Question for Female Herpers! (but guys are welcome, too.)

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Originally Posted by Productmur

Deborah, this is why I don't get it. He's not afraid of snakes--he owns the male corn. And I've told him I don't mind what he does with his money as long as he can afford it (he has a gun hobby), and yet I cannot do the same? I wanna beat him with logic.

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Everyone's situation is going to be different, for sure. I envy Deborah sometimes. ;) My situation is more like your own. I have a husband that I love dearly, but he does not love snakes and we have agreed on a hard limit to the number that I can have. Over the years, it has SLOWLY creeped up to a total of five. And I really, really don't see it going beyond that for the foreseeable future. If I want a new snake, I have to find a new home for one of the ones I already have.

What most people don't understand though, is that they see this as some kind of "controlling" situation. I might say something like "My husband 'won't let me' have another snake" and they take it to mean that he issues the orders and I obey them. This is not the case. He has his reasons...and they are very strong reasons to him. VERY strong. What those reasons are don't really matter here...what matters is that I understand how important they are to him, even if I don't feel those same things myself. He also understands how STRONG this PASSION is that I have. And therefore, he tolerates the five I have now, even though they do make him very uncomfortable. We respect each other's limits. He tolerates the presence of animals in his house...and I tolerate the wait for the day when I have more freedom to expand my personal journey into owning exotic animals. We do this because we love each other and want to make each other happy....not because we have a need to control one another or get our way just because we want something.

Personally, I think a situation like this is a good test of a relationship. IS it a matter of him playing controlling games? Only you can know that. Do you love him enough to put your own desires aside for the time being in order to respect his wishes? Only you can know that.

It's not easy....but it's worth it.

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Originally Posted by Productmur

Mootworm, you can get a female adult? Still more than what I can get. I got the no even on a female adult corn that would've been breedable this year (we currently have a male and female corn), AND was oh so genetically compatible with our multi-gene male! Ugh, so frustrating! x.x

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I can if I find one for under 500 lol. He's really wanting to produce some baby hogs, so that will be the only allowance. For now ;)

Yes....and no.... We are married, so our funds are joint funds...i.e. we don't say "I make x salary so I can do what I want with that money", we consider it our money.. That said, we began our marriage with the understanding that with any large purchase we would consult each other first. I consider a pet a large purchase because it will end up costing more funds and time over the course of it's life and involves more of a commitment than buying, say, a new video game, etc.

I asked my husband if he was cool with me getting my first snake... and he was (i only had geckos at the time), but we ended up bringing home 2 and now have a third less than 5 months later. So far he is enjoying the snakes more than my geckos, which helps him want to acquire more. However, he is more practical than me and his attitude is sorta that we enjoy the ones we have so it isn't necessary to get more.

At some point I'd like to get maybe 2-5 more snakes, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I think that as long as it does not hurt us financially and does not restrict the time I spend with him, he'll be ok with it.

As to your situation productmur, I'd have a sit down and ask why they're not ok with you getting another snake.... If there are reasons other than money, etc. and what those are (i.e. is it a space thing, time commitment thing, etc.). Part of any lasting relationship is the ability to compromise and discuss joint issues... I guess number of snakes would be a good area to start.

Ah, there's no doubt I love the brat. It's just frustrating sometimes. xD Was just wondering everyone else's situation was.

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Originally Posted by Productmur

I have a question for my fellow female herpers out there with significant others--

Does anyone else's husband/boyfriend/thing limit you on your reptiles (or even say you can't have any at all)?

I ask because my (albeit temporary) cap is apparently two (-pouts like a 4-year-old-), which is ridiculous to me and, I'm guessing, to many other breeders. I'm not asking for 20 snakes, by the way--I'm simply asking for a female ball python so that I may start allowing her to grow for future breeding. I have the enclosures necessary, extra herp supplies--I would literally just need a water bowl and a thermometer/hygrometer. I even have the money to get it. Hmph. xD

/pouting. I was just wondering because I always see this the other way around: the wife saying no more, but never the guy--am I just missing it?

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Ha well I guess I have a slightly different perspective on this than most. I'm a girl, with a girl (getting near 3 years).

At first I was sort of given a limit. She had never held a snake before meeting me and was slightly afraid. At the time that we met I had 4 (1 boa, 1 corn, 1 blood, 1 ball). Slowly she got used to them but didn't really want anything to do with them. She thought my blood and ball were ugly and looked like slugs, but did think my boa was nice tempered and pretty.

I convinced her to attend the next reptile show, where she fell in love with a crested gecko and bought it (I also had 2). This was her first reptile. While we were there I kept wanting to go back to a table where I seen a beautiful hypo hog island boa baby. She could tell I was in love but was holding back. Now since this was when we were first dating she went against her better judgement and just wanted to make me happy and offered to buy him for me. I gave that as a go head and bought him myself.

We moved in together and I was kind of set a limit, she didn't really want me to get anymore. Over time though she began to love them more. Now that we'd been in the relationship for a while I decided I won't scare her away so I told her I intend on getting more, maybe just a couple. At that time I was mainly interested in boas. I liked their temperament and head shape and size better. I ended up with a pastel and another hypo.

Once we bought our own house she let me have my "snake room". Soon after we attended another reptile show and she fell in love with a bee and bought it and I bought a lesser. After seeing the multitude of morphs and the beauty of balls, I fell hard core in love. Sold my blood, couple boas, and decided to focus on BPs.

Now she owns 5 of the balls on my list and let me tell you we aren't stopping any time soon. Though she doesn't do any of the cleaning or feeding lol. And has only recently gotten the courage to grab the balls from their tubs instead of waiting for me to hand her one haha.

Someone doesn't change their mind over night, but it is definitely possible. If they see the love you have for these animals, and they love you, they should want (reasonably) to let you do what makes you happy, and to support what you love. It might just take time to get to the point you're hoping for.

Now that my passion has blossomed I know I will do what I want. It's my hobby, my love, and my money. As long as it doesn't get in the way of bills then it doesn't matter. I will not be with somebody who tried to tell me I can't do that

Gotta say, I miss dating women sometimes. xD Congrats on your early anniversary. :3

Anyway, good to see time can change people's perspectives. My limit is time-based. Can't wait. xD

My boyfriend doesn't really care about my snakes or the number. Granted, he doesn't really like or dislike them. He's just rather indifferent and not interested. I pay for my own animals, their care, food, etc etc. So he doesn't really complain as long as it doesn't negatively affect him. It's my own business as long as it doesn't interfere with his own. He has his own plant/aquarium hobbies that I'm not really interested in either. We have our own hobbies and support each other in our endeavors, but we don't tell each other what to do in regards to those interests.

well I started out with mine living at home, and my mother was terrified of snakes.(has a fit when she found the blackrat snakes( that started it all) in my room in the middle of winter. It snowed balled from there I had literally 30 snakes with in 2 years. ( most being rescued) She got to the point she went from terrified to no more then to ok and finally wanting one of her own. I have since moved out and she always is saying she misses having the snakes around.
My involvement with snakes led to my meeting my wife ( on here ) and we have combined our collections into a limited group until we can buy our own house and have a true reptile building/floor lol .

I have eight and I'm currently limited by how much a month I can afford to allot toward rats and how much floor space is left in my apartment. My husband doesn't mind and even has a few favorites. He gets a little leery when I start talking about other species, but entertained the idea of me getting a huge cage for a dwarf retic. I'm still surprised he didn't mind me taking half the bedroom with racks but to be honest it was empty space before then.

I'm the one who budgets stuff so at the moment he's happy as long as I make an equal sized fund for him to spend on magic cards and new video games.

I don't think I hinder his hobbies. He's not as good at throwing away old things in the closet through. And he uses some old computer towers as side tables in the computer room. I just sigh and buy him taller bookshelves. My only concern is reaching the capacity of our apartment in stuff.

My b/f likes the snakes, he doesn't really do anything with them though and I really can't see him ever limiting how many snakes/reptiles I get, other than concerns if I wanted a large animal, something I couldn't handle alone. I don't know, we spend our own money how we like, I don't say anything about his video games, guns or legos and he doesn't complain if I bring home another dog collar or fish tank. He knows I'm not interested in adding 50 snakes or anything though.