What's wrong with me?

My only advice is to not burden yourself so much. No one is an island unto themselves. I don't have your exact experience but understand overwhelming pressure and burden all too well.

If this boyfriend is all he's cracked up to be, then you should tell him and allow him to be your rock and you can be his.

Telling strangers is a good firs step but nothing will really change without a good personal support system.

Not sure if you're religious at all but reaching out to God can work wonders if you're open to it.

Good luck and God bless.

Again completely different experience but now at 43 I can say it gets better. You are a just at that hard to class age not yet a adult but still not child. It is very sad and distressing that you have the forced to be an adult early. Many people can not deal with the stress you have been placed under you don't need to look far to see the truth in this. You should seek help there is no harm or shame there. You have been passed a heavy burden sooner than you should have been asking someone to help take some of that is completely understandable.

You don't know me I am just a faceless forum post and for my part regret that you seem like a a person worth knowing. You have demonstrated that you are an adult, capable and strong. Stand proud, you don't need to apologize, you have picked up a massive burden and are managing. No one can ask more. Ask for help when you need it, there is nothing to be ashamed of. High school in the grand scheme is not critical you can take a term off and just finish next year if it comes to that.

It's time to unplug from that situation. Your mom is suicidal? Tell someone, now,
tell her she needs help. Tell her you can't save her alone. You are the only one in control of you
and you have the ability to change your life only. It might be a wise idea to show this post to everyone,
Its how you feel right? It's what your thinking... CCommunication is the key to everything.
Its probabally why their marriage is failing. It's why your relationships are strained and it's why you
are where you are in school. Communicate your thoughts and feelings, good or bad, alwAys.
You all would do well with someone to talk to about everything especially your mom. You alone cannot help them, and that truth sucks. You can only communicate your feelings and thoughts
and it's up to them to find their way. Be strong, save yourself from that situation and hope they ccome along with you. Just be ready and able to accept that they may not. In either case YOU will be okay.

No one made a greater mistake than he who did nothing, because he could only do a little.
-Edmund Burke

Same here. My parents split up going into my senior year. I was supposed to grad in 89 but it ended up being in 90. My car caught on fire and my gf broke up w me. My parents were not supportive ever but were to my baby bro. I was pretty depressed till about 22. No meds.
These times will pass. Even now at 42 and a parent of 6 kids no matter how bad things get I think at least I'm not 18 anymore.
Dump any ideas of blaming your parents for your life. It will hold you down. Stand on your own feet and make all the outcomes in your life from your actions. You are the center of your universe. Never let anyone complete you you have to be complete in yourself. Then you can live and love.
All things pass. At 42 I don't even the remember the 21 year old. I couldn't relate to him.
If you didn't like your parents actions don't repeat them.

Quote from a movie I like. Ballad of jack and rose. I think.
"If you don't like your life change it. If you can't change it leave it."

hope some of this helps. I know irs kind of jumbled. And cheer up. Your not responsible for your parents actions. Your responable for you. Move to a state with more sun and better climate. Can't be helping happiness.

I have been suffering from depression since I was in middle school, had my first manic episode when I was 29 (I'm 46 now), andI am a recovering alcoholic. I can give you some insight on your mom and how to deal with her. First, Love your mom and tell her you're there for her but don't feel responsible for her or let her use you for a crutch. You can't make a person get help and you alone can't help a person that needs professional help. As has been said getting help doesn't make one weak or a bad person and as stated there is help out there, medicine, counseling, support groups, etc. With help people can get better. I have. So there's hope for her. Just know that if she doesn't get help it's not on you and it doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Even if the worst happens the same holds true. I suggest you look into support groups for families of the mentally ill. NAMI has support groups for mentally ill people and their families. If they have this in Alaska check them out. Please talk to someone and I hope things get better!

Wow, what terrific advice people have offered you...and from a Python forum! It can be so hard to see through the fog when in the midst of storms like you are experiencing. Unfortunately, despite our best efforts, we often have no control over those around us. Sharing what you are going through with someone else will not burden them, but it can feel like a great relief. Kind of like when you typed to us strangers, only better. You have others on your team, use them. You sound bright and I have no doubt your future will be too.

Thank you all for your support, it made me feel a bit better to read that there are other people who can relate, or just sympathize. Not that I'm asking for sympathy, but just seeing empathy from complete strangers is very uplifting to me.

I should start out by saying that yes, my mom received medical attention. I personally drove her to the ER several times during her panic attacks, and after she moved, she was hospitalized for a few days and soon after put on 24/hr watch for about a month. She also received therapy for a few months (I'm not sure if she's still seeing a therapist, but she is doing much better.) I've told my dad a few times how I felt about the situation, but he honestly didn't help much. He would mostly just apologize, but it never made anything better. But I don't blame either of my parents. For a while, I harbored some ill-feelings towards my dad, because the way he went about everything was just wrong. I understand that people fall in and out of love, that's just life, but his method of waiting to deploy again (he signed up for another tour, when he told us he was chosen to go) to drop the news was just poor tact. Nowadays, I'm just upset at the fact that he doesn't really listen anymore, because his mind is elsewhere (mainly with the woman he left my mom for. I have no disposition for the woman my dad married, I know she wasn't the cause of everything, but rather just a factor.) I did see a therapist a few times, but it really wasn't for me. It was difficult to convey how I actually felt, despite having full confidentiality. The only thing that helps is getting out of the house and taking care of my animals, so that's what I usually do.
As far as high school goes, I'm just so stressed because I feel like I'm doing everything too late. Shortly after I submitted my post, I expressed some of my concern to my boyfriend, who was very reassuring. He told me that the college I'm going to get into (the same college he attends, Uni. of Anchorage Alaska) doesn't really care much for SAT/ACT scores or when they get them, so that was kind of a relief to hear. I'd still like to do well on my exams, and finish high school strong, but sometimes it just gets hard to breathe.
Right now, I'm just trying to take things one step at a time, but my dad doesn't make that easy. I'm in the process of trying to find a place to live with my mom, as she's moving back up here this summer, and my dad is moving out of state. Because of this, my dad is constantly asking me what I'm going to do/where I'm going to go, when my mom gets up here, and just all this information that I can't possibly know right now. I've tried to tell him that I can't think that far in the future (and by that I mean I don't want to think that far ahead right now,) but he just doesn't seem to understand that.

I'm just trying to hold on until summer comes, then I'll finally be able to rest and get a clean slate.

Thanks again to everyone who read and commented, it really means a lot. This is honestly the best community the internet has to offer, you guys are the best, thank you all so much. c:

I've been through a lot of what your mom has, and still am, just in an earlier stage of my life and with a bit of different triggers. The support means something, even if we don't express that it does.

Listen, there's nothing bad about going back to high school for a semester to get some of your marks up, or just taking a year off before University as a breather. That's what I did, and I haven't regretted it. We used to have Grade 13 (OAC) here in Ontario for a reason! They just cut it out because they couldn't afford to put every kid through another year of high school, so they started hipping kids off 1 year earlier.

You may benefit greatly from a year off (even financially - you can get a job in the mean time!). Think about it.