Need to talk to someone, feeling hurt and angry over my daughter and sports.

I'm not sure what to say here, regardless of whether or not you husband is trying to "re-live" his glory days or not, she seems to be competitive in the sport. I would probably recommend sitting her down in a proper setting and expressing your concerns directly to her. At age 16, she can likely start making informed decisions for herself. Hope she stays healthy and happy!

ASSuming that you are an otherwise tight nit family, you may just have to be the silent supporter. People have the need sometimes to just do things that are better not done or done othewise in other ways. Stubborn people do things too long, as your daughter has proven. I don't know what to say about your husband pushing her so hard, seems like a good parent would put the welfare of their child before some rush from the past, you might tell him I said so if you think it'll help.

Bear with it, be patient, be the Mom. At least she's not out tagging and he's not out drinking.

I kind of know how you feel Gale. A few years ago my oldest daughter played volleyball and my ex-husband was the coach for the team. He pushed my daughter into playing volleyball for a few years. As my daughter got older she decided that she no longer wanted to do this and my ex got all butt hurt over it. I knew my daughter was bothered by this factor but I am very proud of her for standing her ground with her father. As others have said, sit down with your daughter and calmly tell her why she should not do track anymore. You would be very surprised what the outcome may be.

My two cents: If a Medical Doctor(not trainer/school staff) says that she should not run then make it clear to her that she should stop. If the doctor says she can still run then be there to help her through her pain and support her entirely in her aspirations. Don't be one of those mothers who tries to shield their child from any discomfort whatsoever. It makes for weak people later in life. You have to accept that some people are just competitive in nature, just like your husband and daughter and that's not a bad thing. I've got a semi-jacked up knee from power lifting and football from back in high school(10 years ago now). I don't regret it at all because I had a great time doing those things. They also gave me great friends and memories. Your daughter is getting those experiences, and she will be richer for it. It's sports, no pain no gain.

Oh and Happy Mother's Day. :D

I don't have much helpful advice to offer, but I can tell you one thing. I ran pretty seriously from the time I was 14 until the time I was 21 (a non running related broken ankle forced me to take a break). I can tell you that while bumps and bruises happen, those wear and tear injuries should not. I would guess that your daughter's coaches are not doing a very good job of teaching her proper form or getting her on a proper training program. I only suggest that if she does decide to continue running (not sure if that is a good idea or not) she needs to do some research on what needs to change, since it appears that her coaches aren't going to do it for her. If she wants some advice, I would be more than happy to point you/her in the right direction.

Honestly, if doctors are saying no running, she should not be doing it. The parent pushing for a child to do something that professionals have advised not to can be considered abuse.

I want to thank all of you for your support. I wanted to reply last night, but since my husband didn't know about my venting and I didn't know if her should just yet, I waited.

Her xrays came back negative, whatever that means. Hubby says the nurse or whoever told her it was probably a broken blood vessel causing the intense pain and swelling. I did get to sit down with him last night and explain my point of view. He sure did not want to hear it, but I made him listen anyway. By the end he admitted I had some good points, and finished by saying since she only has three days of school left it doesn't matter anyway. She did not qualify to go on competing during the summer. Not exactly the answer I was hoping for, but it is a start.

I plan to encourage her to still jog and do minor workouts over the summer, to show her it isn't the running I'm against, it's the unnecessary injuries I don't like. Perhaps if she can see things from my point of view for a while, she will agree it isn't worth doing permanent damage to herself.

Thank you again for listening to me, and for your suggestions. it means a lot to me to have people I can turn to, I haven't been blessed with that much in my life.

Gale

Gale, no one is pleasant when they're angry. Its why anger is called anger. We all understand that. Ill put my .02 in if it helps. From what I gathered after reading your thread, it seems to me like your daughter is gonna do what she wants regardless of what you say. And IMO, Im with Mike on your hubby. He wants to push her no matter what. It seems like hes more concerned about his vicarious glory, rather than your daughter's body being right. If your daughter is only running and pushing herself to make her father happy, shes doing it for the WRONG reason. She should be doing it for HERSELF. Shell grow up resenting him later on if she doesn't please him. And I agree about the coaches. If she wasn't ok to run, whyd they let her???? If she was my daughter, Id say the same thing to her that my mother always said to me..."If YOU wanna do it, DO IT. I'm not gonna stop you from doing something you want to do. Its YOUR choice. And don't forget its YOUR choice. But, when your an older adult, living in pain every day or suffering the consequences because of the choice you made as a teen, then remember it was YOUR choice that put you in that condition. So, YOU have to live with YOUR choice. You cant blame anyone for your condition but you." My husband is 36, and not a day goes by that he is not in some degree of pain. And he admits that he pushed himself way too far when he was younger. And now hes paying the consequences...every day. He has some pretty bad days when hes hurting so bad he doesn't even want to get outta bed. And hes ONLY 36 right now. I often wonder what its gonna be like when hes 50+. and 60+. :(

P.S....I was a counselor for 6 yrs, so you can always let me know if you need to talk ;)

I'm not a medical professional by any means, but, you keep talking about what x rays are showing.
In my limited understanding, x rays show bone, but not soft tissue. So all an x ray would tell you is whether she has a broken bone or not.
If she had an injury, I would expect it to be related to a ligament,tendon or cartilage.
This girl is 16 years old and as such you and your husband are legally and morally responsible for her well being.
If I were in your position I would insist on an examination by an Orthopedic Surgeon. An Emergency Physician just makes a tentative diagnosis and sends you home. His diagnosis is by no means sufficient.
If your husband would not agree to such an examination, then something is really wrong with this picture and I would put the school on notice in writing that they are recklessly endangering her by allowing her to participate with a serious injury against your wishes and I assure you that they will not let her run without medical clearance in writing.
If you aren't willing to step up and act with your rightful authority as a parent than I suggest that you just stop talking about it altogether.

Hmmmm.... Yeah good luck with this one.