I want to buy every python I see- everywhere.

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Originally Posted by Kodieh

He's a boyfriend.

That's it. Either he can get with the program or he can get to steppin.

As much as people THINK a boyfriend/girlfriend is a big commitment, it's not. You've decided not to socially date other people and that's about it. Your finances and space is your own.

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Unless one has made the mistake of moving in together with both names on a lease/mortgage.

I am so amazed with the thoughtful responses I received on this thread! Thank you all so much.
If I can't reach a compromise where we are both mutually happy or gaining some degree of win/win, then I won't settle for losing my dreams. He may have to leave the picture.
It's funny because he would be damned before I took his dreams away, but mine are always the outrageous or unacceptable ones.
I guess it doesn't really matter if they are outrageous or extravagant. They are mine and that's what matters.
Thank you all so much again!

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Originally Posted by Zombree

It's funny because he would be damned before I took his dreams away, but mine are always the outrageous or unacceptable ones.

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Aw, sweetie, thats not equal, no matter what he pretends. sounds like you need to have a talk that doesn't necessarily center around reptiles, because that certainly isn't efficient communication. I hope you rethink having someone like that be such an intimate part of your life, trust me, no matter how happy you feel while together, if he's causing you grief like this when you aren't committed, how bad will it get if you guys get to the engagement step?

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I disagree with some of you here. I love my BPs but sometimes your significant other isn't there to "ruin your dreams" but pull you back to earth.

My own gf has talked my out of buying more BPs for now because we're focusing on buying our own place.

Everyone's situation is different. If you think your bf is stopping from reaching your dreams then talk to him. But if he doesn't want you to have an alligator because you live in a 1400sq apartment (just an example) that's a whole different issue.

I think communication skills might be an issue here, not the relationship.

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Even though I find myself agreeing to a great extent with Mr. Misha, this is kind of a red flag:

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Originally Posted by Zombree

It's funny because he would be damned before I took his dreams away, but mine are always the outrageous or unacceptable ones.

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I mean, if he has some fear issues with reptiles, that's one thing -- and it might be something you guys can work on improving. If it's sort of a generalized whittling away of dreams and life goals . . . well . . . umm . . .

I think his fear comes out of ignorance. I think if he was more educated on reptile keeping he would be more comfortable. I can see his concern though. With the larger snakes it is recommended, if not, necessary to have 2+ people handling the snake. If your bf doesn't want to do it who else do you have?

This is more personal but if he's totally ok with crushing your dreams and brushing your ambitions off like that I don't think he would be a good long term partner. Even if he's fearful he should show some respect.

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Originally Posted by Mr. Misha

I disagree with some of you here. I love my BPs but sometimes your significant other isn't there to "ruin your dreams" but pull you back to earth.

My own gf has talked my out of buying more BPs for now because we're focusing on buying our own place.

Everyone's situation is different. If you think your bf is stopping from reaching your dreams then talk to him. But if he doesn't want you to have an alligator because you live in a 1400sq apartment (just an example) that's a whole different issue.

I think communication skills might be an issue here, not the relationship.

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I agree with this.

Wanting something does not mean that you are in a position to have it. Find out what his reasons here are, and do so honestly. Do you have the space, the money (without sacrificing savings, your future, or going into serious debt), the zoning, the ability to get care for the animals? What are you going to do about vacations with these giant reptiles? Who's going to care for them? What is the money you're going to spend on them NOT going to be spent on instead? where is it coming from in your lives (and it is coming from somewhere - what AREN"T you going to be buying, doing, or saving because of this)? What about your relationship with other people/family? Will he lose friends to this?

If you have a life with someone, your dreams impact them in big ways and dreams as big as giant reptiles come with big sacrifices and lifestyle changes. "If you loved me you would" is an emotionally manipulative jerky thing to say. It's no more valid than 'If you loved me you WOULDN'T."

I think this should be a two way street. You must be honest with yourself, and with him. Do you really want an alligator? Or do you want one mostly because someone has told you you shouldn't/can't? Because it's shocking and unacceptable? Do you know what is involved in keeping an alligator? The legal aspect? The feeding? Housing? How long they live? How big they get? Where will you keep it when it's 4 feet? 8 feet? 12 feet? How will you feed it? Care for it? What happens if where you are living deems it illegal? Or a neighbor complains and it's taken away and killed?

Now take a step back, take a deep breath, and ask him what is it about you keeping a large reptile he doesn't like? Is it because he thinks you just want to shock people like I mentioned? Is he worried about all the questions I raised? Or does he really think you are just being ridiculous? Does he think you aren't ready to take care of a large reptile? Or is it more than that? If you are not honest with yourself and with him, then it's not going to work, alligator or not.

Also keep in mind, the keeping of large reptiles of any kind, including the large constrictors, is very much under the gun right now legally, so be prepared on that front as well. Even if you get a large reptile like an Anaconda or Retic, about the time you get used to having it, you could have it taken away from you.

Gale

Do you have any real experience with big burms retics and gators? Before you go changing your life due to a dream of yours, see if it's even something you can do. Retics are beautiful animals but are you even remotely close to capable of caring for a 20' snake? Different universe than a Beeper. They are a great commitment and I would mentor with someone that has some big ones before you make a decision that could alter your life.

For some people a retic or gator IS a completely ridiculous dream. Literally for example, there is no way that a 4'11 90lbs woman could handle a full grown retic. It's just not physically possible lol. For an experienced big guy, or two, they can wear you out fast. Like pass out dripping sweat tired lol. Just get some big snake experience before you do anything drastic.

My $0.02

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In my opinion, as others have said, he's a boyfriend. If he was a husband, things would be different but even then he shouldn't be stemming your dreams. That being said, you also have to look at it as those big reptiles are very expensive and can kill you, so he does have a point. My boyfriend flipped out at the thought of me getting a second snake, my ball python, because it would eat me! I'm now up to 5 reptiles of my own and fostering 2 more. But we were in Jr. High then so he didn't have much say of what I got. The most advice I can offer is try to negotiate some even ground. Such as me and my boyfriend have settled on a reptile room with a very secure door and not so many to where I don't have time for him/family and the bigger ones I need someone in the room with me. Within that time, he has fallen in love with my reptiles and has even agreed to a tegu being treated like a dog. He also now loves the bigger reptiles that I love though he will not allow an alligator (darn). If he was completely shut to the idea of more, we wouldn't be together, because he is a boyfriend after all. It may come down to time and education or simply, he's not your life partner. Hopefully he opens up...just be prepared, he'll sit back and sigh and say, "Out of anything it could be, it had to be reptiles!" Hope that helped a bit..... Good luck!