were dirty and messy.
Reptile carpet, astroturf. couldn't stand either one.
indented kraft paper, newspaper, bogus paper. I'm currently using the bogus paper and like it. It's easy to keep clean and is more absorbent than newspaper or kraft paper but yeah, it doesn't look the greatest but then again I'm more into ease of cleaning than looks.

Currently my top three favorites are 1st; Bogus paper, 2nd; newspaper, 3rd Cypress mulch.

I've used Eco Earth, paper towels, newspaper and aspen and my favorite is aspen. Its easy to clean and fairly cheap. I would vote for newspaper or paper towels but watching my snakes crawl on that, it looks so uncomfortable, like they are always trying to fight for a grip. Anyways if you are worried about eating substrate, feed them on a paper plate or a sheet of news paper. Avoid feeding on paper towels as if their teeth get caught on it, they will end up eating the paper towel too which will result in 1 of 3 bad things, regurgitating it, dying or having to go to the vet and have it surgically removed. All 3 are bad choices in that matter.