Is this wrong?

I am also a LEO and I can tell you it won't get any better if you are dealing with that and you are only in the academy. I remember my 3 months of that fun... 5 days a week and only 2 days to rest and get everything ready for next week. I just had to have a long talk with my gf about the whole deal. Believe me after you get done that it will not be any better if something is not done now. it also will take a while for her to get used to dealing with a person who finds it hard to trust anyone.. at least that's how I am.

I'm going to go the opposite direction of claiming the OP's partner is a clingy, dependent, and unreasonable. There are a lot of factors at play here, and we don't necessarily know all the dynamics of the relationship's history.

From her perspective, all she sees is you gone for 5 days of the week and it appears that you don't care about her, because you'd "rather" be doing laundry than spending time with her. I don't think it's unreasonable for somebody in a relationship to want to spend more than 2-3 hours a week with their partner. I'm not saying it's acceptable for her to be rude, or pick fights... just that I see her perspective, and she may be acting the way she does because she doesn't know where she stands in your life or your priorities. Even people who aren't naturally clingy or dependent, can start to lean that way if they started a relationship not knowing that this type of strain would be placed on it, or that this type of sacrifice would be placed on them.

If you've made a point of at least trying spending some time with her (other than just sitting around doing nothing), and have explained/communicated to her what you've explained to us, and she is aware that there are sacrifices, but unable to live with them.. well then you have some issues. Maybe you just aren't in a place to be in a relationship right now.. as it sounds like even if you wanted to spend time with her, you aren't able to. Sounds like you need to determine whether the relationship is worth the stresses put on you.

I agree with Anatopism and also going the opposite direction.

I honestly don't think she is clingy at all. It seems like she is more than happy to let him do his job five days a week patiently waiting for the weekend when it can be "her time". I don't think there is anything clingy about wanting to spend time with someone you are in a relationship with. Also have to agree with her thought process being more along the lines of, you work five days a week and you would rather spend your free time with your laundry than me. I can imagine that being frustrated as well as a bit hurtful.

I would suggest carving out time just for her. It might be hard and it might interrupt your own thing but if the relationship is important to you than leaving your clothes in the dryer should be okay. If you can get everything you need to and have your time on Saturday and give her Sunday. Have it where you will stop by six with all the cleaning, snake stuff, and just do things she wants to do. Invite her to do the laundry with you, clean the snake room, or help you out, but no one wants to be ignored.

I think what you are working towards is great. From a girl's point of view it's hard to watch your friends go out all the time with their mates, occasions come up where she has to go alone, not being able to just go to dinner, or even just having you to call every night to talk to.

I brought up a solution of making Saturday our quality time as well as Sunday afternoons. And she can work all day Monday so I can get all my chores done and be ready by the time she gets off...but she didn't like that and got really mad when I said that I want just a little bit of time alone...to do my own thing, and explained that it's only 4 more weeks but it went over like poop in a punch bowel. She sent me a text late last night saying "I think it's a great idea, and I want to have my alone time too do Saturday will be my alone day and Monday can be yours, and we'll just hang out Sunday if I have any spare time" Relationships are frustrating.


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Sounds to me like she's jealous of your new career choice... like it's a personal attack on your relationship.

My Fiance is in the Military and I went through having to deal with him going on a tour of duty to Afghanistan. Well, when he finally got back home after 7 months of being away I was a bit clingy, to say the least. I wanted to spend all of our free time together and this just wore down at him until he finally broke and told me to back off or I'll lose him. I think this might be something you're going to have to talk to her about. Tell her that her being like this is hurting your guy's relationship and that if she doesn't be reasonable about it then she's going to lose you. Tell her that you aren't doing this job to get away from her, that you're doing it so that you can have a great career that'll give you a great life and if she wants to be a part of that life then she is going to have to help you not hinder you.

Sorry you're having to go through this, I know it's got to be hard. I know with the Military a lot of the guys have a hard time keeping relationships going because they go away on training and such a lot so I'm guessing it's similar with law enforcement.

I think her text to you should prove her childish and snobby reactions enough to everyone. That was uncalled for I think. Just get through your training and try not to let this bother you. Then see where you guys stand.

It's not the time for letting anything stress you out. I think she's being selfish now that I've seen that response. Keep your head up and get through the next month.

Does your girlfriend have any hobbies? I ask, because it sounds like she doesn't do enough to keep busy and fulfilled. If she has any hobbies, maybe you could subtly steer her towards picking up a class so she'll have at least one other thing to do at the weekends than bother you when you need some alone time.

The conversation could go like this:

You: Hey honey, I saw this advert in the park district letter that they're offering Basketweaving classes on Saturday afternoon? They're not very expensive and I know how much you love Basketweaving, would you be interested if I signed you up for a few classes as a treat?

As long as you phrase it right, it makes you sound like a lovely boyfriend who has a) listened attentively enough to her interests to know that she loves Basketweaving b) thought about her while she's not there by identifying a class you think she might like and c) bought her a nice gift.

You need never reveal your ulterior motive for alone time ;)

This is assuming you actually want to stay with her. Personally, I'm staunchly independent and really need my alone time. I've ended more than one relationship because I felt the other party was too clingy.

My question is how old are both of you and how long have you been together.

I dont think we know enough of the story to pass judgment on her actions and from past experience, guys trend to leave out details they think are minor but are actually game changers in a female's eyes. Not that they do it on purpose, they just see things differently :)

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I am 25 and she is 26. We've been together for over 2 years now. She went away for college for the first semester then transferred back home. She hated it so she came back every weekend, and I still went to see her on weekdays and weekends she had tests and wanted to stay and study. She hasnt even tried to come up an see me here at all. She's not answering any texts now....women are crazy.


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I think that strong, thriving relationships incorporate an understanding and support of each partner's individual goals, as well as combined efforts toward mutual goals. Part of that understanding is the expectation that goals often require sacrifice to accomplish, on both partners' parts (i.e. you rearranging laundry time, etc/her being more flexible about spending time together).

Sounds like she misses you, but perhaps her way of expressing it is a bit selfish & myopic considering everything you have on your plate at the moment. Communication is key here, and quite frankly if the two of you can't sit down & talk about what is important to you, what is important to her, and how to meet in the middle while you're going through this training, that'll tell you quite a bit.

$.02...