Best Chuck Norris Jokes Ever!

chuck norris girlfriend once asked chuck, how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood. Chuck than roundhoused her and scream "no one rhymes in the presence of chuck norris, don't muck with chuck" a few years later he realized the irony of this statement and burst out laughing, the resulting shock wave destroyed everything within a 100 mile radius

Chuck Norris has actually been dead for 12 years... but Death is too afraid to tell him.

Chuck Norris can get a woman pregnant just by looking at her.

Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris once shot down a plane by pointing his finger at it and yelling "bang".

There are a ton of funny Chuck jokes and I love em. Just remember to keep it clean:gj:

The Black Eyed Peas were originally just known as The Peas, until they met Chuck Norris.

When a cop pulled Chuck Norris over the cop was lucky enough to get away with a warning.

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number, you answer the wrong phone.

Guns are warned not to play with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was once bit by a rattlesnake, after three days of pain and agony the rattlesnake died.


Love this one:

When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books - he just stares them down until they give him the information he needs.

Some people wear Superman pajamas, Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secrets.
Chuck Norris can shatter a paper plate.
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

They say the worlds wind is an effect of Chuck Norris breathing pattern.

Chuck Norris doesn't own a stove or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.

Chuck Norris covers his slip and slide with gravel
Chuck Norris can believe it’s not butter